Cold Secrets
-M. Lauren
Chapter Seventeen
Maren Nattura [19:24] - I understand the need to run better than anyone, but you could have at least talked to me first!
Maren Nattura [19:32] - I will call you after Ryder goes down. Please answer.
Missed Phone Call from Maren Nattura at 20:01
Maren Nattura [20:01] - You took your keys and left! Your shoes and your jacket are still here! I'm worried about you… please call me back. We don't have to talk about anything, just let me know you're okay…
Maren Nattura [21:12] - Elsa, please.
Maren Nattua [21:27] - Your sister texted me. She said she's on her way to your house now… I'm glad you're alright.
Her limbs were heavy. The lids of her eyes stuck wide. Elsa was on her back staring up at the ceiling. Her face was red and her hair knotted. It was a long sleepless night with no reprieve.
Early light from the autumn sun had begun to filter into the tiny bedroom. The morning birds' songs were drowned out by the overhead fan. Elsa watched it spin in circles. The fan spun like her tired mind felt.
She hadn't meant to run out on Honeymaren the night before. When she was listening to her sister on the phone, Elsa knew Anna was right. She should have told her what was going on. Elsa should have explained everything. If she had, then she wouldn't be feeling like this. Instead, she did as she always had. Life got stressful, scary… And so, Elsa; she ran.
At this point, Honeymaren was probably so angry with her that they would never speak again. Elsa's new and glorious relationship was over before it even began. The thought hurt. She had to wonder if there was any taking it back. Yet another part of Elsa questioned if telling Honeymaren was even fair. She needed that raise. Honeymaren supported her son all on her own. Elsa knew she couldn't support her girlfriend working with Helga, but if she left Honeymaren alone; that would be for the best.
Around six thirty, Elsa emailed her students to let them know she'd be absent from class. It was her first sick day since she'd started there four years ago, and she couldn't be bothered to feel bad about it. Elsa was afraid to face Honeymaren. Even more than that, she was terrified to run into Helga again. After all those years, Doctor Isles-Sinclair was back in her life. The wave of panic that coursed through Elsa was suddenly all too familiar.
Anna [07:21] - How are you hanging in there?
Elsa rolled over to face her phone. She took the case in her hands and sighed.
Elsa [07:21] - I'm home. I need a break today. I'll talk to you later.
She was thankful when her sister didn't reply. Anna meant well, she did. However, sometimes she pushed her harder than Elsa was willing to give. Elsa needed time. She needed space and a minute to reflect. Dr. Sinclairs' reappearance had shaken her to the core. If Elsa wanted to make certain she could hold on to her new life; she needed that minute to bring things back into perspective.
Around eight, Elsa forced herself up from the bed. While she waited for her coffee to brew she slumped into the chair at her dining table. Her phone dinged again. Elsa instantly groaned.
Anna [08:04] - I saw HM at drop off. She wasn't looking too hot… I really think you should reach out to her.
Elsa instantly pushed her phone to the other side of the table. Her arms crossed and her foot tapped impatiently as she waited for the coffee pot to fill. Once it did, she hugged the mug between two hands. Elsa disappeared into the living room and buried into the corner of her couch.
Hours went by like that. Between mindlessly watching TV and dozing every so often; Elsa wallowed through her day. Her neck ached. Her eyes were blown and red. She was certain she looked a mess, but there was no energy left to care. Elsa could grade papers or get started on the outline for her finals. However, the thought of school kept pulling her mind back to the crisis at hand.
Yet, only when a knock surfaced at her door was Elsa drawn back into reality. She didn't know what time it was. She couldn't imagine who would find her here during the day. The tinge of fear she felt while considering it was surprising.
Very quickly, Elsa smoothed down her hair with an open hand. She reeled in a deep breath and crossed the living room. Her hand shook as she gripped the door handle. Before she pulled it open, Elsa's eyes closed in anticipation. A single eye peaked through the small crack. The air left her lungs at once.
"Um, hello…" Elsa greeted the stranger.
"Delivery." a boy in casual day clothes lifted a bag for her to see.
"Oh…" Elsa frowned. She pulled the door wider. "-but I didn't order anything?"
He looked down at the receipt. "Elsa Aren?" his brow arched.
"That's, um- that's me…"
"Well, surprise, then," his words rang dryly as he forced the bag into her hands. "Have a good day, ma'am."
The boy shrugged before spinning on his feet and stalking off back down the hall. Elsa blinked after him for a moment. Her eyes drew between his movements and the bag now in hand. When she finally brought herself to move, she closed the door behind her. Elsa set the bag down on the table and stared at it, hard.
