AN: long update because... I owe it to you.

The morning felt thick and slow, like the sun couldn't come up fast enough. People were slowly stirring and wandering around, but not with purpose. Remus was fidgety. He and Arthur were standing quietly, drinking their tea and waiting patiently for a patronus. Kingsley had already headed out for work and Molly was up now to cook breakfast.

"Remus, I have no doubt that you will be unable to perform this task." Dumbledore's calm voice echoed out of a wispy patronus. "He will be expecting you at the Leaky Cauldron. Sit down and wait, and he will come to you. He knows to expect you."

Remus let go of the breath he was holding. Arthur sort of grumbled and turned his back to him, pacing the length of the kitchen and mumbling something to himself.

"Good on you, dear." Molly said approvingly. "We'll take good care of you and make sure you get there and back."

"Thank you." Remus nodded. His heart was racing. Finally! This was his chance to do something productive and show that he wasn't simply freeloading off of the Order, despite the fact that if he as much as said thank you, Molly would jump in with a flood of reassurance, no matter how much of it fell on deaf ears.

Arthur left the kitchen at some point, quickly saying goodbye to Molly before disappearing. Remus stood awkwardly against the counter, listening as Molly hummed along to a quiet radio, the sizzling of food cooking on the stovetop. Tonks came bounding down the steps in socked feet.

"An hour, Nymphadora!" Kingsley's voice boomed as he made his way out the door.

"Good morning!" Tonks said in a bubbly voice. She quickly snatched up his cup to replace it with a new warm cup of tea. Remus wrapped his hand around her back, squeezing a fistful of her shirt. She was wearing some sort of blouse, supposedly for something work related since it seemed like nothing she would usually wear. There was also some new odd perfume to her. Usually she smelled less sickly sweet than how she did now but Remus quickly got used to it. "How'd you sleep?" She asked softly, her hand still hanging on his arm.

"Good." Remus lied, swallowing the knot in his throat.

"Good." Tonks yawned. Her voice dropped away from Molly's prying ears, almost to a whisper. "I'm not really a light sleeper. I'm sorry if that kept you up or-"

Remus shook his head as a warning. "It's fine." He eased his hand off of her. "How's the bruise?"

"Hurts the bend over, but I know I have some bruise paste back at work. Should clear it up and I'll be good as new." Tonks said.

"Do you need me to have a look?" Molly asked.

"Oh no, I'm fine, but thank you. It's not the worst thing I've been hit with." Tonks seemed thoughtful for a moment. "I was wondering, you want to go do something tonight? Are you going to be busy?"

"I, um..." Remus tilted his head. "I'm going on my first mission this evening."

"Oh yeah?" Tonks asked in an excited voice. "That's great, where are they sending you? You are going with someone, right?"

"I don't know who I'm going with yet, I mean, I would assume someone is supposed to be taking me, but I'm meeting someone at the Leaky Cauldron to deliver a package."

"I'm really happy for you." Tonks said. She wrapped her arm around his neck, leaning her head against his chest in a firm hug and slyly kissed the inside of his neck. "You're going to do fine. I'm so happy for you!"

"Thank you." Remus said. "But I don't know when you'll get back or when I get back or-"

"Hello? Excuse me, you're blocking the cereal." Sirius's gruff voice announced his sudden presence.

"Hello? We're sort of having a moment here." Tonks said sarcastically. "You know, sugar's bad for you."

"Oh well in that case, maybe you ought to move before I keel over choking just standing here watching you two." Sirius said wryly as he passed. Tonks helped guide Remus out of the way, both of her left feet accidentally stomping on his toes. Remus could feel Tonks roll her eyes. "Thank you." He was heavy-handedly searching around the cabinet for his breakfast.

"Remus is going on his first mission." Tonks informed him.

"What for?"

"What do you mean, 'what for', he's doing Order work just like he used to." Tonks laughed.

"And you think he's ready?" Sirius said in a half-kidding, half-deadly serious voice.

"I think I know how to hand someone a box."

"Congratulations, Moony, should I have brought a cake?" Sirius retorted snidely.

"Oh shove off." Remus chuckled.

"Do you think you can handle going out of your own though?" Sirius asked. "You don't think anyone will suspect him?"

"I think it should be inconspicuous enough." Remus said.

