Chapter 121: Peek-A-Boo Pan
When we got home, after the party, I notice dad looked funny. As mom started making dinner, I couldn't help look at dad. "Is something the matter kiddo?" I told him that he looks off. "I feel off." Maybe you should lie down. Uh? He didn't respond. "Maybe I should lie down for a bit."
"That's what I just said."
"Uh?" He looked at me confused. "When did you say that? I didn't hear you say anything." Oh no!
"Dad?" Now I'm worried. I quickly reached over to him, and touched his forehead. "You're not running a fever. Usually mom, and Gohan can't hear me when they have a fever." I then looked at him more closely. "And your aura around you is like fading in and out. And it's all muddy gray." At first, he looked confused, and then he looked worried. "Dad. Something wrong. We have to tell mom. Maybe she could make you better." But he just shook his head, and said not to worry about this. That maybe it's nothing big. "But dad." He just covered my mouth and shook his head.
"Let's not worry your mom. Ok?" This isn't good. Dad needs to tell mom. As we sat for dinner, it was clear something was wrong with dad. He didn't even finish eating his usual amount. He didn't eat half of what he normally eats. See. I told dad to just tell mom. Now she's more worried than if he just told her from the start. Now, she's going about who could they ask to find out what's wrong with dad. Even though mom is trying to stay calm, it's clear she's extremely worried about dad. Then they finally come up with asking King Kai for help. Since King Kai would know more about stuff than Vegeta. With that, dad left. Now me and mom stood up waiting, and hoping it was nothing serious.
I just started falling asleep on mom's lap, when a loud crush woke me up. The moment I woke up, I had to stop stuff from falling on mom. We soon made our way outside, and I was still feeling sleepy. I then heard mom screaming at dad about the destroyed house. Uh? The house is destroyed? I looked behind me. What you know, the house was destroyed. Kind of grateful I started that habit of putting all my things in capsule form. Never know when I'll be sleeping over Trunks, or Gohan's place. Mom would let me, so, it's convenient to always be ready. Now to deal with mom screaming at dad, till they figured out what to do. I'm too tired to deal with this.
Before long, they had reached out to Gohan. Thankful bro let us crush at his place, and we'll be cleaning up the mess another day. Somehow, I'm grateful we don't live in the city. We could take our time with cleaning all this. When we got to Gohan's place, I just went straight to my usual room, I crush in, when I sleep over. Before I went to the room, I overheard that we will be babysitting my niece tomorrow. Something about Piccolo having something to do, and my brother having some from of meeting. Whatever. I just want sleep now. I'll deal with the emotions of what's going on tomorrow. Today was too draining.
…
After a few tries, and getting yelled at by Bulma and Vegeta, I finally made it to King Kai's. Before I could get a word in, he started laughing. "I'm surprised you even made me it."
"You knew I was coming?"
"Kinda. Ok. So, what seems to be the problem?" After I told him what was wrong. He went about what I usually go through with a doctor. He then tells me how I have delay onset ki disorder. After he explain what it was, it was worse than I thought. I really pushed myself too hard during my fight with Hit. I even pushed myself during my fight with Monaka. King Kai says that disorder usually shows up a few days after, but the fact it came sooner is probably due to me over doing it too soon. This is bad. I really need to take it easy, or I'll never be able to fight again.
The bad part now is getting back to earth. Hopefully I'll get lucky and be somewhere nearby, that I could walk the rest of the way. Just my luck. I'm on an island super far from home. I'm kind of stuck here, unless I fly. But that seems like a lot of work, but gotta do it. Oh Dende! It's like the first time I was learning to drive a car. "How do I stop?!" I was trying to land pass my home, but instead I crashed through it. When I finally did stop, I looked behind me to witness a very angry wife. "Hi honey." I soon got an earful, before we called Gohan. Thankfully, he said we could stay and he even came to pick us up.
Once we got his place, Goten went to his usual room. Poor guy; he's exhausted. I told Chichi, and Gohan what King Kai told me. They both seem very worried. So, looks like I'll be out of commission for some time. Would everyone be able to handle themselves if something came up. Once again, I'm left in the sidelines because of my health. Man, why does this keeps happening?
