A/N: Thank you for the response to the prologue! I'm excited to take this journey with you guys :)

Here's where the first part of ABL really starts :) Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I do not own Glee :(

CHAPTER 2

Santana, by nature, wasn't a very nervous person. From a very young age, she'd been a confident character and hadn't been very shy to let people know it. When uncertainty had crept into her head and heart during junior year, she'd been at a loss at how to feel. She wasn't used to not understanding what was going on. Then again, Brittany had been disarming from the get-go. It was why her favourite blonde had always known a different, sweeter side to her. Her confidence had bred her into a bitch. That confidence had been her shield. Only one person had been able to break that shield, and Santana had married her.

Not even on her wedding day, had she been nervous. She'd been nervous the day Puck had kissed her. She'd been nervous the day she'd confessed her love for Brittany in front of their lockers. She'd been nervous the day she'd taken a pregnancy test. She'd been nervous as all hell during the first few weeks of Bella's life – no knowing if she was doing the right thing, or if she was going to ruin her baby's life forever.

Standing in front of her old apartment door, Brittany by her side, the nervousness energy was tingling throughout her body. Her wife was waiting for her to knock and Santana hated how long it was taking her to build up the courage. Brittany had been pretty mad, which meant that her mom was going to be livid. Santana wasn't sure she'd be able to handle that, especially after learning just how long she'd been…away.

Happy birthday to me, she thought ruefully.

This is a good day in comparison, the voice taunted.

"Shut up," Santana mumbled, squeezing her eyes shut. She refused to give into him again. Not again. Not after he'd robbed her of so much time with her family. She hadn't been there when Britt had found out she was pregnant. That was unforgiveable and it made Santana mad. Mad at herself, but mad nonetheless. That anger seemed to help in keeping the voice from taking over her thoughts again.

She felt familiar fingers enclose her fist, which was held tightly against her side, and immediately relaxed her hand. Brittany laced their fingers together and applied slight pressure. No words were exchanged, but Santana knew the simple gesture spoke volumes. Brittany wasn't going to do things for her, but she was there, at her side, for as long as it took for them to get to where they needed to be. The sentiment made Santana's heart swell with love for her wife and she felt a few tears escape and trickle down her cheeks.

"San?"

"I'm okay," she said quickly, nodding to convince Brittany. And maybe even herself. "I just…I really love you. And I'm so grateful that I have you next to me, even after-"

"We're not thinking about that right now," Brittany cut in firmly. "Right now, we're focusing on repairing some of the bridges you've burned these last few weeks."

Santana nodded again. She took a few breaths and lifted her left hand to the familiar wooden door.

They may be mad, but they love you. You have an amazing family, and it's time to show them some gratitude for standing by you.

Not for the first time, the more dominant and positive voice in her head took on the melodic and soothing voice of her wife. It made her feel like Brittany was cheering her on internally and externally. Well, she had been the very definition of pep in the Cheerios. She'd made everything bearable.

"I can do this," she whispered.

Brittany squeezed her hand in response. Santana took another breath and rapped her knuckles against the door three times before dropping her hand by her side again. It didn't take long for the door to open and the surprised face of her mother was looking at her.

"Hola, mami," she said quietly, hating how she had to drop her gaze guiltily.

"Santana," Mari greeted after clearing her throat.

There was a brief silence where Santana was sure that Mari and Brittany were having some kind of silent conversation. The kind that they used to have…

See? She's already found a replacement.

Shut up. That's my mother, loser. That's gross and breaking about fifty federal laws, I'm sure, Santana's internal Brittany responded.

It made her smile a little. She was truly, truly lucky to have found Brittany Susan Pierce.

"Would you like to come in?" Mari asked, stepping back and out of the doorway.

"Um, thank you." Santana stepped inside the apartment, Brittany close behind her. She looked around. Was she looking to see if anything had changed? Granted, she hadn't really paid much attention when Mari had moved in. Brittany had done most of the moving and organising. Bitterly, she realised that she'd already started slipping into her depression at that stage.

"Abuela, can we start-"

Santana's eyes flitted to the hallway where her daughter had cut off her own sentence and was staring her in shock. She swallowed. The nervous energy in her body multiplied exponentially. She regretted hurting Bella so much. It almost killed her to see the sadness and disappointment on flash across her face. Her heart started beating a little faster when an all too familiar one took centre stage.

"H-Hi," Santana offered weakly.

