Fate: Regrets and Acceptance, a detective conan/case closed fanfic

Fate: Regrets and Acceptance

As she walks down the aisle I can't help but smile at how beautiful she looks. It wasn't about the dress or how her hair is pinned into a bun but she really looks beautiful that no other bride ever matched- she is indeed the most beautiful bride I've ever seen.

Disclaimer: I don't own DC.

A/N: Errors ahead. Flashbacks in Italic.

"Haibara, you ok?" I asked grinning. Nah. Seriously, after 3 years of being Conan I've never even imagine that this day would come. Kudo Shinichi is back. I can finally be with Ran. Damn. I will miss Conan and the kids.

I looked at the bathroom door wondering what taking her so long. She's been in there for about an hour now. Oh well, she's not used to the feeling of taking the antidote. After a while, the door opened revealing the face of Miyano Shiho. I stared at her, at how she really do looked like an adult version of Haibara- well she turned into a fine looking lady huh? Although I saw her up closed during the case wherein she saved the kids from the fire, I'm still not quite used to seeing her in this state.

She yawned then looked at me straight in the eyes, her gazed piercing holes in my head. "Stop looking at me like that Kudo- kun. I'm not interested" she said it with that oh-so-sarcastic voice of her that no one can pull off better than her. "Mesmerized eh metantei-san?" she walked pass me with that smirk plastered in her beautiful face. Wait, did I just said beautiful face? Well, not beautiful face, just face. With that smirk plastered in her face. Right, just face.

I followed her downstairs at my house. Yeah, we did transform here after arranging stuff about Haibara and Conan's disappearance. The organization has been taken down thanks to the help of FBI, CIA and the others. I looked around the house and remembered that one thing I kept in the cupboard- a bottle of Sherry.

"Haibara! Let's celebrate!"

...

It's been two weeks since we turned back and I focused my entire attention to Ran. I went on dates with her. Either a simple movie date or a walk on the park, enjoying what I've missed for 3 whole years. I even ignored MPD's cry for help on solving crimes a few times just to be with her, not that I'm not interested in solving cases- I still do and I miss solving one but sometimes I felt guilty abandoning her again just for the sake of a crime, a petty one at that.

To be completely honest, I focused my attention on Ran so much that I didn't even noticed I neglected everyone else. I didn't even manage to call my parents and Hattori Heiji that I'm back or even to see how Hakase and Haibara are doing. I just revolved my daily life on Ran that I didn't even think about all of them. My thoughts lingered on Haibara. It's been two weeks since I last saw her.

I woke up with a terrible headache. My head felt heavy as I managed to sit up from my lying position on the bed as I recalled what happened last night. A bottle of Sherry, snacks and clothes scattered on the floor. 'What happened?' I thought. I looked around and saw someone with me on the bed. I remembered getting drunk with Haibara as a form of celebration. 'Oh. Shit. She's going to kill me'

She woke up and the first thing she did- she screamed. Loud. I covered my ears and avoided her eyes as she continuously cursed under her breath, blaming me for the state where in. I calmed her down, muttering my apologies every now and then. "What now?" I asked her. She contemplated it for a minute or two before answering, "This wasn't planned. Forget it. Move on. Act like nothing happened. Do you understand?"

And I did understand.

...

I went to Hakase's house one day feeling ashamed that I didn't even bother saying hi as Shinichi. It's been two weeks but hey, better late than never. He helped me a lot when I was Conan. Same as through with her- Haibara. I knocked on the door only to find it unlocked so I decided to invite myself inside, announcing my arrival. I looked around the kitchen when I saw Hakase descended from the staircase, worry written all over his face. I went up to him and asked, "What happened?" He looked surprise for a second then after a while he relaxes. I looked at him curiously, eyes fixed on his hands holding his car keys and wallet. He sighed and smiled "I need to buy groceries Shinichi. Ai-kun needs an ice cream. Strawberry flavored" He told me to look after her for a while so I assured him it's fine and that he should go now.

