So far, Remus was the least impressed with the mugglepublic transportation.
Without a doubt, muggle technology was fairly impressive. Tonks's father was a muggleborn, a Hufflepuff that was just about five or six years older than Remus who was also working a few doors down from Arthur Weasley in Muggle Artefacts. Remus hadn't had the pleasure of meeting his firsthand in over a decade, but Tonks was very excited to share stories she overheard concerning her father and Arthur, and how Ted may or may not have had anything to do with helping to illegally tamper the engine of a 1959 Ford Anglia in order to make it fly. Apparently muggles were jumping on a new trend of playing around with tiny scraps of metal until they hit a perfect enough combination that it allowed them the ability to communicate long distance, whenever they wanted, wherever they wanted, with whomever they wanted. Remus had to unfortunately have Tonks explain this to him, but he was becoming increasingly concerned about a man they passed by on the street whom he thought may have been having a delusional episode and was talking to himself. Muggles were also very fond of their rising new technology: computers. Remus thought Arthur nearly passed out with excitement when Tonks said that her father was spending his weekends tinkering with it and that he was free to come over whenever he liked.
But public transportation? He was much less fond of it.
Part of it was how crowded and chaotic it constantly was around him. Part of it had something to do with the lack of control he had over the entire situation. Tonks had the map, Tonks knew where they were and where they were going, and he just had to hold her arm and follow her wherever she went. At one point, she completely abandoned him to go find somewhere to buy bottled water, and he was actually concerned for that short eternity, that something absolutely awful might happen to him. Once they (figured out how to, and) scanned their tickets and all, Tonks carefully walked him down the platform and showed him the rubber bumps along the side of the curb. Remus had seen these, of course, on the sidewalk on the way over to the train station. He learned about how the crosswalks made noise to alert you of when to walk even if you couldn't see the sign, and he also learned that cyclists are not keen on stopping as he was nearly hit by one on the way to King's Cross.
"Hey, erm, Tonks...?" Remus asked nervously. He was standing as stiff as a girder, his arms firmly crossing his chest.
"Yeah? You alright?" She asked. "You look awfully pale all of a sudden."
"How much longer before the train gets here? Do you think?"
"Two minutes, maybe. Promise. Why? What's wrong?"
Remus lowered his voice so other people couldn't hear. "I don't know why, but suddenly I'm a bit worried about how close I am to the edge, and I know it's a very crowded area, so I was wondering if you could help me take a few steps back without walking into anyone."
It only took a couple of months since the accident and Remus was convinced he could apply to be the most cowardly Gryffindor ever and win. Every waking moment, a new kind of fear trickled into his head. They weren't even necessarily crippling, time-consuming, heart-racing fears. He wasn't constantly shaking or sweating. Yet anytime he was doing anything, there was some fleeting thought, some nagging notion that bothered him. For example, he had a pair of scissors beside his bed so that should he need scissors for any reason given his lack fa wand, he at least knew where they were without anyone moving them. But what if he woke up, exhausted and desirous, and accidentally grabbed the scissors and only further impailed his face? What if he slipped and fell off the platform onto the tracks and was hit by the train?
Tonks carefully lead him backwards. "They're loud." She agreed. "I saw you jump when the last one went by. I understand. Here, watch out, let me help you."
"You do know which train to take right? We catch the next one?" Remus asked.
"Yes, I promise." Tonks soothed. "I've got the map, I've checked all the signs. We'll need to change at Vauxhall—rememberer that—the station's right around the block and we'll get off at Kew Bridge."
"King's Cross, Vauxhall, Kew Bridge. Got it." He reaffirmed. His mind was alread swimming with questions. What if they got off at the wrong stop? What if they missed the train? What if they were on the wrong one?
Remus probably wouldn't have tripped on the gap between the train at the ground if he hadn't been so busy thinking about it.
"How long has it been since you checked the map to see where we're going?" He leaned over and asked Tonks once's they sat down. She had his hand intertwined with hers in her lap.
"We don't need a map, I know where we're going."
"And... where is that, exactly?"
"It's the Kew Gardens. Supposedly the largest botanical garden." She was folding a piece of paper with her other hand.
"I've heard of it." Remus nodded uncomfortably.
"So that friend of ours shared a bit of information with me."
"Uh oh."
"No, it was a good bit of information." Tonks insisted. "You used to have a camera, right?"
"Still do, it's just... you know, a bit useless to me."
