A/N: Here you go guys :) Uhh, a little warning though? If you think that the previous chapters were angsty then please brace yourself for the coming chapters.

Also, I remember that little note at the start of the first chapter where I projected that this would be no longer than five chapters? Well, as I was developing the plot for this story it got longer and longer. It would be definitely MORE than five chapters. I don't know if that's a good thing or not. Haha. Oh well.

AND OH MY GOD. AGE OF ULTRON IS SHOWING HERE AND I'M WATCHING IT TOMORROW I JUST HOPE THERE ARE ROMANOGERS/STASHA MOMENTS OH MY GOD.

This chapter is dedicated to Bluemachine :*

Russia

Cold. Sheer, bone-numbingly cold. That was what Natasha was feeling.

She reasoned darkly that she should have gotten used to the cold by now. After all, coldness was the only thing she knew by heart.

The brutal winters of Russia, the stares of people at a homeless orphan, and even the way her teachers (and she used that term loosely) in the Red Room treated her.

She could only count in one hand the few times that she felt a spark of something else deep inside.

A whisper of comfort, a sliver of sunlight, maybe a promise of a smile.

Everything else she knew was stark, unforgiving and cold. The first time she felt anything other than the cold was when Clint lowered the arrow poised at her heart. She was very sure that had it been any other man but Clint, she would have been dead in a moment. But, as it was, she felt something unfurling inside her. Maybe it was rage, thinking that Clint thought she was inferior therefore he was not fighting her, but she admitted that it was gratitude.

The second time was when Fury recognized her. Believed in her. After Clint had brought her in and told Fury that they could trust her, Fury just looked at her with his only eye that saw beyond what she was and told her in his own eloquent way, "Welcome home, Agent Romanoff". Again, there was this tingly feeling inside that alarmed her. It was in that moment that she knew that she finally had what she was searching for. Acceptance.

The third and the last time was when Steve told her that he loved her. All her life she believed that love was for children. She isn't so guileless to assume that in the distant past her own parents didn't love her in their own way. Natasha was sure they did. She dimly remembers a comfortable, muscular arm hugging her tightly and being smothered by her mother's fragrant and vibrant red hair then wondering when her own frizzy hair would be as lovely as hers.

But it was exactly that. She felt the shadow of love as a child, and she had no further proof that love could exist.

That was until Steven Grant Rogers happened to her.

When the fateful words went out of Steve's mouth, she felt the need to escape. To run and hide, preferably forever. However, it was phrased so nonchalantly, so mundanely, as if it was an accepted fact and not something that had just turned her upside down. After Steve so carelessly threw those words at her, he was immediately called to a mission God-knows-where, leaving her with nothing but time to digest that little fact.

She was tempted to go away and to forget everything behind, reasoning to herself that she was not worthy of Captain America's love and devotion. Natasha very well knew it was futile because Steve could out-stubborn everyone else (and she even admits that Steve could out-stubborn her too), and eventually, Steve would convince her to love him too (at that point, she really didn't need much convincing).

And so she decided to fall into the unknown with Steve. It wasn't so bad (understatement of the century). It was actually great. Maybe even out of this world.

That spark that she felt? It was now a raging inferno, and Natasha was surprised she didn't even miss the safety and familiarity of the cold anymore. The heat was what kept her going. She felt the full force of Steve's love and the passion, safety, and excitement it brought her. For the first time in her life, Natasha felt the true meaning of love.

Then that stupid mission went FUBAR.

Recalling Steve's face as he callously threw her out, as he said that he could never trust her, as he basically unloved her, she felt that inferno sizzle out and fade into embers. She couldn't blame Steve because until now there are still parts of herself that she doubts, and she seriously fears that maybe Steve was right, maybe she could never be trustworthy.

That was why as she was lying in the cramped, dirty and dank cell that Alexi placed her in she let herself feel the cold. She let the embers slowly die, one by one, as they were replaced the cold that had represented sanctuary and refuge for most of her fucked-up life. Surely she could be allowed to be selfish this one time. To just let go, to stop resisting and to stop being Black Widow. She was tired.

However, one ember refused to go out.

The clanking of chains sounded as she moved her shackled and bloody hand to her stomach where her son has just kicked her, as if to remind Natasha of his existence.

"Hello, James. This is your mother again. I feel kind of stupid doing this, быть любимой, but the doctors Mom saw said that this could be a good bonding experience for us. What do you say? Is it nice to hear Mommy's voice?" She rasped lowly, apprehensive that her tormentors outside of the small cell door could hear. James kicked her in the ribs, a bit stronger this time, and she winced. "I bet you're impatient, aren't you? You just have to wait a little more, малютка, I'm sure Daddy would-," she broke off pensively. "Maybe Uncle Clint, would save us. Just be patient. Hang in there because Mommy couldn't protect you well outside. It's a scary place here."

