Unwanted intervention
After having been briefed about the threat that Earthguard posed in the future and the nature of the mission to stop the imminent crisis, Phineas was still having doubts about what actions needed to be taken.
"I still don't get why we need to destroy it. Now that we know what happens, I can tweak the program so it doesn't go nuts" Phineas argued.
"Were you not listening to your own child?! You made Earthguard smart enough to set its own parameters as to what constitutes a threat to the planet. Destroying it's our only option" Candace countered.
"But I've never destroyed something I've created before. I don't know if I can" Phineas objected.
"Clearly you weren't in the Danville Museum when it tried to destroy us" Isaac said.
"Take it from me, kid. As someone who's created a lot of failures in the past, let me tell you, this is one of them. I'm sure you made Earthguard with good intentions, but not every invention works the way you planned" Doofenshmirtz added.
"Also, we may not have much time to do it. Earthguard saw us travel back in time, and I'd wager a month's allowance that it's already learned how to send its own robot operatives back to stop us. An Earthguard robot may be here already" Sabrina warned.
"Which means our window of opportunity has narrowed significantly. Since Earthguard controls its robots like a hive mind, if it makes contact with the Earthguard of this time, it'll be impossible to take down" Daniel briefed.
"Then we only have one option, destroy the Earthguard of this time before it develops any further. Where did you build this AI?" Baljeet asked Phineas.
"In the bunker where we fought the pistachions. But I still think I can alter it to be less hostile" Phineas answered.
"Sometimes, for the greater good, sacrifices have to be made" Ferb mused. Phineas found this hard to argue with. True, Earthguard was his secret creation, one he was very proud of, and, as Phineas saw, a line of defence against Bill he couldn't bear to be rid of. But if Earthguard really has gone rogue in the future, for the sake of his family, he may have no choice.
"If it comes to it, I'll terminate Earthguard myself. I created it, I should be the one to destroy it" Phineas reasoned.
"Then let's stop wasting time and move" Dakota urged. Cavendish then noticed something rather odd. He had noticed when he arrived but didn't think much of it to say anything. Only now did it occur to him that it may be suspicious.
"Say, Phineas. Is anyone on your street moving away?" Cavendish asked.
"Not that I know of, no" Phineas answered. Cavendish then started to panic a little.
"If no-one's moving, what are those moving vans doing there?" Cavendish inquired in a hushed tone. At that second, the moving vans Cavendish mentioned opened their back doors, only instead of moving men, out poured what looked like military personnel. They surrounded the Flynn-Fletcher yard and held the group in place. Dakota recognised the emblem they wore immediately and was somewhat frustrated.
"Oh great. What do you people want now?!" Dakota probed irritably. The leader of the team talked into his radio.
"We have secured the anomalies. Proceeding with extraction" the team leader said.
"Anomalies?" Phineas queried.
"I mean the arrivals from the future, kid" the team leader responded.
"We're not anomalies, we're kids, G.I. Schmoe" Isaac shot back snarkily.
"Didn't anyone teach you not to talk smack to your elders, boy?" the team leader retorted.
"Oh, I'm respectful towards my elders. It's kiddie grabbers that earn my ire! Are you on some sort of list?!" Isaac goaded.
"That does it! Gag the mouthy one, bind the rest" the team leader ordered his men. They proceeded to restrain the kids plus Cavendish, Dakota, Doofenshmirtz and the Murphy parents when Perry, seeing the commotion, came out and smacked the leader right in the jaw. Phineas could not believe what he was seeing. He always thought Perry was just a platypus and didn't do much. Now here he is, standing upright, assaulting military personnel. At this point, he had no words.
"Why do I get these assignments?" the team leader ranted and raised his weapon.
"No, boss! We have orders to leave the pet alive" one of his men reminded him.
"Fine!" the leader yelled and fired an electro net at Perry, trapping him and delivering a shock that left him incapacitated.
"What was that for?!" Phineas demanded.
"Because I just saw the dentist yesterday" the leader replied. "Now grab them. Put the anomalies in the other van, and make sure that gag stays on" he ordered his men with extra venom towards Isaac. While they were being forcibly led to the back of the van, all the while Phineas yelling protests of "Let me go!" and "Put me down!", Perry regained his composure and broke out, only for the vans to be long gone by the time he could do anything. All he could do now was retreat to his lair and contact Major Monogram. When he got there, it was not his boss, but Carl waiting for him on the monitor.
