Cold Secrets
-M. Lauren
Chapter Nineteen
"You're doing great! Look at you go!"
Elsa's eyes slid to view Honeymaren as they walked across the quad. Her face was pale. The blue in her eyes had dimmed significantly, and she felt her temperature rising across every inch of her skin.
"I really do hate you. I hope you know that…" she mumbled.
"Good," Honeymaren encouraged. Her hands landed on Elsa's shoulders from behind. "Keep that hateful energy going, and this plan will work out fantastically!"
"I still stand by my plan. I liked it better."
Smirking, Honeymaren continued steering her toward the library doors. "Well, I'm sorry to say that if we went with your idea, there would've been no plan at all."
"Precisely." Elsa sang. She crossed her arms in defiance. "I could be home right now, or anywhere else but here..."
"-but imagine how much better you'll feel once this is all over?" Honeymaren held the door for her.
Elsa eyed her skeptically. With a sigh, she passed through the archway and moved to the side.
"A little confrontation won't kill you." Honeymaren reminded her. "Hey, and with a little luck; it might even be good for you. Think of all the parking ticket you'll have the confidence to talk yourself out of after this is over… Now, come on! Let's stick to the plan."
Holding out her hand, Honeymaren flashed her a grin. Elsa hesitated. Her shoulders drew back and she sighed before lacing their fingers together. Honeymaren led her forward. She squeezed her palm, tugging Elsa against her hip.
Elsa's heart was in her ears as they crossed the barren lobby. With her free hand, she straightened her skirt and brushed down her hair; anything to keep her panic from growing. Still, Honeymaren kept her moving forward.
"Good morning!"
It was only Belle, but Elsa couldn't stop herself from jumping out of her skin. Belle was in the office behind the service desk. She was hanging up her coat on the rack beside the door as she smiled at Honeymaren. Her eyes briefly glanced down at their hands, but she didn't question it.
"Is Helga in yet?' Honeymaren asked her.
She let go of Elsa's hand and slid her bag from off her back. Setting it beneath the service desk, her attention returned to Belle.
"She said to meet her in the media lounge," she explained. "There's a few board members with her, though. Be on your A-Game today, Nattura."
Honeymaren couldn't hide her deflation. With her lips pulled to the side, she looked to Elsa. She ran a hand over her face and pouted as it fell away.
But Elsa was already shaking her head. "I understand. Don't worry about it. This isn't the appropriate time anymore."
"You're not getting off that easy!" Honeymaren teased. Yet Elsa was already backing away.
"We'll talk more later," she assured her. "I'll see you for lunch?"
She had her back to them in an instant. Honeymaren watched as she quickly made her way toward the exit. She knew Elsa was relieved to not have to confront Helga now, but this delay was only prolonging their stress about it.
"That's Professor Aren, right?" Belle slipped in at her side. "Is everything alright with her?"
Honeymaren slowly nodded. "It will be, soon, hopefully..."
"Well I guess your pining finally paid off, then? Hmm..." Belle sank her elbow into Honeymaren's side, but she didn't respond.
This was meant to be done and dealt with, however, now she'd be forced to put on a face and go back to the job she was supposed to turn down.
"I'll be done here shortly and then I'll come join you for lunch."
Looking down at her phone, Elsa sighed. Part of her longed for weeks prior, when if she was feeling this way, no one would be any wiser. She could hide away all on her own and distract herself with work. Unfortunately, Elsa was no longer in the position to do that. And if she were being honest, she didn't want to.
The emotional turmoil caused by that morning's near-confrontation was weighing heavy on her. She knew Honeymaren was the only person who'd be able to pull her from the funk.
"Looking forward to it." she responded.
A small grin tugged at her cheeks. It was easier to forget about her past when all she was thinking about now was thirty minutes of food and mindless flirting. The two had a routine going. Try as anyone might, there'd be no sacrificing it now.
