AN: Another long one. I swear as the story progressed the more hopped up my muse got.

FRIENDS FOREVER?

"It's not what we have in life, but who we have in our life that matters."-unknown

June 2013

Joss sat with her mama and son as they ate their monthly Saturday brunch together at their favorite local restaurant. It was their ritual they didn't miss, except for a couple times due to illness. Taylor adored his grandma but not nearly as much as she adored him. Her mother was now showing her age. At sixty-nine, her mama was still sharp but thinner, and she long since stopped dying her hair and it was all white. Her skin was wrinkled and her face showed laugh lines of a long happy life that only knew one major sorrow: the loss of her husband, Joss's father.

"How's school, baby?" her mama asked.

Taylor smiled as he scooped up a large forkful of eggs. "It's school. But I'm getting good grades," he acknowledged.

"Of course you are, you take after your mama. Joss didn't need to pick up a book and got an A!"

Alice didn't mention Paul. She never really liked him. She had hoped that her daughter would have followed what her heart really wanted. But Alice was very careful to never speak an ill word about the man that was Taylor's father.

"Tell grandma about the girl you're taking to the junior prom," Joss nudged. Taylor glared at her and she smirked. Of course, mama instantly wanted to know more. Taylor told her all about his girl, Hayley.

Joss finished her meal as they talked and caught up. Taylor stood. "I'll be back. I need to go to the restroom," he excused himself.

Mama laughed and Joss shared in it. "He thinks he's slick." Joss said as he headed to the restroom with his phone handy. Joss wasn't that old to not know he wanted to go talk to his girlfriend without his mom or grandma listening in.

"I think it's cute." Alice admitted, eyes sparkling. Joss sipped her orange juice and shifted a bit in her seat as her mother's eyes sharpened on her. "So darling, how's John?"

Alice knew it had been a while since John got divorced. Now both her baby and John were single, both living in New York, so surely they could finally get it right. They were steeped so deeply into their friendship they were missing what was right under their noses: each other.

"Good, he's great actually. John and a mutual friend of ours are opening a private protection firm after John left the bureau. It's been about a year in the making. Tonight, they are throwing this huge celebration for it's opening which will be Monday."

Alice smiled. "Is he seeing anyone?"

Joss's fingers tightened on the glass. "No, not that I know of," she commented, as she looked over her shoulder waiting for Taylor to come back. Whenever her mother brought John up, she always felt there was a heavier meaning to her words. She tried dismissing it. But she hadn't imagined the twinkle in her mama's eyes when Joss told her that John was divorcing.

"You'd know. That young man hasn't kept a thing from you since he was eight years old."

"I'm sure he has some secrets from me," she replied as casually as she could. Lying to her mama was never easy, and most of the time she sniffed it out. It must be where she got it from. Come on, Taylor, how long did it take to pee and text your girlfriend?!

Mama didn't look convinced but asked, "Do you remember when he moved away? You cried the entire day away. I didn't know how to console you."

Joss swallowed hard. She did remember that day, rather vividly. She remembered how heartbroken she felt. After the day John rescued her from being trapped beneath her bike they had been always together. It felt like her world was over. And it didn't feel any better until that first phone call when he told her he made it to Washington. Then she'd always felt alone until the next letter came or the next phone call. It was like that for years, that feeling never really faded not until when she went to see him at his housewarming party back in '08 and knew he was in New York to stay.

"Yea, I don't think I ever cried that much until papa passed."

Alice just stared at her and waited. She frowned as her baby still didn't get it. For such a smart girl she was being obtuse. Or perhaps her baby was just scared to admit to it. She'd just give a subtle push.

Wanting to lighten the mood she asked, "I used to get a kick out of how you'd guard the phone all day whenever it was his turn to call. You even hung up the phone on Aunt Rae!" that had been a hoot in a half. Her sister had been upset, and she had to be stern and explain why it had been the wrong thing to do, but that night she and Marcus had a big chuckle over the whole event. Nothing, not even Auntie Rae could come between Joss and John.