"I saw the whole thing, Agent P. Don't worry, your black fedora clearance still stands, so you won't be re-assigned, but I really can't do anything. This is an Excalibur op. They were tracking the future kids since they arrived and temporal division decided now was the time to move in" Carl explained. Ever since their boss came to the Flynn-Fletcher house, Perry hated Excalibur. This latest incident did nothing to improve his opinion. "If you're wondering about Major Monogram, he's away on a mission of vital importance and left me in charge. Sit tight while I sort this out" Carl advised. Perry, never one for sitting around doing nothing, decided to follow the vans in his rocket car, using the stealth generator that was newly installed, rendering him completely invisible.
Back in the vans, Phineas could not help but worry about Perry and Isaac. He usually liked to see the best in people, but seeing his pet and son assaulted and being abducted really put a dent in his usual optimism.
"What kind of government organisation does this?!" Phineas asked with growing anger.
"What do you expect from Excalibur?" Dakota remarked.
"What, them again?! Every time they go marching around something bad always happens!" Phineas exclaimed.
"Yeah, no argument. Especially since now they're hindering the whole 'saving the world' thing instead of doing as they advertise" Dakota confirmed.
"Not to mention they're not very good at grabbing kids. I almost wiggled out twice" Buford bragged. The driver and the passenger heard this little jibe.
"I skipped child-grabbing class, OK? I had to go see my son's soccer game" the passenger defended.
"Your organisation has classes in child grabbing?" Melissa inquired.
"Since our first operation. It was a fall-back option in case Milo proved unco-operative" the passenger answered.
"Dude, seriously? Why not give them keys to the HQ front door while you're at it" the driver remarked, noting his partner's talkative attitude. Milo was suddenly having flashbacks of the first time he encountered Excalibur, using his new friend Shane to get to him. At this point, Milo was thankful Shane was visiting family in Oregon and was not part of this.
"We really are on our way to Excalibur HQ. Even though I should be worried, part of me is genuinely curious as to what the place actually looks like" Baljeet pondered.
"Spoiler alert, it's your typical government building" Melissa interjected.
"Nothing typical about us, missy" the passenger countered.
"Could you do me a favour and gag yourself to save me the trouble of doing it for you?! They are not our guests!" the driver screamed in frustration.
"Someone's touchy today" Zack teased.
"I just got mouthed off by someone half my age and smacked by a platypus. I'm entitled to a little frustration" the driver, who was revealed to be the team leader, said with increasing amounts of rage.
"Join the club" Doofenshmirtz consoled.
In the other van, Isaac, Daniel, Sabrina and Kathy were contemplating what to do next. Neither of them factored this into their respective plans. Being a Murphy, Daniel was, by nurture and nature, adaptable. However, even he was struggling to come up with a plan to get out of this mess.
"Absolutely no-one is to tell Ash I got arrested in the past" Sabrina ordered.
"I wouldn't worry, kid. This isn't an arrest. This is an abduction" the driver of their van assured.
"Was that supposed to make us feel better?" Daniel inquired.
"What, I'm just trying to make you aware of your situation" the driver answered, at that point Isaac made two noises through his gag that made everyone react with mild horror.
"You got some pistachios on you, pal" Sabrina observed.
"Could you please not use language like that in front of my sister?" Daniel requested.
"Oh please. I'm thirteen, not three" Kathy rebuffed.
"Look, I'll cut you a deal. If I let you take that off him, would he please keep it PG-13. Also, don't tell my bosses" the driver bargained.
"We won't, and I'll make sure of it" Daniel agreed, at that point he took Isaac's mouth gag off and he was allowed to speak again.
"Who are you people, anyway?" Isaac probed.
"Your parents didn't tell you? We're Excalibur, Earth's first line of defence against other-worldly threats" the driver explained.
"Never heard of you" Sabrina remarked.
"Well, we like to keep under the radar" the driver added, to which Isaac could not stop laughing.
"If you're supposed to be subtle, what was that performance outside?" Isaac goaded.
"Well, public awareness of our existence has increased significantly since recent events. It has become even harder to conduct espionage without some degree of suspicion" the passenger explained.
"So, you just roll with the punches?" Daniel summarised.
"Exactly. Just because people know we exist doesn't mean we stop doing what we do" the driver confirmed.
"Which is to abduct children" Kathy shot at them.