I was so lost in thought; I didn't even realize that something was touching my face. It took me a moment, and then I saw that Pan was in my face. How could I not smile when she's smiling like that? I couldn't help grab her, and hold her close. This cute little girl looks so happy. I then overheard Gohan telling Chichi if we could babysit Pan tomorrow. "Yes!" They both looked at me surprised. Then they went back to talking amongst themselves, and I went back to focusing on the little one, in my arms.
So small, and cute. I've seen Trunks as a baby, but the last time I held one was when Gohan was a baby. That was so long along. I couldn't help poke Pan's cheeks. She's so small and adorable. Never thought I would be alive to hold a baby again. At that, my own grandchild. I started to make silly faces, and enjoy her giggles. Even lightly tickled her little belly. Hearing her laugh is so wonderful. Usually when I visit, Chichi usually carries her. When I do, I just get lost in her smiles. It's so hard for me to let go. I just can't help it. She's so small, and holding her reminds me of a time were everything was right with the world.
I couldn't stop playing with her. But the moment I heard a click, I looked up. "Did you two just take a picture of me?"
"Yes. You look so cute playing with Pan." I just got up and walked away, with Pan at hand. As I walked around, I bumped into Piccolo, and he tried to take Pan from me. He tried telling me how I don't know how to take care of a baby. How dare he! I'm in no mood for this. I know how to care for a baby. I did just fine with Gohan. I held Pan more protectively, as I walked past him. As I continued walking, I couldn't stop staring down at her. My little granddaughter has so much ahead of her in life, and currently her grandpa isn't able to keep her safe. If I don't heal, and I could never fight again, how would I keep her safe. That made me sad, and I hugged her closer to my chest.
"Sweet little Pan. Grandpa promise to get better, so he can keep you safe. Grandpa will make sure you grow up only knowing peace. You also have your daddy to keep you safe, but you also have me, and your uncle Goten." I then poked her little nose. "Besides, grandpa would do anything for you." The more I say those worlds the more I remember about my own grandpa. Remembering all the happy times, and everything he ever taught me. I poked her nose again. "I'm going to be the best grandpa ever." I then felt a tap on my shoulder. When I look, it was Piccolo again.
He suggested to sit on the roof. I told him I currently can't fly. Then he let me know he'll gladly help. With that, we were on the roof, looking at stars. Awe, does Pan likes the shiny stars? She even tries to grab them. She's so cute. I ended playing airplane with her. "Papa. Papa." That made me a little sad.
"No Pan. Grandpa. Grandpa." I kept playing airplane with her. She's so full of giggles. Before long, with some help from Piccolo, we got off the roof, and went inside. Once inside, come to find out that everyone, but Gohan, had went to bed. Even Pan was sleeping in my arms. When Gohan made a motion to take her, I got really defensive. "I'll put her to bed."
"Dad."
"Please." He looked very shock, but then lead me to her nursery. Once I set her down to sleep, I couldn't stop staring at her. After a while, I finally left the room and went to join Chichi. Once there, I was slightly upset that she was already asleep. Trying not to wake her, I laid down. When I did is when I really started thinking about my current situation. I'm so weak and pretty much helpless. I currently can't even keep my family safe. If something comes up, and I'm force to fight, it'll be the very last one. What am I without my strength? What good am I being so powerless?
My strength was something I thought would never change. I knew I could always lose the people around me. So, I depended on my strength to keep them close. I look over to Chichi. Chichi. My Chichi. She always wanted me to finally stop fighting, and training so much. She always wanted me to settled down and be a normal husband, father, and grandpa. But I was never normal. Sometimes I wonder if she fully accepted that, or if she just stopped trying. I know she always wants us to be safe. She even wants me to be safe. She cares so much, and I always make her worried with all the training and fighting. Maybe in a way, she got her wish. Maybe, not in the way she wanted, but she got herself a normal husband for a change. Huff. I just turned away from her.