"Well, you know, I brought my own with me." Tonks told him. For probably the first time ever, she was carrying a bag with her and patted it with her hand. "My dad gave me his camera to fool around with and take pictures. It's a ah, muggle camera though, so I may have to waste a roll of film just trying to figure out how it works. He said he'd help me develop the photos and I could use it all I want, but that I'm not allowed to take any dirty pictures with it or he won't let me use it again."
"Well, there goes this afternoon's plans." Remus said dryly. Tonks playfully jabbed him. "I'm kidding!"
Remus was becoming a dupe to collecting small souvenirs on their outings. Amongst his pressed clover and flower collection were three buttons, a muggle five pence, an acorn, and a small metal dog tag for an unknown dog named "Scooter". It was kind of funny since his collection was all made up of things he could find on his own. As lame as he thought it was, it created a better sense of object permanence. He did actually go outside and when he did, he knew that the outside world was alive and thriving, and as much as he missed it, it wasn't going to stop for him.
He noticed that his memory was becoming foggy. He was forgetting people's faces more and more. He was struggling to remember things like what his parents looked like or what his childhood home looked like or what Hogwarts looked like. He couldn't quite remember James and Lily in fine detail, given that his memory strained enough without looking at their photographs. People that he had once been so close to were becoming blurry in his mind.
"So I'm also thinking," Tonks mentioned. "Our mutual friend was interested in the photos as well and I was thinking that we make a scrapbook or something for him. Or just for us."
"I wouldn't mind." Remus replied.
"Funny story," She chuckled. "So when I was a kid, right? My favourite book ever was Babbity Rabbity, probably heard of it, yeah? So I used to make my dad read it to me all the time. It actually got to the point where one night I told his I was going to read it to him... I did, but you see, the problem is, I was actually a really stupid kid and I didn't have enough wits to actually learn to read, but I had all the pages memorized so I knew when to turn the page properly."
Remus laughed to himself. Did she have pink hair as a kid? "Good on you, Tonks."
"But my point here is that, you know, maybe you'll get to pick it up one day and you'll already remember all the places we went."
"That's not such a bad idea." He remarked.
xxxxx
The gardens themselves were underwhelming for obvious reasons, no matter how he tried to convince himself otherwise.
It was a beautiful summer day, though. A bit too hot for Remus's liking, but he enjoyed getting to sit in the sun. He swore most of their walking was him trying not to walk into various tree branches, step on flowers, or fall into small low-to-the-ground fountains ("You might actually be worse than me!" Tonks exclaimed.) He even let Tonks put sunscreen on his face.
He did get some rather amusing descriptions of the flowers from his cohort.
"That one looks like an upside down pineapple if pineapples were white."
"Oh wow, alright, so this one is like a um... magneta, right, but it looks like an upright beehive? If that makes any sense?"
"That one's some kind of carnation, I have to think. Kind of like a little ball. Bright red in the middle, but the out side is peachy coloured."
"I know that one, it's a hibiscus (for someone who bragged about her personal collection of magical plants, she didn't quite pronounce hibiscus right). It's rather tropical and orange. Quite fancy."
"Hey, that one's the same colour as my hair!" That was all she said and Remus didn't quite knew what that meant.
"Aww, look at the cute Venus Flytraps!" Then in a lower voice, "I have some of those at home and one of them is almost half the size of a dinner plate."
"That purple iris looks like it has freckles."
"No offense, but that bush just looks like basil leaves. Actually, is that patchouli- no, I think it's just a really ugly bush."
"That one looks like an upside down banana peel."
"I feel like since we're in public, and there's a lady over there with a baby, I shouldn't say what that one looks like."
"What is that? What is the point of that? I feel like having a potted fern here is like having lapdogs at the zoo. What's it doing here? Go home, fern!"
"I don't even know how to describe that one better than David Bowie's head."
"That's not even a flower, it's just a purple fuzz ball."
"Okay, so imagine that a succulent gets a little handsy with aloe vera branches, right? Theyre like... prickly leaves! That's insane! I didn't know that was just a normal kind of plant!" He couldn't quite tell if she was genuinely excited about the plant or if she was playing it up as a witch, who had more likely than not seen a prickly leaf before.
"That one's like a uh, daffodil, yeah. But it's much smaller. Got little brown freckles in the middle. It's really tiny, it's very cute!"
"Little white petunias, aren't those lovely?"
