Disclaimer: The only part of Castle that I own is the TV on which I watch the show.
Mom and Dad always tell me that I can ask them anything, but once in a while I don't want to. I want to know about something but I don't want to ask them because I am a little bit shy or they might be shy. Or embarrassed which is sort of the same. It doesn't happen very often. I can ask Docky things, too, but sometimes he tells me that I should ask my parents. I think this would be one of those times, but I'm going to ask him first anyway.
It all started because my homeroom teacher, Ms. Harmon, is going on maternity leave. That's when a woman has a baby and then stays home for a while to take care of it. Like when the twins were born Mom stayed home for six months. I was so sad when she went back to the precinct, even though Dad was with us a lot and so was Sarah, our babysitter. I wonder how long Mom stayed home after I was born? Maybe for three months because I was only one baby, not two. That's something I can ask which is not embarrassing.
Anyway, Ms. Harmon's last day for a while was day before yesterday, which was Friday. Her belly is ginormous and I am not being rude. She's not fat, it's just that way because she's going to have a baby. Matthew, who sits next to me, said he hopes the baby doesn't fall out of her before she gets to the hospital. And then Tyler, who is seven and thinks he knows everything which he doesn't, said that babies don't fall out. The mom has to push them out through, um. There. I don't think that could be true, could it? And then he told us how the baby got in there, and Matthew and I went EWWWW!
So that's what I want to ask Mom and Dad about and if you already know where babies come from you can probably guess why I am embarrassed. I could look it up on my computer but my computer has parental controls which means there are a lot of things I could try to Google and not get anywhere because they're things my parents don't want me to read, at least not by myself. I think where babies come from is probably one. Even if I could look it up it would probably have pictures and I don't want to see those. "Good night, nurse!" That's what Gram says when she sees something she doesn't like. She probably wouldn't mind seeing pictures of that though since she had a baby once, who grew up to be my Dad.
Oops, there goes the doorbell. It must be Docky, coming for brunch. So pretty soon I'll know the answer to my question. I'll be back in a little bit.
I'm back. Oh, boy. Here's what happened today. Before we sat down to eat I told Docky that I wanted to show him something that I'd made but it was in my room. So he came upstairs and then I said, "I'm sorry I told a fib. I don't really have anything to show you but I have a big question and I didn't want to ask in front of everyone else, especially Abby and Otis."
"Oh, my, Eliot. It sounds serious. I hope nothing's wrong."
"Nope, nothing's wrong."
"All right, then, let's sit down and you tell me what's on your mind."
"It's about Ms. Harmon. Well, not really. But sort of. I mean, it's what made me think of it."
"Ms. Harmon is your home-room teacher, isn't she?"
"Yeah but now she's starting maternity leave because she's going to have a baby. And it must be soon because she looks like she's about to explode."
"Ah, ha. I see."
When Docky says that I know he's waiting for me to explain. Because he always stops right there and then he looks at me and if he were a cartoon instead of a real person there would be a puffy cloud over his head with a whole bunch of question marks inside it.
"She's not really going to explode."
"I should hope not. That would be terrible."
"It would be a huge mess. Like sometimes when the twins and I have a lot of toys out or have been building something and the blocks or Legos are all over the place, Dad says, 'You'd better clean that all up before Mom gets home. It looks like a crime scene in here'."
Docky looked at me again with the cartoon question-mark cloud over his head, so I figured I'd better go ahead and ask him.
"It got me thinking about where babies come from. Tyler at school told me but I don't know if he's right. Plus he also told me how a baby gets out. I guess I should have thought about how it would get out. Not out of your mouth, right? And I believe in magic but I don't think you say abracadabra and then poof, the baby is there."
"That's true."
"I have a book about mythology and there's a goddess, Athena, who was born by jumping out of her father's head. Her father was Zeus who was the ruler of all the other gods. Anyway, that doesn't make a lot of sense, right? That she jumped out of her father's head? Plus in the picture she has all her clothes on and is a grown-up when she's coming out of his forehead, so she was never a baby at all. But I don't think it's how ordinary babies get born."
"You're right on the money, Eliot, that's not how ordinary babies get born. I think what you want to know is how babies are made and how they arrive, am I right?"
"Made? Babies get made? Like in a factory? That's not what Tyler said. I like the factory idea better, though. That's good, Docky."
"Sorry, not in a factory. How babies are made is an expression. Now, much as I would love to continue this conversation with you, this is something for you to ask your parents about."
"I was afraid you were going to say that."
"You're not afraid to ask them, are you?"
"I'm not afraid, just kind of shy. Especially if what Tyler said was true."
"Well, Eliot," Docky said, and he gave me a little sideways hug. "I don't know Tyler, but I can guarantee that your mother and father know way, way, more about this than he does, okay? Tell you what, would you like me to talk to your parents? Tell them that you're curious about this? Then you don't have to be shy about asking them."
Docky always has the best ideas. "Yes, please."
"All right, I will. And now I think it's time we go join everyone. I'm hungry, aren't you?"
"Yeah. And you know what? We have cinnamon raisin bagels."
"Ooooh, my favorite."
"I know. That's why I asked Dad to get them when we were in the bakery this morning. Don't forget you can't give raisins to Scrapple."
"I won't. I know they're very dangerous for dogs."
"It's a good thing you're not a dog, Docky."
"Probably. But sometimes I think it would be fun. Just for a day."
"You'd have to eat dog biscuits."
