Cold Secrets

-M. Lauren

Chapter Twenty-Eight

Holding Honeymaren at arm's length was surprisingly easy. Aside from the trial, Elsa slipped right back into her new routine. She avoided overly-populated areas on campus. Knowing Honeymaren's schedule allowed her to change her own. Finals meant plenty of grading as a distraction, and someone had tipped her off about the school's delivery service. Everything was totally and completely manageable.

At school, that was…

In life, there was also... Anna.

Her sister had always been ingrained in Elsa's day to day - from early morning text messages to phone calls before bed. There were also the surprise visits and random movie nights. Everything in Elsa's life revolved around Anna.

She was Elsa's biggest support system. Giving Anna the cold shoulder hurt Elsa as much as it did her. And it wasn't fair! Elsa was acutely aware that she was not at fault for her hurt. Still, the ramifications acted as her own personal punishment, while simultaneously teaching Anna a lesson about getting too involved in her life.

But in that moment, Elsa had to question who was suffering more? Seated on her bed, surrounded by discarded clothing, she certainly felt like the victim.

Even upon hearing the knock at the door, she couldn't bring herself to move. She was stuck wallowing. Her energy was low. So low, in fact, that Elsa was a brief few seconds from crawling into bed and sleeping her entire night away.

And she should have been more alarmed when her visitor let themselves in. She should have felt terror. Her eyes would have blown wide in fright, but there was only one other person she'd ever given a key to. When they appeared in the doorway, Elsa couldn't fight the expression of relief, though she reminded herself feebly that she was still, very angry.

"I thought so," Anna whispered, slowly entering the room. "I got here as soon as I could."

She placed a series of bags on the floor. Surprise filled her chest when Elsa moved over on the bed, making space for Anna to drop down beside her. Anna did so without debate. As Elsa's head came down on her shoulder, she took her arms and held her close.

"I'm still mad at you... just so you know."

Anna couldn't help but laugh. As she spoke, Elsa had buried her head further into Anna's neck. She might have been mad, but in that moment Elsa looked more than content.

"I know you are, but that's one of the reasons I'm here... Gifts can't make up for all I've done wrong, but they can certainly help you get through your night."

Her head lifted slightly. Elsa frowned. "Gifts? What kind of gifts?"

Smiling, Anna leaned over the edge of the bed. She dragged the many bags onto the mattress and dumped their contents out for Elsa to see.

"That's the other reason I'm here… You always call me for advice before events like this. I figured the least I could do was bring you some new outfits to help spice up your options a bit." Anna gleefully waggled her brows.

Elsa looked down at the assortment. Anna had gone overboard. She'd gone as far as buying her accessories and two new pairs of shoes.

Shaking her head, she sorted through the miscellaneous items. "Anna… this is too much…"

"Please! This is nothing! You should see what I have left over in my car for my own holiday party!" She nudged her softly and pushed the clothes closer for Elsa to examine.

"Well," she sang, her nose scrunching. "What were you thinking I should wear?"

"I thought you'd never ask!" Anna beamed.

She laid three outfits between them. Elsa watched closely, her lips drawn to the side.

"This one screams, 'Yeah, I'm a teacher, but I can also be your student...if you know what I mean'?"

Elsa shook her head, "Nope, next!"

"Alright, alright!" Anna batted her off. "The next one says, 'Always the professional, but damn I look good doing it'!"

Lips pursing, Elsa shrugged. "A valid contender, but what's that?"

"That, my dearest sister," Anna's grin continued to spread across her cheeks. "-is what I'm calling, the 'Go get 'em' outfit."

Her brows pinched. "Go get who?"

"You know, like, take the building by storm! Show off your rockin' bod, but also be mysterious about it. It's a confidence booster- and to be honest, I'm a little surprised you're going for it..."

Elsa's arms crossed and she pouted slightly. "I could rock leather... if I wanted to."

Anna snorted. "It's pleather, Elsa! Think of the innocent animals!"

She rolled her eyes before taking the pants from the bed. "I think I'm going to try these on…"

"Don't forget the blouse!"

As Elsa crossed the room in her underwear, Anna sat back on her hands. She waited patiently until Elsa reemerged minutes later. Her cheeks turned red. Her fingers wrung self-consciously at her waist.

Anna's jaw went slack and her eyes enlarged. "Damn… When I'm good… I am good!"

"You don't think it's a little… too much for a work party?" Elsa's hands skimmed across the leather of the skin-tight pants before tugging down the blouse.

"Personally, I think it's perfect."

She stood up, crossing the room to Elsa. Anna adjusted the long sleeves over her sister's arms. The burgundy color accentuated the fairness of Elsa's skin, and the top draped loosely around her waist. The hemline tucked into the waistband on her pants, giving her the professional look she strived for; but also, as Anna stated, providing that mysterious sex appeal.

