A Million Miles Apart
A/N: New chapter time! And I think I have a nice moving flow right now, as far as updates go. Don't expect it to hold, though, since my school schedule will change in a few weeks, as I'm taking more classes. So, while I write this, I got some inspiration from the song God Help the Outcasts and Somewhere Out There. You might not see it, but still. I recommend listening to the songs, they're beautiful.
Not much happening this time, but don't worry, I have a feeling you'll really like the next chapter.
But for now, I hope you'll enjoy this chapter and please review, favorite and follow!
Chapter 39, Somewhere Out There
I don't know what woke me up, but after only a few hours of sleep, I found myself being jostled back to consciousness. My best guess was the moonlight that shone through the window and directly onto my face. But wait, why would that only be waking me now? No, I think it had more to do with the sudden vocalizations of various wildlife on the forest floor, similar to that of frogs and crickets, that I definitely hadn't heard before falling asleep. Perhaps the wildlife here didn't follow the same nocturnal schedule as the creatures on Earth did- maybe the nocturnal animals here were up and active only much later in the night.
Even though I had been exhausted only hours earlier, I found myself surprisingly well rested. Not to the point where I wanted to get up and start the day, but still enough to not be able to fall back asleep.
I sat up in my bed, the thin blanket pooling my lap, and looked out the window. The full moon was shining right through the window and what little I could see of the forest was cloaked in blindingly bright light that made my eyes sore until they finally adjusted. Adjusted enough for me to see past the veil of light and note that any view of the forest beyond the hut was mostly blocked by huge branches.
Realizing I wasn't gonna go back to sleep anytime soon, I stood up and walked out the door, up to the fence around the hut, rested my elbows on the railing and looked out over the woods. There was a nice, soothing silence in the woods and it was very relaxing. But the silence and the fact that everyone else was asleep right now really made me feel more lonely than I'd been for the last three months.
Yes, I had made friends with some of the strange new beings I had come to know and care about to a small extent, like the Professor, Jhanna, Traximus and Starlee. Even Mona Lisa, which felt really weird to think about, since she hadn't been very friendly. But even with all the people around me, and despite how nice, friendly and caring they had been, I still felt lonely. Here I was, a complete stranger in a new world I had only ever dreamed of getting to see. And I had no idea what to make of it all. Everybody around me talked about things or people or other aliens that seemed like common knowledge, yet I had no idea what or who it was. Like the Aeons or what the Federation really was. And yet these new friends of mine looked to me for answers and instruction.
I had no one to talk to, nothing familiar that could calm me and help me stay on the right path, no one who really understood how it felt like right now, being away from your home, with everything you know and love so far away from you. Well, except maybe Starlee, but still, I don't think she would understand me since she didn't go through the exact same thing that I did. And she still had her sister, and even though there was some conflict between them, it was still something familiar. Something she knew, something she loved. I had nothing.
Despite what I had said to Starlee, and despite the anger and bitterness that still came whenever I thought of my family, I can't deny there have been plenty of times when I missed at least one of them, wishing they were here. I missed Mikey's humor and optimism, Leo's determination and bravery and Raph's drive and passion. Any one of them could really help me right now.
I sighed and looked up at the starry night sky, the moon shining down on me like a huge, pale streetlamp. The thought of the Aeons came back to my head, and I started to wonder if maybe... they were real? I mean, in space nothing was impossible, right? Perhaps even beings with great power were out there, looking down on us little people, protecting and caring for us? Or was that something that just couldn't be real? What were this large universe's limits? there, looking down on us little people, protecting and caring for us? Or was that something that just couldn't be real? Would it hurt to try?
"They are told to exist in everything alive: trees, flowers, animals, and even various kinds species. They look over and protect everyone. They're there for everyone that needs them." I sighed again and looked up at the sky again.
"Okay, Great Aeons, I have no idea if you can actually hear me, or if you're actually real and I might just be talking to myself here, but I need some support. A big task has been placed on my shoulders. Like, a really big task, and I'm not so sure I can pull it off. Yes, I know my friends are here and they want to help me, but I still don't know how we're gonna manage to do this.
"It's not that I don't have faith in my friends, but I don't see how they can look to me for leadership during a dangerous mission, with the very real possibility of all of us dying, and believe in me to pull it off. I don't know if I can handle this. I need someone to guide me, to show me how to lead these people and handle all of this responsibility. So please, if you are real and you want to help, I ask you with all the humility and honesty in my heart, help me and my friends to save my world." I hadn't expected anyone to answer me, but the silence that followed after I had finished my prayer just made me feel more alone and abandoned than I had earlier. I sighed and rested my chin in my hand, looking down at the ground below me for a second before looking back up at the moon.
