Disclaimer: Nothing of Harry Potter belongs to me or Sophus. Zero. Zip. Zilch. The world is cruel, no?

AN (Caela): This was something I thought of when I was thinking about the scene where Snape tests Neville's Shrinking Solution on Trevor. I don't hate Snape, I actually think he is a wonderful character, but I do think that was crossing a line. So I wondered about what would have happened if the pet fought back - and this is the result.

I am thinking about writing more about Crookshanks getting into various mischief, but I'm not entirely sure. Maybe a more fleshed out description of how he got banned from the kitchens?

All credit for betaing goes to Sophus. Have fun, enjoy, and don't forget to be safe in these troubled times.

Crookshanks was bored.

There were no mice for him to chase because the house elves had taken care of all of them. He couldn't go into the kitchens for milk or fish after the last time he had been in the kitchens. It wasn't his fault that half of lunch had been ruined! Well, maybe it technically was . . . But you couldn't blame him! Just because he took the long route to get to the salmon . . . And knocked down a few pots . . . And walked on top of the food for the Ravenclaw table . . .

Well, maybe you could blame him. But that didn't mean he had to like it!

Anyway, Crookshanks had nothing to do. He was bored. And a bored Crookshanks was a very dangerous thing.

Just as Crookshanks was about to leave to see what the identical redheads were up to, his girl walked into his room.

"Hello Crookshanks," she smiled at him.

Crookshanks purred. His girl was the best person in the world. She worshipped him as he should be worshipped - bringing him cream and fish, petting him, making sure that his bed was always in the sun. In return for her devotion, he protected her from others. He especially didn't like the red-headed boy who was always following her around. Who kept a weak prey animal with them? That rat was strange - and not in a good way.

"Crookshanks, do you think you could move a bit?" His girl asked. "I need my potions kit, and you're on top of it." She sounded exhausted.

As she gently moved him off her potions kit, Crookshanks was thinking. His girl was going somewhere, and she was bringing the box with all the funny smelling plants with her. He should go see what she was doing . . . Grace her with his presence, he meant.

In Potions that day, Professor Snape seemed to be especially bad-tempered. He was taking points for everything from incorrect ingredient preparation to breathing too loudly. Much rarer, however, was the fact that Slytherin hadn't gained a single point all class period.

It was just Hermione's luck that this was the one class period her potion wasn't going perfectly. She had saved Harry and Ron's potion nine times and counting, and they still had half the class period left. However, when she was saving their potion, she messed up the timing of her own potion.

She was not enjoying this class period.

Crookshanks, on the other hand, was. All of the different smells in the room were so interesting! And he had even managed to sneak into the ingredient cupboard. There was a lot to explore in there!

He eventually wandered back out of the cupboard to sit next to his girl.

Hermione was not happy as she finished her potion. It was nowhere near her usual standard. Instead of being grass green, it was neon green - so neon that it was almost yellow. Instead of being the consistency of water, it was thicker.

Her potion, as normal, was much better than most of the others' potions. Ron's was a bright purple. Neville's had exploded about thirty minutes into the lesson. Pansy Parkinson was frantically trying to fix her potion - which was turning into a thick smoke as she stirred.

She sighed in relief as she bottled up her finally finished potion. Then, everybody's eyes turned to her.

Crookshanks was sitting on her desk, looking incredibly pleased with himself. In the process of jumping up onto the desk, he had knocked over her collection of empty vials, creating a crash and mess that had captured the attention of every student.

Professor Snape stood up from his desk, and swept towards her.

"Miss Granger," he started, "In your years at Hogwarts, have you ever once heard of an animal attending classes here?"

"No sir," she replied.

"That would be because Hogwarts is a school of witchcraft and wizardry. As such, witches and wizards only are enrolled here. Your . . . Pet was never sorted and does not possess the ability to brew potions, correct?" He asked.

"Yes sir," Hermione answered.

"And yet, he is in my class anyway. Sitting on a desk, even. That seems to suggest that he would like to participate. But he cannot brew, so there must be some way he can be useful." Every pair of eyes in the classroom was on him as he walked around the table Hermione and Crookshanks were sitting at.

"I know," he said. "We can have him test your potion. It seems like it isn't up to your normal standards, Miss Granger. But what could happen to him? I'm sure he'll be fine - you are a straight O student, are you not?"

Ron, though he and Crookshanks didn't like each other, knew that Hermione would be devastated if anything happened to her cat.

"I don't think—"

"And perhaps it should remain that way, Mr. Weasley."

"But that—"

"Be quiet for once in your life, Potter!"

The class was not entirely sure what happened when Professor Snape tried to grab Crookshanks. They got a vague impression of a growling ginger blur, the sound of a cauldron hitting the ground, and sharp claws. One of the Slytherins ran off to fetch Madame Pomfrey.

The Hogwarts rumor mill was going crazy. The stories ranged from Professor Snape trying to ban cats from the castle to the cats rebelling against the teachers and trying to take over the castle. The one thing everybody was sure of was that Snape was hurt - and it was because of Hermione's cat. Everybody was watching Hermione to see if they could figure out what happened by the way she acted.

"Harry!"

"Yeah, Hermione?"

"Is this what the whole boy-who-lived thing feels like?

"

"Pretty much," he told her.

"Well, I don't like it at all!" She decided.

A day later, Snape was released from the hospital wing. Crookshanks looked smug as Snape stormed past him and up into the Headmaster's Office. Apparently, he had seen what Crookshanks had done to the ingredients cupboard.