Her brows lowered. Her forehead wrinkled. Tentatively, Elsa reached out and fingered apart the staples. She looked down again, drawing in a deep breath.
Coffee…
She should have known. Elsa pulled out the togo cup, a sandwich, and the note that fell out with them. Seeing it there, Elsa debated leaving it unread. It was folded up. She could pretend she hadn't seen it. However, Elsa knew she had. Her curiosity would best her, and now she was left with no other choice.
Everything traveled back to the couch with her. She returned to her corner with her legs drawn against her chest. Elsa couldn't bring herself to eat or enjoy her coffee. They stayed there next to her while she gripped the note in a tight fist. Finally, she sighed and flipped it open.
Elsa,
This isn't us, alright? This isn't how we're going to work through things when we have problems. You can't just shut me out when you're upset. You have to meet me halfway, just like we promised. I did that when I was worried my life would be too much for you to handle, and now you're pushing me away because you feel the same. I can handle it, Elsa. Whatever you need to tell me, I will listen and we will deal with it. But remember, you have to try. Try, and please, let me in.
Maren.
The tears had started before Elsa had finished reading. Honeymaren was right. Elsa had asked her to open up and now she'd run away because she was afraid to do the same. That wasn't fair of her, but the deed had already been done. She'd already pushed Honeymaren away to protect her. Yet she'd come right back and demanded return into her life.
Elsa didn't eat, and the coffee cooled beside her. She cried until she couldn't anymore. Once again, Elsa felt overpowered by her past. She'd lost control again and it was scary. For the last four years she'd worked to put everything that had happened behind her. It took hours of therapy, and many numb weeks with even longer sleepless nights. It was impossible to consider she could unravel all of that now.
Elsa wouldn't even know where to begin.
Eventually, the light in the room dimmed with the setting sun. She'd allowed the whole day to slip by without feeling a minute of it. The last time this had happened Elsa was in her early twenties. Yet today felt different somehow. She'd learned a lot in the years since her accident. Today, Elsa could afford to slip back into old habits because she knew tomorrow she'd be forced to pull back out of them.
However that action was forced on her quicker than Elsa could control. Another knock surfaced at the door, and this time she guessed it was Anna. By tell of the early evening sky, she was coming to check on her after work. Elsa should have responded to her text message. If she'd had, she would have asked Anna to leave her alone.
With a shake of her head and the curl of her shoulders, Elsa approached the door once again. She pulled it open without concern. She didn't care what Anna thought of her right now. If she had to, Elsa would listen to what Anna had to say, and then crawl her way back into bed. This could all wait until tomorrow, she decided. Tomorrow she would deal with Honeymaren, and most importantly; she'd deal with herself.
When the door finally pulled wide, Elsa froze with her hand against the frame. Her jaw wavered in shock. Blue eyes doubled in size. She felt her knees jerk uneasily and she took a step back.
"What- what are you doing here?" she panicked.
Before she could say anything else, her visitor let themselves in.
"Oh look, your phone! I was worried it might have run away…"
As Elsa turned, she planted in the open doorway. Her hands dragged through her hair as raw emotions drove in at full force.
"I was teasing…" Honeymaren smiled.
She set a series of bags on the counter before spinning back to her; hands firmly planted on her hips. Elsa was still staring. She looked as if the kitchen meant to swallow her whole. Honeymaren's head tilted. She waited for Elsa to do something; say anything, when finally, she sighed.
Elsa pushed the door close and came further into the room. "What are you doing here?" her voice surfaced, sounding very small.
"I am here to make you dinner while you go and take a shower, or a bath- whatever you prefer."
As she took a hesitant step forward, Elsa stepped back. "-but why?" she breathed.
Honeymaren's hands came down at her side and she reeled in a deep breath. "Elsa, there's obviously something going on. You're struggling, and it's my responsibility as your girlfriend to help you through it."
Looking down at her hands, Elsa frowned. "Where's Ryder?"
"He's with my mom." Honeymaren said simply. "She has the night off and I promised her some Ry-time."
"You didn't have to make her do that..." Elsa suddenly found her voice.
"I didn't make her do anything, Snowflake. She offered. Now… stop being stubborn and let me take care of you. Go and shower- do what you've gotta do, and I will be here when you're ready."
Elsa felt small under Honeymaren's gaze. Her brown eyes were compassionate, but also strict. If this were Anna in front of her, Elsa would have no problem asking her to leave. Anna understood her need for space. However, Elsa now had to consider if space was what she really needed?
She offered Honeymaren a short nod before leaving the room. Her eyes fell to her feet and she made her way toward the bath. As the door closed behind her, Elsa felt a tear slip down her cheek. She was angry at herself. She was anxious about Helga, but also in that moment; Elsa felt incredibly loved.