"What do you think?" Anna asked.

Elsa pulled back to look in the mirror. "I think I need shoes."

Anna laughed, shaking her head. "I meant about the outfit, but if you're already talking shoes, I guess I've done my job right! But, oh… wait!"

Turning around, Anna returned to the bed. She picked up a small box and held it out to her sister. Elsa took it. She looked the box over in her hands before opening it.

Her eyes enlarged. "Woah… pretty…"

She pulled out an earring and held it against her cheek. They were gold and dangly- something outside of her usual style preference; but they were the perfect additional bit of attractive sparkle.

"This is too much, Anna…"

Rolling her eyes, Anna nudged her. "Put them on! Don't be stubborn!"

Elsa did as she was told. "Fine, but I'm wearing my own shoes, then."

Anna watched her walk away. When Elsa stepped out of the closet, she was wearing thigh-high boots with a fierce stiletto heel. They were black, just like the leather pants, and not at all something Anna expected her sister to own.

"Who are you and what have you done with Elsa?" She teased.

Looking over her appearance in the mirror, Elsa shrugged. "I don't know… I think I look nice."

"Nice is an understatement… but I do have one, last suggestion…"

Elsa caught Anna's eyes through the reflection in the glass. She slowly approached her from behind.

"Lose the bun," she instructed, wiggling Elsa's hair.

Her eyes lowered. She nodded. Reaching up, Elsa freed the tie from her bun, allowing her hair to fall against her shoulders. She gently shook it out.

"There… Absolutely perfect!" Anna beamed. "-and not that you don't look perfect all the time. Now, you just look like you actually believe it."

With a smirk, Elsa's eyes turned downward. She scanned the full outfit. "It's like a new me..."

Anna shook her head. "No. It's the same you… You're just wearing some of your new-found confidence."

Elsa laughed. She surprised even herself by pulling Anna into a hug. When she drew back, she sighed. "Go get 'em, right?"

Nodding, Anna playfully punched her arm. "That's right, Els. Go get 'em!"

Valley Haven was a vineyard out in the country. Situated on over thirty acres, the updated barn was a quaint location for the university holiday party. Strings of lights lined the roof and entry way. Beneath the clear night sky they twinkled like warm stars. The sight had Elsa creeping closer. Her footsteps were slow, but she felt a rush of excitement course through her.

From beyond the doorway drifted a chorus of many instruments. She heard singing, too; perhaps a blended sound of country and folk. As Elsa stepped inside the foyer, their volume continued to increase. She shrugged it off. For tonight, she'd embrace the livelier lifestyle, and have fun while doing it.

"May I take your coat?"

Turning, Elsa smiled at the host. She slipped off her peacoat and took one last glance at her clothes. It was too late to change now; her discomfort would have to wait. But even in that moment of uncertainty she had to admit, the clothes Anna picked out for her had Elsa radiating confidence.

Despite her timely arrival, the party was already in full-swing. There were nearly six hundred faculty members invited to the event. Elsa knew less than thirty of them, which would save her from standing out too much. Upon entering the main floor, she was handed a glass of wine. She took the stem delicately between her fingers and strode further into the room.

More string lights draped across the wooden rafters above. Support beams were wrapped in fragrant garlands. Tables and banquets with assorted hors d'oeuvres dotted the large space. The windows were curtained in sheer white, and Elsa considered how lovely the venue would serve for a wedding.

But someone else's wedding, of course.

On the far left side of the barn, she found a few colleagues from the science department. She met their wives, husbands, and significant others, feeling surprised all the while that she didn't care about not having anyone with her. It was an oddly liberating feeling, to be at ease. In an environment where she usually fumbled, Elsa suddenly felt she belonged- with these people, and at the school she'd grown to love.

There were the new clothes, she considered, but part of her believed the feeling stemmed from something more substantial. It was the job, perhaps; she was good at it. Elsa enjoyed her subject, and the life it allowed her to build for herself.

In the last five months, Elsa had both started and ended a new relationship. She'd stood in a courtroom as a witness on trial. On top of that, she taught seven classes a week. She managed her own house, and despite the many ups and downs, Elsa had learned a lot in a very short amount of time.

She didn't need anyone else in order to find success. There was nothing anyone needed to provide her with, or hold her hand to achieve.

Because Elsa had found success all on her own, and she was here now... and embracing it.

"Miss Aren…"

Elsa turned. For once, she kept her cool. There were no knee-weakening heart flutters, nor sudden flares in temperature. She simply smiled.

"Helga, hello… How are you?" Elsa sipped her wine.

"Nearly ready for the big move."

"Oh yeah?" she nodded. "-and where did you decide on?"

