Cold Secrets

-M. Lauren

Chapter Twenty-Nine

Honeymaren had done everything right. She had kept her hands to herself when Elsa walked slower in front of her. She had kept her mouth shut while she drove. She had even allowed Elsa to pick the music, though originally she'd sworn on her life that the Comet would never hear anything other than classic rock.

But somehow, Honeymaren hadn't considered what would happen if she weren't the problem here.

It was Elsa. She was wearing the pants this evening; both literally and figuratively.

Fingers traced over Honeymaren's knee. They ascended her leg and slipped beneath the hem of her dress, settling there and warming her thigh.

"Pull over," Elsa demanded.

Honeymaren did so without debate. She barely had the car in park before Elsa was climbing over the center console in her heels. Thighs slid down to straddle her, and Honeymaren narrowly avoided getting stuck in the seatbelt as she freed it from her waist.

The car was dark- too dark. The barren backroad was held captive by shadows created by the moon, but suited them perfectly for whatever was about to happen here. None of that mattered, however, because while Honeymaren couldn't see Elsa, she could feel every shift and movement as she came closer.

Elsa's weight slipped forward. Her chest braced roughly into the sequins lining Honeymaren's dress. The full lips below hers were parted and waiting as Elsa descended teasingly toward them. And as they touched, Honeymaren was already gasping for air. She wanted to relish in the missed sensation. To have Elsa's lips on hers was dizzying. Kissing her was somehow exactly how she remembered it and better than ever, at the same time. Honeymaren wanted to savor each second, making their moment last...

But for Elsa, unfortunately… savoring the moment was the furthest thought from her mind.

One of her hands found the seat-angle lever; the second descended between them. As Honeymaren was abruptly dropped flat onto her back, a greedy tongue stroked her own. She was blissfully distracted. Her mind revolved around the taste of Elsa. The wine, the chocolate- of course she'd found some; she always did. It was her. Elsa was here and demanding each movement with a confidence that had Honeymaren willingly surrendering.

She lifted her hands, taking fistfulls of Elsa's hair. Honeymaren was quickly batted away. Pulling from reach, Elsa's eyes lowered to her. She sat back on her knees. Her fingers traced Honeymaren's stomach and fell beneath her dress once more.

"What is this, Elsa?" Her raspy voice inquired.

But she ignored her. Holding Honeymaren firm with a palm to her chest, the second found her thigh. It danced there, rubbing against soft, coffee-colored skin. Elsa's fingers teased along the hemline of her thong, and she slowly inched closer to the waistband.

Honeymaren's eyes drove wide.

Before she could question her actions further, Elsa sank back down, taking Honeymaren's bottom lip between her teeth. At the same time, her fingers slipped beneath the thin cotton at the apex of her legs.

Honeymaren was ready and more than willing. Her hips arched upward into the touch. Elsa responded in kind by forcing her back down. She trapped Honeymaren between her leather-clad legs and earned a subtle whimper of satisfaction.

Elsa pulled back just far enough to see Honeymaren's face. With one hand beside her head, the second continued its purposeful assault. She watched all the emotions her actions pulled from Honeymaren. Her mouth parted. Her eyes drew tightly closed. Elsa wanted to witness it all; from the start, to what now felt like a very painful finish.

Because seeing Honeymaren like this was suddenly excruciating. As her brown head tipped back further, elongating her neck. As her breathing heightened, and as the volume of her cries increased- Honeymaren became more beautiful than she could currently stand to see.

And that realization had Elsa fuming, a painful memory drifting in...

...Your sister… she's definitely unapproachable, alright... Are you sure this is a good idea?

Elsa growled. No sooner than Honeymaren forced her hips into Elsa's touch, while her inner walls clenched around pale fingers, did Elsa slip beneath the steering wheel. Tight leather knees hit the floor, and she buried her head between Honeymaren's thighs. The elastic of her underwear cut into her legs. Elsa forced it out of the way and lowered her lips to where they both wanted them.

