"…If at first you don't succeed, try, try again…And again, then rethink it and try again"-Edith M. Brown Diary, 850
Spring 850
Titan Forest, 57th Exterior Scouting Expedition
The squad (minus Levi) clutched to their ears in pain, the sound of flare ringing in their ears. The sound of the flare was clearly meant to disorientate the Titan gaining on them, and it did somewhat. But it definitely hurt the squad more.
"Was that an acoustic round?" Eren questioned with his hands still over his ears.
"Remind me, what is our mission? Is it to act on impulsion in the heat of the moment?" Levi asked looking over his shoulder, "Let me answer that question for you, it's not. This squad's mission is to keep the brat alive. Whatever the costs, don't forget it"
The other members of the squad grit their teeth in varying angers of determination, shame and anger at the scolding they had received from the captain. What? It's not just to police me? Eren thought in surprise over the revelation.
"We keep pushing forward on horseback, is that clear?" Levi continued.
"As a bell, sir!" Petra chirped back instantly.
"But for how long? We can't keep running forever! She's right on top of us as it is, if we don't do something soon…" interjected Eren. He watched over his shoulder in dismay as more members of the supports squads (probably from the left wing) tried to deal with the Female Titan, only to end up dying horrifically. It was like she saw them as insects to be swatted.
"EYES FRONT! STOP LOOKING BEHIND US!" Gunther called forward.
"Seriously?!" Eren cried.
"Keep pace with the group! Maintain top speed or we're all dead!" added Eld.
"Eld, please! If the Levi squad can't stop this thing, then who can? They need us! Damn it! He didn't have to die!
"DO AS YOUR TOLD, EREN! EYES FORWARD!" Petra cut in over his distressed cries. "STOP WHINING AND DO AS YOUR CAPTAIN TELLS YOU!"
"Why are letting people die?! If this part of some bigger picture, why can't someone explain it to me?!"
"ASK NOT THE REASON WHY, ASK IF YOU'D DO OR DIE! YOU'D KNOW WHAT THAT MEANT IF YOU WEREN'T SUCH A USELESS GREENHORN! NOW STIFLE IT! BEHAVE LIKE A SOLDIER!" shouted Oluo.
No, I can do this without them! Eren thought sheathing his blade and raising his hand to bite down and transform, thinking back to his first transformation in Trost. I don't need to rely on anyone else, I'm a squad all to myself!
"NO EREN! STOP!" Petra scolded as Eren merely held his free hand in his jaws, not yet biting down. "YOU'RE ONLY PERMITTED TO ASSUME TITAN FORM WHEN YOUR LIFE'S IN EXTREME PERIL, THAT WAS THE AGREEMENT! YOU SWORE AN OATH! EREN!"
"I wouldn't blame you, do as your conscious dictates. But Eren, listen, you are not inherently evil. Your ability to change doesn't make you a monster, that said it could be the other way around. How are you supposed to know where to draw the line? Whether you lose control or completely give up…maybe it's the same.
Look Eren, we don't agree because our experiences bring us to opposing views. That's life, at the end of the day there's no reason to against how you see it. The choice is yours, you trust yourself or you can trust the people willing to put their lives on the line for you. I don't know which way is better, I never have.
Should I act on my own instincts or put myself in the hands of my comrades and trust them? Either way there's no guarantee, in the end you choose what you choose; if afterwards your regrets are at a minimum, good for you " Levi piped up, his calm tone catching his attention easier than the others shouting at him. That small speech was all it took for Eren to drop the hand from his mouth and actually try to think it through.
Spring 850
Empty Lecture Hall, Old Scout HQ
Levi had chosen to use this time slot just after the newest rookies had arrived, to educate the young boy. If he was going to be babysitting him, then at least the boy could learn something from it.
Eren stood in front of a blackboard in one of the lecture halls that lined this hallway of the Old Scout HQ. The other members of Squad Levi plus Hanji were gathered around, some leaning against the desks and others just slouched where they stood. Hanji had taken a seat on the lecturer's podium.
"Sir?" Eren questioned Levi who stood in front of him holding a piece of chalk.
"Your Titan form, we may have some middle ground after all. A failsafe, if you will" Levi replied drawing a wonky-shaped outline of a person plus a dotted oval that cut off the limbs on the board.