When she returned to the living room close to an hour later, Elsa felt better than she had all day. Her face had been scrubbed clean from yesterday's makeup. Her hair was brushed and hung damp against her back. She was wearing a white shirt. Black shorts hung loose over her hips and she had a red shawl draped around her shoulders.
Elsa found Honeymaren in the kitchen. Her back was to Elsa when she entered.
"To the couch, Snowflake." Her thumb dragged past her head and she pointed to the door.
Elsa froze, frowning. "I can help. What are you making?"
Honeymaren shook her head and turned to Elsa with a glare. "Back to the couch." she smiled.
Defeated, Elsa did as she was commanded. It didn't take long for Honeymaren to join her, however. She laid a blanket at the center of the floor and placed a covered tray beside it. Very gently, Honeymaren reached down. She extended her hand to Elsa and waggled her fingers when she refused to take them.
Elsa sat there staring at Honeymaren's palm. Her eyes filtered back and forth between the brown eyes and the soft gesture. Finally when her hand slipped into Honeymaren's, her emotions tipped over the ledge. The warmth of their interlaced fingers brought Elsa to tears and she quickly tried to pull away.
Honeymaren stuck fast, though. Holding Elsa's hand tight, she sat down beside her. With her free hand, Honeymaren brushed away her tears. "Hey there now, you're alright…"
"Maren, I- I didn't mean to, and you-"
Honeymaren's lips closed over hers. "No tears, alright?" she smiled. "Eat first, and then you can cry all you want to me after."
Elsa was directed onto the floor with a gentle tug. Her legs tucked beneath her, and still; the tears hadn't stopped. "Why are you being so nice to me?" she cried.
"Aren't I always nice to you?"
Hearing her voice break had Honeymaren forgoing food. She drew Elsa into her side and allowed her face to bury into her hair. Elsa's slender body shook as she sobbed. Honeymaren held her tighter in response.
"I half expected you to kick me out, Snowflake. What's going on?" her hand soothed along Elsa's back.
"I wanted to." she mournfully divulged.
A small laugh escaped Honeymaren's throat. "Thank you for not shutting the door in my face, then."
"It's hard because I want to tell you! I made you share with me about your past, but I couldn't do the same. You should hate me right now!"
She ran a flat hand across the sides of Elsa's face, pushing her hair away. "I could be mad, but what good would that do? You're obviously upset enough already. Besides, I think you're beating yourself up way more than I ever could." Honeymaren's lips quirked into a small smile. "Take your time, Snowflake. I'm not here to push you, but I do think you should eat first. It'll help you to feel better."
Elsa nodded sadly. She pulled away from Honeymaren's arms. "What did you make?" she asked, looking at the tray.
"-just your standard comfort meal. Hopefully you like grilled cheese and soup."
Elsa's grin was suddenly wide. A few more tears slipped down her cheeks. "You read my mind…"
Silently, Honeymaren slid the tray in front of them. She pulled back the top and handed Elsa her own plate. She watched her stare at it for a moment. Her hands appeared to have lost their shake, but there was still a tentativeness to her movements that Honeymaren couldn't understand. Finally, she brought the sandwich up to her mouth and took her first bite.
All the while, Honeymaren starred. Elsa had never looked so vulnerable to her before. There had always been a certain hint of something broken inside of her. When Honeymaren learned about her parents' death; she assumed it was that. However now, there was this new side to Elsa. Something had been done to her that left her anxious and out of sorts. Honeymaren wouldn't pry, though. From her own experience, these conversations happened in their own way, and on their own time. Her responsibility here was to Elsa, as is- and not to force her into situations that could hurt her further.
"You're not eating?" Elsa pointed.
"I will," Honeymaren shrugged. "I was admiring the view while I have it right here in front of me."
Elsa dryly laughed. "I'm sure I look terrible." she looked away self consciously.
"Impossible." Honeymaren remarked. "You couldn't look terrible even if you tried."
"Time to get started on that beard, then."
Her eyes slowly turned over her shoulder. Elsa smirked. Eating had appeared to break the bulk of the overwhelming feelings she had experienced minutes before. Her face had more color to it. She was teasing Honeymaren with ease.
"If that's something you want, then I'm all for it."
Elsa rolled her eyes. "Liar…"
At that, Honeymaren pulled her own sandwich up to her lips. When she did, Elsa tucked closer into her side. The action was but a small thank you. Her knees drew a little bit higher, and Elsa's head fell against her shoulder; curling into Honeymaren's hold.
"Do you remember the other night before Ricco stopped over?
She'd been silent for a moment. Elsa's voice surprised her. Honeymaren replaced her sandwich on the plate and turned to Elsa as best she could. She wasn't looking at her, though. Elsa's eyes were lost to Honeymaren's lap.