I found her on the 2nd floor bathroom, her head resting on the toilet seat. She noticed me standing a few feet away and nodded. Taking it as a sign to proceed, I walked towards her and asked if she is sick. She nodded and stood up grabbing a towel to clean her face. I studied her, she looked paler than usual, her hairs' a mess, clothes askew and she looks thinner than the last time I saw her. She told me that she asked Hakase for some strawberry ice cream and where is it now, she's craving- not asked I told myself, but more like demanded by the look of it. I guided her in her room while telling her to not push herself to much on work because her health is much more important than any career.

'What a workaholic woman' I told myself. She focuses on her lab works to much. Or so I thought.

I went towards the bathroom looking for a thermometer in the medicine kit when something caught my attention. My eyes widen as realization sank in. It was a pregnancy test kit- marking positive. I went straight to her and asked her if she's pregnant. She avoided my eyes but I stood my ground, demanding her to answer me. "Yes" she answered plainly. Silence followed, no one dared to break it not until Hakase came in handling her a cup of strawberry ice cream. I sat on a nearby chair watching her. No one dared to speak even after Hakase excused himself out. I loudly sighed and stood in front of her and before I opened my mouth to speak she softly said "2 ½ weeks". She knew exactly what I wanted to ask, that connection we had is still there. I nodded and asked one stupidly obvious question, "mine?"

Her answer came with much softer tone. "Yours". She smiled at me knowingly- assurance written all over her face. I'm nervous, guilty and in denial. First thing came to my mind is Ran. I looked up at the woman before me with pleading eyes. To be honest, I don't know what to do. "This wasn't planned. Forget it. Move on. Act like nothing happened. Do you understand?" She told me that same line she did the morning after that one night. I looked at her with shock expression and before I managed to say something she added, "For Ran-san's sake".

We avoided each other after the revelation. I don't know how to act. I continued living my life like before- I focused my attention to Ran. I didn't tell anyone about it. It's our little secret.

One day, Ran insisted to meet Haibara- no, Shiho saying she needs to thank her for taking care of me for 3 years as my assistant. That's the story we managed to form after the fall down of the Black Organization. "It's been a month since you came back, might as well meet her. I cooked curry, her favorite" Ran happily exclaimed. So we went to Hakase hand in hand. Nervous is an understatement of how I am feeling right now. Lunch came and as Ran gave Shiho her own serving of curry, she ran towards the bathroom feeling nauseas. I saw Ran frowned that day but I just ignored it.

It's been a month since that curry fiasco, Ran and I were both busy because of College exams that we barely even have time to have a date. So one Saturday morning, we were walking around the city looking for something to eat when we saw a couple very familiar with the both of us. It's Heiji with Shiho inside an ice cream parlor. Ran grab my hand and pulled me towards them. I looked at Shiho with raised eyebrows and said, "What are you doing here?"

Hattori smiled sheepishly and narrated how they ended up together. He saw her somewhere and invited her for an ice cream. Just like that? I thought but I just shrugged and joined them followed by Ran. We talked about cases and other trivial things that interests us until Ran told us we should go. I bade them goodbye, focusing my gaze on Shiho feeling somewhat betrayed. I ignored this tightening feeling in my chest and walked out of the ice cream parlor with Ran.

...

I decided to pay a visit at Hakase's a week after I saw Shiho with Heiji. I wanted to talk to her about it but thought better so I decided to just drop it and act like nothing's wrong. The door is locked so I used my spare key to open it seeing that Hakase's car is not on the garage. I called out her name but no one answered so I continued my way towards the stairs ascending it. I went straight to her room only to find it open and my eyes widened in shock when I saw her with Hattori Heiji. His arms wrapped around her tightly. I clenched my fist unknowingly, anger is an understatement on what I'm feeling. Neither of them noticed me so I cleared my throat, my eyebrows raised waiting for an explanation.

The room is quiet, no one dared to talk. Hattori pulled away and walked towards me but I only look at her and asked, "What the hell is going on?" She didn't answer, eyes fixed on the tiled floor. I became furious so I asked the same question with much firmer and louder voice. Hattori, now right in front of me said with a calmer voice, "Kudo. What's with that tone? Let us explain". I looked at him then at her ignoring what he said. I felt betrayed but I can't explain why. All I know is that they betrayed me.

