Chapter 77: Admitting

Once Goku got Goten, it was clear Goten was upset. He explained how everyone was scared of him. Though his friends were the only ones nice to him. Then he told how Goku gave everyone a heart attack. "I told you Goku not to do that." Goten then started his homework. It was getting late when Gohan finally came home. He had a very big smile. Goku's question made him blush, but the smile never left.

When asked about the smile, he just tries to talk about his day. Just leave it alone. My baby is happy, and I want to know. The rest of dinner went be quiet. As I washed dishes, Gohan went to his room, and Goten had Goku watching cartoons with him. Once dishes were done it was family time, and Gohan insist he had to finish his assignments. With that, I joined Goku and Goten in watching cartoons. Seems Goku found something that he enjoys with Goten. So cute.

Once I put Goten to bed, I start heading to our room. When I close the door, I'm ambush by my husband. "You know it would be nice, if I wasn't being ambushed every time we're alone."

"But where's the fun in that? Also, you're just so irresistible." He kissed my neck, and carried me to the bed. Hey! I can't go to bed like this! "One night will be fine. Besides." He kissed my cheek. "I really want to be with you."

"Goku." I hit his shoulder. "Control."

"You're my wife. Control is something I don't know when we're alone." I started to giggle. He had set us under the covers. As we got comfy, he kept kissing my neck. "Do you still want me to tell you? Or can I." He kiss my cheek, then landed a kiss on my lips. "Do what I wanted to do earlier?" He was rubbing my side and dropping kisses on my lips.

"Tell me. I did promise I would give you my full attention. So, come on. Tell me. Please."

He kissed me one more time. "I'll tell you. But you don't have to say please when you ask me things. You know I'll always say yes." Sometimes I wonder. "Hey." I raised my eyebrow. "Ok, ok. When it comes to chores I don't always say yes. Happy now." I nodded. He held me close as he told me what he been thinking about.

… …

It's been 3 months since I been dead. After the whole tournament, everything became pretty relaxed. Too relax for my taste. As much as I love training and eating, it didn't feel right. I was actually getting bored with the same thing in and out. Chichi was right. I need to do other things. I wish it didn't take me to be dead to realize that. I wonder what's she's doing right now. probably having Gohan study as she cleans around the house. She had her own daily routine, but even she knew how to change it up a bit. Why can't I?

Before Raditz, I thought I had the perfect life with my little family. I still trained, but I did other things too that made me happy. I admit I was getting bored, since there was nobody to fight. But when it came down to it, I was still happy. I did things with my little boy. I spent time with my lovely wife. Whenever something new happen to them I was very excited. It was the first time in my life that I found peace. It felt like years that I felt that happy. After grandpa had died, I was scared. I did do things that made me happy, but deep down I was scared.

Then memories of that day came up. How terrified and alone I felt. How weak I felt for not being there to save grandpa. I felt like I betrayed him in some way. It took me months to get over it. To actually months to stop seeing his dead body in my dreams. It took more months to accept I was alone. That the very person I loved and cared for was gone. As hard as I tried to focus on his teaching, I still felt guilty. It took me a while to rebuild our home. But the moment I found his ball, I felt happy again. I started thinking that the ball my grandpa left behind was him. It just made sense. So, every day I would talk to it as if I was talking to grandpa. It made the pain better.

Then thoughts of my friends came to play. At the time, I was just so happy to meet someone else. I was just happy to finally not be alone. If it was just for a little while. But when she touched grandpa, I was so angry. Bulma knew what would happen after the wish and she didn't tell me. She knew all along and she didn't tell me. Even though I felt hurt, she gave me hope that I'll find grandpa again in one year. But thinking about our adventures now, is making me question our every friendship.

If I wasn't what I was, she could have easily killed me with her card, or gun. She saw I was useful for her. Is that really all I was at the time? Some strong kid that could keep her safe? Sure, feels like it. She sent me to do the dangerous stuff, without a second though. But I am grateful for her, because I wouldn't have met Chichi.

Chichi. The only one who smiled at me, and wanted to play. She didn't ask me to do things for her. She was very nice to me. Krillin and Yamcha wasn't nice to me at first, but after a while we became best friends. They didn't really hurt me like Bulma. But they did call me stupid if I didn't know something. But they tried to help. Still felt like I was the strongest among them, and they easily stepped back. Still feels like it was always up to me to save the day.

