A Million Miles Apart

A/N: Hi, guys.

I wanna take a moment to be serious with you all, because I feel I kinda have to. I am starting school this Monday, January 9th. And this summer, June 9th, I am graduating high school. And I've come to realize that there is a big project in my lap that I really have to get a hold on and finish, or else I am not going to graduate this summer. I also realize that I have spent more of my time writing for you than taking the time to do my school work. And I really want to be able to look forward to this June and know that I will walk out of that school with my graduation hat and white dress and know that I am done with high school (if confused, look up Swedish Graduation)

So, with all that said, I don't know how much I will be able to update during the next couple of months. I will, of course, take any chance I get to write more chapters, but it might not be very frequent, or maybe even more than once a month, I don't want to make promises I may not be able to keep. I just wanna say this because I don't want you to think that I am losing interest or am being lazy; I just want you to understand that I want to graduate high school.

Thank you if you actually read this, and thank you in advance for your understanding.

Chapter 45, Why didn't you help me?

How come everything is always dark when you're in pain? I mean, being unconscious is one thing, but why when you're in pain? Last thing I remember before I fainted was a flash of pain and for a second I saw nothing but white. So... how does that work?

I felt like I was floating underwater, but somehow still able to breathe. I felt nothing under my feet and there was nothing around me other than compact darkness. It felt a little weird, but at the same time it was oddly relaxing. Or, it would have been if not for two things. The first thing was the searing pain in my side and my leg that made it hard to find peacefulness. And the silence was oddly unsettling. Even if I could have ignored the pain, I couldn't ignore the silence. You know that kind of silence where you can practically feel it, or feel that somebody's watching you? Multiply it by a hundred. I turned around in every direction I could to try and find anyone or anything there, but saw nothing.

"Hello? Is there anyone there?" I almost jumped out of my skin when I heard my own voice bounce back at me in a loud echo. I had so gotten used to the silence that the sudden sound almost scared me. But suddenly the blackness around made started to fade away, and colors started to enter my vision. I suddenly felt ground under my feet and when I looked around, I saw a sewer tunnel start to appear. And as I looked around me and tried to find any signs that could tell me where I was, I heard blasting, shouting and metal smashing against metal. And I recognized it; a Kraang battle.

I ran down the tunnel towards the sounds of battle, but as the end came into view I felt a cold rock drop down in my stomach. And as I ran into the big room, it felt like a blow to my gut.

"Oh, no. No, no please not this. Anything but this." I looked out over a huge Kraang station, Kraang-bots running around and firing at their enemies and one giant portal that was active and seemed ready to be used. I recognized this all too well. It was our fight with the Kraang on the day we lost Donnie. In fact, when I looked towards the portal, I could see Donnie and April running up to the control panels to try and turn it off and stop the Kraang's plans.

For a second I felt completely paralyzed and I could do nothing but stare at the fight with terror. But then, the cold rock in my stomach exploded and I tried to run out into the battlefield. But my feet were glued to the ground, so I almost tripped and fell to my knees. But I quickly regained my balance and looked down at my feet, trying to lift them; it was like they were welded to the concrete, and I couldn't move. I yanked on my feet, pulled on them as hard I could to get free and touched the ground around me to find anything that could be the reason I was stuck to the ground. But nothing worked. I couldn't move an inch.

I looked up again and noticed two things. First, even though I couldn't move, I was either closer to the portal or my eyes had somehow zoomed in on what was going on there, because now Donnie and April were only a few feet away from me. The second thing was a Kraang-bot running up behind Donnie with that gun in its hand. I reached out and yelled as loudly as I could, hoping my doomed brother might- but won't, I knew that, but please, Donnie, work another one of your miracles and just- hear me.

"No, Donnie!" The Kraang's laser bullet hit the panel and the portal started to go crazy immediately. Donnie and April tied themselves to it to avoid getting sucked inside while the rest of us hid behind a pile of debris. Everything pretty much played out the same way as I remembered it. But it was still so hard to watch this again. I gritted my teeth and pulled on my feet as hard as I could, but I still couldn't move. And then, things changed. Just as April grabbed Donnie's hand as the cables he had tied around himself snapped, he turned to look straight at ME, even though the Past-Leo was out of sight behind the rock with the others. He looked at me with pleading, terrified eyes, the wind blowing around him making them watery.