I heard her talk to Heiji and pleaded for him to leave for a while, he left hesitantly. She looked up at me and said with her usual tone, "Why do you want to know?" I stared at her wide eyed, 'unbelievable' I told myself. "Your flirting with him aren't you? You're flirting with him while you're pregnant with my child?" I countered, looking straight in her eyes. Her eyes darkened, anger evident in her face as she stood straighter fully facing me. "It's none of your business" I heard her say. This caught me off guard, none of my business? What the.

I went up to her and grab her wrist with a force I didn't know I possessed. I knew there will be a bruise on her wrist but I just continued holding her like that pulling her towards her bedroom door. She kept on freeing herself muttering something I didn't even care about, it's probably let me go or get off me or somewhere between those lines. I forcefully yanked her outside her door, Hattori Heiji just a few feet away from where we stood. I told him to shut up and that he's out of this. I let go of my hold on her and faced her, my eyes fixed on her conveying the seriousness of what I'm about to say. She's crying now but I just can't face the fact that she just betrayed me so I said, "You have the audacity to cry in front of me why you're the one who's cheating on me?"

Hattori Heiji moved from his spot and positioned himself in front of me blocking Shiho completely. "Kudo. You don't know anything. What the hell are you talking about?" he glared at me. We exchange a number of curses- shouts echoed throughout Hakase's house. I looked at them with disgusted face but my eyes showed confusion after I heard her voice that says "What's your problem Kudo-kun? I'm not Ran-san"

I lost focus. I didn't know what to say so I just stood there eyes looking everywhere. What's my problem anyway? It's not like we're together so why am I acting this way? I'm lost in thought that I didn't even notice Hattori's shouts to call an ambulance. He pushed me out of his way carrying Shiho downstairs ordering me to get a grip of myself and once again call a bloody ambulance. As I came into focus all I saw was Shiho's limp body in his arms, blood trickled down her thighs and Hattori's panic look.

...

"What the hell were you thinking Kudo?" Hattori asked. I buried my face in my hands as he continuously lecture me about what happened. We were sitting side by side in front of her hospital room waiting for Hakase. After Hattorri called him about what happened, he was on his way to the hospital from his convention. "I don't know" I answered honestly.

The doctor came a few minutes ago and told us about Shiho's miscarriage. Hattori and I were lost for words as reality sink in. Hattori broke the silence after a while, "So it's yours huh? I pestered her for a week to reveal the guy, I never even imagine it would be you" I looked at him curiously and he shrugged, "She never mentioned you. She said something about keeping a little secret although I suspected Hakase knew about it. She's a beauty so I wouldn't doubt if she went on a date with someone. But I really didn't thought about you at all."

I raised an eyebrow at him, irritated at his implications. He shrugged again and smiled sheepishly. "I always thought you only have your eyes on that nee-chan, Ran. By the way, I saw Miyano walking around that day you saw us in the ice cream parlor so I invited her, that's when I saw vitamins, fruits and milk for pregnant women. I had my suspicions so I decided to interview her, luckily for me she felt somewhat open to me since I helped in disbanding the organization. I stayed for a while since Hakase asked me about it- his convention's a week and he was worried so I decided to look after her. Before you came we went to her doctor for her checked up, she invited me inside and it was my first time and God I'm nervous as I stepped inside. The doctor thought I'm the father by the way she looks at us. That's when she told us the news. I'm not quite familiar with medical terms but in layman's term she said that her pregnancy is a sensitive one. One wrong move and this may happen. Unhealthy diet and stress both physical and emotional can be factors, the doctor said. At home, she broke down. She's nervous and afraid on what will happen, that's why I comforted her. That's when you came in" he added. I looked down and before I knew it, tears ran down my cheeks. I broke down in front of Heiji, the same guy who's there for Shiho when I myself wasn't. Finalizing my resolve, I stood up and went straight to the door leading to the one woman I loved without me knowing it.

...

I stood in front of her bed, eyes fixed on the floor. "Is the baby alright?" she asked first. I sighed and muttered my apologies to her- for hurting both of them. I looked at her and for the second time that night, she cried. Pain and anger evident in her beautiful face. I wanted to tell her how much I loved her but I just couldn't bring myself to. I stood there like an idiot.

...