Bella just glared at her.

Crap. This is gonna be hard. But I deserve it, so…

"Um, I know that I have a lot to apologise for, Bella, but I wanted to say thank you for my birthday present. I should have said thank you then, and I'm sorry that I didn't. It really means a lot to me."

Bella folded her arms across her chest. "I don't think I want to give it to you anymore."

Santana blinked in surprise, but supposed that she could hardly blame Bella for her anger. She'd really fucked up.

"Okay," she said quietly. "Um, I understand that. Maybe one day, you'll want to give it to me again?"

Her daughter just remained quiet, the glare she'd inherited from Santana never wavering.

"Little B, you up for some ice cream?" Brittany suggested, letting go of Santana's hand and walking over to the girl.

"Who's going?" Bella asked suspiciously.

"Just you and me. I think Mama and Abuela need to have some time to talk."

"Okay," she said, smiling at Brittany.

It made Santana's chest hurt to see Bella acting so carefree with Brittany and so cold with her. She knew she had some work ahead of her if she was going to have any hope of repairing her relationship with her daughter.

"We won't be long," Brittany said to both Santana and Maribel. She stepped closer to her wife. "You need to start somewhere, okay? Please try."

"I will," Santana vowed. "I promise."

"Good," Brittany replied with a smile. "We'll see you soon." She reached a hand for Bella to take and their daughter grabbed it immediately.

"Wait!" Santana requested.

Brittany paused and looked at her expectantly. Santana stepped closer and pressed a soft kiss against her cheek. She could feel the skin grow warmer underneath her lips and it made her heart pound for all the right reasons. She was going to make sure that she felt that a lot more in the coming weeks. It was just the kind of invigoration she wanted. It was the fuel that would light the fire inside her to make sure that she never went back to that dark place.

Santana pulled away and Brittany cleared her throat quietly, but the Latina could see the blush on her face clearly. It was so adorable.

"Thanks," Brittany whispered.

"I love you," Santana said with all the conviction she had. "And I'm never taking you for granted again." She paused to look down at their daughter who had a conflicted look on her face. "Both of you."

"I love you too, San," Brittany replied with a smile. "See you just now."

Santana nodded and stepped back to let them exit the apartment. Once the door closed behind them, she let out a long breath that she hadn't even realised she'd been holding.

"All right, mija. Let's have a talk."

Bella remained completely silent on the elevator ride down to the lobby. Brittany glanced at her and bit her lip. She'd never ever seen Bella look like that at anyone, let alone her mother.

"How you doing there, Little B?" she asked hesitantly as the elevator chimed open.

"I'm thinking," Bella replied, following Brittany out of the elevator.

"Okay, cool. Are we gonna have a quiet walk to the ice-cream stand?"

Her daughter just nodded and Brittany smiled. Santana didn't even know how often he got the same contemplative look on her face whenever she was thinking hard about something. Brittany had called her adorable because of it many, many times, and Santana had denied it at every turn. She didn't think that pointing out such a striking similarity between Bella and Santana would be the wisest decision at that moment, so she let it stew in her own mind.

The walk to the ice cream stand that they frequented was only a few blocks away and the attendant greeted them with a friendly smile.

"My two favourite ladies!" he said jovially. "Would you like your usual?"

"Yes please, Mitch," Brittany replied. "Busy day today?"

"Not so much yet. But it is still early afternoon. There's time."

Brittany chuckled and handed him some money.

"Is the little lady not feeling very talkative today?" Mitch enquired, adding a few pinches of chocolate chips to Brittany's ice cream.

Brittany bent down slightly and hoisted Bella onto her hip.

"Hi, Mitch," she said politely.

"Well, hello, Bella. Here's your specially unique Bella Bear Tub," Mitch said proudly, handing her a small tub with more topping than ice cream.

"Thanks. Have a good day, Mitch."

Brittany smiled at Bella as Mitch handed her tub of ice cream to her. "See you soon," she said before heading towards a bench a few yards away.

They ate in silence for a bit, Brittany waiting for Bella to break the silence. Over the last few weeks, she'd become very attune to how Bella's mind worked. It wasn't dissimilar to Santana, but Bella wasn't as cut and dry as Santana used to be. Bella allowed some grey area, whereas Santana had only seen black and white. Brittany liked to think she'd introduced her wife to some grey areas in the time they'd known each other.