Chichi loves me for me. I know that. So, why I'm I thinking she'll be happier with the fact that I can't fight? And not with the fact I choose to stop fighting? It hurts thinking that. I'm currently hurt, and I'm making her worry. That's all that's currently happening. Once I'm better she'll be happy again. I just know it. What if I don't get better? We won't be able to do all the things we enjoy doing. And I'm not talking what happens when we're alone. I won't be able to fly with her. or go super sayian 3, when she wants to play with my long hair. Even though I hate that, but it makes her happy. I won't be able to a lot of things, that I didn't realize I used my powers for. Just thinking of that, makes me sad. I need to get better. If not because I want to fight again, I'll get better for Chichi. With that last thought, I finally feel asleep.
When I woke up, the next morning, I woke to being hugged by Chichi. She also was crying. I hugged her, and rubbed her back, in hopes to calm her down. but it didn't seem to work. It actually made her cry more. "Are you ok?" Uh? Why did she ask me that? I told her I was fine. "No. Don't lie to me." She cried harder.
"But Chichi." I tried to wipe her tears away, but they kept falling. She then kissed me. I try to kiss her back, but something was off.
"See. You're not fine." She buried her face in my chest, and continued crying. It took a while for her to calm down, and when she did, she still looked sad. "You stay in bed. I'll get you some breakfast, and I'll get Pan." Before I could say anything, she left. Once she was gone, I felt my lips. That kiss didn't feel like our usual kiss. It felt weird, and different. Before I could ponder anymore, Chichi came in with Pan. "Looks who got a big smile for grandpa." Pan was all giggly and reaching out.
I couldn't stop smiling, as I reached out for her. "Come her you." The moment I had her in my hands I poked her little nose. I was about to get out of bed, but Chichi told me to stop. "Why?"
"Goku, you need to rest. So, that means you're staying in bed, all day." When she said all day, I thought the world just stopped. I knew I need rest, but it never crossed my mind that I would have to stay in bed.
"Please Chichi. I'm just going to walk around. Nothing big."
"No. Now keep an eye on Pan, while I make breakfast." With that she left the room, and I was left with Pan. As sad as I was, I couldn't stop smiling around the little one. I placed her on my lap, and covered my face, with my hands.
"Peek-a-boo." She started laughing. "Peek-a-boo." She kept laughing every time I did so. So cute. I then started making silly faces and tickling her. She was full of endless giggles. Soon Chichi came back with a tray of food for me, and a bottle for Pan. Before Chichi could take Pan, I tried to stop her. "I want to feed Pan." She gave me sweet smile, and said fine. She even ended up feeding me, while I feed Pan. It was such a nice moment. Till Chichi mention I should get some rest, and was about to take Pan. "Please."
"Goku. What's wrong?"
"What do you mean?"
"You been all over Pan the moment she was placed in your hands. Is something wrong, Goku?"
I just looked at the bubbly little girl in my arms, before looking back a Chichi. "I just… I don't know. Something about holding a baby feels good. Last time I even held, or taken care, of one was with Gohan, and that was a very long time ago. I wasn't even alive to hold Goten. So, could you really blame me for wanted to enjoy the experience all over again? Since the day you told me we could make children, it was a very enjoyable thought. Then witnessing Gohan grow in you, and experiencing all the ups and down of raising a child was very enjoyable. Especially with you by my side. The year before you got pregnant with Goten, I thought you were pregnant again. So, I waited to see what happened, and hope it was true. You wasn't, and it made me sad. But then, the second time I thought you were pregnant, I wanted to make sure. I wasn't only trying to give you a baby for you. I… I… I also wanted another child." With that I looked away from her.
Remembering all those times in otherworld, on how much it hurt that I couldn't be there for my second child. I couldn't hold them. Couldn't see them grow. Couldn't be there. Couldn't enjoy watching my family grow. It hurt so much. That whenever I saw or heard about a family, I would leave in fits of rage. I wanted my family so bad. But I also wanted to protect them. The only thought that made the pain go numb was how staying away meant they would live peaceful. Me staying away meant they'll grow up without having to deal with any hardships I come with. My family is safe. But I still wanted to be there so bad.
