"I feel so stupid." Remus announced.
"I know, I know, but you have to start somewhere, alright? Start over at the beginning of the line." Tonks coaxed.
He took a deep breath, studying the fine plastic bumps that rested under his fingertips. "T...H... The?"
"No."
"Okay, T... H... E-"
"A."
"T... H... A... That... R...O...B-"
"Nope."
"R... O... C? R. O. C. K?"
"Mhm."
"That rock... is... heavy."
"Did you actually read the last bit, or are you trying to guess your way through here?" She teased.
"I mean really, how bad can guessing your way through your reading be if that's the only reason Sirius graduates from school?"
"Oi, I heard that!" Sirius called. He let himself into the drawing room.
Remus took a long, deep breath, but it didn't calm his already stressed nerves. "And what are you doing in here exactly?"
"Hoping you could read me a story, Remus, but I see we still need some work, huh?" Sirius sighed. "I just talked to Harry."
"You did what?" Tonks exclaimed. She nearly jumped off of the couch. "Sirius! You can't do that! You aren't supposed to write to him, they could be checking our mail!"
"I didn't write to him, I made myself appear in the Gryffindor fireplace. Well, just my head. And we only talked for a couple of minutes."
"Sirius! Do you not understand that the entire world views you as a mass murderer except for us and that the government actually wants to have your soul forcefully removed from you body? At the first chance that they get, Sirius, you are so stupid!"
"Welcome to the club." Remus turned his head towards Tonks. "I'm surprised it took you an entire summer to come to that conclusion."
"Errrg!" She exclaimed, frustred. "I cannot believe you did that! You know, stuff like that is completely funny, maybe a little risky now and again, I dunno, up until you accidentally out the entire household and conspiracy group to a room of immature teenagers!"
"But I didn't. No one saw me except Harry." Sirius said defensively. "You two need more friends. You're starting to sound too much like Remus."
"Sirius, I could lose my job! I've spent years on this and you could've ruined it in seconds!"
The room was awfully still and quiet. "So... when are you going to ask me about what Harry said?"
"What did Harry say?" Tonks scoffed.
"Well..." Sirius scoffed back. "The usual things most teenage boy have to say. There is, of course, a group of students who have been siding with the Prophet and therefore are not very... receptive of him because of what happened with Cedric Diggory. Oh, and he's reportedly been having some girlfriend problems, and he's got a nasty teacher in his tail about his classwork."
"Who's the girlfriend, Hermione?" Remus asked.
"Who's the teacher, Snape?" Tonks followed with.
"No. And for once, also no. The girlfriend problem is actually the girl that was dating Cedric up until his untimely demise."
"She moved on rather quick." Tonks said. "Not that that isn't understandable, you know, I can't imagine how stressed she is."
"Well you see, Tonks, she's not dating Harry per say, Harry just has this thing for her but is worried that she thinks he murdered her boyfriend. Anyways, the teacher is a woman named Dolores Umbridge. Ring a bell to either of you?"
"No... not really..."
"Apparently she has something to do with Wizengamot. She's teaching them practical magic, without using it and Harry got detention for speaking up on that. Basically, he asked why they weren't actually going to be using magic, she said they had no need for it, and Harry decided that that was a good moment to drop Voldemort's name in conversation. And now... he has detention."
"Remus, what are your thoughts on that?" Tonks asked.
"I... me, personally? At least she's not opening her syllabus with the various ways to use unforgivables on people. And she's not torturing them, or setting anything loose on them. So I suppose magical theory isn't the worst thing she could be doing, right?" Remus said. "Harry, and plenty of those other students, know how to apply magic. Magic theory is likely boring at best."
"The point with Defense Against the Dark Arts is to be able to defend yourself." Tonks said. "I'm not saying that Cedric would've been able to single-handedly defeat the Dark Lord because he knew how to use protege, but you need to be ready if someone starts firing curses at you."
"I didn't say it was good, I said it's not the worst thing she could be doing." Remus replied.
"Honestly, I could probably become a teacher and do a halfway decent job of all they're going to do to teach them how to say a spell without even waving their wands." Tonks remarked.
"You wouldn't want to do that." Remus told her. "She'll waste a year of their time, so what? All of the teachers leave after a year. We always hope that maybe we won't be the ones to screw up, that maybe we can even just last two years, but she'll be a nuisance for a year and sone thing will happen, and she'll leave."
"Did you know?" Tonks wondered. "Did you think you would make it two years?"
Remus drew in a tense breath. "I'd personally rather not get into that right now."
"Are you okay?" Sirius pestered.
"Don't worry yourself over it." Remus scoffed.
Sirius yawned loudly and obnoxiously. "Well, this has been fun, hasn't it? I'll come back to check on you and you better be reading Shakespeare to me, yeah?"
"Whatever you say." Remus replied. A firm hand patted him on the back before disappearing.