"Mommy?" Bella eventually asked in a quiet voice.

"Yes, Little B?"

Bella moved the remaining chocolate chips in her tub around with her spoon. "Is Mama okay?"

Brittany sighed. "No, sweetie, she's not."

Bella looked up in alarm. "Is it because I was mad?"

"No, no. That's not the reason. I know she understands why you're mad. You're allowed to be mad at her, Bella. What she did was hurtful. But she knows that now and she's going to try and make it better."

"How can she make it better if she's not okay?"

Brittany pulled her mouth to one side as she thought. "You make a good point. Honestly, I don't know, Little B. What I do know is that even though she's hurt us a lot over the last few weeks, she's trying now and we need to be there to help her along the way."

Bella frowned and Brittany was alarmed to see tears springing to her eyes.

"Sweetie, you don't need to cry. We're gonna make sure that Mama gets better, okay?"

"It's n-not that. I don't want to be mad at her, Mommy. I've missed her so much, but I f-feel like I should be. I feel like she hurt me and I want to hurt her back to show her what it felt like."

Brittany sympathised with her daughter. She knew that feeling all too well. Turning around briefly to toss their tubs into the trash can next to the bench they were sitting on, she easily pulled her daughter onto her lap. Her left arm supported Bella's back as she curled into the blonde, tucking her feet underneath her body. It probably didn't look very comfortable, but Brittany and Bella didn't care. It was how they cuddled and they'd had plenty of practice over the last few weeks.

"That's a feeling that you'll experience all too often, Little B," Brittany said softly. "It's like self-preservation. You know what that means?"

"Like you want to look after yourself?"

Brittany smiled proudly. Their little girl was so smart. "That's exactly right. Especially when it comes to matters of the heart, we tend to want to protect ourselves first and foremost."

"Not you, Mommy," Bella murmured, resting her head against Brittany's shoulder.

The blonde felt a huge surge of love for her daughter. "Sweetie, that means so much. Thank you." She pressed another kiss to Bella's forehead. "That's kind of what Mama was going through. When Abuelo died, she felt like she was alone and that everyone was going to leave her. Her self-preservation mode kicked in and she just closed down. She shut everyone out because she thought she was protecting her heart."

"But…that doesn't make sense. We'd never leave Mama. She knows that, right?"

Brittany sighed. "She did, yes. And she does now too." She took a deep breath as she tried to simplify her wife's mental and emotional dilemma enough for their seven-year-old to understand. Bella was smart and deserved to know what Santana had been going through.

"She did know that we love her, Little B. Her sadness was just so big that it kind of overwhelmed her and it was all she could think about."

"Okay," Bella said slowly. "She doesn't feel alone now, though, right? I mean, you got her to get out of bed and go see Abuela."

"I haven't fixed her, Bella. She needs to fix herself. But that doesn't mean that we can't help."

"How can we do that?" Bella asked.

"I'm not sure," Brittany murmured, the cogs in her head starting to turn as she tried to think of ways that she could help Santana get past her depression. She didn't want to go the medicinal route and considering what happened the last time she sought professional help, she was very disinclined to go in that direction either.

"I miss Abuelo," Bella said with a heavy sigh. "And I miss Lima, too. It was nice seeing where you and Mama grew up."

The solution hit Brittany like a ton of bricks.

"Little B, you are a genius!" she exclaimed, turning the girl around in her lap.

"Duh," Bella replied automatically, but then she smiled. "Mommy, you have an idea face on!"

"That's because you, my super smart daughter, have given me the best idea of all ideas!"

"Is it gonna help Mama?"

"I think so, sweetie. I really think it could." Brittany whipped her phone from her pocket and hit her fourth speed dial.

Santana was seated on her mother's sofa with a cup of tea in her hands. It was probably cold, though. She'd been sitting there in silence for she didn't even know how long.

"Santana, how are you?" Mari asked for the fifth time.

She just frowned to herself and stared at the liquid in her cup. How did she answer that question? Truthfully, she wasn't even sure if she knew.

"I…I don't know," she eventually muttered.

"Well, it's certainly nice to see you up and about," Mari tried again.

Santana could only nod.

Fuck, why is this so hard?

Because you know she's disappointed in you. She's ashamed of you for what you've done to Brittany and Bella. She sees your failures when Brittany can't.

Santana scowled and it made her mother frown in confusion.

"Santana, qué pasa?"

