Cold Secrets

-M. Lauren

Chapter Nine

Her blue eyes snapped to attention as the bell chimed over the door. Three first year students entered the coffee shop. They were laughing and leaning into each other as they shared secrets at too high a volume. Seeing this, Elsa's gaze lowered once again.

She had her grade book open on her computer. There were two dozen essays she had yet to review, but her mind was elsewhere. It was strict on the clock. Currently, it was a quarter passed one, and her heart lurched at the reminder.

Honeymaren usually brought her coffee any time before two thirty. It was always on her lunch break, however, today there were many uncertainties at hand. Would Honeymaren come to the cafe, knowing she planned to leave Elsa be? And if she did, how long would she have? Would she even be open to talking, or would all of Elsa's planning be for not?

The spiral of questions had her feeling nauseous. When the bell chimed again, Elsa nearly jumped out of her skin.

Another student, she acknowledged.

Elsa fought to huff. Her fingers dragged stubbornly through her hair. It was down today, and she had planned that when remembering Honeymaren had said she preferred it loose. Now, no amount of extra attention she'd given her appearance seemed to matter. Elsa felt ridiculous. She was certain she looked ridiculous, too.

The slight heat in her cheeks teased of an incoming blush. She felt sweaty, and Elsa was brought to debate why she was putting herself through this in the first place. She was sick. Anxiety crept in thick. When she planned this, never would she have thought it could feel this uncomfortable.

That was it. The final straw. Feeling her head grow lightheaded, Elsa knew she'd put herself through this for long enough.

Closing the laptop, she slipped it into her bag. Elsa stood from her chair and her eyes traced to the door. Suddenly, her heart was in her throat. Headed this way and currently crossing the street, was Honeymaren.

She was wearing her usual black slacks and matching blazer. There was leather stitched into the lapel. Elsa had always found that added detail distracting. It matched the leather on Honeymaren's studded boots. With her hair held back and braided, and her eyes hidden behind dark sunshades; Honeymaren was the picture of rebellious allure. Unfortunately, Elsa had not been prepared for it.

She was headed straight for the door, and Elsa began to panic. There was no time to escape now. Her plan was in motion, whether she wanted it to be or not.

Thinking fast, she returned to her seat. Her head buried into the first book she could pull from her bag, and she cold-shouldered the entryway.

When the door chimed this time, Elsa refused to look up. Back corner or not, she knew Honeymaren would likely spot her. Instead, Elsa waited until the woman's back was turned. Her eyes held at Honeymaren's fluid motions as she spoke with the barista. She handed her card to the cashier, and frowned when they shook their head. As their pointed finger extended across the cafe, Honeymaren began to turn. Reflexively, Elsa quickly hid her eyes.

Holding her breath, Elsa saw her boots first. Then, her eyes drew the length of her legs, all the way up to her tan face. They stopped at the smirk pulling across her cheeks. It was different than the usual 'all-knowing expression' Honeymaren saved just for her. There was something shy glazing her eyes today; something... uncomfortable. Elsa had never seen her quite this cautious before. It was startling.

"The barista pointed me in this direction. I assume I have you to thank for this?" Honeymaren took a sip from her coffee.

"Yes…" Elsa nodded. "Do you have a minute?"

"I could make one."

Shrugging, she sat across from her. Honeymaren's hands folded over the table, and her eyes hesitantly drew up to Elsa's.

"So…" She sang. "Did you have something you wanted to talk about or-"

"Yes! I did… I do… I wanted to apologize for-"

Honeymaren's brows had shot to her hairline. "No, please… you don't have to do this!"

Elsa offered her a small smile. "Actually, I think I do. I spoke with my sister yesterday and she helped me to understand something I hadn't considered."

She was whispering a fraction too low to be comfortable. It caused Honeymaren to giggle. "I'm surprised you said anything to her. You were so adamant about keeping this a secret."

"Yes well, I wasn't given much of a choice; not after you told the daycare about our trip to the beach together. Let's just say, my sister was not very happy to be kept out of the loop…"

Elsa's eyes were low, but Honeymaren could see the slight upward curl of her lips. "That wasn't exactly just my fault..." Again, she watched Elsa's face shift with confusion. "Sand in the shoes; tells no lies." Honeymaren explained.

Looking down, Elsa ran a finger around the brim of her coffee cup. "Anyway…" She sang.

"Yes, so you spoke with your sister?"

"I did, and I realized I may have contributed to your decision to call this off."

Honeymaren frowned, turning silent. She reeled back into the seat with her arms folded over her chest.

"Listen, Maren… I can't pretended to understand what you are dealing with at home. From the little you've shared with me, it does sound… complicated... But what I've now realized is, I didn't make Friday's situation any easier for you. That's on me... I should have taken Ryder into consideration long before I agreed to go out with you. I should have prepared myself better for what can happen while on a date with someone who has a child…"

Anger replaced the confusion on Honeymaren's face, causing Elsa's words to stall. Her open jaw wavered and her head tilted to the side. It was evident by Honeymaren's expression that she had put her foot in her mouth.

"Is this going somewhere or…" The veins in her neck bulged, and Honeymaren's back pulled straight.

"No, no! It is! I promise. I'm just... not very skilled in the 'saying what's on my mind' department."

Elsa's brows raised coyly. She looked for permission to continue. When Honeymaren didn't respond, Elsa sighed and moved forward anyway.

