"You okay?"

Carrie filled a glass with water. "Yeah. Why wouldn't I be?"

"You just seem like something is bothering you," Gemma pointed out as she watched Carrie.

"You mean that scene out there?" Carrie motioned towards the door, placing the empty glass in the sink. "Jax can do whatever the hell he wants. We're not together."

Carrie didn't wait for Gemma to respond as she walked away. It was true that Jax was able to do what he wanted but seeing it still hurt.

Carrie stopped by Opie's room to check on him but he was already sleeping. So she closed the door and made her way towards the room she was staying.

She quickly changed into her sleeping clothes. Only to find that sleep seemed to be evading her. Instead letting her thoughts whirl around in her head, she partially opened the door so she wouldn't feel as if the room was closing in on her because of her thoughts and jumbled feelings.

"You're still up."

Looking towards the door she saw Jax leaning against the door jam. "Can't sleep."

Jax stepped into the room. "You need to sleep. Something bothering you?"

Carrie shook her head. "No."

"You sure?"

"I said I'm fine." Carrie snapped looking at him, before she looked away to the wall in front of the bed.

Carrie heard Jax sigh before she saw him walk towards the door. Instead of leaving he simply closed the door, before crossing his arms and leaning against the drawer where her clothes were in.

"I know you're not fine. So spill it." Jax watched her nervously fidget on the bed. "Is it what happened with Jimmy?"

"No it's not. So you can leave." Carrie knew she was acting like a bitch, but he couldn't just walk in here acting like he cared. Not after what she saw and definitely not after what he had put her through.

"I'm not leaving until you tell me what the hell has you acting like this."

Carrie furrowed her brow before looking up at him."Why do you care?"

"Because I do and I'm sure you keeping shit bottled up isn't good for you or the baby," Jax argued. "So spill it."

"Why don't you go back to Trinity and leave me alone. I'm sure she actually wants your company." Carrie snapped standing up.

"That's what this is about? Trinity?" Jax questioned fighting a smile. "You jealous? Well nothing is going on between me and her."

Carrie crossed her arms, shaking her head in denial. "I'm not jealous and what I saw says otherwise."

Jax closed the distance, until he was standing next to where she was sitting on the bed. "Yes you are. But nothing happened, I was out there smoking when she asked for a cigarette."

"I'm not jealous," she argued.

"Whatever you say Carrie but we both know you are. Now get some rest." Jax kissed her on the head, before leaving her to get some sleep.

Jax had stayed up late the night before causing him to sleep in. Before he was woken up by his visitor. Now he had everyone gathered to relay what Kellan Ashby had told him.

"Kellan need us to prove Jimmy blew up that gun truck."

Gemma crossed her arms. "What about Abel?"

Jax shook his head. "Same promise. We deal with Jimmy and we get Abel."

Clay shrugged. "Then we start with O'Neil."

"Yeah, him and Jimmy's guys were the only ones not in that barn."

"Any remote detonator could cover that distance." Opie explained before he shrugged. "It had to be him."

"O'Neil's their officer. We call him out as a rat. We pretty much condemn the whole charter." Bobby informed them.

"Maybe it's time we start to look at that." Clay stated. "How do we know Jimmy didn't turn anyone else?"

"Because my boys are loyal to the MC." McGee interrupted as he walked into the room. "You're right about O'Neil. The Irish became more important than the patch."

"Well that's not what you told me." Clay argued.

"Because I like to give my boys the benefit of the doubt Clay." McGee defended. "But after yesterday, there's no doubt left. He's gone. His flat's empty. He's gotta be with Jimmy."

"Son of a bitch!" Chibs swore loudly.

Carrie watched as the club left Maureen's shop. After the interrogation had led them nowhere. They weren't able to get O'Neil's location out of Cherry with her saying she didn't know anything. Even though they all knew she was lying.

"You hear what happened to Sack?" Gemma moved closer to Cherry, standing next to her.

Cherry looked art the counter. "Yeah."

Carrie thought it was a low blow to use Kip, but if that got Cherry to talk and get them closer to finding O'Neil. Which would get them closer to finding Abel and going home.