"Leo, help me!" At first I didn't understand why or how he could see me, since it seemed like no one else could. April had her eyes on Donnie and didn't seem to have heard him call out to me. I desperately tried again to yank my feet from the ground and get to Donnie so I could pull him away from the portal and save his life. I yanked and pulled and yelled and swore to try and break free, but just couldn't. Tears of frustration and pure desperation welled up in my eyes and I pulled as hard as I could, making absolutely no progress.

'I can change everything. I can save him. I can save my family the heartache. I won't be a failure. He'll be alive. Everything will be okay,' I told myself and over and over as a motivator so I wouldn't stop trying. He looked at me, and it was as though he didn't see my struggle, like in his vision I was simply standing idly.

"Leo, please! I need you! Why aren't you helping me?" I looked up and felt my heart shatter a little when I heard the brokenness his voice and saw the betrayal in his eyes. I pulled on my legs to try and force them to move, but once again it didn't work. I called out to him, tried to calm him down and reassure him that everything would be okay.

"Don't be scared, Donnie! I'm coming, just hold on!" I pulled on my legs until it caused legitimate pain and I almost tripped over myself. I even reached out my hands to try and grab his, finding I was suddenly just inches away from him. I grunted and tried to stretch myself a little further, but Donnie was just out of my reach. He tried to reach out to me while he still clung onto April's hand. But he was too far away no matter how far I stretched my arm and leaned forward.

"Donnie, don't worry, it's gonna be okay! Just try to grab my hand! I'll help you!" He reached out anew and grunted in exertion, trying to go even further.

"I'm trying!" I placed one hand on the wall and leaned even further forward, felt my fingers graze against Donnie's. But it still wasn't enough for me to be able to grab his hand. His eyes were filled with tears and his other hand was slipping out of April's grip. He slipped back, towards the portal, looked at it with terror in his eyes and then back at me.

"Leo!" I felt tears of my own fall down my eyes and cheeks. I gritted my teeth and decided to risk it all. I braced my legs and jumped forward, best as I could anyway, and reached my hands out for Donnie to grab onto. This was my little brother; I would do anything it took to save him. My heart was pounding harder than ever before with my desperate need to keep him safe, to pull him from danger and never let go again.

But just at that moment, the other Kraang-bot came flying towards the portal, slamming into Donnie's chest and sending him flying backwards. I just barely missed Donnie's hands and fell down onto the ground with a loud thud. I hit my face against the rock-hard floor, scraped my arms and legs, and felt a blood slip down my chin. I frantically looked up just in time to see Donnie fall through the portal with a loud scream.

"Donnie!" I reached out to him and he looked at me, somehow managing to look me in the eyes despite the portal twirling him around in a crazy, demented ballet routine. He managed to scream, just before he fell through the portal to be gone forever,

"Leo! Why didn't you help me?!" I let my hand drop to the ground and let my tears fall. I had failed. I failed my brother. I failed my family. I failed everybody.

"NO!" I slammed my clenched fists on the ground as hard as I could and didn't care when blood started to pour down my wrists and my arm. Tears were streaming down my cheeks and dripping down onto the ground beneath me. I didn't even try to fight back my tears and just let them fall, which both hurt and brought a tiny bit of relief. "I'm sorry, Donnie. I'm so sorry."

"So, how does it feel?" I jumped with a small gasp and looked up. Karai stood in front of me, leaning on one leg and resting a hand on her hip with coy smirk on her face. "Y'know, to have someone you love ripped from you?" Her smirk turned into a cold, disgusted glare and she pointed the tip of her tantō inches away from my nose. I tried to swallow down my tears and stand up, and now my feet were finally free from the ground, but I barely noticed it. I started to feel anger boil up in my blood, but it wasn't strong enough to break through my grief.

"K-Karai..." She kept her glare and started directly into my eyes, which made a shudder run down my spine, and I couldn't look away. I swallowed again and took a step forward, but she jabbed me in the plastron with her tantō. Not hard enough to be an attack, but still enough for me to take the hint: 'stay away from me'. I took a step back again, and her signature smirk once again spread across her face.