"You wanted to talk to me about something…" she frowned.
Slowly nodding, Elsa sat up.
"We didn't because we talked about me instead…" Honeymaren's brows continued to lower. Her teeth grit behind her lips.
"What we talked about instead isn't important. I realize now we would have had both conversations eventually."
She sighed. "I see you're trying to make me feel better, but I can't help how guilty I feel knowing you already tried to share this with me… Yesterday could have been avoided if I'd just remembered-"
Elsa's fingers pressed to Honeymaren's lips and she shook her head. "Like I said, both conversations had their value. It doesn't matter what order they came in. I'm only sorry for how I reacted when it was my turn."
Her shoulder drew further into her ears as Honeymaren looked away. "I can't understand what this has to do with the grant money…"
"You will," Elsa hummed. "-and I think that's why I ran out on you. Sharing with me about your past, it didn't affect me personally. Well… maybe it does now that we are dating, but nothing changed because you told me."
Brown eyes returned to blue. "You're afraid to tell me about this because of work?"
Elsa shrugged. "Maybe… a little… It's not that anything would change for you; it's that it could. Work will certainly change for me now, and I think that's why this conversation is difficult. But you and my sister were right… You need to understand what happened so you know up front that I have to make unfortunate decisions because of this now."
Her head shook. "-still lost here, Snowflake."
"I-I know, I know… bare with me." Elsa sighed. "I'm trying… It's hard to know where to begin..."
Honeymaren nudged her arm. "Finish your food first. There's no rush."
Shaking her head, Elsa's back pulled straight. "No I'm- I've sat with this long enough... It's hard to eat with this weighing on me- the guilt, the fear… I've come too far to let these feelings back in now. You need to understand, and I need to figure out how to continue moving away from this."
Elsa suddenly stood. She left Honeymaren watching her from the foot of the couch as she sauntered over to the bookshelves. Like the rest of her furniture, the bookshelf was white. From where she was seated, Honeymaren could tell that most of Elsa's collection was old. Surprisingly though, she didn't go for a book. Elsa crouched down onto her knees and slid a folder from the bottom shelf. It was tucked in there tight; nearly forgotten amongst the novels.
When she returned, Elsa set the folder between them. Her legs kicked out at her side and she sat. Tentatively, she rotated toward Honeymaren. Honeymaren did the same, leaning an arm over the edge of the couch.
Elsa was looking at her, but her mind was elsewhere. The cautious flicker of her eyes held further away than where Honeymaren sat.
"I thought we would sleep together that night," Elsa blurted and her cheeks burned bright. "-well, we did sleep together, but... you know what I mean..."
She watched as Elsa's brow furrowed deep. Honeymaren reached out a hand and rested it gently on her knee. "It's okay… go on." she encouraged her.
Drawing in a deep breath, Elsa's hands clasped against her chest. "I haven't slept with anyone in longer than I care to admit… and I suppose that's where this begins. I knew that this would need to happen to some extent before we really could…"
The fingers over her shirt flexed uncomfortably. Elsa's whole back went rigid as her hands slid down from her chest to the hem of her shirt. They stilled there, briefly. The slight shake only appeared to worsen as her fingers buried beneath the thin fabric. Then, very slowly, Elsa began pulling the shirt up her torso and over the top of her head. She was left there in only a red lace bra. Her arms had folded over the cusp of each breast, but it wasn't enough to cover what Honeymaren now saw.
Elsa's gaze had diverted. Her chin tucked into her shoulder as her attention filtered over the side wall. Honeymaren knew it was because of her staring. She should look away, she told herself. However, turning away might have hurt Elsa more.
What she saw before her was the mark of a story Elsa had yet to share. From the v of Elsa's collar to the base of her ribs- ran a faint scar. It was light in color, matching her fair skin as best it could. It was, however, something Honeymaren knew she would never miss had they gone as far as they'd planned.
"The story that goes with this scar, it's an… unfortunate one… and I haven't had to be honest with anyone like this before. Up until now, I'd perfected the readers' digest version. It's easy to tell people you've been hit by a car and let them pity you. What they don't know, however… is that I deserved it."
Tentatively, Honeymaren reached out and touched her chin. Very gently she pulled Elsa's eyes back onto her own. Whatever she was going to share with her, Honeymaren knew it was important that they face it together; and with each other's full attention.
Elsa's hands were vibrating as she pulled the folder into her hand. Her thumb ungracefully slipped beneath the cover. She flicked it open. Honeymaren covered her mouth and stifled a gasp.