She ran her hand over her stomach once again, feeling for the tender areas where Alexi's goons beat her. Fortunately, she managed to turn the majority of her stomach away from them but her sides, which suffered the most, still hurt like hell. She huffed as she tried to sit up; her vision was disturbingly spinning around and it was most probably due to her concussions. She wondered not for the first time if Steve ever looked for her, but she immediately pushed it to the back of her mind. There was no use for that here. Instead, she started humming to her child and whispering reassurances as she was counting down the minutes until Alexi appeared again to drag her off to his torture room. Man, she couldn't believe that she ever married that guy.

Three hundred seconds later, the door opened with a blinding glare of light coming in.

"Good morning! How is my favourite torturee for this day? I bet you're just hungry aren't you?" Alexi said while munching on an apple. Damn, she craved for apples since day one of her pregnancy and the heavenly crunch of the fruit made her mouth water involuntarily.

"Do you want one?" Alexi held out his hand.

Natasha gave him his deadliest glares.

"Oh, I just love it when Black Widow comes up to the surface. I'm so tired of playing with Natasha Romanoff, I prefer the spunk of Black Widow." Alexi laughed.

"That's where you're wrong, Alexi. Natasha, Natalia, Romanoff, Romanova, and Black Widow are one. You couldn't separate us even if you tried." Natasha spat back, eyes glinting with a new fervour.

Alexi looked incensed. "Strip her then prep her for the room. We're sending Captain America another video." He barked at the two lackeys behind him. "I want her there in two minutes."

She was expecting this but it didn't stop the frisson of fear that went down her spine.

We'll get through this, James. She promised to her child, her last ember.

I promise you will never go out.

If it's the last thing she does, she will make sure that her ember will become a flame and not even these pathetic fuckers like Alexi and company could put it out. Never.

Avengers Tower

Tony was working with Bruce in the lab when he heard Clint shout.

"Rogers! Fuck you! You promised never to hurt her and yet you fucking did, you prick!" Clint thundered.

Tony and Bruce immediately went over to see what was causing Clint's ire. Upon arriving, they were surprised to see Clint pummeling Steve and even more surprised to observe Steve doing nothing to defend himself. Steve was lying prone, absorbing the pain each time Clint's fist connected with his body.

"You promised me that you would never hurt her and I fucking trusted you!" That last bit was rather forced home by a powerful right hook from Clint and Steve was sent to the floor, spitting out blood.

Steve didn't say anything. Tony and Bruce were completely baffled yet as Clint tried to make his way to Steve again, they both intervened. Bruce helped Steve up while Tony went to Clint.

"Whoa there, Legolas! Why are you thrashing Cap? Better yet, why is the Captain America letting you beat him up?" Tony asked while struggling to contain Clint who was trying to break free?

Clint wasn't listening, however. "Do you even know what you've done? We all thought you loved her but you've gone and done this, everything, to her!"

Tony and Bruce both snapped their head to Clint. What?

They were more alarmed by the tears glistening in the eyes of Clint. Clint never cries, but…

"I just have to save them. Have to save them both." Steve declared softly. He raised his head to look at Clint when Tony noticed his red-rimmed eyes and the tears that were spilling over.

"W-wait. Hold up. What are you guys talking about?" Bruce asked, unease lacing his voice.

"Tell them! Tell them yourself what you've done to Natasha!" Clint roared at Steve.

Steve's hands were now at his head and he was shaking his head, muttering under his breath. Tony could just make out the words "tortured", "pregnant", "my fault" and "God, no" when JARVIS spoke.

"If I may, sir?" The A.I. spoke softly.

"Explain, J", Tony commanded.

JARVIS produced a screen where a video was playing. It was dark at first but then he immediately saw Natasha strapped to the chair.

"Stop, please just stop. I can't bear to hear her voice. No. Please," Steve begged, averting his face and not looking at the screen. Clint was the same; they couldn't bear to watch it.

Steve stood up and wiped his face. "I'm going to my room and packing my things. I have to find them. I have to."

Clint looked at him and said, "I'll see you at the helipad in thirty minutes." Steve wearily nodded and they both left.

Tony and Bruce, however, was glued to the screen. When Natasha's pained moans start, they paled. Bruce was getting greenish, and not in the good way, so Tony decided to cut it.

"Easy, pal. We're gonna find her." Tony reassured his friend. "Yes. We. Will." Bruce gritted out. "See you in the Helipad in twenty minutes, Bruce." Tony said, then left.

Steve whirling around his apartment, trying to cram everything he thought useful to the most important rescue mission of his life into a bag.

Clothes.

First Aid.

Guns.

Ammunitions.

Food.

He went in, out of the rooms, looking for everything that could help Natasha. He spotted the little stuffed bear he won for Nat on one of their dates. It was perfect to give to – No, focus Rogers. He considered everything around him and that was when he saw the tiny fleece blanket. It was perfect for a baby.