"You know, if you really think about it, Leo, it's kinda your fault that this happened." She gestured out over the Kraang's underground lair, but instead of seeing the cold, dark sewer, I saw the city. Standing on a rooftop, we were looking over Time Square and I felt like a part of me died when I saw it all.

It was New York, and I could still recognize it all. But the streets were covered in giant, tree-like crystals, Dimension X creatures, Kraang-bots roaming the streets and poor, human-Kraang hybrids that were crying out in pain and sorrow and were flailing with long Kraang-tentacles instead of arms. It all felt like big punch in the gut. My jaw hung wide open and I couldn't tear my eyes away.

"Yeah, take it in, Leo. All the destruction, all the pain and all the grief. All of it could have been avoided, possibly solved, if it wasn't for YOU. You dismissed him. You pushed him away. You didn't help him when he needed you the most. And now, you suffer the consequences for it." I almost didn't hear Karai's voice, but her words rang clearly in my head. She was right. If I had talked to Donnie when he'd wanted to talk, and listened to what he had to say, maybe we wouldn't be in this mess. Maybe Donnie wouldn't have fallen through that portal, and maybe we could have stopped the Kraang from invading, and we would all be okay right now. I closed my eyes tightly and tears forced their way through my raw eyelids and down my cheeks.

"I- I didn't want this to happen. I didn't want any of this to happen!" I clenched my teeth and had to take a deep, shaky breath. "Donnie, I'm sorry." Karai smirked and somehow I hadn't noticed how close she had gotten to me. She had sneaked up behind me and had her sword tightly gripped in her hand.

"You're weak, Leo. And you're done for!" I gasped and looked up, expecting to see Karai but finding the Shredder, his metal claws raised over his head. Karai had disappeared into the background.

"Finally, I will have my vengeance!" I raised my arms to cover my face.

"NO!"

"NO!"

I flew up from my slumber and looked around the room, trying to figure out what was going on. I found myself in a living room, my head resting on a pillow and a blanket now pooled around my waist. Slowly I started to remember that after we had played cards for two hours, Mikey, April, Casey and I had moved into the living room to watch the news to see if there was anything about New York and the invasion on, and after finding nothing we had put on a movie. I guess we had all fallen asleep during it, because we were all there in the living room, the others still sleeping on the floor or in a chair.

But I quickly threw that out the window when I heard the screaming continue and Splinter's slightly raised voice calling out to someone.

"Leonardo, it is alright! Calm yourself- you are safe!" I flew up from the armchair I had passed out on and ran over to the couch, in the corner of my eye catching Mikey and April waking up on the floor and looking over at us. I heard Mikey cry out 'Leo!' and get up after me, but at that point I was already kneeling down on the floor next to Splinter, who had a tight grip on Leo's shoulders and was trying to pin him down.

Leo was shaking like a leaf, flailing his arms around his face, as if to protect it, and screaming at the top of his lungs. "NO! No, get back! Please, just leave me alone! Please, I'm sorry!" I reached out my hands, placed them on Leo's chest and tried to push him down onto the couch, like Splinter was doing, to try and calm him down.

"Leo, bro, it's okay! We're here! Everything's okay!" Mikey came running up to the back of the couch and grabbed one of Leo's hands in a tight grip, which was necessary since Leo immediately tried to pull his hand away. April and Casey came running over, as well, but kept themselves in the background. April's hair was a tousled mess and her eyes filled with worry, but Casey still looked like he was tired and wanted to go back to bed. Still, he was a good enough friend that he stuck around when our brother was hurting. But all of this I only saw in the corner of my eye. My full attention was on Leo and making sure he was okay.

"NO! GET AWAY! LEAVE ME ALONE! I'M SORRY! I'M SO SORRY!" Splinter tried his best to keep Leo down on the couch, but it was obviously becoming tougher and tougher for him as Leo flailed and jerked around like a scared animal.

"Leonardo, calm down; you will only hurt yourself more!" Mikey clung onto Leo's hand as tightly as he could and his eyes were glued to Leo's face, never once leaving his tightly shut eyes. I reached out to grab Leo's other hand and used my other arm to try and keep Leo pinned down.

"Leo, it's okay! It's okay! No one is mad at you!" I had to scream now in order to make myself heard over Leo's screaming. Then he jerked up into a sitting position, his eyes wide open and somehow not seeing us or anything in front of him.