5 years passed…

I smiled at her then at Hakase who's smiling beside her the whole time. The guests smiled as well as they watched the scene before them- the great detective marrying the love of his life. A dream come true indeed. It was dubbed as "the wedding of the year". She established a name for herself as well, she's now the head of the forensics and she also entered the modelling industry after she won Miss Japan a couple of years back- very out of character of her but I guess she did enjoy the limelight at some point.

She smiled back at me for a second and I swear she looked even more beautiful if that's even possible. Hakase smiled and handed her hands to Heiji as he guided her towards the altar. The sight is magical but painful as well.

The ceremony started. I watched as the priest cited how precious and sacred marriage is. Damn. It hurts watching them. Ran squeezed my hand, a sad smile plastered in her face as she said "It will be ok Shinichi. It will be"

"It will be ok Shinichi. It will be" Ran said as we walked side by side towards the detective agency. The cold weather of December matched how I felt inside as she continuously cite the things we did today. She holds my hand shyly and after adjusting her hand in mine, see looked at me with hopeful eyes.

"I'm sorry Ran. I can't do this. I'm sorry" I told her. She waited for me for years and here I' am breaking up with her in the middle of the road.

She stopped walking and withdrew her hand to completely face me, her eyes watery. "Shiho- chan. You're in love with her" she stated calmly. I looked at her and smiled albeit a sad one. I didn't have the courage to tell her yes, so I just stared at her like an idiot.

"I knew. I knew it from the start. I also knew that you're the father Shinichi" My eyes widen in shocked. I never told her about it. It was a secret I kept to her not only because I don't want her to get hurt but because it hurts remembering that painful day. "I suspected it if you're wondering how on earth I managed to know that. The day I met Shiho- chan, it's been a month since you came back. I cooked curry for her since you told me it's her favorite but to my surprise she declined and even vomited just by smelling it. I suspected that time that she's pregnant. I knew she's single, so who's the father? You're the only guy she's close to- being an ice queen alright! Then after the incident a month ago, she avoided you and you always had that look, the one you're wearing now. Pain, Sadness, Loss and Regret. I guess, I do have detective blood after all. It's sad, what happened to your baby but don't hurt yourself any longer. You need to follow your heart Shinichi. Tell her how you feel. It will be ok Shinichi. It will be"

I went home that night wondering how on earth am I going to approached Shiho. As I walked towards my bedroom, I stopped. Someone is watching me in this dark corridor. I looked around and saw my mom looking at me with worried expression.

I looked around and saw my mom looking at me with worried expression. I felt weak but I need to be here. I'm the best man. I need to be here. As the ceremony continues, I forced myself to look at the couple in the altar wondering how it feels to be the guy who gets the girl just this once. How it feels to be the leading actor not the supporting one.

"The supporting one. Thank you Kudo" Heiji Hattori said grinning. I looked back at him not knowing what to say. He just asked me if he can asked Miyano Shiho on a date and I just said yes for God's sake. It's been 6 months since that dreadful day and Heiji has been constant to Shiho's life- talking to her, being there for her. She's avoiding me ever since and I can't blame her because what I did was unforgivable, I robbed her for a life that she deserves and I've been blaming myself for it as well.

I smiled at Heiji and said "Take care of her. She deserves someone as good as you"

"Take care of her. She deserves someone as good as you" mouthed Hakase and I smiled at how happy he was. He sat next to Ran making it possible for me to hear it and damn that hurt. The couple exchange vows and all I can do is smile while looking at her.

She looked straight in Heiji's eyes and all I can feel is envy. How lucky that guy is for marrying Shiho.

"How lucky that guy is for marrying Shiho." Mom stated looking straight in my eyes. She smiled although I know it's a forced one. She came back from America after the news about Hattori Heiji and Miyano Shiho getting engaged after 3 years of dating. The news said that the couple decided to get married this December 3, 6 months after she accepted his proposal. My mom said something about being there for me in case I think about ending this suffering the worst way.

"He really is lucky" I muttered under my breath looking everywhere but my mom's eyes. I heard her sigh and walk towards the kitchen. I closed my eyes stopping the tears threatening to fall from my eyes when I felt a hand in my shoulder. I looked up and saw my mother holding 2 cans of beer.