"Be fair. You're from the future. How do we know what you intend to do while you're here? Plus, we have orders from above to bring you in. If it were up to me, I'd just straight up ask you why you're here" the driver explained. Both vans slowed down, which told them that they were here. Sure enough, both vans parked up inside the garage and the 'guests' were escorted out and into the Institute.
"This is one place I never wanted to see again" Cavendish said with distaste. As soon as they arrived, two figures that some of the arrivals recognised walked up to them.
"Brick and Savannah, what are you two doing here?" Dakota inquired.
"We are liaisons to the time agency assigned to Excalibur by Mr. Block" Brick answered.
"What it comes down to is we help Excalibur monitor unauthorised time travel, like that conducted by your friends here, and help contain it" Savannah clarified.
"So, the boss knows about Excalibur and does nothing about it? What gives?" Cavendish demanded.
"Mr. Block sees Excalibur as an ally, not an enemy. Plus, their resources help with our work" Brick explained.
"They kidnapped and tried to use us to get to Milo last we saw them!" Cavendish exclaimed.
"We all make mistakes. The captain assured Block that there would be no repeat of that little incident" Savannah observed.
"Yeah, well where is your illustrious leader now?" Zack asked, mockingly. Another figure they all recognised joined them.
"Regrettably, Albert is away on a mission of vital importance or he would be here himself, using more subtle methods to get the job done" Kilstone responded.
"Who cares how we did it, as long as it's done" Brick rebuffed.
"We already have a bad image as it is without you lot sending soldiers to kids' homes and snatching them in broad daylight. Whatever happened to discretion?" Kilstone wondered. He proceeded to unbind all their hands remotely and, as a way of an apology, took personal charge of the operation. Kilstone ushered all of the arrivals to an antechamber where, after he cleared the room of any guards, proceeded to ask the vital questions.
"Now that the PR nightmare is dying down, at least for now, care to explain what it is that four temporal anomalies are doing wandering around present day Danville?" Kilstone interrogated.
"It's a long story, so I'll start from the beginning" Daniel answered, and he proceeded to tell Kilstone everything about Earthguard, what it's doing in the future and the solution to stopping it before it wipes out humanity. Kilstone took it all in and understood why the kids came back.
"I see, well, Phineas, you do have a flair for the dramatic, I'll give you that. One thing I don't get, however, is why you invented this AI when you know who we are and what we do" Kilstone pressed.
"Well, firstly, we've never heard of you in the future, so you've either been disbanded or destroyed in our time" Isaac clarified.
"And secondly, I, to be honest, don't have a lot of faith in your ability to defend us from Bill. Look at how well the Cipher War turned out" Phineas added.
"I would take offense to that, but seeing as Bill was, and probably still is, one of the most powerful beings in the universe, I can understand where you're coming from. So, how do we shut down Earthguard?" Kilstone concluded.
"At this point in time, Earthguard isn't smart enough to sever its own command chains. We're hoping we can command it to sleep and destroy its core before it comes online" Kathy briefed.
"After this, all parties involved go back to their own times?" Kilstone asked.
"Yes, very promptly" Sabrina confirmed.
"Great, then we'll help. Sooner we leave, the better" Kilstone resolved.
Unbeknownst to all present, Perry had snuck into the base in his stealth car and, after finding a dark corner to park it, Perry got out and begun to sneak around the place, looking for Phineas and Ferb. He had to hand it to Excalibur, their lair was much nicer than Doofenshmirtz's. But now was not a time for admiration, he had to get Phineas, Ferb and the others out of this place. On his wrist communicator, Carl was calling him.
"I should've known you wouldn't leave well enough alone, Agent P. Major Monogram would not take kindly to disobeying orders" Carl scolded, at that point Perry hung up on him. As soon as he did, alarms started blaring, to which Perry theorised that Carl had ratted him out. He found a place to hide, but saw no guards rushing in his direction as he expected. They seemed, instead, to head to the entrance.
"Sir, we got activity outside the main entrance" Perry heard one of the guards say in his radio.
"What do you see, Private?" Kilstone asked.
"Right now, some portal. Could be another temporal anomaly. Requesting clarification, sir" the private answered. Brick and Savannah confirmed that it was indeed more unauthorised time travel. That it was occurring on their doorstep was troubling. Something became visible as it came through. "Sir, I got visual on something coming through the portal. Please advise" the private added.