Getting another chance was the best thing to happen to me. I even wanted to try for a third child, since I couldn't experience Goten. But finding out that Chichi couldn't have anymore hurt me. I lost that chance, and it hurt. But it was ok. I came into Goten life almost at the I came back from space for Gohan. I got my chance to still be a father, but it's not the same. Even though, Goten is my child, it's not the same watching them grew from birth. But I made peace with it. Nothing I could change.
Then came Pan. She's my granddaughter. I might not have been around through it all, since it's not my place. But the little moments I got I couldn't pull away. It felt so magical to get those little moments. Chichi still got to experience holding and caring for a baby. I didn't. Pan might not be MY daughter, but she's MY granddaughter, and so I'm going to be pouring very ounce of my love, the same way I would give to my own children. I might not be able to father more children, and my kids are slowly leaving me, but I sure as hell going to make sure I be there for all of Pan's little moments. I won't only promise her I would keep her safe, I also will promise her that I will always, and forever, be around. That whenever she needs me, I will be there.
I then finally looked back at Chichi, and she's tearing up. Oh no. I made Chichi crying. Before I could say anything, she hugged me. "I'm sorry, Goku."
"Why are you sorry? Nothing is your fault." She kissed my forehead, and told me to just take a nap with Pan, as she clean the dishes. "Are you ok?"
She poked my nose. "Stop worrying about me. You're the one who's not ok. Get some rest sweetie." Before I could say anything, she already started leaving the room. Maybe taking a nap won't be so bad. I got Pan with me. Oh, how wrong I was. The moment I felt something was off, I opened my eyes to see Pan wasn't with me. In a panic I got out of bed, and looked all over the room. But no sign of her anywhere. I quickly tried to find Chichi, and tell her I can't find Pan. That's when I saw that Goten was here. No time to wonder about that. "What you mean Pan's missing?" And that's when Piccolo showed up. Now we're in big trouble.
After getting an earful from him, we went on to search for Pan. As we searched for her, I couldn't help feel this deep sense of uselessness. I can't sense her; I can't do what I normally do when Gohan used to leave Chichi's sites. Oh, how that boy used to make us panic whenever we stopped watching him for just a second. Pan is definitely like her daddy. Giving me and Chichi a heart attack trying to find her. "PAN!" Where are you?
We looked everywhere outside, and no sign of her. We then chose to recheck inside. To our surprise, she was taking a nap on the couch. That little trouble maker is going be the death of me. We stood around her, watching the cute little thing sleep. The moment she woke up, I almost fought Piccolo to carry her. Even though I am nowhere able to actually fight, I would do it in a heartbeat for Pan. Thankfully, Chichi got in the way, and gave her to me. The rest of the day I helped take care of her. And whenever someone tried to take her from me, I got really sad.
When Gohan finally came home, our little Pan practically flew to him. Seeing what Gohan told me first hand was so wonderful. Even with the news that Gohan turned down a job opportunity, he was happy on the basis that he will be there for Pan. Which is always a good thing in my book. All I could ask is for him to be happy, no matter what. Then something amazing happened. Pan started to reach out in my direction, and then said something magical. "Grampa. Grampa." I was just so trilled to hear my little granddaughter call me grandpa. I just didn't know what to do. Then she flew into me, and I just couldn't stop hugging her. "Grampa!"
The moment was so wonderful, I couldn't stop smiling. After what felt like a short time, it was time to go to bed. I still wanted to continue holding Pan, but it was ok. I'll get more chances. That night I couldn't stop holding Chichi. Something about that whole little moment just lifted my spirit, and it was hard to come back down. I even was giving Chichi a lot of kisses all over her face. "Goku, are you happy?" I kissed her nose. "Is it because Pan called you grampa?" I kissed her lips. "You big softy. I'm happy too. But you still have to take it easy for now." I gave her another kiss on her lips.
"I understand. Pan is so cute when she smiles."
"Goku?" I looked at her. "I'm sorry that we can't have any more children."