Joss groaned. "I had to apologize like a thousand times to Aunt Rae. I even reminded her that I was named after her to try to get back in her good graces."

"Yes, I explained to her that John was special to you."

Joss nodded. "John's the best friend I've ever had."

"Is he only a friend, Joss?" her mama asked gently. Joss stiffened. "I've always thought there was something else between you two."

"I…" she started but trailed off when Taylor rejoined them, thankfully. "Taylor you're back!" she exclaimed rather too happily. Both her mama and Taylor looked at her. Taylor seemed surprised, while mama was less so.

She knew what her mama was hinting at but she was simply mistaken. She and John were friends, friends….forever.

Joss met up with Grace to do some shopping, and then get a manicure. Thankfully, Taylor wanted to hang out with Hayley and then stay at his dad's for the night. She wanted to go to this party to support John. Both she and Grace needed new dresses for tonight and what better way to find one than together. It wasn't going to be some barbecue where they got to wear jeans and shirt. Tuxedos were for the men and the ladies needed nice formal dresses.

"Oh my god, Joss, you're stunning!" Grace exclaimed as Joss exited the dressing room in a fitted wine-colored floor length dress with a high slit on her left thigh. It had eyelash lace with a high, halter neckline, and darted bodice. Grace motioned for Joss to turn, which she did. Her friend cooed at the open back. "My god, you make this dress beautiful. It doesn't even look like it needs any taking in. They had to have made this with you in mind."

"Thanks," Joss murmured as she checked herself out in the mirror. Joss felt beautiful in it and didn't need to try any of the others on. This was the one. She disappeared into the dressing room to reappear moments later dressed in her street clothes and handed the gown to the waiting sales girl. "I'm definitely purchasing this."

The girl nodded and practically skipped away. Joss just needed to go get some new heels for the dress but wanted to wait for Grace to see her selection on her. "Hope mine is a keeper!" Grace chirped with a cross of her fingers and entered the dressing room.

Joss stood waiting patiently but her mind wasn't fully on the excursion. It was on her morning brunch with her mama. She couldn't easily erase what her mother hinted at. Why did mama have to bring it up? She never did before. Moments later Grace exited the dressing room.

"You're beautiful, Grace!" Joss exclaimed. And she did. She exited in a soft lavender colored floor length dress that had lace applique overlaying her bodice, and a very low v-neck. Grace wasn't very tall but she had a nice figure so the dress looked perfect.

"Thank you! I'll need to stop by my seamstress and have her take it in a bit but otherwise it's perfect! Now all we need is shoes and get our nails and hair done, and we're done." Grace said with a smile as she eyed herself in the mirror. Joss didn't respond readily. "Joss, you okay?"

She looked up seeing that Grace was looking her way through the mirror. There was concern in her eyes. "Yea, why wouldn't I be?"

"I don't know you just seem upset by something." she said with a shrug. "If it's the cost of the dress I could…"

"No, I can afford my own dress." she reassured. Joss was doing fine financially, and could pay all her bills and live comfortably with extras. Andrea and she had built up a really good but small firm. Their only employee Valerie ran things smoothly. Andrea was a trial lawyer that worked civil cases while she practiced family law. "It's nothing, really."

"Well if you want to talk, I'm here," Grace offered as her attention was diverted back to the mirror as she looked at herself in the dress. "I think John and Harold will love what we chose! God knows those two will look dapper in their tuxes."

Joss didn't respond. Her mama's words were still ringing in her head. The implication that she believed there was more going on between her and John was clear. She stared at Grace's back and wasn't sure why she needed to talk about it but she did. Maybe it was because of her mother or maybe talking about it to an outsider might help her finally put it past her.