"But you know it's awfully cold out today." Tonks quickly pointed out.

"Yeah?" Remus replied.

"Well? Where's your coat?" Tonks crossed her arms.

"Aw, are you going to give him your coat?" Sirius made a noise of disgust.

"I mean, would you like it? Where's yours?"

"I... You know, I'm not sure if I've seen it since spring." Remus said.

"Hmm, it could be in the closet, I think." Tonks remarked.

"Actually, hang on just a moment- Excuse me, Molly?"

"Yes, Remus?" Mrs. Weasley's voice responded.

"Did you burn all of my clothes from St. Mungo's?"

"Yes, dear!"

"Even my coat?"

"I don't think so, but why don't you check the hall closet. I think it was the only thing without blood on it."

"Right! Hall closet..." Remus turned around, setting his tea on the counter. "Dora, where... where is the hall closet?"

"Yeah, it's... I mean, I can show you I guess. Or I can go look for you."

"Hall as in the cellar, by the fireplace, the front hallway? By the stairs?"

"Beside the stairs." Tonks said quietly, her voice closer to him than before. "And I'll go get you a scarf. I'm sure there's one around here somewhere."

"Sorry, I don't go running my hands all over the walls when I'm bored." Remus said dryly. He followed her closely, navigating around the table.

"You do too." Sirius chimed in.

"Oh, excuse me, Sirius." Remus turned his body, sticking his foot out and swinging his foot with him until it hit something soft. Sirius exclaimed as his foot made contact with his leg.

"Watch it, asshole!" He shot back.

"You're getting pretty good at that." Tonks pointed out with a chuckle.

"Don't encourage him." Sirius said.

"What? This is good! He's getting... he can use space and things." Tonks was opening up a closet door outside the kitchen. Remus ran his hand over the wooden paneling on the door.

"He's standing right here, you know." Remus reminded. Tonks leaned over and lovingly nudged him with her elbow. They playfully stole a quick and unfulfilling kiss as soon as they got into the hallway.

"Uck." Sirius spat

"But seriously, do you want to just take my coat?"

"It might only make me smell more like you and you know, that might actually be a bad idea-" Remus told her.

"You know I think there are nicer ways to tell me to take a shower." Tonks teased him.

"No, no, what I meant is that it would make me smell like you and I wouldn't exactly want to have people trying to track you down because of me." He was beginning to regret letting her hang all over him. He was already making a note in his head about showering to get her scent off of him.

"Don't worry, I've got enough death eaters on my ass I think I can take it." She sounded like she was smirking.

"I'm okay. I'll take an old one if I have to. No big deal."

She handed him a coat. "I think... I think this one's got to be yours. There you go, I think that's yours."Tonks was quiet, busy thinking as she watched him. Something about her posture brought his attention to her. "Will you be safe?"

"As safe as I can be."

"You know you don't have to go. You know, honestly... maybe you don't have any business going out there."

"I don't need you to protect me. I'll be okay, I'm going to be in public, I'll have plenty of cover." Remus informed her. He reached out to squeeze her hand. "I don't... think that there are supposed to be any werewolves, but I want to be safe."

"Be careful." Tonks said sternly, too quiet to let Sirius hear. "I'm not joking. Please don't... please don't do anything too stupid." She seemed like she was going to say something else before stopping herself.

"I'm not going to get myself hurt." Remus shook his head. "Dora, I'm going to be okay. I won't be long."

"Do you... you know, have a story about how-about what happened?" She wondered. "I just mean, if someone you know sees you and wonders why all of a sudden you haven't got eyes."

"I don't need a story." He shrugged. "I just... have to lie about who did this to me."

"Right." Tonks was uncomfortable with that. "I... do you... will you have time to have dinner tonight?"

Remus nodded quickly, hoping to soothe her thoughts a bit. "I hope so. I shouldn't have to wait long."

"Do you want to come meet my parents?" She blurted it out at him. "I just meant, like... well my mum invites me over for dinner every week and I'm going tonight, if you want to come, that's fine, but you don't have t-"

He cut her off. "Can I think about it? Just let me have the day to think about it."

"Okay, yeah," Tonks nodded furiously. "And please don't feel obligated to come, I just thought you deserved an invitation, you know?"

Something soft yet scratchy sat in his free hand. It felt like a hand knitted scarf. "Thank you."