"It's ok. We always knew that there was a high chance we would only have Gohan. The fact we have Goten is a blessing. I just wish I was there through it all. So, don't worry. Besides." She looked up at me. "We have the best boys in all the known universe, and the best granddaughter, too. The fact we have any children is also a big plus. And I'm happy that they're ours." She smiled at me, and then we shared a kiss. Now this one felt just right, compared to this morning's kiss. The rest of the night was just snuggles. The next morning, Chichi and I went to the doctors. Turns out Chichi made an appointment for me.
…
After screaming at Goku, for becoming a reckoning ball, I called on Gohan. Thankfully he didn't mind us coming over, and he even picked us up. I really didn't want to rely on my son, but I didn't have much choice. I would hate to see my father and Goku argue again, over a recked home. Even in his old age, my father still is over protective of me. I find that funny sometimes. I'm a mother, and a grandmother, but my father still sees me as his little princess. Can't be helped. I still see my boys as my little babies, and I'll always be overprotective of them.
As Gohan drove us to his home, Goku looked really down. Poor guy. I wonder what King Kai said. I also noticed how Goten had fallen asleep hugging Goku's arm. He must be really worried about his father. He even mumbles. "Everything is going to be ok, daddy." I really hope he's right. I think Goku thinks too, if that smile is anything to go by. When we make it to Gohan's place, it took some time to wake Goten. When he did, he practically floated to his usually room. I'm so worried about Goku, I don't even correct him.
When we gathered in the living room, is when we asked Goku what King Kai said. My poor Goku. Nothing being to fight anymore sounds horrible. For him not being able to do anything he's use to is more of a punishment than an illness. My poor husband. Just then Videl walks into the room with Pan. My Goku is so lost in thought, and I assume he currently can't sense anything either. Because right now Videl has Pan in his face, and he has yet to react to her. It's when she touches his face, does he finally look up. At the sight of her, he smiles, and takes her from Videl.
Watching him play with Pan is always a joy to see, but this feels different. He looks so happy to play with Pan, and it's so adorable. Our dear granddaughter is making her grandpa so happy during his time of hurt. The way he's playing with her it almost seems like the times he played with Gohan as a baby. Thankfully I learned the habit of having my phone always on me. And when I took it out, it seems I wasn't the only one with the same idea. When he heard the click of the camera, he looked at us surprised. It was so cute. And when Gohan asked if we could babysit Pan, Goku responded with a strong yes. It was always wonderful to see him take interest in caring for children. But I'm starting to wonder if there's something else he's not saying.
After watching him go with Pan, I continued talking with Gohan. This was just awful for his father, and I feel so useless in not knowing how I could help. "Mom, calm down. If King Kai said all he need is rest, then that's all we could do."
"I know, but I can't help it. Your father just loves to fight, and taking that away is just awful. I know I complain a lot about all the fighting and training, but this is much worse." I couldn't hold back from crying. "It's one thing to ask for him to stop. It's something different that it's being forced on him." Gohan looked very shock and worried.
"Mom."
"I love your father and all that he is. I would never ask for him to change that. And he knows it. But to see him go through this is just to painful to watch. My poor Goku." He reached out for my shoulder. When I looked up, he was giving me the same smile he inherited from his father.
"It'll be ok mom. Just give it time." With that, I made a mental note to contact Goku's doctor in the morning. I known this thing is affecting his ki, but maybe his body too. Memories of that heart virus starts to play in my head. My Goku was dying. Even when he beat it, he was still pushing it. If he did survive the Cell Games, how long would it have taken before his heart would have finally gave out? That question still troubles my mind.
As I waited for Goku to come to bed, I couldn't help continuing having thoughts of how hurt my Goku is. Before long I was thrifting to sleep, till I heard the door open. Maybe it was Gohan, checking up on my again. That thought went away when I felt someone slowly getting into bed. It was probably Goku. He tends to do that when I already fell asleep. But I'm not asleep. Oh, right. He can't tell. What am I supposed to do? Before long I felt him turning, and that broke me. He always hugged me when we go to bed. Even when he gets to bed after me; he still pulls me into his embrace. This is much worse than I imagine. What am I going to do?