"I kissed John when I was married to Paul," she blurted out. Grace whirled around with eyes wide. "It was a dumb mistake. We hadn't seen each in like twenty years and in walked a man who looked nothing like the friend I was used to talking to. He was this handsome man who was so intelligent and witty. We had a nice time and we hugged, and it just felt natural to press my lips to his."

"Did John kiss you back?" Grace asked finally. Joss averted her gaze. "He kissed you back," she answered her own question.

"It doesn't matter, because like I said it was a long time ago and we both agreed it was a dumb mistake and one that we never repeated."

Grace folded her arms over her chest. "Are you so sure it was a mistake?"

"Yes! I was married, Grace."

"Sure. Maybe the timing was a mistake, but you're both single now and…"

"And nothing, we're friends and that's it," Joss cut her off. Okay, she was wrong in thinking that talking about it would help because it didn't make her feel any better. It seemed talking about it made it worse. Made her want something she shouldn't want.

Grace nodded. "Okay, if you say so," she murmured, doubt in her voice.

Joss frowned. After her conversation with her mama this morning and now Grace seemed to insinuate that there was more going on between them. It was a bit much. "I'm not in love with him," she stated feeling a bit confrontational.

"You two were just attracted to each other, it happens."

Joss didn't know why Grace was upsetting her. She was agreeing with her but it was. "Yes, it has been a harmless attraction that we both have ignored for fifteen years. And we're going to damn well ignore it another lifetime. I'm not going to lose my best friend."

"Not to argue but starting a relationship doesn't mean you'll end up losing each other. You and John have taken the time and effort to keep your friendship, so why would you think you two wouldn't put the time and effort in to keep your relationship?"

Joss worked her mouth. "The point is moot, Grace. We're friends,"

Grace held out her hands. "Hey, I'm convinced," she replied easily. But she really wasn't.

"But you think I'm overcompensating because I need the reassurance."

Grace's blue eyes were gentle. "I'm not saying anything, Joss. You know your heart and what you want. I only meant that if what's stopping you two from acting on feelings you might share is that you'll lose him, it necessarily isn't the case. That's all."

Joss felt embarrassed and rubbed her forehead. "I'm sorry I bit your head off. I think my mama had wanted us to end up together and made some assumptions this morning. I didn't mean to take it out on you."

"Don't worry about it. And maybe your mother just sees something she wants to see or she sees something you've been hiding from your entire life." Grace murmured, and with a soft squeeze of her shoulder, the redhead turned and headed back into the dressing room leaving Joss to stand there staring after her.

The celebration of their business was in full swing. John stood off to the side and fiddled with the bowtie, sipping his champagne. Lots of people were here that were mostly Harold's business associates, or their new employees and families. It had taken Finch and him about a year to scout different professionals and lure them away to join 'Reese Protection Incorporated' or RPI for short. Lionel Fusco might be short and portly but his detective skills were unparalleled. Sameen Shaw was one of their smaller bodyguards they recruited but she had an attitude that made her seem ten feet tall. Joey Durban was former military like him, and knew how to take orders. Those were just three employees of the near thirty all gathered together tonight.

He surveyed the room taking stock of the party goers, noticing Fusco was chatting up Shaw but watched a tall brunette staring at Shaw unblinkingly. Another of their hires, a hacker who preferred being called Root, and would be undoubtedly essential on future cases. But the way she was looking at Shaw didn't require the study of rocket science to understand. He really hoped they didn't have to already discuss with employees about how inter-office dating tended to not work out.

John found his gaze moving and settling on Joss, not for the first time tonight. He was still struck at how absolutely beautiful she was. He told her so repeatedly. She joked about how nice he cleaned up but there was most definitely something off with her. She practically raced away from him and hadn't so much as tried to talk to him nearly the entire evening. After the rousing speeches and toasts, his less so, John had been able to hide away from being the center of attention. John liked watching and observing, and occasionally brood.

Grace and Harold just ended a dance when Harold noticed John. Harold smiled and kissed his wife's cheek and limped to him with a smile. "Tonight's been a big success," he murmured.