"The method I've come up with will only leave you mutilated. Well at least in theory, depends on individual skill. Essentially, we cut the entire nape from the body, with you inside. Your limbs will be severed halfway down in the process, but you'll survive As a matter of fact, they'll probably just grow back lizard-style, you creepy little bastard"
"Hold on a sec, I'm not really sure how they do it. I mean, I might, but…is it really worth the risk that they won't?" Eren worried.
"Oh, I see. You're only up for this if there's no risk involved whatsoever. Then be prepared, we're in the same boat. If you go on a rampage it could kill us, so we're even"
"Yes sir, seems perfectly fair to me"
"Just to be clear, I have the go ahead, right?" Hanji asked for reassurance with her hands clasped in front of her in a pensive position.
"We can't afford not to run any tests, so yes you're good. Just try to keep him from going rogue right out of the gate"
"Oh not to worry, I have a plan. Eren, I know you're still a mystery to yourself but we learn as we go. Knowledge is always worth the risk, I believe that"
Squad Levi plus Hanji were spread across a small barren stretch of farmland that they had found during one of their patrols. Under the guise of taking a break from the patrol, the group had stopped so that Hanji and Levi could run some tests on Eren and his Titan.
Coincidentally, Edith, Piper and Ryan were also in the same area collecting herbs. The medic rookies had been split into groups earlier that day to carry out the day's chores that needed to be done. As it was, their group was then divided into pairs or trios and given a section of land to cover, in an attempt to not pick an entire plot of land dry in one go.
"You ready down there, my dear?" Hanji called down, her voice bouncing against the damp walls of the empty brick well. Levi stood quietly next to her, staring down into the well where his subordinate stood at the bottom. "When we're good to begin, I'll fire off a smoke signal. What happens after that is entirely up to you"
"Ready when you are Captain!" Eren called raising an arm in the air.
"Hm. If the boy looses control, this well should hold him until he wears himself out. If not we'll go with Levi's method. Perfect" Hanji murmured under her breath, before firing a round of green smoke into the air.
Alright, it's been a while. Eren thought preparing to bite down on his hand, Not since Trost actually. I've gotta keep a hold on myself, the Levi Squad is well within their jurisdiction to kill me if I lose control. Eren bit down hard on his hand, drawing blood as varying thoughts and scenarios ran through his head.
"What do you think they're doing over there?" Piper asked the other two with her; looking over at the duo who stood next to the well.
"I dunno" replied Ryan uninterested.
"Well, it's gotta be something, right? I mean why else would the Special Ops squad be all the way out here?" Edith mused her voice slightly muffled by the neckerchief over her nose and mouth as glanced down from the buzzing hive near her head. Her hands gripped tight to the tree branches as she slowly climbed up the tree, unwillingly to use the ODM gear in case she startled the nervous creatures. She wanted honey, not stings.
"They're probably just taking a break from patrol, Eddie. You're thinking too much into it" said Ryan.
"No, Ed's right, it's gotta be something. Why else would they fire that green flare?" Piper reiterated.
"Who cares? Look can we just focus on getting the honey, instead of…whatever they're doing?" Ryan suggested tiredly.
"Fine" Piper sighed turning back to watch the shorter girl shimmy her way up the tree until she was parallel with the hive and raised her blade to the branch that it rested on.
"Ready?" Edith called down to the other two who in turn hurried to pull their neckerchiefs up over their noses and goggles down over their faces before making sure that all over articles of clothing were covering as much skin as possible. When they had done that, the duo took up perches in the lower branches of nearby trees before replying.
"Ready!" Piper called. Hearing the confirmation, Edith quickly began to saw away at the branch, knowing that the quicker she got this done, the quicker she could get away from these angry little beasts who were trying to desperately to protect their home.
It didn't take long for the hive to drop, the weight on the weakened branch becoming too much for it as it fell towards the cloth they had lain beneath them on the forest floor. As expected, the hive exploded upon impact and the bees within grew furious, buzzing around stinging anything and everything they came in contact with. When the insects eventually dispersed, the trio emerged from their perches to collect their prize.
"Well, I don't understand it, perhaps he missed the signal?" Hanji pondered as she and Levi awaited Eren's transformation a little ways away from the well, atop their mounts. Quite some time had passed once Hanji had set off the flare and moved away from the opening of the well. In fact, the sunset painted a beautiful backdrop in this landscape.