And Elsa knew what she was feeling. She recognized the expanding sensation that coursed through her chest when she thought about Honeymaren. She remembered the heat of her face and the way her stomach fluttered like mad. Yet, she also knew that this knowledge should frighten her. Elsa should want to run from it; plagued by the memories of what had happened to her in the past.
As it turned out though, fear was the furthest thought from her mind. That knowledge had her giddy. There was concern that Honeymaren might not feel the same way yet, but the excitement of wanting to tell her was more powerful. The rest of it; well, Elsa simply enjoyed knowing that for once- whatever happened, they'd be okay regardless.
A quiet knock at the door had her head turning.
"That was quick," she teased as it opened.
Yet suddenly, her throat was dry. Her heart dropped from her chest entirely, and she subconsciously rolled her chair back until it connected with the desk. In that moment Elsa could only bring herself to blink. The words on her tongue gave way to a nearly inaudible gasp.
"My, my... The years have been awfully kind to you, Elsa Aren."
Her face. Her voice. In the span of a second, everything came flooding back at once. Jostled by a half-decade of memories, Elsa was startled to her feet.
"Oh, don't get up on my accord..."
Feminine hands closed the door, and Helga Sinclair turned to face her. Her lips tugged to the side in an all-too familiar smirk.
At the sight of it, Elsa grew dizzy.
"Cat got your tongue?" Helga teased.
Yellow hair cascaded over her shoulder in a messy braid. She wore a tight black turtleneck and a pair of high-waisted slacks. Helga looked exactly how she had four years ago, and the effect it had on Elsa was nauseating.
"What are you doing here?" she finally breathed.
Whether she meant here as in the school, or here as in her office; Elsa didn't know. She was struggling to force her demeanor into the angriest display she could manage. Instead though, Elsa looked scared and small, all but tucked into the corner of her desk.
"Oh Elsa…" Helga batted a hand at her. She sat in the empty chair beside Elsa's desk and crossed her legs. "I'm not naive enough to believe you didn't know I was on campus."
A brief spike of confidence flashed through her. Elsa crossed her arms. "I did know, but my question remains- what are you doing here?"
Helga's smile was soft and sincere. She was obviously pleased to hear Elsa was aware of her arrival.
"I was offered a position on the board by an old coworker of mine. I'll admit, resource technology isn't really my specialty, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't hoping for the chance to see you again. Besides, a change of pace was exactly what the doctor ordered."
Elsa pushed further back into the edge of her desk. "I knew it. I knew it had something to do with me! Why couldn't you just leave well-enough alone and stay away?"
Her perfectly-manicured brow lifted. "You were the one who decided to leave us on bad terms, Elsa. I only wanted the opportunity to speak to you again; to apologize for what happened."
"I don't need your apologies!" Elsa defended. "I need to be allowed to move on!"
Something subtle in Helga shifted. Her hands splayed over her top knee and she turned her head to view Elsa's bulletin board.
"You transferred thirty minutes down the road… That's not exactly 'moving on', dear. That sounds like someone who wants to be found, in my opinion. After all, you should know better than anyone how small this state's academic community is. It took no effort on my end, whatsoever, to figure out where you had gone."
"Why now, then?" Elsa's hands fought to her hips. "Why confront me now after all these years? If I wanted to see you, I would have come on my own!"
Helga pushed herself to stand, but didn't dare a step closer. "I was hoping time would help settle our differences… I understood how upset you were after the accident. That's why I gave you space, but now… I needed to see you again, Elsa. Is that so wrong of me?"
She couldn't fight the harsh clench of her teeth as they ground together. "What's wrong, is you still referring to your son's attempt to kill me as an accident! You should have stayed away! You should have never come here. I don't have any desire to settle anything between us anymore because you blew it! You wasted my time, and look- you still are!"
Tilting her head, Helga's eyes slowly traced Elsa from head to toe. "This is new…" she mused. "-this forward, aggressive side of you… I can't say I'm not a little surprised."
"Well, you always did like your romantic investments to be more inferior than you…." her voice rang dryly.
