"You can't leave me alone here!"

Maddie sighed, hesitating for a moment, before she continued to pack her clothes into a suitcase. She refused to look in her brothers direction, keeping herself focused on the task. She didn't know what she could say to him – he was only thirteen, he didn't understand. She couldn't stay in the house forever.

"Stop it!" The teenager finally grabbed the t-shirt from her hands as she was folding it and chucked it across the room, "Why are you leaving me? You promised." The guilt was like nothing she had ever felt before – she didn't want to leave her brother behind but she had no choice. She was eighteen and going to college, Evan would be forced to live with their parents for another five years without her.

"I'm staying in the state, Evan, I will see you… I'll come here and you can come to me. I'm literally half an hour away, please…" The young woman practically pleaded with her brother, tears in her eyes when she finally looked at him.

"Why can't you live at home then?" The teenager sighed, sitting down on her bed, he could understand why Maddie would want to leave their family home, he was planning on doing the exact same thing as soon as he was old enough. It just wasn't easy being the one left behind.

Their parents weren't particularly evil, they didn't go out of their way to make the Buckley siblings lives miserable. But that's exactly what they were – miserable. If it hadn't been for his big sister, Evan knew he'd have never known what it felt to be loved unconditionally and protected. Maddie had always made sure he knew that, no matter what their parents said, he was enough.

"Because if I stay here any longer I'll die." She announced, surprised by her own words, as was her brother. He looked at her, stunned, he knew they both had their own issues as they struggled with their religious parents who had an idea of what perfection was and neither Maddie or Evan were it. They and forever lived in the shadow of the first Buckley child, reminded over and over again that no matter how hard they tried, they would never be good enough. They would never be him.

He didn't know what to say to her, instead, he reached for her hand, pulling her down to sit next to him. "I've never been alone before." He whispered, unsure of what life in the house would bring if it was just him. The silence in the house was overwhelming most of the time and that was with his sister living there. Their dad was away most of the time on business, and when their mom wasn't in work, she would close the door to her study and they wouldn't see her again.

On the rare occasions they had family meals, the tension could have been cut with a knife, the silence was a welcome break in those moments from the awkward conversation. How was school? Why didn't Maddie get an A in her last exam? Why didn't Evan get a position on the school football team? Why didn't Maddie try harder? Why didn't Evan try at all? Wyatt would have been the captain of the football team, he would have gotten into an Ivy League school, he would have made them proud.

It was easier to be proud of a dead child.

"You can ring me anytime, I'll always answer. I just have to leave, Buck and I wish I didn't have to leave you behind but I don't have a choice. I need to go. I need to be away from them and this house. I need to figure out who I am without either of them trying to force me to be someone I'm not." The tears were falling, down both their cheeks as they gripped onto each other's hand.

Maddie had stopped trying to impress her parents a few years before, she had given up trying to get their approval on anything because she realised she would never get it. The lectures were never ending, the disappointment was clear, the constant absence of two parents who loved her felt increasingly overwhelming every day. Despite everything, she still wanted nothing more than for her mom to wrap her arms around her and tell her she was enough or for her dad to say she had made him proud, just once.

She had seen them weep at their brothers grave more than once, she had heard them talking about where he would be right then, what kind of man he would have grown into. How proud he would have made them. And she wanted to scream – and she had, more than once – that they still had two kids who were very much alive and they had their own talents and their own personalities and they deserved to be loved too.

Maddie had often wondered what life would have been like for her little brother had she been the one who had fallen in the frozen lake that day. Perhaps it could have been better, maybe they'd have spent their time nurturing him instead of asking him why he couldn't be more like his brother.

"I don't think I can do this for five years without you." His head fell onto her shoulder and she pulled him close to her, her brown eyes falling to a close. She couldn't let the guilt overcome her desire to leave, she had to say goodbye or she would never know how good life could be. Evan would discover it too, one day. He'd have his time to shine but right then, she needed to be selfish.

"You'll never be without me. Just because I don't live here, doesn't mean I love you any less. But I have to go, Ev, I have to get out of this house. I feel like I can't breathe, I don't know who I am or who I want to be. I want something that's mine and just mine, far from them, do you understand?" She begged for her brother to say he did, she wanted him to know that the decision she made to leave him behind with their unloving, cold parents wasn't because of him. It was for her.

"I understand. I just don't want to lose you, you're all I have."

The elder of the two pulled back and held out her pinky finger as she had done so many time's before – they had made many promises to each other in the past, each of them well meant. "I promise you'll always have me. You're my best friend and I love you." His little finger wrapped around hers and he gave her a small smile, "I promise you'll always have me." He told her, making eye contact for the first time since she had broken the news.