"Perhaps…or perhaps we're just naive to expect he can turn it turn it on and off" replied Levi trotting over to the well and dismounting to get a closer look, "Eren! Enough! We're done for the day!"
"Did something go wrong down there?" Hanji called leaning over the edge of the well to see what had happened, before jolting back at what she saw. Down below, Eren stood still human but covered in self-inflicted wounds. There were bite marks up and down his arms and blood ran from his mouth and wounds. It was clear the boy had no control over his ability to turn it on despite his attempts to do so.
"Are you telling me, those bite marks on your hands show no signs of healing?" Levi asked glancing over at Eren who sat hunched over with his hands in his lap whilst Edith did her best to bandage the self-inflicted wounds. It was kind of an odd angle to work at, despite sitting right next to him on the bench.
On the grass, near the two, Piper and Ryan sat chopping, sealing and wrapping up pieces of honeycomb to take back. Not that all of it made it into the bags, a fair amount of it was being 'taste-tested'.
"No sir" Eren whispered.
"No offence, but you're not much use to us in this form. If you can't change, our plans for Wall Maria go up in smoke" Levi drawled taking a sip from his tea cup.
"It could be a mental thing" Edith suggested.
"What do you mean?" Eren asked confused. Levi too, turned curious at the comment
"Uh, well, how do I explain this?" she mused, biting her lower lip in thought, "It's kinda like when you're afraid of something. Like, really properly scared"
"Like spiders!" Piper added cheerily, knowing her friend's aversion to the little creatures.
"Ugh! Those little creepy bastards are terrifying!"
"You're scared of spiders?" Eren laughed.
"Shut up! They're all spindly legs & beady eyes & quick movements and…ugh!" Edith shuddered, "Anyway, it's kinda like when you're scared of something and that fear is blocking you from doing something that logically you know you can do. In this case, your body knows it can heal exponentially but because you feel like you failed, your subconscious won't let you"
"Huh?"
"In its essence, you're not healing, not because you can't but because your mind won't let you"
"Oh"
There was a beat of silence as Edith finished wrapping Eren's wounds and moved to put her supplies away. "Pull yourself together, Jeager. And yes that's an order" commanded Levi breaking the silence before he wandered off.
"Yes sir" Eren muttered downcast at having failed yet again.
"Come on, don't lose heart kid. You'll get it" Eld soothed.
"Maybe, I don't know" Eren responded.
"Well, that's one way to learn you're more human than expected" Gunter commented.
"Look at it this way, it's a lot better to find out now than out in the field" replied Eld.
"He's right, there's no such thing as too careful when so much is riding on you" Gunther agreed staring down at the table.
"Back to the drawing board, then?" Edith commented as she stood up from her seat and swung her bag of supplies over her shoulder, before making her way over to her horse, dodging the two on the ground as she did so.
How? How can they all be so damn calm? Eren wondered, glancing at the people around him. Are they actually relieved I can't turn into a Titan? And what was the mental thing about? Do I really think I'm not worthy enough to heal because I failed?
Eren's hand twinged in pain when he went to pick up his teaspoon, knocking it the grass next to the medics' feet. "Is everything okay?" Eld asked, glancing up at the hiss of pain from Eren.
"Yeah" Eren breathed before getting up to reach for the spoon. It all happened so quickly, one minute he had been reaching for the teaspoon on the ground, the next he was trying to pull his arm from the flesh it was enveloped in.
Edith let out a small yelp at the sudden appearance of bones obscuring her view amongst the heated steam had her stumbling back a few steps. She had not been expecting that. Coughing slightly as she tried to wave away the smoke from her face, Edith let out a quiet curse when her back met hot flesh behind her.
Eventually, the smoke disappeared, leaving her to find herself trapped inside a cage made of flesh and bone. "H-hey Eren? You in control up there?" Edith called out, her voice cracking slightly at the predicament she found herself in.
"Uh, I think so?" Eren replied, not sounding very sure of himself as he eventually found Edith stuck between a wall of flesh and bone beside him.
"Well, that's inspiring" Edith muttered as she hesitantly touched the large bones in front of her. When they appeared cool enough to touch, Edith hoisted her bag over her shoulders and began the climb up the partially submerged Titan ribcage.
"Are you okay, Edith?" Eren looking rather odd with his guilty expression and fist submerged in flesh as he paused to search the girl (who straddled the ribcage next to him) for any injuries she may have incurred from his unexpected transformation.