"Welcome." Tonks smiled. "And again, you don't have to come to dinner with me. Please don't make a bigger deal out of this than it needs to be. My parents are just really nice and they can be a bit much, but this isn't any big deal."

"I'd like to go." Remus insisted.

"They're good people, I promise. They won't mind you. They'd actually really like having the company and they wouldn't say anything about you being-" Her voice trailed off.

"Being what?" Remus posed. "I suppose you could take your pick on that one. Were you going for older, disabled, or nonhuman?"

She playfully punched him. "I can tell you that they will like you for who you are no matter if you're all of those things."

"I am all of those things." He tried to keep from smiling.

Tonks rolled her eyes so hard he could hear it in the dead space "They aren't judgmental, I promise. They'll like you. And not because you're my... boy... friend? Am I supposed to call you that? I'm- ugh. Forget it."

Remus brushed his hand over her face and she met him halfway to kiss him. It felt like a real kiss this time, like they weren't sneaking tiny kisses and hidden touches they had when no one was particularly watching them. She always gave him a nearly painful sensation in his chest like he couldn't breathe, like his arteries clenched up and forced his heart to race around his ribcage. His head felt dizzy the longer she stayed close by. Suddenly Remus jarringly jerked away from her mid-kiss, forcefully separating them. "I'm sorry. This is too much for us to be—I'm so sorry."

"'Sorry'?" Tonks let out a morbid laugh. "Pardon?"

Remus, still unsure of what he had just done, what had just happened, shook his head. His mouth hung open and his arms were still in a defensive position between them. "Do you-" He wanted nothing more than to hear her thoughts, to read her face, to have some sort of indication as to what was turning inside of her mind. He felt his face flush. "I didn't mean to-"

He wanted to take the moment to tear into her for answers. Remus was always a bit too coordinated and it was distressing to think that there was no linear plan as to their future together. What was this all supposed to mean and what was the end goal? What was this turning into and where was it going? Why did she treat this in an almost nonchalant manner, as if it were normal to be doing all of the things they were doing like it was nothing? The spontaneity of her actions set him on edge like teeth grinding together.

Every time he saw her, he wanted to be around her more, to hold her and kiss her. He enjoyed every moment of her company and kept finding himself daydreaming about her voice when she was gone, despite every ounce of his being screaming in the back of his mind that maybe this was a terrible idea and he needed to split from this as quickly as he could. He didn't even need the voice to remind him; all Remus had to do was reach up and touch his own face to be reminded of the fact that he was living off of borrowed time, that either Greyback's pack or his own lycanthropy was going to end him prematurely, or to remind him of how dangerous and capable he was... how easy it would be for Tonks's face to end up exactly as torn as his was or worse.

"You don't have to apologize for anything." Tonks said quickly. "Are you okay, though? You seemed fine and now you're clearly not... look up at me, is something else wrong?"

"No, I'm... completely fine." Remus tried to shake off his embarrassment. "I was more worried about us." Remus told her. "Dora, do you ever think that maybe we need to have... have some sort of clear line, like a boundary that we're not supposed to cross?"

"Why? What's wrong?" She asked a bit more panicked.

"We work together. First and foremost, this is our job." He said.

"First and foremost, we met when you were ill and practically bedridden with depression. First and foremost, we're friends and I care about your wellbeing." Tonks said in an annoyed voice. "What's wrong? What's with this all of a sudden?"

"Dora, I didn't mention this, but um," Remus turned his head to the kitchen. "Arthur pulled me aside this morning. People are beginning to get a bit suspicious and it's-he's concerned."

Tonks took a deep breath. "Yeah, I knew something like that was going to happen. I don't know if you've been in the run with the news, but they keep cracking down on the half-breed registry."

Pain twisted deep in his gut. "How bad is it?"

Her voice was shaky. "Kingsley says it's not going to be long before they're going to have us start fining people who don't register, but Mad-eye's convinced there's already plans to raid people's houses and make arrests."

"And what do you think?"

"I think... I think there's a reason there's a disproportionate amount of half-breeds being arrested for supposed petty crimes considering the fact that I know someone upstairs is skimming through a government fund and the head of the department basically had to come down and tell us not to investigate or they'll cut out our tongues." She said bitterly. "It's Malfoy, by the way, I know he's up to something. I don't trust his stupid face. He knows we can't do anything."