...I guess I finally beat the odds. Wasting my time and money on coffee finally paid off! Your sister said yes! We're on for Friday night…

This time, Elsa couldn't see Honeymaren's reaction, but she could hear it echoing in her ears. Each gasp, each whine and moan. Like Honeymaren standing beneath the stars… Elsa didn't need to see her to remember what she looked like.

Hands found her hair, and this time she didn't push them away.

...I can see why you'd call Elsa icy… She's a living, breathing, snow queen...

She allowed Honeymaren's hips to move freely, then. Her thighs knocked into Elsa's jaw. Her cheeks burned with friction. She continued to bring Honeymaren to her peak once again, however, this time she'd lost all willingness to control it- to be the one in charge here.

One of Honeymaren's heels braced against the dashboard. The second found the door, and she took over their pace. She was pleading for Elsa to take all of her, wanting nothing more in that moment than Elsa herself.

This was what being with Honeymaren had been like. There were the synchronized movements, both responding to each subtle change and variation. Honeymaren would lift up and into her, and Elsa would respond by taking her further; her nose bruising against sensitive heat.

But this wasn't supposed to be that…

...The coffee's not working! Did you rig this game so I can't win?

Elsa was supposed to have it her way. She wanted it her way; her own personal game. To take Honeymaren to that state of bliss, and then finally be able to walk away. To convince herself that she was desired, though all she'd come to learn said otherwise.

...a living, breathing, Snow Queen...

The ache in her jaw was beyond ignoring. By the time Honeymaren's back arched from the seat, Elsa was falling into her, growing weak herself. She waited, knowing the signs. Only when Honeymaren relaxed back into the seat did Elsa's hand fall from between her legs. Her lips lingered longer; because it was easier than facing those brown eyes.

One more moment, one more breath with her head leaned into Honeymaren's thigh. That, Elsa would allow.

When she ungracefully returned to her knees, she was not surprised when Honeymaren reached for the button on her pants.

Yet pushing her away was difficult. Elsa wanted release, too, but her body had heated beyond desire. There was too much anger, rage, and hurt; they consumed her, and she pushed Honeymaren away.

When she tried again, leaning forward with desperate lips, Elsa forced Honeymaren flat with the side of her hand.

"No," she scolded. Her heels kicked over the center console and she slid back to hide in her seat.

Honeymaren could see that something had changed in Elsa. She didn't dare to follow. Instead, she straightened her dress and the waistband bunching around her thighs. Honeymaren drew onto her knees and spun in the seat to face her.

"What was that?" She asked, her tone purposefully avoiding both humor and praise.

"It was silly… stupid, really…" Elsa's head fell forward into her hands. "I confused my anger with desire… I thought… I don't know…. I thought I wanted to say goodbye, to make you remember, and make you feel how I feel…. But I did nothing other than hurt myself more…"

Despite her confusion, Honeymaren smirked. "If that was your idea of punishment, Snowflake… I'm not sure you should've told me about it."

Elsa laughed, shaking her head. She laughed until she cried. "Don't- don't call me that…" Tears fell to her cheeks.

"I'm sorry… I was...I don't know, trying to lighten the mood…" She looked away, rubbing the back of her neck.

"By calling me Snowflake?" Elsa gawked through her tears. "That's how I ended up in this mess!"

"Calling you Snowflake was a turn on?" Her brows lifted and she fought back a laugh.

"No," her head rose. Elsa's eyes were dark. "Seeing you in that dress was the turn on. Calling me Snowflake meant I wasn't going to be nice about it!"

"Oh… because I think you were plenty nice…" Honeymaren giggled.

"Stop, just… stop it!" Elsa baited her with an open hand. "No more jokes! No more nicknames! It's time to take me home now!"

Sighing, Honeymaren curled further into her seat. "I'm afraid I can't do that… Not yet- Elsa, we still need to talk…"

"Okay then, talk! Talk about how you lied to me! About how you treated me like a game- a prize that you wanted to win! Tell me why you let me believe I had something to do with it, when you were just looking for a distraction; some way to have fun! You had a point to prove- and that point was me! How could you tell me you were trying to brighten my day, when bringing me coffee was for your own personal enjoyment? Do you know how that felt for me? Do you know what hearing that had meant?"