"I'M SORRY, DONNIE!" For a few seconds he did nothing. He just sat up, panting heavily and looking straight out into space. Mikey, who even still had Leo's hand in a tight grip, started to stroke it to try and calm him down while also trying to get his attention. I kept a reassuring hand on Leo's uninjured leg and squeezed Leo's other hand with the other, and Splinter had his arm around his shoulders. April took a few hesitant steps forward and placed her hands on Leo's cheeks and looked him in the eyes while gently stroking his cheeks with her thumbs.

"Leo? Leo, can you hear me?" Leo looked at her, but still didn't seem to see her. His eyes were similar to the ones you would see on a deer just as it spotted a car in front of it. Not that I've ever actually seen that, but you get the picture.

"Leo, bro? You with us?" Leo blinked and finally he seemed to recognize us and started to look around the room we were in, getting more confused by the second; then he looked up at Sensei, then at me, then April and then Mikey. He looked from person to person for about a minute, then he locked eyes with Sensei.

"Wh-What happened? Where are we?" Master Splinter let out a sigh of relief and his ears dropped slightly.

"We are at April's family's farmhouse, away from the city. You have been unconscious for about two days." Leo's eyes narrowed in confusion and he was about to sit with his back against the back of the couch, but then let out a loud yell of pain when he tried to move his right leg. He gripped at it, then noticed the many bandages and the splint that Splinter had placed there to keep the bone in the right place. He then winced in pain and looked down at his side and noticed the bandage there, too. Then he seemed to remember what had happened in New York and looked back at us.

"Karai?" I nodded and patted his other leg.

"Yeah. She kicked you so hard she broke your leg and then stabbed you in the side. It's not too bad, but it's gonna take some time to heal." Leo looked down at the floor and tried to process the information. Mikey saw that Leo looked sad and wrapped his arms around his shoulders from behind in a light, yet heartfelt hug.

"But we'll be here for you whenever you need us, bro. You take the time you need to heal and get better, and we'll deal with the other stuff around here." Leo looked up and smiled weakly at Mikey.

"Thanks, Mikey. But this is still a lot to take in." He nodded solemnly, then gently nuzzled his face against the crook of Leo's neck, which made Leo crack a small, but more genuine smile and let out a faint chuckle. I pressed my lips together. I knew that Leo didn't care about Karai the same way as he did before, but should I tell him anyway? I took a deep breath and looked down at the floor.

"If it makes you feel any better, Karai knows the truth now." Everyone looked up from what they were doing and stared at me. Mikey let go of Leo's shoulders and stood up.

"She does?" I shrugged and looked down.

"When we were about to leave to pick up April and Casey and escape Shredder, Splinter's photo fell out of the bag and she saw it. I think she knows now that Leo's been telling her the truth this whole time." If Leo actually felt happy about this, he didn't show it at all. He just shrugged and looked down at the floor.

"Oh. That's great." He tried to sound happy, but I could see he only did for Sensei's sake. But even Sensei didn't look that thrilled about it. He sighed heavily and his ears drooped even more.

"It may be true that she knows the truth, but what she chooses to do with it is on her shoulders. She may choose to ignore it, or she may try to come back to her real family. That is up to her." I rolled my eyes with a sneer and folded my arms over my chest.

"Pch, yeah right. She may try, but the question is whether we should accept her this time." April and Mikey looked over at me with big eyes, and Mikey glared at me.

"Dude! She's our sister! Of course we have to welcome her into our family!" I stood up and glared down at him.

"Yeah, she's our sister. She's our sister who devised a plan specifically to kill us! And she killed our brother! How can we trust her if she says she wants to be part of our team? Heck, she may use that little scene against us to make us believe she wants to change. I'm not going to trust her." Mikey crossed his arms and glared at me, but Leo took everyone by surprise when he said,

"You know what, Raph? Neither am I."