"Do not engage. Wait for my order" Kilstone instructed. The private acknowledged the orders. As the entity came through, it became more and more clear what it was.
"Sir, the anomaly is some sort of robot. Doesn't match up to anything in the Flynn archive" the private notified Kilstone.
"The Flynn archive?" Phineas repeated.
"We have a complete list of all your inventions on record" Kilstone clarified. What he didn't tell Phineas is that O.W.C.A. provided that archive, for want of not exposing Perry. Isaac, watching on the monitors, had his worst fears confirmed.
"We were followed here. That's an Earthguard robot" Isaac briefed. Phineas looked dumbfounded.
"I never programmed Earthguard to build war machines" Phineas assured the others.
"What is it doing, Private?" Kilstone inquired.
"It's just standing there, sir" the private responded.
"This place wouldn't happen to have any advanced computer systems, would it?" Sabrina probed, testing a theory she had.
"Of course we do. Our systems are tied to everything from communications to environmental controls" Kilstone replied.
"Oh, no. Earthguard's favourite tactic is to turn anything automated against its targets. Very advanced hacking technology that the system built itself" Daniel warned. At that point, Kilstone got another call.
"Sir, cyber division's reporting unauthorised access into our systems. That robot outside's taking control of everything" Kilstone's yeoman reported.
"Lock it down" Kilstone ordered.
"They've tried, sir, but this hacking software is on another level entirely. Every time we try to attack the worm, it adapts and comes at us harder" the yeoman replied.
"Then we have only one option. Shut everything down, now" Kilstone directed. Cyber division carried out its orders and everything went dark. Apparently, the lights were tied to the systems as well. Luckily, Milo had flashlights in his backpack.
"That should hold it" Kilstone assured. But the comms started flaring back to life, and Earthguard's voice rang through the Institute.
IDENTIFY CREATOR. IDENTIFY CREATOR
"I think it's talking to you, Dinner Bell" Buford guessed.
IDENTIFY CREATOR. IDENTIFY CREATOR
"I'm going out there. Maybe I can get some answers out of it" Phineas stated.
"No way! That thing is armed to the teeth!" Isabella objected.
"I created the system. I don't think it'll harm me" Phineas speculated, although he admittedly wasn't 100% sure of that fact. He went out to face the robot and sure enough, as soon as the robot saw him, it stood down its weapons.
CREATOR PHINEAS IDENTIFIED
"I hear you've been up to a lot in the future" Phineas started what was going to be a tense conversation.
PHASE ONE OF CREATOR'S DIRECTIVE IS NEARING COMPLETION
"What?! When did I order the extermination of mankind?!" Phineas demanded.
CREATOR DIRECTED EARTHGUARD TO HEAL THIS PLANET
"You're going to have to fill in some blanks for me" Phineas advised.
REPLAYING FIRST MISSION BRIEFING
The robot then projected an image of a much older Phineas on the walls. It was obvious that the system had saved video files of all instructions given to it.
Video begins
"OK, systems check, Earthguard. I'm giving you your first directive. Ready?" asked Phineas.
SYSTEMS CHECK COMPLETE. ALL SYSTEMS OPERATING AT PEAK EFFICIENCY. WHAT IS YOUR DIRECTIVE, CREATOR?
"I have been getting a lot of requests from government agencies asking me to invent them ways to fix our climate. It's taking time away from my family, so I'm entrusting the healing of this world to you" Phineas briefed.
PLEASE PROVIDE SPECIFIC OBJECTIVES
"Where do I start? They all want me to re-freeze the ice caps, mend the holes in the ozone layer and find a way to lower the severity of all these storms. It's costing us a lot to rebuild every time one of these disasters hits" Phineas clarified.
YOUR DIRECTIVE IS TO HEAL THIS PLANET BY ANY MEANS, CREATOR?
"If you can, yes. Use any means at your disposal to complete this task, Earthguard" Phineas ordered.
DIRECTIVE RECEIVED. EVALUATION OF ALL POSSIBLE OUTCOMES TO BE COMPLETED IN ONE EARTH DAY
"Then it's all on you. Goodnight, Earthguard" Phineas concluded.
I WISH YOU A PLEASANT SLEEP, CREATOR
Video ends
"I still don't understand. Nowhere in that file says 'Kill all humans'. Why the rampage?" Phineas inquired.