Gemma tilted her head. "You know O'Neil is connected to that."

"Bullshit," Cherry argued.

Gemma briefly glanced at Carrie before looking towards Maureen. Causing Cherry to look at her too.

"No, she's right. Both Cammy and Liam had something to do with it. They were both under Jimmy's authority." Maureen informed Cherry. "Liam was privy to your man getting a knife in the belly."

"And you protecting this guy makes you just as guilty." Gemma added to what Maureen had said.

"O'Neil isn't in the MC anymore," Gemma stated as Cherry began to deny again. "He turned on his brothers and he bailed on you."

Cherry looked torn before continuing to cover for him or spilling everything she knew.

"Think about Kip, Cherry. Do you think he would want you covering for the one responsible for his death?" Carrie spoke up for the first time. "If you know something. You need to tell us."

"Just tell them what you know Cher." Trinity suggested.

Carrie briefly glanced at her before returning her gaze on Cherry. Who finally seemed as if she would be spilling everything.

"Alright," Cherry sighed. "Last week I found a lot of cash in his pocket, so it made me curious and I went looking through his things." She looked at the four of them watching her. "I dug up two receipts for bank accounts. Both with a lot of money and a contract for some kind for a loft down by the docks. So maybe he's there." Cherry shrugged.

Carrie watched as Maureen grabbed Cherry by the neck, as soon as she had finished talking, pushing her back while tightening her grip.

"Never. Ever. Lie to the club. Do you hear me?" Maureen demanded through clenched letting Cherry go, turning back to Trinity. "Go get the club."

"What about O'Neil's sister?"

Maureen shook her head. "She wouldn't know anything they barely talk to one another."

Carrie watched as Trinity walked out, but didn't miss the look that passed between Gemma and Maureen. It was brief but she saw the approval and understanding.

Cherry was still holding her neck and trying to return her breathing to normal when the club walked back in. Causing them to look at her, before looking around at the three of them.

As Jax's gaze lingered on her, Carrie simply shrugged before crossing her arms.

"Will you able to talk or do you want me to do it for you?" Gemma asked as she noticed that Cherry was still holding her neck.

Carrie stayed silent as Cherry got herself together and told them what she had confessed earlier. Before the club walked out of the shop to hunt O'Neil down and get answers.

"You're brother's on the run."

Julia sighed. "What did that idiot do now?"

"He's working with Jimmy."

Julia turned to look at Gemma. "He's what? After everything that bastard did to me, O'Neil really is a damn idiot."

Maureen crossed her arms. "He's a greedy bastard."

Julia nodded. "Aye that he is, if he's willing to work with the likes of O'Phelan."

Gemma crossed her arms. "What's this grudge that you have against Jimmy?"

Julia looked over at Maureen, who gave her a nod, before looking back at Gemma. "I was going to marry Jimmy but before I did I went to America. I spent a semester of school over there came back in the fall and everything went to shite after that. Now here I am."

"I'm guessing there's more to it than that, given how you and Jimmy aren't married."

"Aye, there is," Julia sighed. "When I came back I found out I was pregnant. Jimmy wanted me to get rid of it but I told him I wasn't going to do that. He argued that if I wanted to marry him I would but I was having none of it. He later said he'd come to his senses and that we would raise the baby together. Only the bastard lied, as soon as my wee one was born, he took her from me."

Julia angrily shook her head. "I barely got to hold her before she was gone. I later found out Jimmy had taken her to Kellan. I went to get her back but it was too late, Kellan had put her up for adoption. Said it was better this way, she'd grow up outside of all this violence. But if it hadn't been for that bastard, I'd still have my baby girl with me."

"I'm sorry that happened to you. No mother deserves to lose her child, take it from me I know that pain," Gemma said, feeling bad for the woman.

"Aye, it's a shite feeling," Julia said shaking her head before softly smiling. "My only consolation is that I got to name her and Kellan said her name was kept."

"What'd you name her?"

Julia fondly smiled. "Carolyn. Carolyn Amelia."

Carrie walked back into the living room of the lodge as Jax was walking in.

Opie looked up at him. "What happened brother?"