John nodded. "It has," he agreed but his gaze drifted back onto Joss, who was standing in a small group of his new employees and their families talking.

Harold followed his gaze. "Why don't you ask her to dance, John?"

"I don't dance."

Harold couldn't contain the chuckle that escaped. "Most men don't but women enjoy it when we make an exception for them."

John threw back the last of his champagne and put the empty glass on the waiter's tray as he walked past. "Joss isn't a woman, she's a friend."

"Perhaps that was the case when you two were just kids but you don't really believe that now," Harold commented. John shifted a hard look onto his smaller but older friend. "If you really didn't think of her as a woman than you wouldn't be staring at her awestruck."

"I'm not."

"You are, trust me I recognize the look since I know I look that exact way whenever I see Grace."

John looked away and tried desperately to look elsewhere but his eyes were drawn to Joss like magnets. They were alone in the corner so John felt he could admit something that he hadn't said aloud to anyone. "I think I'm in love with her," he spoke quietly. Harold didn't reply which helped. "I've been attracted to her ever since we re-met up and she wasn't the cute little kid I remembered. But she was married and she's my best friend. It's never been the right time and I don't think it ever will be. We're committed to our friendship now."

"You should tell her."

John looked at him incredulously. "I just said we're committed to our friendship. Why the hell would I tell her something that would ruin it? She'll push away over feelings I can control."

"Can you?"

"Yes," he bit out.

Harold nodded. "Then maybe you're not in love with her, John. Being in love isn't something you can control." he murmured. John glowered at him. "Go dance with her, and find out."

"She doesn't want anything from me except friendship. I can't lose her, Harold."

"You told her then?" Harold questioned. John didn't answer. "Ah, taking the decision away from her always works. Then you don't have to put yourself in the position of being hurt. Answer me this, John, how would you feel if she meets someone else?"

"I'd be happy for her," he replied instantly, though feeling uncertain if that was true. He had never really thought about her meeting someone else. And why wouldn't she?—because she was beautiful, intelligent, and an all-around amazing woman.

Harold nodded. "Well, it's a good thing you declined joining the CIA because you're not a very good liar."

Harold limped away after excusing himself and John was left to stew over his unsolicited advice. John kept to his corner and stared pointedly at Joss. Fine, he'd dance with her. If only to prove to himself that he could control how he felt, and could be happy for Joss if she met someone else.

He moved across the room to her and touched her shoulder.

Joss turned and grinned. "Hey, what's up?"

"Dance with me," he stated as he reached down and took her hand, not leaving it really up to her.

She followed him and allowed him to draw her into his arms. Joss set her hands on his shoulders as they swayed to the slow, soft music. There, they were dancing. He tried to ignore how good it felt having her in his arms. Unconsciously he drew her closer to him.

"I thought you hated dancing," she teased as she leaned her head back to look up at him.

He stared into her dark eyes that always sparkled with intelligence. "I do but Harold convinced me that I needed to, at least, dance once. And who better to be my one and only dance partner than my best friend."

"Yep, that's me, your best friend," she agreed.

"Always," he murmured lowly. But he felt hollow. She stumbled and he caught her close. "Hey, you okay?" when she didn't respond and was looking down, he slid a finger under her chin and forced her to look up. Her lips parted and he groaned inwardly as his eyes fell to her beckoning lips.

He blinked when she jerked out of his arms. "Joss, are you okay?" he asked with concern. His brows furrowed as she took a few steps back and collided with other dancers.

"I have to go," she said, turning and rushed away.

Okay, as he watched Joss leave rather hurriedly, maybe he couldn't control his feelings. But for the life of him he didn't know what was wrong. Joss just jumped and rushed away. He couldn't go after her, at least, not yet. He had to go speak to Harold to get him to cover for him.

Joss burst into her home. Her mind was racing. She leaned against the front door with her eyes closed. What the hell was the matter with her? It was mama and Grace's fault. She had been fine. Now she wasn't.