"That's... awful." Remus felt at a loss for words. "Have they come after you yet?"

"Not outside the usual harassment. Hey, it's alright. Don't look like that, it's just the way things are." Her hand lovingly caressed his.

"Shouldn't be." He said. "But when Arthur was talking to me, he was taking more about how we're working together now and I'm fairly certain he thinks we're too busy shagging each other to focus on our work." Remus was trying very hard to fend off the gnawing combination of guilt and terror that he felt whenever they were together, whenever she kissed or touched him. He fought to stay light hearted, to be carefree, to use her as a pleasant distractions from their certain impending doom.

Tonks sighed. "Right. Of course he is." She muttered. "Mad-eye's been onto me about it too and Kingsley's sort of the silent judgement type. Probably brought up the age thing too, huh? I wouldn't take them serious. This isn't work, you are not my job and I don't care what they have to say about it."

"I think they have a point though, Dora. I mean, imagine if all I did was hang around the auror office all of the time."

"Remus, I live here, okay? You live here. And we both just so happen to be running a government conspiracy group out of our front room. Besides, if you were being that much of a distraction, I'd think it would be a bit more noticeable. I spend my weekends with you, it's not like I'm trying to jump down your throat while trying to duel a death eater." She ranted.

Remus pursed his lips. "I need to be honest though and say that I think maybe they have a decent point. Perhaps... Tonks, it's not like this is a very good idea to begin with, don't you think?"

Tonks staggered. "What?"

"I mean, what? Where do you think we're going with this? What future could you possibly imagine where I'm in it? I barely know you at all, and believe me, I think you're absolutely lovely, but it's not like this is going to mean anything significant in the end. We're just... in the right place at the right time, and I honestly can't see this going anywhere productive." The words wouldn't stop spilling out. "It's great, it's... it's nice having someone to talk to beside Sirius, but do you actually think that if I wasn't home bound and at least somewhat dependent on the people around me, you would even have a speck of interest in me?"

"This isn't about being productive, Remus, have you never dated someone in your life?" Tonks asked. "And I absolutely would have a speck of interest in you. You're saying this is all because of circumstances and all, but really-"

"All I'm saying is that we both know this isn't going to be a big happy ending, so why are we doing this at all?"

"And what makes you so clever that you get to decide one way or the other without barely giving me a chance?" She demanded.

"The Order's eventually going to disband, either things are going to get better or enough of us are going to die that we all go home. Whether it's one year from now or ten, this isn't how things are always going to be." Remus explained. "Do you really think that if things were normal in a year, you would still want to be around me?"

"Why aren't you giving me the opportunity to find out, huh?" She threw up her hands. "Look, I'm not going to stand here and fight you over this, I really thought you like me and that things were going great. But if you decided to change your mind, I'm leaving here at six tonight and my mum's making curry, so whatever... whatever you've got going on, I hope you get it all sorted."

Tonks started walking away when Remus stopped her, his hand closing in around her arm. "I don't hate you."

"I know you don't." She replied. "But I don't know how to tell you to let this go and stop overthinking this."

"You're just going to get hurt one way or the other, and I don't see why you can't just... I dunno, maybe find some nice younger auror who won't stun you or make you carry him around all the time."

"Because I don't want one." She muttered. "Now let go of me."

Remus let go of her and she trudged up the stairs. He felt like he was going to be sick. He unclenched his teeth and slowly made his way back to his room. He was more than furious at himself for saying all of those things to her. He wanted her more than anything in the world yet here he was, shouting at her to go as far away from him as she could. Yet Remus knew that's what he was supposed to do. This whole sweetheart fling they had was never going to last and had no business lasting, but he couldn't banish it from his mind.

Remus was too sick to eat anything and all of the conversation Sirius was trying to start up was boring and uninteresting. He eventually managed down a slice of toast just to give him something to think about other than Sirius's voice for a few minutes. Arthur was coming home at half past o'clock to fetch Remus and make sure he made it safely to the Leaky Cauldron. The mysterious ally would know his name and know what sort of person he was looking for, and they would even have a special code phrase, an excuse as to why they were meeting, but all Remus knew was if anything went wrong, if he was being tracked, they would delay the meeting.

