Cold Secrets

-M. Lauren

Chapter Twenty-Two (Part One)

Weight settled over her stomach. The air was forced from her lungs. At some point as she slept, Elsa had been turned onto her back. A pillow covered her face and fingers dug into her sides.

Upon unveiling her head, Elsa laughed. "Well, you're certainly not who I was expecting to see."

Blue eyes looked down on her. "El'a!" Ryder beamed.

He bounced again, making her groan. "Good morning to you, too, silly…"

Leaning down, Ryder's face buried into her neck. His hands latched to Elsa's arms and he hugged himself to her. As Elsa soothed her fingers along his back, she scanned the room. The two were alone, and Honeymaren; nowhere to be seen.

"Where's mama?" she asked him.

His head slightly lifted. "Mama?"

"Yeah, where'd she go?" Elsa brushed her finger over the tip of his nose. It scrunched.

He grinned at her before returning his head to her chest.

Elsa smiled, rolling her eyes. "Even feeling a bit better, you're still quite the snuggle bug."

Ryder demonstrated by hugging her tighter. Elsa laughed. She covered him with her arms as the door to the bedroom swung open. As if on queue, Honeymaren entered wearing sweatpants and a sport's bra. She stopped at the foot of the bed, smirking down at them.

"I see how it is… I leave for twenty minutes, and already I've been replaced." Her arms crossed.

"You could always join us," Elsa suggested.

Drawing her lips further to the side, Honeymaren shook her head. "I'm afraid I need a quick shower before I do that... I'm all sweaty." She pointed to her chest in show.

Elsa arched her brow. "Sweaty? What were you doing this morning?"

She found Elsa's toes beneath the sheets and wiggled them playfully. "Well, somebody's phone would not stop ringing this morning… You slept right through it, but I figured I'd get in a run while I was up before everyone else."

Elsa turned her head. "My phone?"

"You left it in the living room, but no worries; it was just your sister. I hope you don't mind, but I answered before it had a chance to go off again."

Shrugging, Elsa sat up, taking Ryder with her. "That's okay. What did she have to say?"

Honeymaren sat at the edge of the bed. "She was very sweet… she asked if Ryder needed anything, but I told her he was doing much better the last two days. Apparently though, you forgot about apple picking... She wanted an update on if you're still planning to join them?"

"Oh… that's right!" Elsa dragged a hand through her hair. "It's sunday! Anna's been on my case about it for two weeks!"

"I said you'd call her back when you were up… and I hope you don't mind that I dumped Ryder on you before I left? I figured he'd go back to sleep for a bit."

Elsa hugged him tighter to her chest. "Not at all! It's nice to see him acting silly again, too. I think you were right, though. The worst of it is finally behind us!"

"That's good, because Anna invited Ryder and I to join you today..."

She watched Honeymaren's lips purse, but Elsa turned her head. "She did?"

"I told her it was up to you. I've been hogging quite a bit of your attention lately. I would understand if you were looking forward to some family time."

Honeymaren's hand traced over her foot. She wasn't looking at her. "Of course I'd want you both to come with us!"

When her head lifted, Elsa was beaconing her closer with the curl of a single finger. Honeymaren obliged. She crawled over the top of the sheets until their lips met. Elsa didn't stop there, however. Her hand snagged Honeymaren behind the neck and she dragged her down on top of them. They landed with a thud against the mattress. Honeymaren's head tucked into Elsa's shoulder while Ryder still claimed her chest.

His head turned. "Mama!"

She smiled easily. Honeymaren ran a hand through his hair. "Good morning, monster!"

Watching on, Elsa's arms hugged around them. "Do you think he's ready to be out of the house?" she asked.

"Honestly, I think we could all use some fresh air. Ryder will be fine in his carrier." Honeymaren's hand moved from Ryder's hair into Elsa's. She scratched the spot on her scalp just behind her ear.

She shivered and leaned further into the touch.

"Mama, eat?" Ryder's head pulled up from Elsa's chest and tilted playfully to the side.

"Mama needs a shower, bud," Honeymaren pinched his chin. "-then I'll get started on some pancakes. How does that sound?"

"Let me do that!" Elsa forced the three of them upright. "You go shower and I'll worry about breakfast."