"Stop being a martyr Shin-chan. Talk!" she demanded and for ones I didn't stop the tears. I cried that night while talking to my mom and for once I'm grateful to talked to someone.

Since that day I talked to mom I knew I needed to face this truth- it will never be the same. Everything around me, that is.

"…It will never be the same. Everything around me, that is. But I know that with you by my side, everything will be ok" Shiho said. It was the last part of her vow, very Haibara-ish. Not too sappy but the emotions were clear as day. Everyone were looking at them with glint in their eyes. I smiled and saw Ran was looking at me with those worried eyes. "Are you alright Shinichi?" She asked.

"Are you alright Shinichi?" She asked. I looked at Ran with raised eyebrows. We were walking towards the park in complete silence when she decided to break it with that question. "Why wouldn't I be alright Ran?" I countered a bit colder than usual. She just smiled at me, shrugging.

"We're meeting Eisuke in the park. I told you to get yourself a date so that you wouldn't looked like a chaperone. Thank you for giving Eisuke a chance to meet you properly. He admires you and he keeps on nagging me to ask you to meet him. I even have this weird feeling that he's in love with you more than he loves me." Ran said jokingly in between giggles.

"Well, tell your boyfriend to court me then" I countered. She laughed out loud. She looks happy and I couldn't help myself to smile.

I couldn't help myself to smile. Hattori Heiji just answered his I do. The whole guests wear smile on their faces reflecting how happy they all are for the couple in front. The priest turned to Shiho and asked the same question he asked Heiji, will she be his wedded wife till death do they part? Heiji looks excited, I looked at Shiho and I swear she looked at me with those eyes- beautiful but sad ones. The guest waited for her answer but the whole church were engulfed in silence. For once, this silence is a deafening one.

For once, this silence is a deafening one. The cold air of London made me shiver. I gulped as she stood there looking at me. For 5 years I have been seeing her at a distance and this is the first time after the incident I've seen her this close. Why are we in this awkward situation again? Ah. Curiosity in my part and relaxation on hers.

(A few minutes ago)

I walked around the hotel we're all staying since tomorrow is a big day. London is a very beautiful city especially at night so I decided to visit the hotel's rooftop and have a glimpse of the place the greatest consulting detective were known at. Tomorrow is her wedding day and here I' am thinking about Sherlock Holmes. Oh dear! I guess I should marry my complete Sherlock Holmes collection after this. Shiho decided to have their wedding at her mother's birthplace since she never had the chance to enjoy London during her time with the organization. As I opened the rooftop and breathed the fresh air London has to offer my eyes landed on the only lone figure at the corner. She turned around and crossed her arms in front of her chest, her back against the glass railings. She smirked.

I cleared my throat for the 3rd time hoping for the awkwardness to ease at least. We've been looking at each other for 3 minutes now but each time I wanted to start a conversation, the air around seems to get thicker making it difficult to start one. She raised her eyebrows at me and finally said, "If the cold air is making you uncomfortable, you shouldn't be here. You'll catch a cold tantei-san" My eyes grew even wider, if that's even possible upon hearing her voice, waking me up from my stupor. Damn how I missed that tone of hers.

"The air is calming. The view is nice. It's quite exquisite" She added. She turned around to face the city again. "You can enjoy the view more near this railings than near the door Kudo-kun" I looked at the door right behind me and walked towards her. I paced the 7 meters gap we had carefully, afraid that one wrong move and this moment will last faster than it should be. She looked at me and smiled once I relocated myself beside her.

"Are you nervous for tomorrow? You should rest now you know. Tomorrow is a big day Haibara" I said. Her eyebrows went higher than usual clearly shocked. She never expected to hear me calling her with her alias. I smiled looking straight at the horizon. "I'm sorry Haibara. I really am. I know saying sorry won't bring our child back but I just want you to know that I am sorry for everything. For taking you for granted" As the pain in my chest increases, I closed my eyes preventing tears from threatening to fall from them. I heard her sigh and after a while she said with a voice so soft that made me looked at her, "It's okay, it wasn't your fault nor I. It wasn't bound to happen, really. So stopped blaming yourself" She smiled at me and to be honest she looked more beautiful than any woman I've met combined. "Edogawa-kun" she added. My eyes grew wider at the instant I heard it.