While there were no pictures of Elsa enclosed in the folder, there were pictures of the car that had hit her. If the state of the vehicle was any indication of how Elsa faired; Honeymaren didn't want to know. She already felt nauseous. Bile pooled in her throat. Her brown eyes burned with mixed emotions. Elsa's impact with the car had nearly totaled it. There was nothing left to the windshield. The clear indent on the hood from where she'd collided with it was enough to make Honeymaren's head spin.
"Elsa…" she breathed. Her eyes closed.
"Don't- don't feel sorry for me." Stern words surfaced with a level hand. "I'm going to tell you the truth, so you understand… But I deserved what happened to me."
Honeymaren was frowning, but turned back to Elsa anyway. "I'm listening." she promised.
Closing the folder, she stood and tucked into her favorite corner of the couch. Elsa's thighs pulled against her bare chest. Her arms corded around them. Honeymaren followed, seating herself far enough away from Elsa to make her comfortable; but close enough to see every freckle on her face.
"When I was in my undergrad at Ahtohallan, Anna was still in high school. We'd just lost our parents and balancing things was… difficult. The house had been paid for; our cars and our health care. Whatever was left over from their life insurance, we put into a savings account. Everything else, we decided, we'd have to cover on our own. So the first thing I did when I was accepted to AU was find a decently paying job. I ended up in the research lab doing paperwork, and that had me spending a lot of time with the professors…
"Of those professors," Elsa sighed. "-was Doctor Helga Isles. During my first year I only saw her in passing, but during my second… I had her for Marine Bio. Right off the bat she seemed to take a special interest in me… I couldn't say I hated it either… Losing my parents had been a struggle. I was dealing with Anna on top of it. We always got along, sure, but her way of coping was different than mine. I just wanted to be left alone, while she was much more open about our loss.
"It helped to have a distraction while at school, though. Helga was… particularly skilled in that department. She hired me as a PA and upped my pay rate. It was a relief to not only have a job I liked, but also the money to support my sister. However, I was still fairly young… I never thought to look into Helga or her money. What started off as a completely professional student / teacher relationship, eventually morphed into something much more… physical."
Her eyes had fallen to the cushion separating them. Elsa's knuckles turned white as she gripped her hands.
"Things carried on that way for a long time… too long, if we're being honest. Discussing why you never left Ricco after all those years- let's just say, I completely understand it… But I was naive, too. I'd never been in a relationship before. I'd never wanted to, but being with Helga was natural. She was intelligent. We had things in common. Despite our age difference, we got along really well...
"-and oddly enough, our relationship wasn't much of a secret. Which was contradictory to how I would have preferred it. Helga was very obvious with her affections for me. In class, the other students noticed the way she'd touch me while she walked down the aisles, or how she'd linger over my shoulder for a moment longer than everyone else. I did my best to demonstrate platonic, but it turned out to be harder than I thought…
"Word obviously got around about our predicament. The school board disallowed me from being her PA, and I was rehired by another professor for my junior year. None of this stopped us from seeing each other, however. I should have heeded all of that as my first warning, but I didn't… and that's how things went from bad to worse."
Elsa tugged the pillow from behind her back and hugged it against her chest. Her chin perched up on the lining. Sitting there, she looked child-like; fragile, even.
"As I said before, there were lots of things I didn't know about Helga. Looking back on it now, I am not sure how I could have been so blind. And perhaps that's why I'd been so adamant that you share things with me… I didn't want to find myself in the same situation again, not that I believe you could have. I'm just...cautious now."
Shaking her head, Honeymaren forced Elsa to look at her. "You don't need to justify anything, Elsa. Just speak freely. You didn't judge me based on my situation. It would be unfair for me to do that to you in return..."
The toothless smile that pulled across Elsa's cheeks was small at best. Yet, the action had appeared to loosen the strain on her shoulders. She pushed back further into the couch and released a long breath.
"During my senior year I found out Helga had been married with a family the entire time we'd been seeing each other. Anna had met a boy during her AU college visit. His name was Hans, and he was Helga's son… one of thirteen, if you can believe that. Both she and her husband Caleb had twelve sons between them before they got married. Hans was the only child who belonged biologically to both of them.
"And for your sake, I wish I could say learning this was what made it all stop, but it didn't. I allowed Helga to convince me that she was leaving her husband- that being with me was what she wanted. Every time I got anxious or questioned what we were doing, she'd threaten to go to the board, ruin my grades… keep me from graduating, even… I felt stuck there. Part of me wanted to be with her- wanting her to leave her husband so we could be like we were before I knew… The other part was broken. I'd lost all my trust in her. I was afraid of Helga, but I was stuck in our old motions, and stuck believing that everything was the same."