Honeymaren's eyes lowered to her before softening. "I don't deserve you…" she groaned. Her lips sank into Elsa's and she pulled away. "Seriously, how did I get so lucky?"

Elsa's jaw tipped to protest, but she was being kissed once more. By the time it ended, Honeymaren was already back on her feet.

"I'll be quick," she promised.

Elsa pulled her best grin into place and offered her a short nod. "No worries! Take your time..."

She watched Honeymaren disappear behind the bathroom door. Elsa waited until she heard the water run before releasing a long sigh. The praises, the compliments; they all continued weighing heavy on her heart. She was going into day four without saying anything, and Honeymaren's bill was due tomorrow morning.

Worse than that- Anna knew. While Elsa was confident her sister wouldn't say anything, she wondered what would happen if Anna slipped up? More so, it was unfair; it was unfair to Honeymaren that Anna knew before she did.

She was keeping secrets from her girlfriend- a girlfriend Elsa loved.

How could she look both her sister and Honeymaren in the eyes today, knowing what she'd done?

Honeymaren sat before her a half hour later. Elsa had set the table. She'd poured coffee and Ryder's juice. Food was dished out, and Honeymaren had her fork suspended at her lips. When Elsa's hands finally came down on the table, they sounded with a loud bang.

Both Ryder and Honeymaren's attention pulled quickly to her.

"I have to tell you something!" The words left her tongue at a rush.

Honeymaren froze. Her eyes lifted higher, and she slowly set down her fork. "Okay…"

Everything Elsa had been trying to say fought to escape all at once. It rendered her silent. Her breathing quickened.

"Is everything alright?" Honeymaren asked, her brows pinching.

Elsa wanted to look away, but she needed to see Honeymaren's face. "I messed up! I really messed up, and I've been so afraid to tell you!"

Her back straightened. Honeymaren leaned forward. "I'm confused…"

"I know!" Elsa breathed and pulled a hand through her hair. "This is not how i wanted this to go, but I told Anna, and we'll see her soon, and I don't want there to be any secrets between us!"

"You don't strike me as a cheater or anything, but I can't say I'm not feeling a little concerned…" Honeymaren looked away.

Elsa erratically shook her head. "No, no! I promise. It's nothing like that! It was an accident- a complete a total accident, but I followed it up with something equally as stupid… and I know how you feel about handeling things on your own. All of this, it's been hard because I know I'll hurt you, but you kept showering me with praise and I really didn't want to ruin the good thing we had going-"

"Elsa," Honeymaren's hand came down over hers. "Just tell me, please... so I can follow what you're saying."

Turning her eyes between Ryder and Honeymaren, Elsa pulled from her touch. She grit her teeth. "On Thursday when I was at the school, Ryder's teacher gave me a letter for you… I forgot all about it at first, but when I pulled his blanket out of the bag later, I saw it again- and it said 'Final Notice' on the side, and so…. I opened it- but it wasn't like that! It wasn't in an envelope! It was folded, but I read it, and I'm so, so sorry! It was stupid- so stupid of me! I didn't mean, and I would never-"

"Elsa, Elsa! Slow down…"

It was almost painful for Elsa to pull her attention back to Honeymaren. She could feel her cheeks were hot, and her eyes; heavy with emotions.

"I'm so sorry, Maren."

Honeymaren's brows furrowed. She looked briefly to Ryder who was double-fisting his pancakes.

Her head shook to clear the daze. "I got a letter from the school?"

"Yes…"

"-and you read it?"

Elsa sighed. "Also, yes..."

She soothed a hand over her face. "I'm assuming this is about the bills?"

Biting her lip, Elsa nodded. "Again, I didn't mean to look! It was a mistake! I'd never want you to think I was snooping through your things, or- It was a one time flaw! I promise! It was was completely reflexive, and-"

"Elsa!" Honeymaren's voice rose sharply. "It's fine."

Her shoulders pulled into her ears. She wanted to hide. "No… it's not! It's worse than that!" Elsa's hand splayed over her forehead. "It's worse because I paid it!"

"What?" Air sucked from her lungs.

"-on friday before I had lunch with my sister… I called- I asked if there was anything I could do to help-"

"You paid my bill?" Honeymaren cut her off.

