Lissa

Driving through the gates of St Valdimir's without Rose and pregnant was a completely different experience to the last time. Last time it was Just Rose, Dimitri and I. It was always just Rose and I – we did everything together. We were each other when we were together. I needed her, wanted her with me.

Christian took my hand in his and placed a hand on my belly. I turned to him and smiled. Eddie and Mia were in the front, Eddie driving. Abe, Janine and Dimitri were going to meet us here. There was a car behind us. Full of Guardians. It was a struggle getting into a car with my friends – apparently being pregnant and moving out of Court when you were now Queen was a big deal.

Don't get me wrong, I loved being Queen, giving Dhampirs more rights than they had, giving them a voice, changing the way Moroi view them – but I couldn't just sit around, sit in boring meetings for the rest of my life. I was preaching about Moroi being more active in life outside of Court and I was leading by example. Rose agreed, although she wanted me to make a statement after I had the baby – but St Valdimir's were the first school to allow a change in schedule to out in at least one Moroi defensive magic fighting course and that wasn't going to wait around. This was his dream and his dreams were mine. So, I went with him.

It was weird passing the dorms not going in and dumping my bags on the bed while Rose flopped beside them and we would talk about the craziness of the year we were going to have. We didn't get the chance to do that for last couple years of our school days – we left, hid in the trunk of a car and ran. Never turning back until Dimitri found us and took us back.

Then we passed the main office where I spent many a time in trying to get Rose out of trouble, even if the trouble was mine and Rose just took the blame. The time we went in there and Rose was about to get kicked out of school, threatened to be kept back squashing any chance she could become my guardian legitimately because let's face it – I would have hired her anyway and paid her myself.

Then there was the cafeteria where we spent most of our time eating, talking, catching up. It was the only space where we could just hang out and be best friends especially when our classes were split – she would learn to fight, to die protecting Moroi while I learned about the elements, embarrassed that I had not specialized – or thought I had not specialized, finding out later that I had, but with the rarest element known to Moroi, Spirit.

Eddie stopped the car outside little houses at the very back of the school where teachers would stay – well, Moroi teachers. The Guardian's had to live in small rooms, barely bigger than the dorms of the Dhampir students while the Moroi students enjoyed spacious rooms.

Since Rose came back and she said she wasn't sure she wanted Aly to have a life like she had; it made me rethink everything – how she was treated, how every day. dhampirs were thought that their lives didn't matter, the only thing that matter was protecting the Moroi from any danger. Thought they can't be happy, thought that their lives were worthless. It made me think about Mason – what he must have thought when he decided to go off to that Strogoi stronghold where he died. I know he was protecting Rose who stayed back so they could all get out safely, but what if dhampirs were thought that their lives mattered, that their safety mattered.

I wanted that to change.

Christian helped me out of the car and through the door of our new temporary home. St Vladimir's was a trial run, but St Basils in Russia wanted to start a program like the one we were starting up. That was our next stop. Eddie and Christian brought our bags into the house and then he left to get himself and Mia settled.

I looked around the house – it was beautiful. Another pang of guilt sweeping over me, overwhelming me to the point of tears. Christian came down from the hall after bringing both our suitcases in the room. He led me into the living room and embraced me in a hug, guiding me down to sit on the sofa. He calmed up, stroking my hair until the crying stopped and I was left with dry sore eyes.

"What is it?" He whispered, taking my shoes off and rubbing my belly. I gave him a smile, covered his hand with mine.

"Do you ever just feel guilty of the life we had?" I turned to him. "Dhampirs never got this." I gestured around the house. "You saw Rose's old dorm room – it was small and dinky compared to the lavish ones we had and they're the ones that deserved the luxury more – Dhampirs I mean." Christain gave me a side smile and guided me down so I lay my head on his chest. He wrapped his arms around me.

"I know but what you are doing right now is giving them a better life."

"I shouldn't have to!" I pulled away. "Do you know when they're young they have to watch horrible videos of Strogoi killing people, turning people into monsters? They're thought that only we matter, only our lives matter – not theirs!" Christian pulled me back to him. I didn't fight him, I gladly accepted the comfort.

"I know, their live aren't easy." He whispered. "We'll make it better for them. They'll know their lives matter just as much as ours." He kissed me. "Now, I'm going to assume my wife and baby are starving." I laughed and nodded, rubbing my belly and accepting his help up. We opened the door to leave to get Eddie and Mia to go for food when Adrian showed up, standing there.

"Hey, word on the grapevine is you're doing defensive magic classes, I want in."