"I wasn't aware we were resorting to insults now…"
Elsa chose not to respond. She allowed her fury to carry over her face until Helga could ignore it no longer.
"Listen, Elsa, this isn't how I wanted it to be between us now. If we could just take a step back, ignore the past, and catch up like old friends… I'd love to hear about the work you've been doing here, and i'd be happy to fill you in on my plans for the school…. We could have dinner- a public place with no pressure..."
Reeling in a sharp intake of air, Elsa shook her head. "I am really not interested in sharing anything about my life with you anymore. Like I said, you've made a mistake in coming here."
"I'm sure the school board would beg to differ… They accepted my generous contribution to the library earlier this morning. Getting rid of me again won't be as easy this time around."
There it was- the conversation Elsa had most feared. Helga had no intentions of leaving the school. She was stuck with her once again. Elsa would either have to learn to work in the same environment with Helga, or request a transfer to another university.
"Please, leave my office," she said with her eyes turned to the floor.
"Consider having dinner with me first, and then I'll go."
Her attention pulled forward. Seeing Helga's soft expression had Elsa's cheeks burning with discomfort. "No. No ultimatums. I need you to leave now! I have work to do and this visit has been more than enough, I promise you that."
A short knock on the door had both women turning.
Honeymaren entered the office with a grin, but it quickly fell away when she saw the room occupied.
In that moment, Elsa had never felt happier to see her here. If she hadn't been certain before, she was now. Elsa was in love with Honeymaren.
"Miss Sinclair…." she feigned perfectly. "How strange for you to be spending your lunch here, too."
Honeymaren crossed the room, handing Elsa her coffee. She accepted it graciously and was more than grateful for the distraction.
Turning back to Helga, Honeymaren stood at Elsa's side. She clasped her coffee cup between two hands. Her eyes stayed on Helga's as she took a long, slow sip.
Helga appeared to be working something out. Her brow lowered in confusion. "Miss Nattura, yes…" she grinned. "Miss Aren and I are old friends from Ahtohallan. We were just taking some time to catch up!"
Honeymaren nodded. "I see… it's a small world, it appears…" she turned to Elsa with a reassuring shrug. "Though, the whole small world scenario tends to grey a little when my new boss turns out to be my current girlfriend's ex, wouldn't you say?"
"Girlfriend?" Helga straightened. "I was unaware…"
Her eyes snapped back. "Yes well, I meant to say something to you earlier this morning, but doing so in front of the board felt... unprofessional."
Turning her head to each side, Helga's forehead continued to wrinkle. "You knew about Elsa and I the whole time and never said anything?"
"In Maren's defense… I told her about our history after she'd already accepted the job. She was not aware until later that day." Elsa set her coffee down and crossed her arms.
Humming, Helga lifted her chin. "I suppose I understand why you'd want to keep this information from reaching the board. It certainly wouldn't look good to the other staff members if they knew Maren had an advantage in receiving her raise."
Honeymaren snorted and rolled her eyes. "I wasn't exactly worried for my sake, but I do appreciate your concern…"
Helga ignored her. She stepped closer to the two women with her lips pursed. "So where do we go from here, then? I'll admit, I'm feeling a little caught off guard. Here I thought Elsa and I would play a quick game of catch up. But never could I have imagined I'd have to negotiate a conduct agreement with one of my new employees as well."
"Actually…" Honeymaren's lips curled. "That won't be necessary. I've just come from speaking to the head of the board. As it turns out, reference management doesn't count towards my professional hours for my certification. I'm due to return to my old position tomorrow morning."
Helga bit down on her inner-cheek and nodded. "I will choose to believe you, though I can't say I'm not disappointed. That job would have been a real stepping stone for someone like you."
The anger Honeymaren was feeling finally fought for its escape. "Listen, Helga. I know everything. I've seen everything... Don't assume for one minute that you're welcome here. Now, both Elsa and I are fully aware that you have a job to do, but that does not permit you a place in either of our lives, understood?"