Helga laughed, shaking her head. "Washington State, if you can believe it? There's a program out there looking into marine mammal preservation."

"I can believe it. That sounds right up your alley."

"I don't know…" Helga smirked. "I'm not sure I'm fit to be a West Coast girl."

Elsa shrugged. "I'm sure you'll fit in fine. After all, you're nothing if not successful in making a name for yourself."

She grinned, sipping her own drink. "Now, that is true…"

As their small talk continued, the two made their way around the room. There was some dining, more drinking, and a few lively debates between Elsa's department members.

There was something about the evening that made talking with Helga beside her a breeze. She was leaving - this time for good. Elsa had drawn her boundaries, and Helga had honored them. That was just another way she'd found growth in the last few months. It was hard to hate the process when Elsa was feeling so damn good about the progress.

She was smiling when she excused herself from the group. Beckoned into a conversation with her department head, Elsa easily slipped away. She spoke casually with Mr. Avery and his wife. He was singing praises of her last semester when a flash of white caught Elsa's eye. It was the sequined fabric of a dress that captured her attention; it was the trails of brown hair that rained down onto shimmering fabric that held her stare.

But as quickly as the head appeared, it was gone. Swallowed by large groups of people, Elsa lost sight of the familiar profile.

Walking away once more, the first pang of sadness that evening rang straight through Elsa's chest. Prepared or not, she knew seeing Honeymaren there would be difficult. There were too many things to be said, and a mess of chaotic feelings to sort through.

With that thought in mind, she slipped out onto the back patio to breathe.

There, a collection of smokers huddled over an ash stand. Others stood by the fenceline, looking for a quiet minute away. Elsa did the same. Sipping her wine and standing beneath the overhead heaters, she reeled that momentary sadness back in.

Then, a voice lifted behind her. In an instant, her sadness was replaced by absolute shock.

"I'm gonna do it… I have to do it." Grimacing, Honeymaren slid in at Elsa's side. "I am really sorry, but I have to comment on those pants… Are you, Elsa Aren, wearing leather?"

Honeymaren's volume lowered cautiously and her eyes enlarged. By the time Elsa turned to face her, her startled expression had calmed.

"It's pleather, actually... and a rarity, I know." Her lips flattened, drawing to the side. The red pigment appeared darker in the dim light, making her look slightly menacing. Honeymaren quite liked it.

"A rarity, she says… but I'll admit, I'm more than a little surprised." Honeymaren's hands clasped at her waist. Her attention turned down at her feet.

Elsa followed her eyes, taking Honeymaren in. "-and you, in a dress. I'm not sure I believed I'd ever see that day either… and one that sparkles, no less..."

"It was a gift from my mom," she shrugged. Honeymaren idly tugged at the fabric clinging sleekly to skin, high above her knees.

"You look nice," Elsa dutifully nodded.

"Thanks… I'd say the same, but somehow I don't think 'nice' would entirely suit you." Tentatively, she met Elsa's stare. Honeymaren's eyes darkened and she took a slow step back, shaking her head to clear the daze. "Anyway… I was curious… Have you maybe, considered speaking with me?"

"We're speaking right now, aren't we?" Elsa's brow arched, and Honeymaren frowned.

"You know what I mean."

Lifting her chin, Elsa pursed her lips. "I do… and let me ask you this… What are your intentions? What does speaking to me achieve for you?"

"Elsa…" Honeymaren sighed. She dragged a hand through her hair. "You know what I'm going to say… I'm in love with you, and I can't just make that go away…"

Elsa was forced to stifle a sharp breath. She diverted her attention down to her wine and polished off the glass. She set it down on the patio table before returning her sights to Honeymaren.

"Walk with me, then," she instructed, and led Honeymaren down toward the fields.

The further away from the barn the two traveled, the darker their walk became. With only the stars and moon to guide them, they took their time, their footsteps cautious. Elsa maintained a careful distance from Honeymaren while they walked side by side. She could feel brown eyes watching her, but Elsa stared straight ahead. It was easier than looking at her. She didn't need to see what Honeymaren looked like beneath the stars. The imagery in her brain was painful enough.

She knew this conversation was initiated by Honeymaren, but somehow Elsa found herself speaking first.

"How is Ryder?" She asked.

"He's good," Honeymaren's voice lifted. "He, um- he misses you."

The pang of guilt surprised her. In the last few weeks Elsa had become rather attached to Honeymaren's son. Being away from him was as difficult as keeping her distance from his mom.

"I miss him, too… I'll admit, it hasn't been easy." Elsa sighed.

Honeymaren slowed her steps as they descended down the first row of vines. "It's my fault. The whole time I was so concerned about Ryder getting too close, and then being hurt by you. I didn't consider what would happen when I told you the truth- and it was me who ended up hurting him."

