Many thanks to LilactheDryad, lucefatale, The better twin, Adoniss, Guest, Me And Not You 1001, Guest186.

"Are you all right, dearie? You look uneasy." My companion was inquiring about my health for what seemed like the tenth time in the past five minutes.

Dang. Ori was right: Dori does have some serious mothering issues.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Something is just... missing."

"Missing?"

"I feel like... never mind. I don't think you'd understand anyways."

"Try me.', Dori challenged.

"I feel like I'm missing something.', I grumbled.

"Is it homesickness?', he guessed.

Thorin had placed me with the Ri brothers for today, and so far I had only had two incidents— which was a new record for me. Normally I was falling over things (or off things) and making social blunders, but I had only fallen off of Itchy once and not mentioned any taboos... yet. I still might have said some things that shocked the dwarves.

And as to the second incident... well, let's just say Nori and I aren't on the best terms. Sneaky dwarf tried to steal the two things I had from home other than my clothes. I caught him though, and he apologized rather sheepishly after a stern reprimand from Dori. I'm not sure I would have minded loosing a paper clip, but it was a matter of 'principle', according to Fili, anyway. In all honesty, I have no idea why I kept the tiny piece of metal; it's not like I'm MacGyver or something. But my phone... yep, I would definitely have missed that. The camera on my phone came in handy though— the picture of Dori holding his brother by the ear is totally Facebook worthy.

"No, that's not it.', I finally answered.

I grimaced slightly, gazing around as I tried to find exactly what it was that bothered me so much.

"Mountains. There are no mountains.', I realized.

"Of course not.', he scoffed. "There have not been any mountains for several days now."

"Not this again.', I muttered to myself.

"Not what again?"

"Twitchiness."

"Why on earth would you be getting 'twitchy' of all things?"

"No mountains.', I repeated, giving Dori the 'duh' look.

"Oh! That's what this is all about? It is natural to a dwarf to miss mountains, but I didn't think you had that trait."

"So... it's heredity, I guess?"

"Yes."

"Well that explains soooo much."

Growing up in the top corner of North Alabama I had always been surrounded by the gently sloping mountains that bordered the Tennessee River. But here there were no mountains to speak of. The land stretched out as far as I could see on my left and right while behind me was the rolling hills of the Shire. In front of me laid nothing but several miles of empty plains and what looked to be the beginnings of a small forest. The feeling of missing something was solved; it was the mountains that I felt were missing. Without the comfort of the huge mounds surrounding me I felt empty... naked, almost. I always remember feeling like this on vacations; I just never would have guessed that it was a dwarf thing. Who knew right?

"—heaven help me if he's dead! God? Are you there? No? Um... Zeus? Aslan? Monopoly Man? JARVIS? Anyone!? I'm sending up a major S.O.S here!"

Okay, so maybe I lied. I made it through the day with three incidents. And here I am in the aftermath of incident number three with an unconscious hobbit at my feet, being glared at by a mini lynch mob of dwarves while Gandalf is laughing his overly-thick eyebrows off.

Now I know what you're all thinking... okay, maybe not. Of all the crazy ideas that came into your mind at the confusing jumble above, I swear it's not what it looks like. I did NOT murder Bilbo Baggins. He just... snuck up on me is all. Lord have mercy, my life would have been simpler if I were related to a Skywalker instead of an exiled king!

I should really elaborate a bit, huh? Some of you... er, most of you, are probably thinking I've gone insane— which is a possibility, by the way. I suppose I need to start at the beginning...

"Collie!"

"On it already!', I called back to Thorin. We had made camp for the night and it had apparently become my sole duty to gather fuel for the campfire.

I was already on an extreme level of mega-twitchness, and that added to me sitting on a pony for six straight hours had given me a double dose of the jitters, which turned out to be unfortunate for a certain hobbit.

The group of trees that I entered to collect the fuel was close to the camp, but the meager distance that separated me from the others still made me nervous. As I gathered the firewood, I hummed quietly to myself in order to calm my harried nerves.

(Future Collie: I'm easily paranoid. Remember that when you want to kill me for being such an idiot.)

"You are my sunshine. My only sunshine. You make me happy, when skies are gray."

"You'll never know how very much I love you. You have been my sunshine today."

Picking up an especially thick stick, I moved to return to camp when Bilbo Baggins suddenly appeared behind me.

"That was—"

I gave a loud yelp before my body decided to move on its own and my arm swung around with the stick still in my grasp.

Crack!

"—a beautiful song.', he managed to finish before he collapsed onto the leaf covered ground, the wood in my hand having had collided with his head.

"COLLIE!', I heard Thorin roar, followed by the sound of the dwarves crashing towards me.

"I'm toast.', I mumbled. "I am so dead. No, he's the one who is probably dead. Whatever gods exist here, please don't let this hobbit be dead! I don't know anything about Lord of the Rings or the Hobbit other than the fact that Legolas has a billion fangirls, but I do know that this hobbit is like the saving grace of Middle Earth or something so heaven help me if he's dead! God? Are you there? No? Um, Zeus? Aslan? Monopoly Man? JARVIS? Anyone!? I'm sending out a major S.O.S here!"

"What happened?', Oin asked as he went into healer mode, kneeling down beside Bilbo and gently touched the goose egg that was forming.

"It's not my fault!', I babbled. "It was the Curse of the Twitchies! ItwasjustthatImissthemountainsandI'msoparanoidIcan'tthinkandIkilledyou'reburglarandnowyou'regoingtokillmeandI'll—"

"Calm down!', Thorin shouted, giving me a small shake. "You have not killed anyone, Collie."

"How did he even understand her?', Kili whispered to his brother, who rolled his eyes and slapped him in the back of the head.

"But I—"

"Wet cloth!', Oin snapped. "Someone get me a wet cloth!"

"But I hit him and—"

"And he is waking up.', Thorin smirked, spinning me around to look at the dazed hobbit.

"OhBilboIamsosorryInevermeantforthattohappen!', I gasped, falling down beside him.

"It's... it's quite alright.', he said a little woozily. "I think.', he added for good measure.

"Am I the only one who doesn't understand her?', Kili complained to the tree next to him, earning slaps from both Fili and Thorin.

"How on earth does a little thing like you have an arm like that?', Dwalin huffed, stirring his bowl of soup. "You could have dropped a bear with that swing."

"Softball." I grinned at the bald dwarf. I had learned over the past few days that Dwalin wasn't exactly one to give false praise, so his remark made me wonder how hard I had actually hit Bilbo. "I'm one of the best batters, and also the pitcher in home-games."

"None of that made sense!', Kili called over his shoulder.

"Other world reference!', I smirked back. "Nothing you would know about!"

"Is a softball soft?" Fili wiggled his eyebrows at me, making me laugh.

"Uh, no. You get hit with one of those... you end up looking like Bilbo."

The hobbit, who was sporting a swollen forehead, sent me a half-hearted glare.

"I really am sorry about earlier.', I apologized again.

"I know.', he mumbled. "I will try not to compliment you again if it startles you so."

"Was I just insulted?', I asked Fili.

"Probably.', he shrugged. "Bilbo is almost always making fun of us: we just don't know it."

"Are you trying to make me paranoid?"

"Yes."