"I missed being him. Edogawa Conan that is" I told her. She's now looking at the horizon but I know she's listening. "I saw Ayumi-chan and the others a couple of weeks ago. She's growing into a fine young lady" I chuckled. She laughed. "If you broke Yoshida-san's heart I'll kill you"

We talked about our shrunken lives and the organization for hours when I noticed the time. It was 12:30 in the morning so I decided to call it a night. I bade her goodbye and walked towards the door when she suddenly whispered, "Do you..uhm.." it was in a low voice barely audible but I heard it nonetheless. She looked a bit embarrass, not her usual stoic, confident façade.

To spare her from embarrassment, I continued her question with the first one that comes to my mind. "Do I still love you?" My face grew 3 shades of red as I suddenly blurted it. She looked like a deer in the headlights for a while before recovering, getting her smirk back. "What made you think that's the question tantei-san?"

"uhm. I. uhm" I opened my mouth to answer but I couldn't form a coherent word. Her smirk grew even wider if that's even possible. "Tantei-san, what I wanted to ask is do you miss him? Or her?. Our child that is, even though we didn't have the chance to meet him or her " I smiled and turned to her fully. I sighed before answering, eyes fixed on her. "I do. I missed him or her. I even thought of a name. I always thought that our child could have been a boy. Detective instincts if you will. His name will be Castiel" I paused, giving her time to react and respond but upon hearing none I continued, "Castiel- the angel of Thursday. I met you in Teitan Elementary as Haibara Ai on Thursday, the organization has been defeated on a Thursday, we took the antidote and made him on a Thursday and coincidentally that incident happened on Thursday."

She laughed and I saw playfulness in her eyes, "We made him on Thursday? Quite a pervert are you?" I ignored her and continued on my little speech. I've been keeping this thought to myself for years now might as well let it out. "I imagined him with black hair like mine with this stupid cowlick. His eyes will be like yours. He will be a detective" I smiled boastfully while she rolled her eyes clearly irritated with the thought of another murder magnet like me. I can't help it, It's much better than a chemist though but I didn't tell her that, she'll kill me alright. "He will be a detective, with higher IQ than us. You're smart and I'm smart as well so I'm sure he will be. He'll be friendly like me not as cold as you. He'll be good at soccer and singing. He'll play the violin and the piano. He'll be a perfect pitch with a great voice. He'll be good at science, he'll be arrogant, cocky, and sarcastic, he'll be a great cook and a one of a kind actor. Kudo Yukiko's talent in his blood and not to mention, you're quite an actress as well."

I smiled at her. God. That pain in my chest is back. If only I could turn back time. She cleared her throat and smiled. It was a sad one.

"He'll be a great boy. Castiel." She said, tears run freely on her eyes. How I wish I could wrap my arms around her and comfort her. But I couldn't because if I did- I'll be hurting her even more and I'll be hurting Heiji too.

I turned around not wanting her to see me cry as well. I took a deep breath and forced myself to walk away. As my hands came in contact with the door handle, I stopped and said, "You need to get some sleep now. You need to look your best tomorrow. Not that you don't looked your best though. Ah, by the way Haibara, it's the same as the first question I had in mind. The answer, I mean" I paused waiting for her to respond but she didn't so I continued; "Yes, I do."

"Yes, I do" Shiho answered the priest. The crowd applauded as the priest announced them as husband and wife. As they walk towards the church entrance, she looked at me and smiled. I smiled to her as well and for once I knew that this is not the end but the beginning of a new chapter in our lives. I knew that her smile meant something. That I am still a supporting character in her own little book- her friend and partner. I'm still here, all that's left. Supporting her, guiding her, loving her. This isn't time to regret but rather this is a time of acceptance.

...

A/N: I'll be posting sequels. I'm thinking about making it into 3 one shots. A trilogy if you will.

2nd book of the Fate series will be titled Fate: Back to you (Shiho's POV before and after the wedding) and the last will be Fate: Denial (Heiji's POV regarding the whole Shinichi-Shiho fiasco)