Dejectedly, Elsa pointed at the folder. "That happened during the holiday break right after my twenty first birthday. Anna and I were on the coast, shopping for a last minute party at Kristoff's parents' house. I looked both ways before crossing the street, but at the same time- a car pulled out of a parallel parking spot. It struck me from behind… I think he intended to run after, but he couldn't make it far without being able to see. He turned into an oncoming vehicle and ended up in the hospital, himself; with a concussion and a broken jaw…
"It was Hans who hit me with his car…" Elsa whispered. "I'd been ruining his life and his families for too long… He's ended up in jail since then, of course. Which has only exacerbated everything further… and oddly enough, Helga never blamed me. She wasn't mad. She actually felt… sorry. But I ended it anyway." She stated sharply. "While in recovery I told Helga we were done. I left the university while I underwent physical therapy and I was allowed to finish my degree online. I moved to the city for my masters, and this is where I've been ever since. I haven't seen her, and I don't want to. Aside from therapy, I hadn't spoken about her or even heard her name…"
"Until yesterday…" Honeymaren's eyes bore wide. "-when I told you about the raise."
"-and it's manipulative of me, I know this. And even though I can't shake the feeling Helga has alternative motives, you should take that job because it's what's best for you and Ryder… But, for my own sake… I have to stay away from her, alright? I don't know how yet, but I will find a way..."
Both women silenced for a long few minutes. Honeymaren's expression still strained. Elsa's attention held down at her hands latched around the pillow. Doing what she thought was best, Honeymaren joined her at the cushion between them.
Elsa flinched instantly. Her eyes shot up and she straightened her spine. A shiver descended her back when Honeymaren pinched her chin.
"I have a question, Elsa," she whispered sincerely. "How many people before today have told you that what happened was not your fault?"
Her question forced Elsa's gaze to roll away. "That's not important." she dryly fought.
"It is…" Honeymaren continued. "-because I'm about to say it to you again."
That's when Elsa's eyes returned. As they connected with Honeymaren's browns, her bottom lids began to well. "Don't…" she nearly pleaded. "Don't say that to me."
"I have to, Elsa. I have to because it's the truth. You're not responsible for Helga's actions, and you're not to blame for how Hans handled what his mother did. You're the victim in this really unfortunate situation, Elsa. You didn't deserve what happened to you, and you most certainly don't deserve the guilt you continue to give yourself because of this."
Her tears turned to cries. Elsa buried her face into the pillow. Honeymaren lay a tentative hand on the back of her head, stroking it lightly.
"I'm not going to get involved with Helga unless you want me to." she continued. "However, I do think that you need to confront her. She needs to know that you have made a better life for yourself without her. It's not fair for Helga to waltz back in now… and," her fingers threaded through Elsa's damp hair, and Honeymaren lifted her back enough to see her face. "-I won't be taking that job... It's not right, and I'm thankful you told me. Working for someone like her, that's not how I would want to make a better life for myself… understand?"
A broken sob cut from Elsa's throat. Her arms flung deftly over Honeymaren's shoulders and she dragged herself into the space between them. Wet cheeks pressed into the warm skin of her neck. Elsa's cries muffled into Honeymaren's throat, and she held her tighter.
For too long, her tears continued. Elsa's breathing turned erratic. Honeymaren was forced to pull away from her. She carefully stepped around their food and disappeared into the kitchen. When she returned, Honeymaren handed Elsa a glass of water. Confusion filled her face, but she accepted it anyway. The glass touched to her lips and she swallowed what she could before she was forced to gasp for air.
As she sat back beside her, Honeymaren replaced the water on the floor. She pushed the matted hair from Elsa's face with soft hands and offered her a smile. Elsa's tears stilled. However, her cheeks remained red. Her eyes were still swollen.
"-still beautiful." Honeymaren found herself commenting.
A short burst of laughter barreled out of Elsa's chest. Her body was weakened by emotions. Arms had fallen limp at her sides. Yet her head raised when Honeymaren reached out to her. Very slowly, and with a pointed finger, she traced the length of Elsa's scar.
Elsa shivered beneath her touch. "It's... ugly…" she sighed.
Her hands cupped her cheeks, dragging their eyes together. "Nothing on or in this body could ever be ugly." Honeymaren promised.
Soft lips brushed against Elsa's. As quickly as they were there, though; the lips fell away. When they surfaced again, they planted at the center of her throat. Honeymaren continued moving downward. Elsa gasped when the lips shielded the start of her long scar.
However, they didn't stop there. Elsa felt herself being guided onto her back. All she could see was the top of Honeymaren's head and the mane of brown curls curtaining her exposed chest. When she reached the end of the scar, peaking out beneath red lace; Honeymaren looked up. She smiled sincerely, her hands latching onto Elsa's waist.