I know it was silly, but I almost wanted to believe to some extent that the people of Earth could see this moon from where they were. Maybe my brothers and I looked at the same moon at the same time? Okay, probably not, but still. I wanted to believe it was true, but I also knew it was impossible. My brothers and I were lightyears away from each other and nothing about this starry night sky was similar to the one back on Earth. Still, it didn't make it easy to face that fact. Despite how I still felt about them, I'd give anything to hear Leo bark out orders or Raph insult me because I'm stupid or was overthinking, or even have Mikey throw a water balloon at my face, if not only for a small feeling of something familiar.
"Father... I need your guidance right now. I don't know how to do this. I need you. Why are you never there for me? Why do you always insist on me figuring things out by myself?" I already knew, or at least I had a theory; Splinter didn't know how to help me. When I was little, I had been relatively easy to handle and could take care of myself rather well for a kid. So when I grew up and gained more and more knowledge, he didn't really know how to handle me, since he never really had to earlier. I didn't do much other than play around with my toys without getting into that much trouble or fighting with my brothers. And when I started to learn more than Splinter had expected, he had let me do more advanced work and instead focused on teaching my brothers what they needed to know. I got very little attention, and whenever I asked for help, he would not always know what to do.
Look, I'm not saying Splinter is a bad father- far from it. He's done more than anyone would expect from a man that had his life turned around the way his was and then ended up with four mutant kids on his neck. He's done everything in his power to take care of us- all I'm saying is that I don't think he knows me as well as he might think he does, seeing how he very rarely had to take care of me since I didn't always reach out to him or ask for his help. So when I did, he didn't always know what to do. Now, sometimes he did know, like with that psychic monkey last year, or when he tried to give me hints about not trying out Metalhead as a video game, or to not train the Pulverizer. He had good advice, but if he knew me, he would have known I hated the way he always used cryptic messages to try and bring out a lesson or a message.
I sighed and rubbed my face with my hand, trying to sort out my thoughts. Did I miss my family or not? I started to get really confused about what I really felt, and I really should know whether I missed my own family or not. It almost felt like I had to miss them, or else I would be a terrible person. But I had very few reasons to feel like that. Yes, I had behaved very immaturely that day we were separated, I will be the first person to admit that. But that did not justify their actions in the slightest. So why should I?
Still, they were my family. My brothers were my literal flesh and blood, and my father had always been there, taking care of us. I couldn't dismiss everything we had been through like it hadn't happened. Like we had never been like a family should be. All the adventures, the games we had played, the years of growing up together. All flushed down the toilet.
I growled and slammed my forehead onto the railing I was resting on. Why did this have to be so hard? Why did this have to happen? If that fight three months ago hadn't gone the way it had, this wouldn't have happened. There would be no Triceratons, no Black Hole Generator and no crazy, impossible mission I had to complete by myself for the first time without brothers or Father there for support. Why, why did this all have to happen? Why couldn't everything just be like it had always been? The way I was familiar with?
I started to feel tired again and stood up, about to go back to sleep inside, but my eyes fell on the moon for one last time. "Please, I need guidance. I need help. I can't do this on my own." I turned around and walked back into the hut, still with that gnawing feeling in my stomach that something wasn't right. But it was probably nothing.
It was nighttime by the time we arrived at April's farmhouse, and everyone was practically asleep on their feet because of the long journey and everything that had happened. Well, except for Leo, of course, who was still out cold and hadn't shown any signs of waking up or physically improving. His face wasn't a grimace of pain anymore, but that was only a teeny, tiny bit better than grimacing in pain. Splinter had spent the entire trip trying his best to help Leo with his wounds and to safely remove the tantÅ from his side without causing him any more pain. Eventually had managed to do just that, but from what I could hear from the driver's seat, it hadn't been very easy. Mikey had even questioned if it was such a good idea to try and help Leo in a moving car and asked if it wouldn't be best to stop the car and wait while Splinter worked. But Splinter had just said it couldn't wait.
"If we do not remove this as quickly as possible, it could hurt him even more than it already has. It is not a risk worth taking, my son. It has to be done now." He had also taken a good look at Leo's leg and kneecap, and had eventually come to the conclusion that it was at the very least broken. Or, at best, that it just jumped out of joint and it would be easy to put back in its place. But after a closer look both he and April decided that it was more than likely broken, and the muscles and joints looked pretty bad. When Leo got better he would have hard time walking for at least a few weeks.
If he woke up, that is. I shook my head and gripped the wheel tighter. I couldn't think like that. It was just a wounded leg and a minor stab wound. No big deal. Leo could walk it off just fine. He had to. I felt tears threatening to fall, and now that the adrenaline had worn off, the stress, pain and fear finally managed to catch up with me.
'I've already lost Donnie. I can't lose Leo too. I can't.'