"Oh, y'know just having a minor heart attack" she joked as she began her descent down the other side, completely ignoring the commotion that the other members of the Levi squad were creating as they surrounded them.
Hanji soon joined them, begging to touch the Titan arm only to begin bawling as Eren unceremoniously wrenched himself free and tumbled to the floor where he lay in a heap at Levi's feet.
"Edith!" Piper's high-pitched voice called from off to the side, the slight panic in her tone catching Edith's attention.
Edith hurried around the corner of the partial Titan only to slip and fall over in the puddle of blood that coated the ground. Edith groaned as she sat up, rubbing her tailbone from the sudden impact. "Eddie! I can't stop the bleeding!" Piper whined, tears gathering in her eyes.
Edith's head snapped up at that and her eyes grew wide at what she saw. There was Piper with her bloody hands pressed to Ryan's gut as she tried to unsuccessfully staunch the flow of blood. Leaping to her feet, Edith dropped down next to them and dumped her bag on the floor next to her as she unbuttoned Ryan's shirt, suddenly thankful for the button-up he was wearing.
Edith didn't even think about it as she clapped her hands together and thrust her small hands inside the wound, the familiar light of alkahestry illuminating the organs inside. She gripped tight to the organs inside and slowly healed him, putting him back together piece by piece.
Edith glanced up quickly at the sound of approaching footsteps to see that Oluo now stood in front of the trio with his blades raised threateningly when he had seen the flash of light from off to the right of the partial Titan carcass. The position that they were in probably didn't help matters.
"Hey Pipes?" Edith murmured.
"Yeah?" sniffed the girl who now held Ryan's head in her lap keeping a close eye on her friends as Edith worked.
"Can you make sure that trigger happy over there, doesn't run us through?" Edith asked nodding to Oluo.
"Sure" Piper moved, placing her own bag beneath Ryan's head before standing outwardly calm in front of the man's blades.
"Get outta my way, kid! I'm gonna run her through! She's a Titan too!" Oluo cried fear clearly present on his face.
"No you're not" Piper stated, "Edith is not a Titan, she is a medic and she is doing her job"
"Get outta my way or I'll-I'll run you through too!"
"Then do it. Run me through because I'm not moving" Oluo paused at the reply, clearly not having expected it. Piper took advantage of the hesitation, grabbing tight to the man's shoulder's before pushing him downwards and ramming her knee into his groin. Hard. Oluo dropped like a sack of potatoes, clutching at his bruised groin as he moaned and groaned at the pain.
Piper bent down and picked his blades from the ground, before turning to the others who stood watching the scene play out. "Anyone else?" she asked, prepared to do it again. When she received no reply from the surprised group, she turned on her heel and made her way back over to her friends, stabbing the blades into the ground before she knelt back down next to Ryan's head.
"Well, that's one way to handle it, I suppose" Hanji muttered glancing over at the groaning mess that was Oluo who had now curled away from the puddle of vomit next to him. Apparently the medic could hit hard.
"What's the verdict doc?" Ryan slurred, his head lolling to the side as he tried to look at Edith who was now wrist deep in his guts.
"Well, you're lucky it was such a clean cut, missed all the important bits too" Edith replied with sweat building on her brow. Typically alkahestry wasn't too taxing but the ordeal of having to piece someone back together cell by cell was understandably tiring.
"Oh, you sweet talker you" Ryan laughed, "I love the way you fist me!"
"Only you could turn a near death experience into sex" Edith chuckled.
"It's gift"
"Ain't that the truth!"
Mess Hall
Old Scout HQ
That evening after the trio of medics had returned to their quarters, the Levi squad sat gathered around several of the empty tables in the mess hall. Eren sat by himself, many of the other members giving him a wide berth in their wariness of the boy.
"Feast your eyes on this!" Hanji declared placing a wrapped object on the only lit table. Many of the others ignored the banter between Levi and Hanji, well used to the vulgarness.
"That's the spoon, right?" Eren said upon the revelation of the small object.
"The very one. Your spontaneous Titan arm erupted into being while holding it, like so" Hanji held the teaspoon between her thumb and index finger in a fist, "Resting between the thumb and the index finger.
The world operates on chance, so coincidences are expected but this begs something more. This utensil wasn't warped by the heat or by the pressure. Any thoughts on the matter?"