"Beautiful…" she breathed.
"There's this one, too." Elsa was blushing like crazy.
She reached between them and pulled the hem of her shorts away from her thigh. Right there along the hip was another scar. It wasn't nearly as long, and not quite as raised. It didn't matter, though. Elsa was showing Honeymaren all the ways in which she decided made her ugly. It was now her responsibility to find each one of those flaws as stunning as she wholeheartedly believed they were.
Honeymaren slid from the edge of the couch and onto the floor. On her knees, she leaned forward. In one soft swipe, her lips traced the second scar. She moved back in the other direction, not missing the trail of goosebumps surfacing beneath her touch. At that, she sat up higher on her knees. Shuffling closer to Elsa's head, Honeymaren's hand pulled behind her neck. She lifted her gently upward and sealed their lips together.
The sensation instantly had Elsa curling at the waist. She was moving onto her side and pressing back into Honeymaren's lips; her hand landing to cup her neck. Elsa felt herself being drawn from the cushions. With ease, Honeymaren dragged her over the edge and settled Elsa down in her lap. Their lips never left the others. The contact only heightened as Elsa's shoulders forced into the foot of the couch. She was trapped there, but not in a terrifying sense. Elsa felt protected; shielded. Honeymaren's hand flattened to her bare stomach as their lips danced together.
They broke apart only to breath. The inhale that Elsa dragged in rattled painfully her chest. Her eyes were wide and pupils blown. She was thrilled to see the browns before hers looked very much the same. The erratic movement of Honeymaren's chest had Elsa smiling. The slight gap between her lips and the chaotically tossed brown curls;
"You're beautiful." it was Elsa's turn to promise.
Honeymaren merely shook her head in reply. Her own smile stretched along her cheeks and she kissed Elsa again quickly before the smile could fade away.
"Stand up," she softly demanded.
Elsa did as she was told. She waited until Honeymaren pulled herself up beside her. Fingers lacing, she tugged Elsa from the room. The two were standing in the light of the kitchen, then. Honeymaren directed her into a chair as she pulled open one of her bags. She returned to her a moment later. A tiny muffin extended in her reach. Elsa's head tilted at it skeptically until she began to smile.
"M&Ms?" she laughed helplessly. "You made me mini muffins with M&Ms?"
Her head was shaking as she giggled, but when she looked up- M&Ms were the furthest thing from her mind. Honeymaren was stripping her shirt as well. She allowed it to fall to the floor, her hands clapping against her thighs. Every inch of skin before her was coffee-coloured and smooth. Elsa's eyes were driven wide by the sight.
"You were vulnerable with me… the least I can do is even up the score."
It was then that Elsa noticed the faint and jagged scar running the center-length of Honeymaren's waist.
"The kid has a big head, what can I say?"
Elsa's brow flickered. Her lips pursed tight before she was suddenly laughing again. "You're crazy..." she breathed.
Honeymaren simply shrugged. "We all have scars, Elsa… It's more important to spend time with people who are willing to look past them. So if you can do it for me, I need you to be willing to do it for yourself."
Jaw wavering, Elsa replaced the muffin on the table. Her lungs ached as she dragged in a deep breath and stepped forward. She took Honeymaren's hand in her own.
"Show me," she pleaded behind wide blue eyes.
Honeymaren's head tilted to the side. "What?"
"Show me you can look past them…" her voice was barely above a whisper.
Understanding reached Honeymaren's brain and she nodded. As moisture grew in her throat, she swallowed thickly. Elsa was tugging her back through the living room, and she was easily following. Her feet knew where they needed to go. Even when Elsa released her hand, Honeymaren was still content to meet her at the center of the large bedroom.
What color were the walls? What kind of furniture did she have? Honeymaren couldn't be bothered to care. Elsa's hand hid behind her back. She released the latch on her own bra and held it shakily in place. Blue eyes screamed of vulnerability. They searched Honeymaren's face for any sign that they shouldn't continue.
Elsa wouldn't find that in her, Honeymaren decided.
She took a confident step forward. Flattening her hand over Elsa's, together they held the straps against her back. The skin of their stomachs touched. Honeymaren shivered at the contact. She lowered to Elsa, and only when their lips met did she slowly direct their hands away from her back.
The lacy fabric dropped to the floor.
Honeymaren's hands then extended to the backs of Elsa's thighs. Taking handfuls of soft skin, she lifted Elsa over her own hips. She carried her easily, and splayed her gently at the center of the bed. Honeymaren settled over her, never bothering to deter her lips from the woman underneath her.