Jax shook his head. "I went to Saint Matts. Kellan wasn't there and Casey wouldn't tell me where he was."

"Well the cops found the bodies at the docks," Bobby informed Jax. "They're going to come here asking questions."

"We find Abel. Catch Oswald's plane tomorrow night and get the hell off this moss covered shit hole." Opie stated.

"Amen brother," Chibs agreed before taking a swig of the bottle in his hand.

"I can't just sit here. I'm going for a walk," Jax announced walking out again.

"You watch him." Gemma ordered Opie.

"Yes ma'am."

Gemma looked at her and Carrie nodded before following after them.

Carrie noticed that they were halfway out the lot and knew she wouldn't be able to catch up with their strides.

"Hey!" she called out causing them to pause and turn around. "Wait for me."

She started to pick up her pace so they wouldn't have to wait long.

"You're sound out of breath Carrie." Opie joked as soon as she was standing in front of them.

Causing Carrie to smack him. As Jax coughed to disguise his laugh. "I'm growing a human inside of me asshole."

"You should go back. It's not safe for you to be walking around at night," Jax said as they walked beside her.

"But it's safe for you two?"

"We're armed. We can protect ourselves." Opie chimed in.

"Well there you go. Nothing's going to happen to me with you two around." Carrie shrugged ."So where are we walking to?"

Jax watched as Opie and Carrie walked back into the lodge. Just as Trinity was walking down the stairs from her apartment.

Instead of lighting the cigarette he said he was going to smoke. He walked towards Trinity just as she stepped onto the pavement.

"Heard you're going to be leaving?" Trinity stood in front of him, as he sat down on the bike.

Jax looked up at her. "Yeah, as soon as I get my kid. Hopefully that's tomorrow."

"That's good, that you're getting your son back."

Jax nodded. "I'm sorry about McGee."

"Thanks, guess he was the closest thing I had to a da."

"Where's your old man?" He questioned as he stood up.

"Killed in Lebanon. I was just a baby." Trinity shrugged.

"He was a soldier?"

Trinity. "Aye."

Jax stepped closer placing his hand on her shoulder to offer some comfort. He was going to remove his hand when Trinity placed her hand over his. Rubbing her thumb on the back of his hand before she closed the gap between them. Barely kissing him, when he stepped quickly back.

He chose to look at the ground instead of her. Knowing he did the right thing in breaking the kiss. It wouldn't be right of him to kiss Trinity back. Not while Carrie was only feet away from him back in the lodge.

Carrie had been on her way to Maureen's to check on Gemma, when she noticed Jax and Trinity. "Am I interrupting something?"

Jax turned around and shook his head. "No, but me and you have to talk," he said before turning back to Trinity. "We'll talk later."

Jax grabbed her hand and walked back towards the lodge, causing Carrie to speed walk in order to keep up with him. Otherwise he'd be dragging her along.

Jax closed the door to his room behind them. Before turning around to face her, while blocking the door. "I can explain. We were talking and I was trying to comfort her over McGee and the fact that her father was killed in Lebanon. Trinity kissed me but I pulled back."

"I know. I saw it happen."

Jax nodded, looking down at his shoes before looking up at her. "I think it's time we had that conversation. We need to figure our shit out."

"Yeah, I think we do," Carrie sighed, before turning to sit on the bed while Jax took a seat on the chair across from it.

Jax leaned his forearms on his knees. "Me and Tara are done. I broke it off before we left."

Carrie shook her head, looking away from him. "Was it because of the baby? Because you have to know that I wouldn't ask you to do that. I know you love her-"

"You're right. I do but I don't love her like I did," Jax interrupted her shaking his head. "When I found out she came back, I thought it meant we had our second chance. That we could right our wrongs and fix our issues in order to be together. But then you came along."

Jax held up his hand. Noticing her confused expression. "Let me explain and then you'll understand what I mean."

Carrie nodded before crossing her arms, waiting as Jax gathered his words and thoughts.

"When I first met you, there was something about you that got to me and the more time I spent getting to know you. The more I began to feel and that scared me because the only time I had felt anything remotely similar was with Tara and that was before she left," Jax shook his head, before he sighed rubbing his hands down his face. "I was confused and scared which is why I ignored you while I went back to Tara."