"If you don't want to talk about it, you know, I completely understand but you know you can talk about anything with me." Tonks reassured, her hand rubbing circles between his shoulder blades. "He's gone now. But don't feel pressured to talk about that."
"Talk about what, the job?" Remus shrugged. "I really don't mind all that much, actually. But it's... most definitely something that is not... nice." He said, trying to beat around the bush best he could.
"Yeah?" She replied patiently.
"I don't want Sirius to hear it. I know you probably don't really care all that much, but I don't want to upset him. He can be very hit or miss with stuff, you know?" Remus laughed, but it was really only to make it seem less troubling. "I dunno what I'm talking about. I'm sorry. I feel stupid, going on about nothing."
"That's alright."
"I don't want to upset you either."
"You won't upset me, believe me." Tonks said. "Whatever you want to tell me, go ahead."
Remus was questioning whether or not he was going to talk. "I think a part of me knew that I wasn't coming back. I was afraid for a while, but I thought that, you know it was meant to be. I knew I wouldn't come back, but I didn't think I would have been alive."
"That's... reasonably scary." Tonks took an unsteady breath. "I'm sorry."
"It's alright." Remus shook his head. "It was terrifying, the night Sirius came back. I thought that... I don't think that I have ever been that close to dying before. I thought that night was going to be it. I was so sure... I was ready to risk everything that night because I didn't think I would change back. I wasn't afraid anymore by that point though. I felt so hopeless at that point, but finding Sirius alive and innocent was what got me here. I think that's why I was so... content with my resignation. But I'm okay! I don't want you to think that I'm afraid or that I'm still in that place that I used to be."
"It's okay, I believe you." Tonks told him, resting her head on his shoulder. Her nose was cold against his neck. "Would you tell me if you felt like you were in that place again?"
"I will." He cleared his throat loudly. "I think... I think that the closest I've ever been to that place was when... all of... this happened."
Tonks was thinking about this. "I really care about you."
"I-I know." Remus nodded.
"I mean, like, I really care about you. Your well-being and all that."
"Thank you, I... really care about you as well."
Her head turned on his shoulder. "I like you too much to let anything happen to you."
"Tonks?"
"Yep?"
"Would you do me a favour?"
"Mmhmm."
"The Ministry's... look, I completely understand that this is your job and that you have to make money and everything... but you are working a lot of nights, so I've noticed and... what I'm trying to get at is will you please be careful? Please don't take missions just because you felt like it. Please don't work yourself until you're so tired your judgement goes bad. Please don't... please don't get yourself hurt, Tonks."
They were very quiet for a moment. "You can call me Dora if you like. Short for Nymphadora. That's what my Dad calls me. I dunno, you don't have to-"
"I think I like that better." Remus nodded. "Not that I dislike Tonks, but I like Dora."
"Just... maybe we keep it private too, you know? I dunno, just because I know we don't really want to be public around people yet. Would you prefer that?"
"I would." Remus smiled. "I like that, Dora."
"Thanks." She chuckled. "And I'll stay safe. Always. I'm too young to start losing my limbs, I think."
"You're too young to die, Tonks." He chided.
"It's Dora!" She replied quickly.
"Well, you're still much too young to die, Tonks!"
"I know!" She said vehemently. Then there was another pause. "Thank you for caring about me though, and not just... not just telling me that the only way I'll ever be safe is if I stop being an auror like everyone else does. My parents... you know, I know they love me and care about me, but they've always chided me for becoming an auror. And of course, you know, no one in the office really cares so much for the amateur. They'll cover my ass, obviously, but they don't want me there. For once, you know, it's nice to know that I've got support here. People who don't want me to not be an auror. And people who... don't want me dead either. So... thank you for that."
"Don't get all soft now on me, Dora." Remus teased at her. "I'm being completely serious. You have no business taking unnecessary risks that could kill you."
"Aren't you an unecessary risk?" Tonks asked. "Ah, wait a sec, what I meant was that-the Order-us choosing to be here, isn't that an unnecessary risk...? Remus? You look so grave all of a sudden."
He felt quite grave all of a sudden. His hand sleepily rubbed over his face. His fingertips ran over the rough scars that stretched over his nose and the deep ridges of skin that were fused together on his eyes. His eyebrows were still patchy where the skin used to be flat and not smooth with ruined tissue. What if it had been his own claw that had left those marks? Physically, wasn't he built with exactly the same claws as the man that attacked him? Maybe he wasn't as strong as Greyback, but even being weaker, he had all of the capability to tear open his own face. Or someone else's. Someone else like Sirius... or someone else like Tonks...
"Remus?"
"Yes, right," Remus nodded quickly. "I'm sorry."
"What's up? Did I say something wrong?"
"No, no, no, you're perfectly fine, it's not you." He quickly informed her. "I'm stuck thinking, sorry. I... I want you to know that I don't want anything to happen to you."
Her hand gently cradled his face and pressed a kiss against his face. "I won't let it, okay? I'm going to be here for you."