"Oooh, that one's from Africa and it looks like a pine cone. Wait, that might actually be a pine cone-"
Tonks could name off all of the roses and their colours, from the hottest pinks to the peachy oranges, from the deepest red roses to the purest white ones. She rubbed lavender of her fingers
"Tonks, really, can you stop chasing the pidgeons...?" Remus sighed. She let go of his arm to go trampling down the sidewalk.
"Sorry!" Tonks came cackling back to him. She surprised him by throwing her arms around his neck, pulling him down into a hug. "I had to!"
"Tonks-" Remus sighed.
"Yeah?" She asked. She loosened her grip and him and he was no longer straining, but Tonks didn't let him go. "What's up?"
Remus tilted his head. "I dunno. I'm just trying to think out loud and I don't know what to say."
"That's alright." Tonks said softly.
"What are we doing here?" Remus asked quietly.
"What do you mean?"
"I mean... what are we doing here? Why did you take me here? You had a Saturday off and you chose to spend it with me. Actually, you've had the last few Saturdays off. Why are you spending them with me?"
"Come on now, are you really having that bad of a time?" Tonks wondered.
"No! Absolutely not, I just meant... what-what does this mean?"
"What does what mean?" She was patient with his questions.
"Us. What do we mean?"
"What do you want us to mean?"
"I mean, it's not like we've... done anything, or anything-"
"No, of course not."
"I just... you know, I found out that you had... feelings, and I'm under the assumption that you still do..."
"And I'm under the assumption that you did as well."
"Well, really, we know that none of the others are going to stick up for this, so why do we keep hanging around each other because we can? We know this isn't going to work out well for either of us in the end." Remus said.
"Now how do you know that? Are you a Seer all of a sudden?"
"No-"
"Then don't worry about it." Tonks announced. She pulled away from him and was digging through her bag. "Really, we'll just... watch and wait and see where this goes, alright?"
"Tonks, all I mean is, are we actually... is this like... like a date?"
"Would you like for it to be a date?" She wondered.
"I don't know, frankly." Remus replied. "I know what the others would say about it and that's why I'm so afraid. I mean, we look quite ridiculous."
"You don't know that." Tonks shot back. "There's nothing wrong with you, and there's nothing wrong with us. I just need you to tell me if you want there to be an us, or if you're just so afraid of the others insulting you that you're not going to let yourself have an us."
"I..." There was a really long gap of silence.
"Remus?" He didn't reply. "If you don't want anything to do with me, you have to say so. I'm not a mind reader."
"I... Tonks I quite enjoyed today, I just... I don't know what to say, I don't know how to move forward from here." He confessed. "I've not done this before. It's been a really long time since I've had anything to do with... anyone."
"That's alright." Tonks said. "I just need to know what you... want."
"Tonks, I don't know what I want."
There was another long stretch of silence.
"Remus?" Tonks said softly.
"Yes?" Remus replied.
"I have lips, too, you know." Her voice kindly assured him.
His face flushed. "Oh, I... Sorry, I was worried, maybe you wouldn't-"
Before he could finish, he felt a gentle, wet sensation on his mouth. He had to hand it to her, she must have been a good kisser, because he couldn't quite get enough of her. Something tasted vaguely of cherries. His hands rested on the back of her neck and she pressed herself forward into his chest. He hadn't felt anything like this, especially not as exciting in years. Remus tried to savour every bit of her, yet he still felt like he was missing a big part of her. "I wouldn't want to what?" She challenged.
Remus inhaled sharply. "That you wouldn't want to actually kiss me." He felt embarrassed admitting it aloud. Now his own lips tasted like cherries. "I like your chapstick."
She tenderly kissed him again. The wave of euphoria washed over him again. "Thanks. I was hoping you wouldn't notice me slathering it on about a minute ago."
"Oh, I noticed." Remus chuckled. "Tonks, I think you're really great."
"Well I think you're really great." She replied. "You're burning up like mad. Are you sure you're only blushing?"
Remus drew back anand touched his cheeks. Sure enough, heat was radiating off of his face. "I'm sorry. We shouldn't be doing this in public-"
"Don't be sorry!" She laughed.
"I suppose it's not everyday that I get to kiss pretty women like you." Remus smiled.
Tonks leaned forward and kissed him on the cheek. "Then I'll kiss you as long as you want me to."
Remus paused, flustered. "Maybe not here."
Tonks chuckled and kissed him quickly on the cheek and took his hands. He let his fingers wander up through her hair. Pink hair. He could barely imagine it. Remus never wanted to move from that spot. She was all he could think about, his heart swelling with adoration for her. For those few minutes when they were alone, she asked for his entire world, and he didn't mind it so much.