Carrie furrowed her brow. "You thought I would hurt you like her?"

"Yeah, I did. I thought if I let myself fall for you. It'd eventually end the same way, so instead of taking the chance I went back to her."

Carrie shook her head. "I wouldn't have hurt you Jackson but you did end up hurting me."

"I know and I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you but I did and I know no matter how many times I say I'm sorry, it's not going to make up for it."

"You're right. It doesn't because you've apologized before just to go ahead and do the same thing again," Carrie pointed out before shaking her head. "So what makes this time different? You say you're done with Tara but that was the same thing as last time. I can't fall for your game again."

"It's not a game. I fucked up the last couple of times. I know and I am sorry but I was too caught up in trying not to get hurt by being with you. I was scared of letting myself feel the things I felt and falling for you. Only to see it end the same way, when you saw what being with someone like me meant."

"Being with someone like you? What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

Jax stood up as he began to pace. "It means being with a criminal. Having your life put in danger because you're with me. When shit goes down, you're in as much danger as I am. We tend not to go after women and children, that's a rule and understanding but sometimes there's asshole who don't give a fuck and who know that they can get to us by using our families against us."

"Look at where we are now. Abel got taken but before that it was Donna getting shot. Then my mother gets beaten and raped. You get taken and beat up, you could have lost the baby without evening knowing you were pregnant."

"But I didn't," Carrie argued, standing up and stoping him from his pacing. "Yeah a lot of shit happened and it can still happen. But the club protects their own, we're a family."

"Yeah, Donna got shot in a case of mistaken identity but that could have happened even without the club being involved. Your mother, me, Abel being kidnapped. All of that could have happened and happens to people living regular lives," Carrie pointed out before placing her hands on his face. "Being involved with you, while yeah, it does mean being a little more careful doesn't mean that bad shit is always going to happen."

"Take Abel and little bit for example. They're both a part of you, they're both the good that comes with being with someone. You can't let your fear of who you are or what happened with Tara cloud what you want. Trying to protect yourself only hurts the people around you."

Jax sighed, leaning his head against hers, feeling her hands drop to his chest. He closed his eyes before looking into hers. "I love you."

"What?" Carrie pulled back and looked at him in disbelief.

Jax nodded. "It's true. I love you and that's another reason why I couldn't be with Tara," Jax honestly said before shaking his head. "And it has nothing to do with the baby. I'm not just saying this because you're having my kid or because me and Tara are done."

"I'm saying this because I do. I love you and I was lying to myself by pushing these feelings aside and trying to hold onto a relationship that ended the day Tara left. I should have just let it stay buried. I shouldn't have opened that can of worms all over again but I did. And because of that I hurt you in the process."

Carrie nodded. "Yeah, you did. You played me and I went back to you. Only for you to do it again," she said before shaking her head and stepping away from him. "I wish we would have had this conversation sooner. Before it all went to shit."

"We should have, instead I messed everything up," Jax agreed.

Carrie turned back around, biting her lip. Before shaking her head and running her fingers through her hair. She was frustrated, angry but she was also relieved and she had a better understanding of why Jax had done the things he did.

She didn't like it and she probably never would but he was opening up and being honest with her. And because of that she had to be honest and open with him too.

"I love you Jackson. I really do." Carrie said before holding her hand up, when Jax moved to step closer to her. "But you really hurt me. You broke my trust and that's not something I can just forget."

"So what happens now?"

Carrie shook her head. "I don't know. While I love you and you say you love me-"

"I do love you. Lyn, you have to believe me when I say it," Jax said stepping closer to her, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her into him. "It's you, Lyn. I love you and I choose you. I'll always choose you from now on."

"Then prove it. Prove to me that you really love me. Show me that you'll always choose me because it's easy to say it but I've been burned by you before and I don't trust you not to do it again."

"Kellan's here. Cleared out the clubhouse," Opie informed them after knocking and opening the door.

"Alright man." Jax looked over his shoulder at him but didn't let go of her. Opie looked in between the two of them but didn't say anything as he walked away, closing the door behind him.