For how long she remained there she couldn't say but it was a good several minutes, when there was a knock on the door. Her eyes flew open. She didn't even need to open the door to know who it was. Of course John would come to see what was wrong. "What are you doing here, John?" she called out, knowing he could hear her.

"My best friend is upset and I'm not sure what's wrong…."

Best friend. That was what she was. So why did it hurt so much? "Please leave," she begged. "You're party needs you, John, I don't." God when she did she become such a liar?

"I can't. Something's wrong and I don't know how to help, Joss. Talk to me!"

Joss whirled around, pulling the door open. He stood there looking so damned perfect. He had taken his tux blazer off due to the humid June evening, and his bowtie hung undone around his neck, and it made her ache to touch him. Dancing with him had felt right. When he looked at her lips she wanted him to kiss her. But he didn't, and it wasn't supposed to matter. They weren't meant to be. They were meant to be friends forever, they pinky swore it! She never once believed anything could change that but Joss hadn't counted on adult feelings fucking it up.

Her breath stopped as he stepped close and Joss felt the charge between them. "Everyone keeps pushing me, telling me I've been ignoring something my entire life and I…" she trailed off, when her voice wavered.

"Joss, I don't know what you're talking about."

She laughed helplessly. Of course, he didn't know what she meant. Why couldn't he be a mind reader or be the one to open up first? But then, as she thought, he kind of had. He had confessed to her, in anger, that he married Jessica to forget their kiss and attraction. John said he hadn't wanted to feel anything aside from friendship for her, yet he did. They've spent the last two years tiptoeing by that admission and reminding each other that they were friends. Or were they desperately clinging to their friendship because it was easier?

Joss turned, deep in thought, and walked in her place leaving the door open in unspoken invitation for him to come in. He did, and closed the door behind him. John looked uncertain.

She motioned at her stairs. "Can you give me a minute? I need to go get something from upstairs." Maybe they should really talk about things, so she could get some perspective and figure out what the hell she was feeling.

He nodded and wordlessly stepped into her darkened living room. Joss flicked on the light for him before gathering the gown in her fists and hurried up the stairs. Her heart began pounding hard as she entered her bedroom. Joss turned on the light and hurried to her dresser where her jewelry box sat on top of. Opening it, she unhooked the secret bottom, where one was supposed to place their most expensive and precious pieces, and instead she grabbed the sole ring that laid there that probably cost less than a dollar all those years before.

Swallowing hard as she eyed the plastic skull ring, she gathered her wits and turned to meet him downstairs. Joss had never been able to get rid of it. Even when Paul had joked about it, but then she never told him who gave it to her.

Joss slowly approached John as he stood near her mantle and was looking at photographs of her and Taylor. She cleared her throat to alert him to her arrival. John turned to face her. She held out the ring for his inspection. And she could tell, at first, that he didn't recognize it. Then realization lit his beautiful eyes up, and a grin took a hold of his lips.

"My skull ring," he murmured softly as he stepped close to take it from her fingers. The touch was light yet devastating, and she felt her breath hitch. He looked up into her eyes with a twinkle of mischief. "Or rather, your wedding ring." The nostalgic grin faded as he saw her look.

"It was your favorite ring." she said taking it back, and slid it onto her pinky finger. It was a kid's ring so it didn't fit any other finger. "Your dad got you it and you gave it to me, and I could never for the life of me throw the damned thing out." she whispered, feelings tears well up. God, how had she not seen it. Or was it a matter of not wanting to know that she loved him, been in love with him forever.

John stepped close and she rested her forehead on his strong chest. "Joss, we're talking but I don't feel like I know what's wrong." He hadn't a clue what his skull ring was supposed to mean. Why did she even keep it?

"Us, we're wrong," she whispered. She felt his palms on her forearms. "I was married and then you were. We never talked feelings, at least, not what we were feeling in the moments when we were together."