I couldn't hold back my tears, as I quietly sobbed. My poor husband. Before long, I turned around and hugged him. I held him all night. I just couldn't sleep. My husband needs me, and yet I'm so useless. Come morning, I was still holding him and crying. My poor dear husband. What am I supposed to do? How am I supposed to make you all better? Before long I feel him embrace me. And it made me cry even more. "Are you ok?" He tried telling me he's fine, when I know he's not. "No. Don't lie to me." I just cried even harder.
"But Chichi." I just couldn't take it, so I kissed him. He reacted super slow. Even when I surprise him sometimes, he never reacted so slow. Also, the way it felt wasn't like him.
"See. You're not fine." I just hugged him tighter, and continued crying. My husband is really hurt, in more ways than one. I can't even hear his thoughts, or feel his emotions. It's like we disconnected, and it hurts so much. My wonderful husband is hurt, and as his wife I need to do everything I can to make him better. I finally stopped crying. I need to be strong for my Goku. I told him to stay in bed, while I get Pan and make him breakfast. With new motivation, I got to work.
Once I gave him Pan, I reminded him that he needs to stay put. Of course, he doesn't want to stay in bed. Same old Goku. Once that was settled, I went to make him and Goten some breakfast. I let Goten know he didn't have to go to school today. He asked why. "I'm going to need help keeping a watchful eye on your father, and Pan." He started to laughed, and agreed. I made sure to make lots, and hope that Goku was super hungry. But to play safe, I only took a small portion with me. When I went to take Pan, for her bottle, Goku insisted he feed her. "Goku, what's wrong?" He asked what I meant. "You been all over Pan, the moment she was placed in your hands. Is something wrong, Goku?"
He looked so ashamed of himself as he spoke. "I wasn't only trying to give you a baby for you. I… I… I also wanted another child." With that he looked away, and I was in complete shock. It hurt him, more than he let on, when I told him I couldn't have anymore children. How could I have been so blind to not see that? Why didn't I see that he was hurt by that fact? No wonder he was clingy to Goten, when Gohan moved out. Goku was hurting more ways than one. Another thing I failed as a wife. Again, I failed to see my husband's pain. Another wave of tears started to fall. No wonder he's so attached to Pan. Not only because she's his granddaughter, but also because he's around to witness it all.
I feel so guilty to not be able to give my husband another baby. This man who done nothing but give me his all, and ask for so little in return. This man who died to protect our sons. This man who do absolutely everything in his power for his family, and I can't even give him his simplest desire. Why do I keep failing my husband? The moment he looked at me, I felt so broken inside. My voice cracked as I tried to apologize. "I'm sorry, Goku."
"Why are you apologizing? Nothing is your fault." I just couldn't contain myself, and hugged him. I married the sweetest man in the world. "Are you ok?" There he goes again, trying to comfort me. I don't deserve him. I try telling him to take a nap, while I did the dishes. I even left Pan with him. Before I start the dishes, I made a quick call to his doctor. What luck. He'll be able to see Goku tomorrow. At that, I didn't know the hospital was open on a Saturday. He told me it wasn't, but he'll make a special case for my husband. I was so grateful. With that said, I started the dishes. I even had Goten's help, then panic hit.
We then went on a search for precious Pan. She gave us such a heart attack, and when we found her inside, we were so happy. The moment she woke up, Piccolo tried to go after her, but I wasn't having it. I quickly got in the way of the boys, and got Pan, then I handed her to Goku. Piccolo gave me a confused face, but then dropped it. Then when Gohan got home, Pan floated to him. It was so cute. But the moment Pan said grandpa everything was perfect. The joy on Goku's face was priceless. And then when Pan floated to him, it was just so amazing. Pretty soon it was bed time, and Goku got the pleasure of putting Pan to bed.
When Goku entered our temporary room, he pulled me into a hug. And when we laid down, he couldn't stop kissing me. "You big softy. I'm happy too. But you still have to take it easy for now." He smiled as he told me he understood. "I'm sorry we can't have any more children." He forgives me. I don't deserve this man. We then shared a kiss, and it felt just perfect. It was starting to feel my husband was getting better.