That thought alone was enough to send him to his knees and make him want to tear his heart and mind out. Natasha and their child is in the hands of a madman and every minute wasted was another strike against him. He carefully folded the blanket with tears silently falling from his eyes. Satisfied that what he packed was enough, he moved to pick up his shield. This time it felt wrong, however. He was supposed to be Captain America, the paragon of all virtues, and yet he managed to commit almost every vice against the woman he professed to love.

You also said that you'll never trust her, that you don't love her, a dark voice whispered inside his head. He shook it off, focusing instead in saving her. Saving them.

Steve met up with Clint at the helipad but was not surprised to see both Tony and Bruce present there. They were a team. He should expect that they would want to come.

They were supposed to be a team, yet they easily turned their back on one of their own. The voice again whispered. Steve ignored it.

They all acknowledged him with a nod. "Tony, Bruce, Clint, this is the most important mission of my life. I understand if you don't want to come with me. I have reparations to make, and they won't be pretty. However, if you still decide to help me, thank you."

"Our only regret is letting her go without hearing her side," Bruce said, tone subdued.

Steve decided not to speak because suddenly there was a lump blocking his throat. He gestured to them to get into the waiting helicopter. Putting on their headsets, Clint told them that they were first going to the Triskelion to pick up information and to suit up for battle.

When they got there, they were immediately ushered in to Director Nick's office.

Nick and Maria Hill were the only ones in the office and they were obviously waiting for them. Maria immediately opened a hologram map on the table, gesturing at them to come and see the map.

"We ran tracers from the video they sent us. Though crude, we were able to guess where they were holding her. She's in Russia, in some remote part near Siberia. The location is hard to get to, especially that the snow is thick and there are no safe houses along the way. The enemy also has radar that picks up electronic activity in a three mile radius." She informed them.

"However, a quinjet could deliver you to four miles out. You have to cover the rest. Luckily, according to satellite images, you could go to the northern part of the base, which is less guarded," Nick added, "We have reason to believe that Agent Romanoff is being held underground, so your best bet would be to have a quiet in-and-out," Tony started to speak up but Nick raised his hand, "but I know that quiet is not your forte. So go in, tear the place down, rescue Agent Romanoff and her child, kill every one of those bastards who thought to break Black Widow and come back, international issues be damned."

Nick turned to Steve, "Go get her, Captain."

"I fully intend to."

Russia

She cried out in pain. Damn, she couldn't help it. Her body was strong, nearly at the peak of human perfection but it still has limits.

"Tie her up."

They did, and they put a wad of cloth in her mouth. They put some helmet-like contraption at her head and turned the voltage at the highest.

She clenched her bloody, nail-less hands, but almost at the same moment let go because of the pain.

"They are not coming for you. They left you here to rot. They are the enemies. Captain America. Lied. To. You."

A few minutes passed.

"No. Fuck you." She gritted out.

"Again!" A terrible voice bellowed.

…..

"They are not coming for you. They left you here to rot. They are the enemies. Captain America. Lied. To. You."

"It's not working! HAHAHA!" she laughed maniacally, oddly contrasting with the tears streaming down her face.

"Another!"

…..

"They are not coming for you. They left you here to rot. They are the enemies. Captain America. Lied. To. You."

"YOU CANNOT BREAK ME! I AM BLACK WIDOW. THE BLACK WIDOW! HA!" She screamed at her persecutors.

"Five more!"

…..

…..

…..

…..

…..

And then they changed their tune…

"You are the reason. He will die rescuing you and it's your entire fault. Which is very sad because He. Does. Not. Love. You. Anymore.

Natasha went silent.

…..

"You are the reason. You are unlovable, unworthy, untrustworthy. He never wanted you."

No words came out of her mouth.

…..

"You are, and always will be, alone."

"Stop," Natasha whispered.

Laughter, evil laughter, echoed.

"No more. No more!" she pleaded.

"Again!" they said

…..

She was led back to her cell and they pushed her through the small door quite roughly. They slapped the chains into her hands and feet then left her.

Natasha crawled to one side and curled into herself as much as she could. She started rocking back and forth and tried to remember, but the only thing she can are the facts she kept muttering.

"I am Natalia Alianovna Romanova, graduate of Red Room, and the lethal Black Widow. No more."

Repeating it once, twice, or maybe a thousand times, she lost track of time. Or maybe time lost track of her. She didn't know. Nobody. Nobody. Nobody.

The sounds of guns, explosions and the roar of an angry Hulk filtered in through her shattered consciousness. But no hope, not even a shard of it, ignited inside her.

Nobody. Nobody. Nobody.

Nobody was left to save here.

быть любимой – beloved

малютка – little one

Whew. There. Tell me what you think of it. Have a good day! Imma watch Age of Ultron now :D Also, please, please, pretty please REVIEW :)) It makes me smile :)

xoxoxo Agent0018