"I want to apologize for my reaction, you see? I should have thought about what it meant to have a child, and how issues can come out nowhere without any way to prepare for them. If I had, I would have handled things differently. My being upset about cutting the date short only hurt you further, and that wasn't fair to you."

As her anger faded, Honeymaren leaned forward. "-but you shouldn't have to hide your reactions from people. If you're upset, you're upset. That's all there is to it."

"No, I don't believe it's that simple." Elsa continued. "You were feeling frustrated. I should have acknowledged that and been more understanding of your role as a parent."

Honeymaren scoffed. "You make it sound so cut and dry, but dealing with my issues is not your responsibility, and you shouldn't have to suffer because of them."

"I'm not sure I understand how being willing to sacrifice time together would be considered suffering? You have to be the parent you need and want to be- it's as cut and dry as that." Elsa's lips drew to the side, and her hands hid in her lap.

"None of what happened on Friday was your fault. So, I'm sorry, but this conversation is feeling a little trivial to me. You don't need to apologize because you are not the reason I made the decision I did."

She watched Honeymaren pull her coffee closer. Her shoes shuffled beneath the table. She was making moves to leave, and Elsa was still far from reaching her proposal.

"I know," Elsa answered quickly. "I know it wasn't my fault, and I know you didn't break things off because of me… However, the part I could control- my reactions; instead of being understanding, the only thing I made easier for you was coming to the conclusion you did!"

Her blue eyes were wide and passionate. Honeymaren found herself staring into them for a moment too long. She had hesitated, but found the strength to look away. It only took three fast maneuvers, and she was headed toward the door.

"Wait, wait!"

She heard called behind her.

Elsa quickly fumbled to collect her things. She was running after her, ignoring eyes from cafe guests, and catching the door just after Honeymaren had escaped through it.

Elsa caught her on the other side of the street. She grabbed her arm and turned Honeymaren to face her.

"Please…" She breathlessly begged. "I'm not finished… please, let me finish." Elsa dropped her hand.

Honeymaren shook her head. "I have to get back to the library- a long walk and everything."

"Funny…" Elsa smirked. She drew her bag higher onto her shoulder. "I was just heading to the library myself."

She could see her response had Honeymaren visibly perturbed. Her neck straightened, and her knuckles turned white around her coffee cup.

"Five minutes," Elsa promised. "-that's all I need, then I'll go work in my office today! You won't have to see me again..."

She tried coaxing a small smile from Honeymaren, but her face remained stern.

"Fine." Her reply was short. Honeymaren spun quickly on her feet as she led their apparent march across campus.

It was difficult keeping up with her long strides. Yet once Elsa did, her eyes pulled in at the side of Honeymaren's strained face.

"Why did you walk out on me back there?" She asked with a slight frown.

Rolling her eyes, Honeymaren's arms crossed. "I thought you had something you wanted to say? Asking me questions doesn't add time to your five minute cut-off."

"Just answer the question! Don't be stubborn." Elsa was fairly certain she heard her sister's voice leaving her mouth.

That darn redhead had finally rubbed off on her.

"I left because it doesn't change anything! I know you feel you needed to apologize, but I don't think you do! My life is still complicated. It's a mess and tiring, and you shouldn't have to add stress to your own life just because of me!"

"Shouldn't that be my decision?" Elsa baited. "You say I don't need the stress, but what if I am hoping to lighten your load; make life a little easier, a little better, even?"

Honeymaren chuffed and shook her head. "You, with these cut and dry comments… Dealing with my life is my responsibility! There's no need for you to try and play the big hero because it's not that simple... It's not just Ryder and work for me, you know? It's finances and god-awful drama, and the point is- you just can't understand it!"

Reeling in a sharp breath, Elsa cooled her response. "Well, I am sorry to say, I wasn't exactly given the opportunity to."

"What is this? What's going on here, Elsa?" Honeymaren stopped short, nearly causing Elsa to trip. "What do you want from me, hmm? Do you want me to tell you about my life so you can feel better about my decision to stop dating?"

She came to face her. Bringing their eyes together, Elsa tentatively shook her head.

"No…" She whispered. "I want you to allow me to try; try and understand your life and what you're going through…"

"Why would you want that? Why would anyone want that? Besides, you weren't all that thrilled about going out with me in the first place, remember?"

The tinge of sass in her voice had Elsa fighting to roll her eyes. "I want it because... I like you- as a friend, and maybe more… but I'm only asking for a chance. I had only barely begun to understand my own feelings when you decided to break things off! And I know- you think it'll be difficult for me to understand at times, and I only further proved that with my poor reaction. But, I am asking that you to try and let me in; by whatever means you'll allow me to..."

While Honeymaren's face held stern, her brown eyes had softened. "What would you suggest, then? How would you like to try?"

A slight splash of pink surfaced on Elsa's cheeks. She shrugged into herself, but her voice remained steady. "Another date, perhaps? Say, Friday night at eight?"

There it was… the long sigh and sad flicker of something unspoken. Honeymaren was watching her intently now, and Elsa knew she would be gauging her next response as she was let down once again. However, this time... she was prepared.

"I can't. I have Ryder this Friday." The skin of her forehead tightened, but she refused to look away from her.

"Well then…" Elsa sang, and a tiny grin crept to her lips. "How would you both feel about having some company?"

Cheers,

-M.