"Go," Carrie told him as she pulled away before she softly pushed him towards the door. "We'll finish getting out shit together later. Right now go and meet with the priest in order get Abel back. Our business can wait."

Jax nodded before quickly pulling her into him and kissing her. Letting her feel the way he felt for her, before he broke the kiss, leaving her to catch her breath. "I love you Lyn."

Carrie nodded before she sighed. "I love you too. Now go."

Carrie watched as he walked out and while she knew he was being honest. She could see it in his eyes, she knew she couldn't let herself fall for him again. At least not yet, they still had a lot to work through and she had to trust him not to hurt her.

"Jackson, I need to talk you."

"Ma, I can't right now. I gotta go meet with Kellan," Jax said but he saw the determination on his mothers face.

"I'll be quick, he can wait a little bit."

Jax shook his head before sighing. "Alright, fine but you gotta make it quick."

"Apparently John didn't tell anyone." Gemma said from her spot on the bed, after revealing to Jax, that he and Trinity were half siblings.

"Clay?" Jax took a drag of his cigarette.

"No," Gemma sighed, closing the distance until she was in front of him. "I'm sorry you had to find out like this."

"Why are you telling me this now?"

"Because she told us she'd kissed you. That she didn't know your old lady was Carrie but she saw the way you looked at her. She came to Maureen for advice," Gemma explained, raising her eyebrow. "Figured it'd be better to tell you before you went and stuck your dick where it didn't belong."

Jax shook his head. "Yeah, no shit. I probably would have too but I couldn't do it. Not with Carrie around. I don't want hurt her by messing around with someone else."

"What's going on with you two anyways?"

"I love her and she loves me but I hurt in the past ma. She's gotta forgive and look past all of that before we know where we stand."

Gemma kissed his cheek before patting it. "You two will figure something out. Just don't stick your dick anywhere else and end things with Tara first."

"Already done," Jax said before he shrugged. "Broke things off with Tara before we made the trip out here."

Gemma sighed. "Look ,you go out there and find our boy," she said knowing she couldn't keep him any longer. "That priest does not leave this alley, until you have an address. You hear me? I'll help you figure out a way to win Carrie over afterwards."

Jax nodded, "Yeah."

Jax walked back into the lodge after hearing that Kellan had put his son up for adoption. Having the nerve to basically tell him that Abel wouldn't have a good life with him. He was pissed at the circles they had gone.

Jax opened his room and paused, seeing Carrie waiting for him.

Carrie stood up, watching as Jax came into the room. "How'd it go?"

Jax shook his head, clenching his jaw. "He put Abel up for adoption."

"What? He can't do that," Carrie looked at him in disbelief before shaking her head. "Did he at least tell you where he is?"

"Yeah he gave me the address to the house where they have him."

"Then let's go. We have to go and get him Jax before it's too late." Carrie moved towards the door but Jax stopped her.

Jax shook his head. "Kellan said to wait until tomorrow. That the nuns sometimes take the babies to the convent for the night."

"I'm so sorry Jax," Carrie hugged, tightening her arms around him. "We're going to get him back."

"He wants me to let him go. To give Abel a better life without the violence that comes with the club," Jax whispered, tightening his hold on Carrie.

"That's bullshit. Abel need his family. You're his father and he's safe around you and the club," Carrie said pulling back. "You're not going to do it are you?"

Jax looked down, placing his hand on her lower belly. "What if it's best for him?"

Carrie placed her hand over his. "The best thing is for to him come home and be with his family. He needs us as much as we need him. We'll protect him, we'll protect the both of them. But you have to keep this family together Jax. Don't let him fill your head otherwise. You're a good father, you love that little boy. Don't let him go."

Jax heard and could see her underlying message. It wasn't just Abel he had to fight for and bring home. He had his family to keep whole. "I won't."

Quick reminder, before you question if I forgot Carrie's name, Jax calls her Lyn as his own nickname for her based on her full name.

Also remember that storyline sometimes aren't looked into until afterwards. But they're not forgotten.

We also have maybe three chapters before the ending of this story.

So let me know what you think. I hope you enjoyed it. Let me know your theories/suggestions.