Thanks to Bulma I made friends, and enemies. But I am still upset nobody told me about my tail. Grandpa didn't tell me, none of my friends told me. Everyone hid that truth from me. They claim they were protecting me. Saying how it would be better I didn't know. Since it'll meant I would know I killed my grandpa. But what if they did tell me? Maybe I could have gotten rid of my tail for good sooner. Maybe I would have been more careful around the full moon.

But then what about Gohan. My little boy. My son. What if I didn't know and I saw him transform? I could have thought he was the monster that killed my grandpa. And what if I killed my own son? And when I found out, how would I ever live with myself. I wouldn't even be able to look at Chichi anymore. I would rather wish I died intend. I could always wish him to life, but it wouldn't erase what I have done. I would have killed someone else that I loved, and it would have broken me. With that thought alone I felt enraged at my so-called friends. I could have killed my son. I would have betrayed my family's trust in me. I would be hurting the people I cared the most for. I'm nothing more than a monster!

I'm so grateful my so-called brother showed up. I'm so thankful I saw Vegeta transform. Somehow, I was just grateful to them. If they never showed, how would I have found out what I was? My friends didn't know. Master Roshi did surprising knew something. Why he never told me? Even Ox King knew something, and he didn't tell me anything. I felt betrayed and hurt. But I did find it funny the ones to be my worst enemy were the only ones truly honest with me.

Piccolo hated my guts, but he helped me out, when my friends were too scared to help me. I don't agree with him taking my son, but he kept him alive. Vegeta is a different story. He was honest with me from the very start. He didn't hide what he was after. He helped me figure out things I had so many buried questions for. On Namek, he was upfront about his selfish reasons for helping. When he left me to fight that purple guy, it wasn't because he thought I would win. He admitted he didn't care less. I wasn't surprise, like the others, but he didn't hide what he was doing. He could have easily let me die, but he helped me. But he made it clear it was selfish reasons. Not once did he state he was doing it because a change of heart, or that he felt sorry for me. He was honest through and through.

When I was battling the heart virus, he saved me. When all my friends were letting me fight. Everyone thought I could do it. I thought I could do it. But Vegeta didn't see that. He could have easily let me died by the android's hands, but he didn't. He saved me in time. During the 3 years leading to the battle, we did share a few words. He didn't share much about himself, or answer many questions. But he kept reminding how we're the last of our race. He looked so hurt saying that. He kept saying how I better live through this. He wants a proper rematch. He would be the only other person I know I could really trust. He made me feel I didn't have to worry about my back being cover.

… …

"Didn't anyone else do that for you?" I shook my head.

"I still felt I was fighting alone. I technically I was." She snuggled up to me. I kissed her forehead. "You know what was the worst part of it all?"

"What?"

"The person I shouldn't have trusted, someone who proven shouldn't be trusted, was the one who was really honest with me." She kissed my chin. "Want me to continue? I don't think I answer your original question."

"Yeah. You didn't." I just told her every time thoughts of her came up, I tried putting more effort in my training. "Did it help?"

"Nope. I did the opposite. I thought of you more."

"So, what you do then?"

"I found a place away from everyone. As I tried to calm down, the thoughts of you became stronger. I tried a lot of things. Like counting, mediating, thinking how hurt I must likely made you."

"Why you thought of that?"

"It killed the mood. And it made me feel angry with myself. I thought about all the ways I hurt you. And everything I wish I could do over. It made me think how much I don't deserve you. I been awful. I hurt my wife with my actions. I felt regret." I looked down at her, and she had tears in her eyes. "Hey. I told you're not allowed to cry anymore. What's the matter?"

"Yes, you hurt me, but I understood your actions. How could I not understand? I'm your wife. I know who you are. Even though I felt hurt, I knew you never meant it. So, you have nothing to regret."

I kissed her deeply. "See, I don't deserve you. You're too perfect." I kissed her again. "I don't know what I did to have you."

"You are you. Now show me your smile." I smiled at her. My Chichi is truly perfect. "I am curious." About what? "Why didn't you set in to save Videl? Or our Gohan?" Oh boy.

"Not like I didn't want to, and trust me, I wanted to. But it's against tournament rules. Not only did I have to hold back a very angry Gohan, I was holding myself back. Everything felt really wrong. The moment the 'fight' was over, I went to go get a senzu bean for her. After that, during the match with Gohan, Grant Kai stated he would be fine. I didn't like it one bit. I even tried to keep Videl from helping, and let me say." She looked at me with a puzzled face. "Gohan definitely found a keeper with that one." She smiled at me. "She sure cares for our Gohan, it made me happy."

"Why?"

"Our little Gohan is going to be happy with that one." She snuggled up to me, and agreed.