"You're right. I'll stay being me, and getting to eat whatever I want." Then we walked down the stairs and Docky said, "Thanks for remembering my favorite bagel."
"You're welcome. I'm like an elephant, right? 'cause I never forget."
"Maybe I should call you Eliophant, then."
"That would be cool. I don't have a nickname except sweet pea, which is what Mom calls me. If kids at school found out they'd tease me to death."
"Eliophant it is. You are."
Brunch was fun. The only bad part was when Otis took a raisin out of a bagel and put it in his nose and said, "You think it's a raisin but it's snot!" And then Mom told him to stop but he shoved it way up in his nose and it got stuck so Docky had to take him to the bathroom and get the raisin out with some tweezers. Gram stayed with Abby and me and then afterwards while Mom was talking to Otis I saw Docky talking to Dad. And then I saw Dad look over at me and I knew Docky must have told him about my question.
Since it was raining we couldn't go to the park, but we went to the museum to look at the mummies. On the way out I saw a statue of Zeus. It was made of marble but it was just his head. I got Docky and showed him. "His forehead looks okay even though his daughter jumped out of it, doesn't it?"
"It does. Maybe he had a doctor fix it."
I love Docky. Outdoors on the steps we all said bye. Docky and Gram went to their apartments and the rest of us went to the loft.
Abby and Otis are only four so they go to sleep before I do. Mom and Dad put them to bed and then they came back down to the living room where Scrapple and I were playing tug-of-war with an old sock.
"Eliot," Dad said. "Docky told us that you've been wondering about where babies come from, so Mom and I would like to talk to you about that."
"I'm kind of surprised that you never asked before," Mom said. "You're Mister Curiosity about almost everything."
"I guess I was busy with other stuff. But then in school on Friday Tyler said something about Ms. Harmon's baby."
"He did?" Mom was smiling. "What did he say?"
"About how it would get born. How it would get out of her body."
"Mmhmm. Okay. That's a good place to start. Babies grow inside their mothers, you know that. And when they're big enough to survive on their own, they—"
"Mom! Wait!"
"What?"
"Could I talk to Dad?"
"Of course."
"I mean by myself."
Mom looked so sad. "Just you and Dad? You want me to leave?"
"I need to ask him guy things. You know. Because we're both guys."
"Ohh, I see. You feel a little bit uncomfortable because I'm not a guy."
"Yeah. I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings."
"There's nothing to be sorry about, sweet pea."
See? She called me sweet pea. I love that she does that as long as it's just at home. And then she said she would go to her and Dad's room and read for a while.
When she left Dad said, "You can ask Mom about this, too, you know. Especially since she's the one who had the babies, not me."
So I told him what Tyler told me and he said it was TRUE, anyway the part about where the baby comes out. And I said, "Did Mom holler when I was being born?"
"Kind of."
"I bet she said 'ouch' a lot."
"She did."
"Did she say swear words like the time she almost cut her thumb off in the kitchen last year?"
You know what happened then? Dad laughed. He tried to pretend like he didn't but he did. "I think she might have. She doesn't do that very often, you know."
So then I had to ask the hard part which is how babies got made, not in a factory. And Dad told me. He doesn't lie to me so I know it must be the truth but yikes! Then I asked him one more thing that was really important. "Why would anybody want to do that?"
"Well, when you're older you'll understand, I promise."
"Hey, Dad? I know I'm smart. I'm different from the other kids."
"I know. And I know it isn't always easy for you."
"But if I'm really smart how come I don't get that sex is good? Because it sounds really icky to me."
"I thought it was icky when I was your age, too."
"But then you met Mom and decided it wasn't icky?"
Dad got this weird look but he said, "I definitely did."
"Can I ask you something else?"
"Absolutely."
"The egg that turned into me was really tiny?"
"Yes, it was."
"Teeny tiny?"
"Yes. You'd need a really good microscope to see it."
"But we eat chicken eggs all the time and they're big even though chickens are way smaller than humans. How come their eggs are so big?"
"That's a great question, Eliot, and we'll look it up tomorrow. But it's awfully late now and you have school in the morning. Time for you to hit the hay."
"I think chickens hit the hay, Dad. I have a bed."
And then he grabbed me and tickled me and we both laughed. "Okay, smarty pants. Go brush your teeth and put on your PJs and Mom and I will come tuck you in."
I was under the covers and Scrapple was curled up next to me when they came up and said good night. They were leaving and I said, "Mom? Can you stay for a minute? Just you?"
"It would be an honor," she said and then she sat down on my bed.
"I'm sorry about before."
"It's fine, sweetie. I know it's easier for you to talk to Dad about things like that because you're a boy. When Abby gets older it will be easier for her to talk to me because she's a girl."
"No, I mean really before. When I got born."
She made a sound like she was surprised. "Why are you saying you're sorry about that?"
"'cause I know it must have really, really hurt. I asked Dad if you said ouch a lot and he said yes. I hope I didn't kick you or anything. I bet I was in a big hurry to get born, wasn't I?"
Mom lay right down on the bed next to me and hugged me. "Oh, Eliot, I forgot that it hurt the second I saw you. You were the best, best, best thing ever. Now can I ask you something?"
"Sure."
"Don't be in a big hurry to grow up, okay?"
"Okay."
And she kissed me good night, patted Scrapple, told me to have sweet dreams, and went downstairs. I was just about to fall asleep when I thought of one more thing. Why did Dad say we had a birds and bees talk? We didn't say anything about birds or bees. But we talked about chickens and chicken eggs. Maybe they have something to do with it? Nighty night.