Elsa's entire face contorted painfully. "I asked if I could make an anonymous donation or-"

"Elsa, no…" she pushed back in her seat, pinching the bridge of her nose. "It's not my responsibility to pay for Ryder's schooling! Only the final notices go to me! That's the set up I have with the school. With our trial coming up, I need Rico to fail, Elsa! I have the money, but for the judge- he needs to see that Rico doesn't pay!"

Eyes enlarging, Elsa's jaw dropped. "Oh…"

"Yeah, big oh!"

Honeymaren suddenly stood up from her seat. Elsa went to follow, but she held up her hand. "Keep an eye on Ryder while he eats for me."

Elsa watched her walk away. When she fell back into her seat, she caught her head in her hands. Her body weighed heavy and her head had dizzied.

"El'a!" Ryder called to her.

She turned, forcing a smile. "Hi, Ry…"

He held out a bite of pre-chewed pancake to her. She took it in her hand without question and sighed, closing her fingers around the wet morsel.

Before she could dwell any further, Honeymaren returned. A large box dropped onto the center of the table and she returned to her seat.

Elsa merely blinked.

"Go on, open it!" Honeymaren waved a hand at her.

Elsa didn't want to. She really didn't want to. "Honeymaren, please- I don't want to pry… I was never meant to see any of this and-"

"Open it," she said again, but softer this time.

Reeling in a deep breath, Elsa tentatively reached out. The pancake in her other hand had turned to mush. She ignored it, and pulled back the top on the box.

Inside she found piles of final notices. They were stacked to the side, next to weeks-worth of rolled of cash.

Elsa frowned looking at it.

Honeymaren crossed her arms. "I can pay my own bills, Elsa."

She looked down at the table. Honeymaren's stare burned through the top of her head.

"What you did was wrong... but it was also very sweet. I just wish you'd talked to me about it first."

"No… please don't talk to me like this. I don't deserve it!" Elsa begged. "You should be angry with me; so angry!"

"I am," she watched Elsa's head raise. "I am angry and I'm frustrated, but per usual you are beating yourself up way worse than I ever could."

She listened as Honeymaren released a long breath. Hesitant blue eyes met her browns. "I thought Ryder was getting kicked out of school… and he was sick, and you turned down that raise because of me! Honeymaren, it was stupid! It was completely unlike me. I'd never intentionally betray your trust, and I never meant to keep it from you for this long-"

"Why did you, then?" she asked.

When Elsa didn't respond, Honeymaren returned to her feet. She rounded the table and very carefully straddled her lap.

With a finger she directed Elsa's chin upward. "Why didn't you say anything to me on Thursday when this happened?"

Elsa shrugged. Her eyes were flighty. "Ryder was sick, and I… I was embarrassed."

Applying pressure to her chin, Honeymaren didn't allow Elsa to turn away. "I would have told you about the arrangement I have with the school, and I would have been alright if you told me about reading the letter… But you have to talk to me, Elsa! You can't let things sit like this. We have to work through our issues together; that's the only way we make this work. We made that decision before."

Tears filled her eyes, but she'd wouldn't let them fall. "You're not done with me?" Elsa asked.

Honeymaren sighed, smiling softly. "No, Elsa. I love you. I'm not done with you… but that being said, we'll still have to talk about this later. I need to find a way to get your money back, and you need to know that you can talk to me about anything… even when you make mistakes."

Elsa merely nodded. She felt tears fall to her cheeks as Honeymaren's lips touched to hers. Lifting her hand, Elsa held her in place.

"What are you holding?" Honeymaren asked, feeling the side of Elsa's tight fist against her cheek.

She unveiled her hand between them. "Pancake…"

Honeymaren looked down and laughed. "-but why do you still have it?"

"Because Ryder gave it to me…"

She kissed her head. "-to eat, silly."

"-but it's soggy and gross! I can't eat that!"

Shaking her head, Honeymaren brushed her tears away. "It's called pretending, my love. Now, what do you say… can we get back to our own pancakes now?"

Elsa tearfully nodded. She felt Honeymaren pulling away and caught her arm. "Maren, wait… I… I'm so sorry."

She sighed and kissed Elsa fully once more. "I know you are, and it's okay… We'll get through it, and anything else that comes along."

Cheers,

M.

A/N: This is a two-parter. We're in the end game, folks. I'm making additions to the second installment now, so if you want that as early as tomorrow morning... maybe tonight- leave me a little love.