(For disclaimer, etc. - see chapter 1)
Chapter 19
Jayne didn't think this creep-ass day could get all that much worse, but waking up from the dead in a room full of corpsified folks just about took the cake. Doc had warned him he prob'ly wouldn't feel too good when he came to, but Jayne wasn't so bad. All them years o' hard liqour and bar fights made him practically indestructable. Jayne woke up doin' just fine, but wishin' he had company that was living and breathing already. When Simon came to with an almighty fit o' coughin', it was almost a relief, 'ceptin' he didn't seem to be able to stop for a while.
"You alright there, Doc?" Jayne checked, going over to him.
"I will be," he insisted, trying to get his breath and bearings both.
They both started at the sound of River crying. Though her eyes were shut and her body barely moving yet, her voice could be heard. A moan, a yelp, and then she sat straight up fast and yelled, almost loud enough to wake the dead, if that weren't all kinds o' ironical.
"Miranda!"
A second later she looked as if she hadn't an idea what she said or why. She looked around her at the other bodies, shivered as if cold, and then her eyes landed on Simon and Jayne.
"She is here."
The men shared a look, a little uncertain by what exactly she meant. River was in the habit of calling herself by third person pronouns. They were all used that behaviour, but it made it hard to distinguish when she was speaking of herself and when she meant to talk of others.
"Who's here, mei mei? River?" Simon tried, going over to her. "Or Miranda?"
River looked at him as if he had grown another head and then she glanced back to Jayne with a frown. He was sure he never saw her look so confused the whole time he knew her, not once.
"You alright there, bao bei?" he checked, coming over to where she and her brother were.
"Fine," she said, nodding her head. "Better," she realised eventually, eyes seeming to clear on their own as she looked at him. "Job to do, no time", she added then, hopping to her feet and wavering just a little.
Jayne's arm shot out to steady her and River smiled. She leaned up to kiss him briefly on the lips and then gave all of her attention to her brother.
"No time!" she repeated urgently.
He nodded that she was right and together they headed out of the morgue towards the diagnostic ward. Mercifully, the two were close together, or they always had been before. This entire plan hinged on the lay out of the hospital having remained the same this past year and more. Simon prayed to a God he rarely acknowledged anymore that luck would be on their side just a little longer.
The river had been dammed, stopped from flowing a while. No body, no mind. It was almost better than knowing, than being, but River knew she had to come back, had to be the girl, the woman, the thing she had become. Must be as she was now to find who she was before and what she might yet be.
Scared, worried, concerned. She felt little herself, but guh guh and Jayne-man felt too much. Tried to ignore it, barriers up, nothing to shake the branches of the tree, but the leaves were coming off, laying her bare to the elements, to the truth of everything.
Somewhere inside, she knew what happened, all of it, understood everything, but the girls and the monsters and the memories, it all combined. Balls of yarn wound up together that no amount of untangling could get straight. A disaster, not worth the trouble. Throw it away and start again, but no. Simon wouldn't discard her. Jayne would not abandon. They wanted to help, to save the princess in her darkest tower. River-girl wanted them to succeed. Wanted it more than anything, and yet.
Tried to think of happy things, pretty things. Dresses with Inara and laughs with Kaylee. Meals at the Captain's table, tales of faith from the Preacher. Jokes with the pilot and kind smiles of understanding from his wife. The ever-presence of good brother. The safety and passion of dearest husband. All was clear, clean, good, for a while. She heard nothing said about the mind, the cuts, the incisions. Saw only pretty pictures behind closed eyes, until... until the pain.
A cry of anguish came from her own throat. The river screamed and cried saltwater tears. Couldn't explain what she saw, the images, fast and bright and loud. The cephalopod, the voices singing, and then... and then...
"Miranda!"
Body thrown from the table, cold floor, colder dread inside. Afraid. Afraid of what she couldn't see beyond the panic that rose, higher, higher. Voices, too many voices, and over-riding darkness.
"Two by two, hands of blue. Two by two, hands of blue!"
Bare feet pounding against tile, flanked by heavy boots and pleas for calm. No. No peace, no serenity.
No hope.
Jayne didn't so much mind this part of the plan. Sure'n he could use knowing that River weren't in no danger nor even gettin' herself into a state over whatever she saw inside of her head, but this running from the bad guys thing was somethin' he was awful good at. Simon had his doctorin'. Knew how to get them into this place, how to work the fanciful machine that looked into River's brain the way no person ever could or should, but he lost Jayne with talk of amygdalas and such. Mebbe he'd explain it better later, but for now, they was runnin' and likely as not gonna find themselves in a fight afore long. That Jayne could handle without worryin' too much on the how. If'n River and Simon could pitch in and help, so much the better, but if not, he weren't worried none.