"I'm not much for talking feelings,"

She smiled a little. Oh that she knew. John was awful at talking feelings which only got exacerbated by life in the military. Losing his dad young had made John feel like he needed to grow up and be the man around the house for his mom, which meant he hid his fragile heart. But she wasn't much better. She never wanted to be vulnerable to be hurt.

Joss closed her eyes. "John," she said his name as though it offered her some semblance of strength. She then lifted her head and gazed up into his eyes. "I love you. I've always loved you." Time felt as though it was standing still. John was staring at her. She wasn't sure his silent surprise was good or bad. "I think I've loved you since I was just six years old and you lifted my bike off of me. Back then it was kid love, kind of admiration for my hero."

"Joss, I—"

"Let me finish before you say anything, John. It has taken me thirty-five years to own up to what's in my heart. I need to finish getting it all out," she pleaded, and he nodded. Joss breathed deep, then said; "The skull ring isn't the only thing I kept. I've kept every single letter you wrote me since the time I was nine. They kept me company during my most difficult times of my life because you always brought me the greatest comfort. You were always there for me even when you weren't physically there. I never allowed myself to want more because I told myself our friendship was supposed to be. I told myself that we swore we'd be friends forever. But, John, it's not enough. I want you forever."

There she got it all out, well mostly all of it, but the majority that left her feeling incredibly vulnerable and raw at the moment. John wasn't fairing much better, looking about how she felt.

He reached out, pulling her to him and kissed her. She stood in shock as her hands rested at her sides as his warm lips were pressed against hers. Something she longed for, before she even knew she did. Joss let out a small sound as she grabbed his cheeks and kissed him back. He angled his head and deepened the kiss, tasting her and sliding his tongue along hers. It was everything she remembered but more. It was hotter, wetter, deeper, hungrier…and she couldn't begin to get enough. Joss wasn't sure if they were together the next thousand years she'd ever get enough of his kiss or touch.

John ended the kiss, nipped her bottom lip, before kissing her one last time softly and then finally let her go. He didn't step back but didn't touch her. Their bodies were a mere breath apart and his hands fell to his sides. She had to tilt her chin up to look him in the eyes, seeing his normal blue/green irises were dark with desire, and noticed his lips were red and wet looking probably as much as hers appeared.

Joss stood there and pressed her fingers to her lips. Well, now that he kissed her that just made her unwilling to settle for friendship. Not with the way the fire burned between them so hot and powerful. She wanted to be engulfed knowing he'd save her, as she would save him.

"Do you remember when I learned my ex-wife was pregnant?" he asked finally, voice sounded tight from either emotion or desire.

"Yes, I came over later and you were drunk if I recall." she whispered, not really feeling it about dredging up his ex-wife, a woman who got to touch and taste him, because of her.

"Jessica and I fought that day, about why we never started a family. She brought up your name and I told her I didn't love you." he said raggedly. Joss flinched, dropping her gaze unable to meet his any longer. "But we both knew I was lying." Joss looked up and suddenly she felt joyous, like she wanted to go running around and do cartwheels.

"So you do love me?" she breathed, hating the scared little hitch in her voice but this meant so much. He meant so much.

John gazed deep into her eyes. "I told you before, no one could complete with my first wife." he whispered. Joss felt a wobbly smile slide on her face but needed more. She needed to hear the words, and as though he sensed what she needed his eyes grew serious. "I love you, Joss. I thought it was something I could control. I thought us being just friends would be enough. I was wrong. Love isn't something anyone can control. We've spent half of our lifetime trying to be just friends. I want to spend the next half loving you and being the man you love."

He bent to kiss her but she pressed a finger to his lips. "Just so we're clear, John, I'm gonna hold out for diamonds this time." she forewarned, and a grin filled his face. She lowered her hand and met him halfway, bringing their lips together in the softest but most tender kiss she ever experienced. And for the first time in years she felt whole.

AN: And there is only one chapter left :(

Thank you for reading!