So when we finally pulled up at April's family's farmhouse, I finally let myself relax ever so slightly. It was very short-lived, though, as I quickly remembered Leo and both Mikey and I helped carry him outside while April ran up to the front door, dug out the key from under a loose plank in the porch, unlocked the door and held it open for us so we could carry him inside. From the corner of my eye I saw Splinter, Casey and April grab the bags from the Shellraiser and carry them inside. But that was all I saw before Mikey and I got inside and went through the first door on the right, leading into a living room, and placed Leo on the couch. He moaned in pain, but that was all he did, and he didn't look like he was waking up. Mikey knelt down beside him, placed on hand on Leo's shoulder and the other one on his arm, before he leaned down and gently nuzzled his cheek against Leo's face. I could see he was fighting back tears. I placed my hand on his shoulder and patted gently.
"Don't worry, bro. Leo's strong, he'll pull through. He worries too much about us to just leave, you know that." I tried to lighten the mood a little, but I could see Mikey wasn't exactly in the mood to be cheered up. He leaned down and placed his face against the crook of Leo's neck and a few small tears fell down his cheeks. I felt my heart clench and I knelt down beside him, placing my arm around his shoulders to try and comfort him.
"It's gonna be okay, Mikey. It's gonna be okay." He looked up at me and wiped the tears from his cheeks. He smiled weakly and opened his mouth to say something, but before he could we both heard a loud slam against the wooden floor and we looked up. Casey had dropped mine and Leo's bags on the floor and sat down in a chair close to a big fireplace.
"Ugh, I'm out like a light." He exclaimed tiredly and rested his head against the back of the chair, eyes closed. April came in close after with Splinter in tow and dropped her own bag on the floor, while gently putting Mikey's cooler down before she stretched out her back and arms.
"Yeah, me too. I'm SO ready to go to bed." And that was true for all of us. We all looked weary, beaten and like we had been through Hell, which wasn't exactly a stretch. Master Splinter put the rest of the bags down, except for the first aid bag Donnie always kept in the Shellraiser, and walked over to Leo. He knelt down beside him and gently stroked his forehead with sadness in his eyes, and I could swear I saw a few tears run through his fur.
"You should all go to bed, my children. It is late, and you are all very tired." Mikey shook his head and tried to look determined, despite the fact that he was yawning like crazy by now.
"N-No, Sensei, we can help. L-Leo needs us now." Splinter smiled at him, placed his hand on Mikey's head and leaned down to his level.
"I appreciate your intentions, Michelangelo. But I doubt that you would be able to help much now, seeing how much has happened and how tired you are. Now, off to bed with you. All of you." He looked at me when he said 'all of you', as if he expected me to put up a fight about it. But, one, I was too tired to argue right now and I felt more than willing to just go to bed, and two, as much as I wanted to stay by Leo's side and help him, I knew I wouldn't be much help, even if I wasn't dead tired.
April led us upstairs and showed us three bedrooms, one that had been April's parents' room, one that had been April's, and one that seemed to be a guest room of sorts. April said we could have whatever room we liked before she went into her old room, her bag slung over her shoulder. Her ponytail was a disheveled mess and she had dark circles under her eyes. We all knew better than to talk to her right now or ask questions about who would sleep with who. Mikey immediately called dibs on the big bedroom, just a second earlier than Casey did, and they both started to argue about who said what first. Normally I would try to break them up, but right now I was too tired to care, so I just took my bag with very few things in it and walked into the guest room, closing the door behind me.
It was a pretty small room and there was only a bed, a small wooden dresser and a bedside table with a lamp on it. There was also a large window with thin curtains that surely wouldn't block out too much sunlight. I dropped my bag on the floor, placed Donnie's journal in the bottom of said bag and went over to the window, and was about to draw the curtains when I saw that it had started to snow again, my eyes catching on the blinding full moon on the dark, cloudy sky. My eyes were glued to it and my thoughts flew to Donnie. Why was he taking so long? Why hadn't he come back yet? Or at least tried to send us a message? It had been three months. Didn't he care enough to at least try to contact us?
I shook my head and smacked myself on the cheek. Of course he cared! Donnie cared about everyone, even some people that probably didn't deserve it in any way. He was probably just incapable of contacting us because of something to do with technology or something like that. I mean, yeah, Donnie's great with technology, but you can't expect him to be able to understand alien technology just like that. Right?
I sighed and leaned my forehead against the glass, gazing up at the sky. "I know you're out there somewhere, Donnie. I'm not giving up on you. I'll wait. But please, please hurry back home. We need you. I-" I felt the words choke in my throat and I had to clear it so I could finish the sentence. "-I need you. Please, come home to us." I turned around and lay down on my bed, falling asleep without even crawling under the covers.
A/N: *Sniff* Why do I like writing these sorts of things full of feels? And why did it take me so long to write down what I wanted to write; how Donnie was feeling conflicted and unsure about himself and the mission, and his feelings towards his family? Ugh, anyway it's done! And I personally like this chapter, even if the part where we finally get to check in on what happens back at Earth is pretty short.
Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this chapter and please review, favorite and follow! G'night everybody!