Heat trapped between them. Honeymaren's skin trembled everywhere Elsa's bare chest connected with hers. She craved more of it- needed it. Elsa must have felt the same.
Nimble fingers worked at the clasp on Honeymaren's bra and quickly stripped it away. Honeymaren playfully shook her head. Resting her brow lightly against Elsa's, blue eyes waited beneath hers. Anxious and wide, they blinked up at her. Tentative hands stroked down the length of Honeymaren's back. She flashed her a cheeky grin before stealing Elsa's bottom lip between her teeth.
Elsa gasped, eyes closing. Honeymaren's mouth recaptured hers. Slowly her hands danced up the length of the curved spine above her. Fair hands tangled into masses of brown curls. Elsa pulled Honeymaren down harder against her. Needing the weight of her, the feel of her skin- Elsa's arms tied around her neck.
Honeymaren sighed instantly. Her mouth parted, and with a subtle grin, Elsa took advantage. As she pulled Honeymaren down, she leaned up. Tasting her, Elsa pulled her tongue across the full length of Honeymaren's. The effect it had on her was instantaneous. The hand around Elsa's neck tightened, and Honeymaren's hips flexed down into hers.
The boiling sensation stirred in her lower abdomen. Honeymaren pulled away, but returned with her lips to Elsa's jaw. At that, she released her first audible sound. Not quite a whimper or a moan; it was nearly a gasp and surfaced from somewhere below her navel. Lips continued across her jaw. They dared down Elsa's neck, turning to teeth at the bend of her shoulder. Eagerly, Elsa curled into it.
She'd been so distracted by the mouth at work on her top half, Elsa had missed the hands clamped against her ribs. Circling thumbs brushed beneath her breasts. Their tips graced sensitive skin.
With that, Honeymaren forced herself up. She kneeled between Elsa's legs and looked down at her with love-darkened eyes. Gaze wandering, she took in every inch of her. From the marble-flat stomach to the wide curve of her hips; Elsa was decidedly perfect. And the way that her chest rose and fell with each desperate breath- it had Honeymaren smiling. Elsa was slender; tall in appearance. Yet everything about her in that moment was dainty and frail. It wasn't until she was pulling her back down with demanding hands; Honeymaren realized dainty was a mere delusion.
Elsa's fingers found the button at the top of Honeymaren's khakis. Once it released, she was using her feet to strip the fabric from her legs. The action had Honeymaren lifting and falling forward with all of her weight. Elsa accepted her graciously. Her hands blindly devoured the warm tan back where her hands had fallen. Bruised lips found the fuller ones above hers, and as they met Elsa rolled her hips into Honeymaren's; her knees parted to each side to bring her even closer.
Eyes widened at her forwardness. She was pulling back from Elsa after being startled by her own whisper of a sigh. Honeymaren was losing her grasp on reality, and she wasn't certain she wanted it back. Her hips detached from Elsa's as she started moving downward. With a subtle curl of her lips, Honeymaren dragged them across the raised line along Elsa's chest. She held them there. Her mouth opened over the base of the scar, and she kissed her fully. The light touch of her tongue had Elsa squirming beneath her. She kissed her again, but lower this time; and was happy to see it still held the same effect.
Elsa's breathing was ragged. Her heart raced beyond the means to settle. Taking Honeymaren's hand in her own, Elsa quickly stilled her movements. Her other finger beaconed Honeymaren back to her lips. With a smirk, she happily obliged; kissing Elsa fully on the mouth.
Deadened by emotions, her arm limply fell around Honeymaren's neck. She held her there. Every bit of skin she pressed up and into the firm weight above her. As she did, Elsa guided their conjoined hands beneath the fabric of her shorts. She forced her eyes wide and Honeymaren touched her.
The span of time was lost from the bedroom as the two women sank gently, but purposefully into each other. For every sound of encouragement and word that fell between them, Elsa lifted herself into the hips straddling her thigh. Each movement, each kiss and arch of limb- sat on full display beneath the overhead light.
And when they reached their peak, Elsa grabbed Honeymaren's chin; pulling her lips back on to her own. Together they felt the height of each others' passion, all the way down from their lips; and to the tips of their outstretched toes.
"I never knew..." Elsa breathed. Her heart still exhausted beneath her ribs.
Honeymaren brushed the hair from Elsa's face and slipped the fingers out from her shorts. "Knew what, Snowflake?" she whispered, allowing her weight to settle over Elsa's.
"That I could feel this way…"
Elsa smiled, and Honeymaren descended toward her. Their lips met between them while Elsa's arms crossed over her back.
"Now, about those M&Ms…" she smirked when they parted.
Rolling her eyes, Honeymaren ignored her and kissed the playful expression from Elsa's lips.
Cheers,
M.