"…All I know is that I went to pick it up, when I did the arm came outta nowhere"
"Interesting, this might explain why you couldn't change in the well. I'm certain of it. Slaying Titans, blocking cannon fire, living boulders in each instance before assuming Titan form seemingly at will there was a distinct goal in mind. I believe it's possible that self-harm isn't the only catalyst of transformation, it appears as though a clear objective is a crucial ingredient as well"
"I think you might be on to something, the last time was a lot like the time with the cannon ball. But I…I transformed into a Titan just to pick up a damn spoon? It's insane" Eren mumbled staring at his healed hand.
"So uh, what I'm getting outta this is what you pulled isn't something you did on purpose?" questioned Gunther.
"No sir" Eren replied. Gunther heaved a great sigh before turning to Eld giving him a nod. The others also gave each other a nod, silently agreeing something that was beyond Eren's comprehension.
As one, the squad raised their hands to their mouths and bit down hard, much to the surprise of Levi, Hanij and Eren. "What the-what the hell do you think you're doing?" Eren cried out against the action.
"Ow! Okay that hurts like a son of a bitch!" Eld complained "Damn kid, I'm impressed you can sink your teeth in that deep without shrieking"
"We made a judgement today and it was wrong. Consider this our way of apologising, that is if you can find it in your heart to forgive us" Gunther apologised.
"We make spur of the moment decisions, okay? Make the best call we can with what we know. It's our job to keep you in check!" Oluo added.
"The fact is we're scared and that's no excuse, I know. You've every right to be upset" Petra tacked on "But all that aside we're doomed if we can't trust one another, just as you are if you can't trust us. Eren, I'm asking you…"
"…Trust us!"
"EREN! COME ON! MAKE UP YOUR DAMN MIND!" Levi called over his shoulder at the boy who was still warring with himself.
"I'M WITH YOU!" Eren burst out. He turned his head away, closing his eyes from the next Scout killed as they continued on.
"TARGET IS ACCELERATING!" called Eld as the Female Titan moved into a sprinter's form, dust flying up behind her.
"Just keep moving, we'll outrun the bitch" Levi replied.
Outrun it? Are you kidding me? Eren thought peeking over his shoulder, If we keep riding like this with our backs to her like this, we'll be crushed before we know what hit us! He glanced over towards the stoic figure of Levi.
No! We're at deaths door, we've seen our comrades die left and right and we're still moving forward. They trust the captain and he trusts them, that's what this is about, that's why they can all keep moving. Eren bowed his head and grit his teeth as he checked on the progress of the Female Titan, I-I need to be a part of it. I need to trust them and I need them to trust me!
All of a sudden, a loud bang resonated throughout the forest just as the Levi squad passed through a tight clearing, much to the surprise to the members of the squad. The first round of wires hooked themselves into the lower legs of the Female Titan, holding her steadfast in her place.
"FIRE!" Erwin roared from his perch in the trees as more wires were fired towards the Female Titan, holding her in place. Canon fire lit up the dim forest as wire after wire was fired into the stationary female.
"Everyone, hitch your horses up a little further on. Switch to ODM gear, I have to break away for a little while. Eld's in charge until I get back, tuck Eren somewhere out of sight of the Female Titan and see to my horse" Levi commanded before launching himself up into the canopy and making his way back to where the captured Female Titan lay.
When all had quieted down, Eren could see all the wires that had embedded themselves in the Female Titan as the sunlight bounced off of them, making them glisten through the smoke of the canons. "Wait, what? They're going to take her alive? Seriously?" Eren questioned.
"…So what do ya think of us now, Eren? We managed to outsmart the damn thing!" Gunther called.
"Let this be a lesson to you, greenhorn. Don't ever underestimate the Scouts! Never again! Agreed?" cried Oluo.
"Agreed!" Eren grinned.
"She's not putting up much of a fight" Levi commented as he came to land next to Erwin who was overlooking the capture of the beast.
"That's no reason to let our guard down. Good work leading her here, I'm more than a little impressed" replied Erwin as the duo watched the Female Titan struggled against her restraints. Her hands stayed clamped over the nape of her neck, doing everything she could to protect it even whilst in this vulnerable state.
"We couldn't have without the rear contingent whose lives bought us time. This belongs to them, I don't intend to ever forget that"
"That so?"
"Yes, because of their sacrifice we can expose whoever this really is. Tend to wonder who this really is; they must be pissing themselves right about now"