Remus hasn't quite considered the logistics of showing up at the Leaky Cauldron and trying to find somewhere private where he could meet with the messenger as there was the very obvious problem of trying to not sit at an already occupied place. He finally had to muster up his embarassment and ask the bartender if he could point him in some direction.

He sat in a secluded booth in the corner, taking off his coat and the scarf Tonks had given him. He didn't know how long he had been sitting there, or how long he would be sitting there for. He listened to people as they came and went from the establishment. Eventually, he had to get something to drink so that at least he wasn't completely loitering, but he refused to let himself become intoxicated. The long stretch of silence gave him too much time to think about things. He tried to pretend he was absolutely terrified. The person he was meeting could walk right up to him with a dark mark and a death eater mask on and at best, Remus might think he had a head cold. This mission wasn't that important in the long run, but if he slipped up, Remus's track record was going to be completely irredeemable.

He thought about Tonks for the most part. Remus felt terrible for making her feel bad and worse for possibly making their entire relationship irreversible. This was the absolute opposite of what he had wanted. Ideally, she would have listened to reason and realized his point in that they were too good at being friends to throw that away because they were too handsy with one another or worse, realize that he was nothing more than a dangerous distraction and that was either going to get her seriously maimed or killed. He wanted to demand that she stop being so foolish and realize that she was never going to truly be fulfilled and satisfied with him, but the problem with that was the fact that Remus couldn't quite come to terms with that himself. If only he would stop being so damn selfish and think about how he was affecting the others for once. But even when he tried to draw his mind away from her, he couldn't shake his thoughts off of her. What was it going to be like the next time they met? Was any of this salvageable? Could they still friends? Was that even safe for them to be? Did he want that?

Remus was getting bored. Increasingly so that he Naram daydreaming... would he ever be able to live on his own again? Would he be able to buy his own food and cook for himself, do his own laundry, maybe even own a pet one day? It had to be feesible since even muggles could do it, but first he would need a paying job. That was much less feesible. Literal hours were beginning to tick by and Remus wanted nothing more than to simply walk out. It was become excruciatingly painful to sit and do nothing, to not even have the pleasure of reading when he was bored. He was tired of sitting in silence and his legs were growing stiff.

"Sorry I'm late, mate," a voice said suddenly. "Hello?"

"Oh, hello," Remus jumped to his feet and held out his hand. "Got caught up at work, yeah?"

"Yeah, long day." The voice was younger than Remus expected and his handshake was just about as weak. "Thanks for waiting up for me."

"Thanks for making it." Remus smiled. At that point, he was obligated to buy them both drinks as Tom was now growing increasingly suspicious of him. "I'm glad you managed to make time for me on your birthday."

"Anything for a friend." The man said. The package wasn't much. It was the size of a journal and was wrapped in gift paper. Remus took it out of his coat pocket. He hoped the man wasn't so stupid as to open it, but he put it in his pocket. Now writing letters would be a bit more inconspicuous when they weren't in plain English. "You didn't have to get me anything."

"I wanted to." Remus replied, sliding it across the table. "I probably owe you more than one to be frank with you."

They had small talk for a painstaking while. Neither knew when to finally have to rush out and neither knew what the truth was. Remus didn't even know the man's name (if he didn't know better, he could have been young enough to be a Hogwarts student). It got so bad they began discussing the weather. The man tried to spin some story about his so-called family or some friends of his celebrating his fake birthday, but Remus quickly lost interest. They both just wanted to leave. Finally, the man announced that he had forgotten about the fact that he needed to run by the store before his mother came by to visit and they could drop their elaborate story.

Remus waited a few minutes to head back to Grimmauld, though he hoped he could make it in time. It occurred to him that there was no way he could walk home, nor flop since he didn't have powder and Grimmauld needed to stay off the grid. He had no wand to apperate with. He simply walked out side to begin formulating when he heard a familiar pop come in from behind him. He tried to ignore it, thinking that it must be just another wizard until he heard Arthur's voice.

"Keep walking, I think someone might be watching us." He said softly. Remus ignored him and kept walking. Finally they were far enough from the pub that they could talk. "I was worried something went wrong. I kept checking on you and nothing happened."

"He took his time is all." Remus said. "What time is it? Do you know?

"Just a bit after six." Arthur checked his watch. Remus felt defeated. "Why?"

"Nothing. I'd just like to head back now." Remus shook his head.