Honeymaren's brow lifted, taunting her. "Well, I can certainly see now where Elsa's new-found attitude has sparked from..."
"Enough!" Elsa laid her hands flat between them. "You got what you wanted! You saw me, but I'm afraid that's all you'll be allowed from here on out… I've moved on. I'm happy now, and it took entirely too long to recover from the time you and I spent together to be willing to open that door ever again!"
Elsa felt warmth course throughout the small of her back as Honeymaren's hand came to rest there.
Fists tightening at her sides, Helga looked like she wanted to say more. Instead, she released her fingers. She reeled in a deep breath and her face softened.
"I'm sorry it had to be this way, Elsa; and to you, Honeymaren." Her back tensed further as she took a step toward the door. "Those weren't the proudest years of my life, I assure you. And I regret how they affected you in the way that they did."
She turned for the exit. Helga didn't waste a second as she pulled it open and strutted fiercely away.
Elsa blinked after her. Honeymaren's hand pressed into her back and she turned.
"Are you okay?" she asked, concerned.
Blue eyes slowly slid to find brown. "Yeah… I think I am… I didn't expect her to make that as easy as she just did."
"Do you believe it? Do you think she'll back off?" Honeymaren's fingers traveled down to find Elsa's. She laced them together before giving them a quick squeeze.
"I don't know…" Elsa shrugged. "I want to say yes, but I suppose there's no harm in speaking to my lawyer still. Maybe I can file for that no-contact agreement… As much as I don't like the idea of her working here, that could be my best option for now."
Honeymaren stepped in front of her, placing her lips against Elsa's temple. "I'm proud of you, you know that?"
"Yeah?" she smiled. "I think I'm proud of myself, too… and thank you; for helping me do this…"
Honeymaren laughed. "Well, I did kind of force you into it…"
"-but for all the right reasons. I see that now..." Elsa took a generous sip of her coffee before her eyes widened in thought. "Wait! What you said before- about the board. Was that true?"
Honeymaren slid away from her. She shook her head and her attention circled the floor. "Not exactly… that's what I told them, but I don't think they'll look into it."
"You lied to the board? For me?" Elsa crossed her arms.
"Relax, Snowflake. Not one of them even knows what my degree is in. Don't worry about it, because I'm not going to."
She leaned between them and sank her lips into Elsa's. When she pulled back, Honeymaren was smirking.
"So... what are your plans for the rest of the afternoon? What do you say, wanna cut out early with me? We can pick up Ry and take it easy…"
Elsa longingly looked to the mountain of paperwork covering her desk. "This relationship is really starting to affect my productivity, you know?"
Rolling her eyes, Honeymaren's hand came down to squeeze Elsa's hip. "What if I promised you a really big dinner and M&Ms?"
"You'd promise me that anyway." Elsa teased, but the Honeymaren dropped her lip. "Fine!" her hands raised. "-but I have work to do once we get there. No distractions, promise?"
Honeymaren lifted two fingers beside her head. "Scouts honor- now, come on! Grab your things and let's get out of here!"
Her hand went to the door.
"Wait!" Elsa called out.
She caught Honeymaren's collar and kissed her with all her weight. "Thank you again… for everything."
Cheers,
M.
Story Update: Before I move on, it should be stated that when I first outlined this story- Helga was a total backstory. She was never meant to make an appearance in the plot. However, as writers we know things don't always turn out as we've planned. When I was working with how to introduce her character, the bit about Helga and Honeymaren working together just kind of slid out of my fingers. That being said, she actually has very little to do with the big arch. I asked a few dedicated readers for their opinion about rambling through whatever ideas come out of me, and everyone seemed pretty on board. I'm trying to stick to the outline as much as possible, but during this chaotic time… it's just not happening.
Moving forward- the next chapter is right back on plot. I'm sorry if this feels a little 'woah' for you all, but I'm taking things day by day here. I could write forever, but I have a feeling I'll start losing readers if I do that.
Next Chapter: Elsa's incharge. What does that mean? Let me know what your guesses are...