Elsa merely hummed. She wrung her hands at her waist and looked toward the sky.

"Listen," Honeymaren reached out, grabbing Elsa's arm to stop her.

With her brows low, she glanced down at Honeymaren's hand. Elsa was released and took a safe step back. She'd been right, though. Seeing Honeymaren standing there beneath the stars was exactly as she'd pictured it in her mind. The halo of light from the moon against her curls, the reflection in her deep brown eyes - Elsa tried to turn away, but couldn't.

"I know there's the serious side of this that I'll have to get to soon, but first…" Honeymaren reeled in a deep breath. She waited until she held Elsa's eyes, rather than the dark night, before continuing. "What you said- what you wrote for the trial… It meant everything to me, Elsa. When I asked… I knew I had no right, no leg to stand on. I knew I'd probably hurt you more by asking you to do it, but if I had anyone else- if anyone knew Ryder like you've come to know him-"

"Maren," Elsa stopped her. "It's fine. I know why you asked me, and while I was upset at first… I do understand."

Honeymaren's head shook dejectedly, tearing her eyes away. "Still… that wasn't fair to you."

"You're right. It wasn't." Elsa's arms crossed over her chest. "-but in the spirit of fairness, and because I've had a bit to drink… I meant what I said. You should know that."

Frowning, Honeymaren's gaze returned. "You said I affected you for the better…"

"I did," she nodded. "You did. What happened the Sunday we went apple picking didn't negate the ways in which you helped me grow as a person. I realize that now, and more so tonight than I did before the trial. I opened up to you about my accident. You forced me into talking to Helga. At the time, I didn't realize I needed to do those things. But I see now, that by doing them, I moved on and I've been able to heal."

Honeymaren brushed a hand over the back of her neck. "I, um, saw you with her, by the way… Helga.. You didn't come here with her, did you?"

She didn't look angry so much as jealous or maybe anxious, even. Honeymaren fidgeted with her hands as she waited for her answer, and that shot Elsa through with a jolt of confidence.

"Would it bother you if I had?"

With a groan, Honeymaren hung her head. "Of course it would! You know it would," her eyes lifted once more. "Did you do it, then? Did you come here with her tonight to punish me? I guess I couldn't blame you if that were true…"

Perhaps it was the wine that had Elsa wanting to follow through with Honeymaren's assumption. She couldn't, though, and she wouldn't.

"I didn't come here with Helga, Maren," her voice sounded dryer than she would've expected. "Besides, she's leaving, and I thought you would've known that by now, given what she said to me."

Both relief and confusion filtered across Honeymaren's face. "What do you mean, leaving?"

Elsa sighed. She came to lean against the fence post behind her. "I didn't want to be the one to tell you… but Helga came to me last week. She asked for my permission to offer you back the position you turned down. She figured without her there, you might want it. I told her I agreed with her decision and that she should direct it to the board instead of me."

"I meet with them on Monday…" Shaking her head, frown deepening, "This- Elsa, this doesn't make any sense… I hurt you! I hurt you and you've been doing all these nice things for me. You could have ignored Helga's request, and turned down the trial… When you sent back that coffee, I thought you might."

Elsa shrugged. "I wasn't at my desk at the time, but honestly, I probably would have sent it back anyway. I wasn't ready to think about you then, or about what you'd done to me. I needed more time, so thank you for honoring that."

Her brows pinched. "-but you're ready now… ready for me to try and explain?"

She waited a moment, her eyes low. Then, Elsa shook her head. "No, I'm not… but I've been the queen of avoidance for far too long in my life. I'm not happy with you or my sister, but I'm willing to hear you out."

"Okay," Honeymaren breathed. "-but not here," her eyes turned over her shoulder. "I need to be able to see you to talk to you, but not out here in the open, and at our holiday party..."

Elsa's shoulders arched uncomfortably. She grit her teeth, "When, then, and where? You asked me for this one evening, and I considered it."

"I- I know… I know," she soothed a hand over her face. "After the party… meet me somewhere... we'll talk and I'll explain it all…"

Shaking her head, Elsa took a step back. "I don't have my car. I took a cab… Besides, I'm not certain that's a great idea-"

"Let me drive you home, then?" Honeymaren responded quickly. "We can talk there- I don't even have to come inside. We can sit in the car, and then I'll let you go. I promise."

Elsa considered her for a moment. Her eyes darkened further before she sighed. "Fine… You can drive me, but I still think this is a bad decision."

Hearing her agree had Honeymaren grinning. She was struck by a wave of confidence, and found herself taking the lead back up the hill.

"In those pants, Snowflake, I imagine making some bad decisions is exactly what you had in mind."

Cheers,

-M.