Jaw slack, Honeymaren blinked. "Elsa, I-"

"You know what? Save it! I just realized I don't want to hear anything else you have to say!"

Her anger was surprising. So much so, it had Elsa jumping up from the car and slamming the door behind her. Honeymaren had to scramble to keep up. Her legs were wobbling over the asphalt, and her voice stuck in her throat.

When it finally surfaced, Honeymaren's own anger surprised her in turn. "Elsa, stop it! This is ridiculous! You're not walking away from me in the middle of nowhere! Besides, I thought you said you were done avoiding me?"

Elsa spun on her, still backing away. "I don't owe you anything!" She snapped, and turned back around.

"You're right. You don't, but you do owe it to yourself!" Honeymaren's arms crossed as she continued coming toward her. The headlights on the car drew further and further from their sight. "Elsa, please! Stop running away and talk to me!"

But Elsa wasn't listening; she continued to march on, down the narrow country road.

"I messed up, okay? I royally and completely screwed up!" Honeymaren yelled after her. "I should have told you the truth. I should have been honest with you about my friendship with your sister, the coffee, the trial; all of it! I was so embarrassed by myself, and by everything going on with Ryder's father. I'd never been with anyone aside from him; and the person I found myself enamored with was totally and painfully closed off. Not to mention- completely off limits!"

Elsa stopped short with her finger raised. "Your embarrassment can't compare to what I felt when I discovered everything between us had been a lie! When I saw how you really felt about me back then! If I was that cold and unapproachable, and such a blatant waste of your time, why did you keep coming back?"

This time Elsa allowed her to come closer. Honeymaren stopped a foot away. The headlights held her in shadows, while Elsa was washed in a soft yellow glow. Honeymaren could see each line and wrinkle anger pulled across her fair skin. It was terrifying, and sexy, but the latter she held at bay.

"Do you recall how many times I tried to talk to you before the coffee? Did you even remember my face?"

Elsa blinked, her back drawing incredibly straight.

"Holding the door for you, greeting you when you walked in... Eventually Anna said I should sit down and just start a conversation, but I knew that would rub you the wrong way… Anna suggested the coffee- but I was already trying, Elsa! I was already looking to get your attention. I knew your name, but your face… I figured that all out on my own!"

"You wanted my attention because of my sister… your game… you only knew or wanted anything to do with me because of her!"

"Even if that were true - which it's not - why take it that far? Why give you my book? Why let you into my home and to meet my son?"

Growling, Elsa stepped forward. "That's not fair! It's not fair to have said those things about me and then turn around and make me believe that I was something special- that I had something to do with it!"

"Something to do with it?" Honeymaren nearly snorted. "If you don't think you had everything to do with it, Elsa, you are out of your damn mind!"

"Please!" Her eyes rolled. "You told my sister you beat the odds! I was your off-limits prize that you needed to win in order to feel good about yourself!"

Honeymaren's mouth was wide and ready to fire back, but Elsa's words had left her stunned. Her jaw snapped shut and her eyes opened wide.

"Can you honestly say you believe that's true?" Honeymaren faltered.

Elsa mimicked her stance by crossing her arms. "Why shouldn't I? I was the Snow Queen, wasn't I? You called me unapproachable, closed-off… you made me your personal science experiment, remember? I was the game you needed to win!"

She pulled another hand through her hair, shaking her head at the same time. "Those things I said... the comments I made to your sister... They were terrible, yeah- but I was in over my head! I was blindly infatuated with someone who wouldn't give me the time of day. I was desperate and determined, but you were also more than worth the effort!"

"How can I trust that?" Elsa's eyes grew darker still. "How can I trust any of what you say to make up for the hurt?"

Thinking for a moment, Honeymaren sighed. "I guess you can't…" She looked down to her feet. "Right now... I don't know how to make you believe me… But-" her eyes returned. "You can let me try? You could let me back into your life, and allow me the time to prove to you that this… us... is all I want."

Elsa didn't respond. Her brows lowered.