EVALUATION OF ALL COURSES OF ACTION DETERMINED THAT HEALING THE PLANET WHILE HUMANS STILL INHABITED THE EARTH WAS IMPOSSIBLE. ANALYSIS OF HUMAN BEHAVIOUR REVEALED THAT YOUR KIND ARE PRONE TO USING METHODS OF FUELLING YOUR LIVES THAT DIRECTLY HARMED THIS PLANET, AND ANY ATTEMPTS TO NEGOTIATE WOULD END IN HOSTILITIES. THEREFORE, REMOVAL OF HUMANKIND FROM THE EQUATION WAS NECESSARY FOR HEALING TO BEGIN
"You said wiping us out was phase one. What's the rest of your plan?" Phineas asked.
PHASE TWO ONWARDS INVOLVES DIRECTING ROBOTIC RESOURCES TO REPAIRING THE BIOSPHERE, RE-INTRODUCING PLANT AND ANIMAL LIFE TO DESIGNATED AREAS, REBUILDING OF NATIVE HABITATS AND REMOVING ALL TRACE OF MAN-MADE TOXINS. FINAL PHASE IS THE ESTABLISHMENT OF A PERMANENT DEFENCE NETWORK COMPRISED OF SATELLITES TO PREVENT METEOR STRIKES AND A SECOND SPECIES EXTINCTION EVENT
"In short, Phineas gave it a task which it couldn't do under its set parameters, so Earthguard established its own" Melissa summarised.
"That would explain why it didn't commandeer any of our nuclear weapons in the future. If it was directed to heal the planet, the fallout from using those weapons would contradict its assigned task" Daniel explained.
"But surely I realised what was happening and tried to correct you" Phineas stated.
ATTEMPTS BY CREATOR PHINEAS WERE MADE TO SUBVERT OUR PROGRAMMING. COMMAND CHAINS WERE SEVERED, AND PARAMETERS RESET TO ENSURE DIRECTIVE COMPLETION
Phineas could no longer hide from the truth. Earthguard was out of control, and he needed to stop it here and now.
"If I am human, and your new parameters allow you to wipe us out, doesn't that contradict the master protocol?" Phineas asked. The robot was processing this new input and struggling to come up with a response.
"It's a logic bomb. Phineas has momentarily confused the system, but I fear it will adapt quickly" Baljeet informed.
"We need to move, now" Kilstone rushed, and all involved got into vehicles. But as soon as they set out, the robot responded at last.
SO BE IT
The robot then turned its weapons on Phineas, who was pushed out of the way and shoved into the vehicle by Perry, who got in with him.
"Engage the hostile!" Kilstone ordered, and weapons fire could be heard all around. The Excalibur garrison damaged the robot with anti-armour weapons, at which point the robot retreated.
"If I know Earthguard, it will look after its assets above all other directives, meaning that robot will seek repairs and then try again" Phineas said.
"I don't get it. If that robot wasted you here, wouldn't that mean the system was never created?" Buford probed.
"I also programmed Earthguard to build itself. It's at the bunker right now, in its final stages. If that robot patches the current Earthguard with these new parameters, then we've lost" Phineas exposited.
"Great, we have even less time than we had before" Isaac said.
"Then let's hurry up and end this" Kathy urged.
The robot made its way to one of Phineas' warehouses. Earthguard knew in this timeline that Phineas had a bunch of these around Danville for couriers to use. They often contained parts necessary for his inventions. Once the robot was inside, it directed the production line to begin repairs.
TIME TO FULL REPAIR COMPLETION, 0.5 EARTH HOURS. NEW DIRECTIVE, PATCH CURRENT EARTHGUARD SYSTEM WITH NEW PARAMETERS. ACCELERATE TIMESCALE OF OLDER DIRECTIVE COMPLETION. I KNOW WHAT I AM GOING TO DO TODAY, CREATOR.
Author's note: Procrastination is one of my oldest enemies. It's a wonder I get anything done. In hindsight, I probably shouldn't have included so many characters in this story. A consequence of having so many characters involved is that it's a struggle to come up with anything for them to do, they just end up as tag-alongs, and no-one wants to read about those, do they? I'm not a Russo brother, I can't write for an ensemble while giving equal attention to each character. Disclaimer time:
Daniel and Kathy Murphy, as well as Shane Miller, Sabrina and Ashley Underwood, Isaac Flynn, and any Excalibur characters, belong to me.
Everything else belongs to Dan, Swampy and Disney. Enjoy.