The night was starting to carry over to day, and everyone was still awake. No one was tired enough to want to go back to bed, so April went into the kitchen to make some hot chocolate for all of us, some tea for Master Splinter and some cheese sandwiches, while Casey lit a fire and Mikey ran around with a lighter and lit all the candles in the living room. Mikey running around with a lighter; that idea was so bad I imagined Donnie tackling our hyperactive brother to the ground and giving him a stern lecture on fire safety, then snatching the lighter away and doing the lighting himself, demonstrating proper 'lighter procedure'. The mental image was enough to both lift my spirits a little at the pure Donnie-ness of it, while also enough to sober me even further. Overall, it was a very bittersweet few minutes watching Mikey scamper about with the potential house fire gripped in his hands.

Raph was trying to make the couch more comfortable, since I had been lying on it for two days and needed some fluffing and to get some air. Splinter had given me a crutch to use until my leg healed, so I was standing next to the couch, looking at Raph while he worked on the couch. I found the air in the room too warm and thick to be able to breathe properly, so I started to limp towards the front door. Casey looked up from his poking the fire and at me.

"Where are you going, dude?" I glanced at him and placed my hand on the door handle.

"I need some air. Fresh air. I just need a few minutes- be right back." I didn't wait for a response, since I knew they would most likely start to baby me and tell me to stay inside and blah-blah-blah. I stepped out and was a bit shocked to find the air as cold as it was, but it was definitely a welcome chill. It cleared my mind a little and helped me collect my thoughts. I sat down on bench and looked up at the stars and the moon that was starting to fade away into dawn and took a deep breath of the cool, fresh air. The stars blinked at me and I suddenly felt more melancholy. My nightmare kept playing over and over in my head and I couldn't, no matter how hard I tried, get his words out of my head.

"Leo! Why didn't you help me?!"

I bit my lip to fight against the tears. "I don't know. I really don't know," I muttered to myself and tears pounded against my eyelids. I had failed him, just like I had always failed him. He was my little brother, and I had failed to be there for him when he needed me to listen, to comfort, to help him. I was a big part of the reason he had always felt so alone and couldn't turn to anyone tell them about how he felt. Because he thought no one would care. I mean, if big brother Leo doesn't want to listen, who would? I pressed my hand against my eyes and tried to keep the tears from falling, but found myself letting a few of them slip through anyway. How could I have been so careless? How could I have let my brother think that I didn't love him?

"Leo?" I looked up as April come out with a cup in her hand and a worried look on her face. I sat up straight and tried to smile, despite how awful I felt inside, and hoped she couldn't see the wetness of my face.

"Oh, hi, April. Uh, wh-what's up?" She came up to me and placed a hand on my shoulder.

"You shouldn't be out here for too long. It's freezing, and Splinter doesn't want any of you getting sick or hurt because of it." I nodded and stood up to follow her back inside. Then I felt her hand on my cheek and she looked straight into my eyes.

"And Leo, he would have forgiven you. I know he would have." She wiped a runaway tear from my cheek. "I don't know what your nightmares were about, and you don't have to tell me if you don't want to. But I have a very strong feeling that Donnie would forgive whatever crime you feel you've committed." I choked back a sob and April wrapped her arms around my neck and held me tightly, the mug in her hand now on the floor.

"It's okay, Leo. It's okay. Everything will be fine." I nodded into her shoulder and kept my mouth shut so I wouldn't whimper or sob or anything else like that. After a few minutes April let go of me and gave me the mug of hot chocolate.

"Now, come on inside. We're all having sandwiches in the living room and just talking. You wanna join us?" I smiled and sipped on the chocolate, nodding at her.

"Yeah, I think I need that right now. I'm really hungry." She smiled and nudged my arm.

"Well, no wonder; you haven't had anything to eat in two days. Now, come on." She placed her arm around my shoulders and we started to walk back inside. But even though I felt better now, that awful feeling was still there, deep down in my gut. The horrible feeling that told me over and over again that I had failed. Failed to help my brother, failed to see that Karai would not just change, failed to lead my family out of the city. Failed. Failed! FAILED!

I sighed and looked up at the moon.

'I don't know. I don't know why I didn't help you when I had the chance.'

A/N: I hope what happens in this chapter doesn't happen too early, but I didn't want to drag it out, so I decided to do it now. Still, I had planned on doing this last chapter, but... yeah, I'm gonna shut up now. So, not a lot happens in this chapter, but still, it was the best I could come up with. I hope this will be good enough for you.

I hope you enjoyed this chapter and please review, favorite and follow!