"Nobody's gonna take you, bao bei," he promised River as they cut down one back corridor into another. "Ya hear me?"
She nodded her head, but the mutterin' hadn't stopped yet, 'bout them fellas with the hands of blue. Mebbe she knew they was gettin' outta this alive, mebbe not, but she trusted Jayne and that was good enough. Couldn't imagine she'd wed herself to him if'n she didn't, but sure didn't hurt to hear it once in a while, 'specially right now.
"We shouldn't have come here," said Simon regretfully. "They've probably been waiting for this day, for me to be this stupid."
"Ain't no time for worryin' on that now," Jayne insisted. "We gotta keep movin'."
He started off again down the hall, sure as he was the coast was clear. Simon followed, but River hung back. Jayne was about to open the door when she screamed at him.
"Ambush!"
She set off at a run the other way and her men followed behind, both startin' to wonder if'n this was how it'd always be. She led, they followed. After all, she was the brains of the operation, more'n either of them was ever likely to be, no matter how smart Simon was compared to average folks.
When they hit the locked door that wouldn't give for anyone nor anythin', Jayne started to reconsider River's own smarts.
"You sure on this, little woman?" he checked, aiming to shoulder the door.
"Ninety eight point six percent," she rattled out. "Math never fails."
"Works for me," he replied, slamming hard against the door - it didn't move, not a fraction.
"On three," said Simon, preparing to lend his suport, however minor.
Jayne counted it off, and they made to ram the thing one more time, 'cept their chance never came. On two a blast rang out, and then the door flew open from the other side.
River smiled wide in spite of alarms blaring and too many grim looks around her.
"Daddy's home."
"Awful glad to have ya back," said Kaylee, not for the first time, as she hugged Simon to her, kissing his cheek and then his lips.
"It was touch and go for a moment there," he said, finding her a shaky smile. "I only hope it was worth it."
He moved away to the light box nearby and switched it on, displaying scans of River's brain in full colour pictures that meant nothing much at all to Kaylee. Still she tried to look interested for a minute.
"This'll help?" she checked. "I mean, now you seen all this, you can figure on how to help River with her problems?"
"I don't know." Simon shook his head, pinching the bridge of his nose as he thought it over. "I would love to say I now have all the answers, but the truth is, I don't," he admitted. "Those animals... What they did to her was barbaric, inhuman," he explained, anger creeping into his tone, muscles tensing in his arms that were braced against the counter top. "They deserve to be put through exactly what they have done to others. Slow, painful deaths that should never be wished on anyone is all that would be justifiable for those shiong-mung duh kwong-runs," he cursed in such a way as Kaylee never heard before, but she couldn't blame him.
Campfire tales of Reavers frightened her good, but these folks were men. Teachers, doctors, trusted by good people like the Tams was supposed to be, and they done this to River, to an innocent girl, a child as she was then. Made Kaylee shudder to think on it too much, and yet, she got no choice in it.
"Can't imagine a person doin' that to another person," she said sadly. "And it really can't be undone?"
"No." Simon shook his head. "Much of it can never be truly mended. I'd like to think we can still help River with the muddled thoughts in her head, the things that don't fit. The psychological aspects may yet be reversed, if I fully understood how they came to be."
"Might be able to help you some on that score, Doc," said Jayne as he came striding through the door. "First off, I gots me to thinkin' on what the little woman was yellin' about in that hospital. Twice now she called out for Miranda."
"That's true," Simon agreed. "But I can't imagine who that is. As far as I know, there is no relation or friend of the family by that name. Unless it was someone at the Academy...?"
"Might just be that," said Jayne, nodding his head. "Here," he said, tossing a vid disc into Simon's hands before he was half ready to catch it. "Cap'n got a wave from the Shepherd. Seems he knows a fella could give us an answer or two on what exactly happened in that bar your sister decided to kick the fei-oo out of. He sent over some recordin', lifted from an Alliance feed."
"Does River know about this?" asked Simon, staring at the disc in his hands.
"She ain't keen on watchin' herself do what she did," said Jayne, looking all kinds of uncomfortable. "Ain't somethin' I much wanna relive neither, but man's gotta do what he's gotta do, ain't he? All I know is, this old friend of the Shepherd's told him one piece of interestin' about that day. Right before River-girl goes into that state o' hers, she said one thing."
The look on his face proved that the guess on Simon's tongue was right before he ever actually spoke.
"Miranda," he breathed, staring down at the disc in his hands a moment more. "Okay. We need to watch this."
Jayne nodded his agreement, though he looked no more keen than Simon himself. If it was going to help River, they'd do it. They had no choice.
To Be Continued...