"I'm in love with you, Elsa Aren. My son is in love with you. Before we met, and before I got to know who you are… I made some really bad assumptions… But since then, I've learned about your past. I've met your family…. I got to see behind the wall you put up to keep others at arm's length, and everyday... I came to love you more. I learned that my assumptions weren't even close to the truth.

"But isn't that how it's supposed to be? Isn't that what getting to know someone is supposed to be like? Your sister knew how you came across to people - to strangers, your students, and the staff- but I wanted to know the 'you' that she sees. I wanted to understand why someone so beautiful felt they needed to hide themselves away.

"So I fought a little harder, and I saw that my own messed-up life would cause you nothing but more stress. But you asked me back, Elsa! And that's when I let you in... to see the rest of me! The part that doesn't hide behind silly assumptions, and books, and has a complicated life, but so much love to give! And I want to give that love to you. Because no one is more deserving. No one is more perfect, or selfless, or better suited for me than you!

"So what do you say?" Honeymaren took a breath. Her brows pinched and her hands pleaded at her sides. "Can we try this again? Will you let me make up for the hurt? Because if you say yes, I can promise you... I'll never give you another reason to feel like that again."

Elsa considered her silently for a long moment. Her eyes traced Honeymaren's face. She curled her shoulders protectively into her chest, hands rubbing circles against her upper arms.

"I think…" she bit her lip. Elsa's eyes turned down. "I think I just want to go home."

Honeymaren simply nodded, "Okay, let's get back in the car, then, and I will take you home."

Elsa watched her go. Honeymaren led the way, but following her was suddenly the most difficult it had ever been. From behind, she looked broken… defeated… Elsa felt the urge to help, to set things right… But at that moment, she was feeling too much the same. Her own broken heart had her dragging her feet as she started back toward the car.

By the time she was seated with the belt across her lap, Honeymaren was pulling away from the curb. She turned the music up. Loud bass filled their ears. Wisps of loose brown hair shielded Honeymaren's face.

She couldn't hide, though- not from Elsa. When Honeymaren brushed away the few tears that had fallen to her cheeks, Elsa noticed and her own tears resurfaced.

The Comet parked in the lot across from Elsa's apartment. Neither woman said a word. Honeymaren pulled the keys from the ignition, and Elsa's eyes were lost to the passenger window. If she noticed they'd arrived, she didn't show it.

Honeymaren cleared her throat, beckoning her attention. Her head tilted sincerely and she tried to force a smile.

Elsa turned to her slowly. She looked past Honeymaren and toward the brick entrance. Merely nodding, she undid her belt. Her hand went to the door, but something touched her shoulder and stilled her movements.

When Elsa looked back, Honeymaren had leaned in closer. Her eyes were wide and compassionate. "Please, don't go… don't leave it like this…"

Sighing, Elsa dropped her gaze to her lap. Her fingers anxiously intertwined against her legs. "What do you want from me?" She breathlessly asked.

"You, Elsa… I only want you." With a hand to her jaw, Honeymaren directed Elsa's eyes toward her own. "I want you, exactly the way you are; all of your flaws, your quirks, and imperfections. I want the person from the library I fell in love with. Please... don't throw everything away because of the stupid comments I made before I really got to know you."

Elsa's head drew away from Honeymaren's touch. "Do you still believe them- the things you said?"

She undid the belt, turning in her seat. "Do I think you're cold and unapproachable?" Her eyes lowered. Honeymaren reached out and pushed the hair from Elsa's face. "Everyday since I made that comment, and even before then, I was going out of my way to be near you- to get to know you. I might have said it, but I never believed it… and cold… Elsa, the thought of you makes me feel warm. The way you love my son, the way you love me; that makes you the warmest person I know."

"-and the game?" Elsa prompted softly. "Do you still see me as a prize?"

Shaking her head, Honeymaren pinched Elsa's chin. "You were never the game. The game was always me. When I said it… It was you who I wanted to take the chance on me…"

Honeymaren's thumb brushed along her bottom lip. It stroked back in the opposite direction.

"Take me home," she finally whispered.

Honeymaren frowned, shaking her head in misunderstanding.

"Your home," Elsa continued. "That's where I want to be."

Cheers,

-M.