"I…" Santana's voice failed her as the words that floated around in her head felt like they couldn't come even close to describing what was wrong with her. Because that, in truth, was the crux of the matter. She was what was wrong. She was the problem.

"Mami, I'm sorry," she burst out, shakily placing her cup on the coffee table in front of her and keeping her eyes down in shame. "I'm so sorry. I know I fucked up. I fucked up really badly and if you hate me, please just say so."

Mari was silent for a lot longer than Santana had wanted her to be silent for. She shut her eyes and willed herself not to cry. She didn't want to cry anymore. She didn't deserve to cry when it was her fault that she was in the whole mess to begin with.

She felt the cushions dip next to her and her mother's arm wrapped around her shoulders.

"Oh, Santana." Mari's voice was strained and the younger Latina could tell she was also trying not to cry. "Mija, I could never hate you. Never, ever. I may be disappointed in you at times, and I may not always agree with the decisions that you make, but there has never been a day that I have ever hated you. And there never will be a day where I hate you. You are my blood, mi familia, and I love you with all my heart."

"Do you mean that?" Santana asked, daring to turn her head and meet her mother's gaze.

"Si, si. With all my heart."

"I love you too," Santana choked out. "I'm so sorry for what I've put you through. I just…I'm sorry, Mami."

"Come here." Mari sat back and guided her daughter to rest her head in her lap.

Santana gratefully accepted the comfort Mari offered, relishing in the feeling of her mother's fingers running through her hair. She'd done the same thing on so many occasions, especially when Santana was younger.

"You know that we will all be here for you, mija. Brittany and Bella have been so worried about you all these weeks. Brittany was at a loss. She felt like she'd exhausted all of her options with you."

Santana swallowed, the familiar hurt bubbling in her chest. She knew all too well how close Brittany had come to giving up on her. She'd heard it in her voice when she was speaking to Quinn earlier. But she knew better now. Right? She knew that Brittany loved her unconditionally and was one hundred percent there for her.

Right?

"That woman loves you more than life itself," Mari murmured, continuing her ministrations with Santana's hair. "She has stuck by you through so much, as have you by her side. You two are truly soulmates. Your father and I both saw it back in senior year."

Santana's heart started to pick up its pace at the mention of her father. Guilt flooded her veins.

After a few minutes of silence, Mari broke it once more. "Santana, please tell me something. Anything?"

Santana froze, panic rising up in her. She knew that she didn't need to be afraid. Her mother loved her, even not knowing why she'd done what she'd done. She would understand. Right?

She sat up abruptly. "Um, I…I…air!" she suddenly blurted.

"Qué?" Mari asked, bewildered.

"I need air," Santana said, standing up quickly and heading for the door, ignoring her mother's calls.

She yanked the front door open and stumbled towards the elevator, clutching her chest. It felt like the air was being squeezed from her lungs.

What's happening? Am I dying?

I'd buy front seat tickets to that show.

Shut up! God, you're an asshole.

Technically, you're calling yourself an asshole. And there are two different voices in her head that aren't even your own voice. So what does that say about you, huh?

Santana fisted the front of her shirt, hoping somehow that it would allow more space in her chest for her to breathe. She glanced to the right of the elevator and made her way to the stairs. She pushed the door open and managed to climb down to the mezzanine before curling up into a ball in the corner. She desperately tried to think of the good things she'd remembered earlier to keep the alluring voice at bay. She didn't want to go back there.

She wasn't alone. There was no more darkness. Brittany was her light. Bella was her light. She just needed to focus on them.

Good luck with that, Santana.

"So when do we leave?" Bella asked excitedly, as the elevator took them back up to Mari's floor.

"Hopefully tomorrow morning," Brittany said with a grin. "I just have to wait for Quinn to get back to me about available flights."

"Cool."

The blonde smiled down at the bubble of energy that she'd missed having around. "You wanna tell Mama about it?"

Bella looked up with worry in her eyes. "You're sure she won't be mad for me being mad?"

"No, sweetie. Remember, she said she was sorry about not accepting your birthday gift?"

Bella nodded. "She said that I could give it to her again."

"She did."

"I don't know if I want to, Mommy."

Brittany knelt down next to her. "I'm not going to tell you what you should or shouldn't do, Bella. You'll know in your heart if or when you want to give your pillow to Mama. If you decide not to, that's okay. If you decide you want to at a later stage, that's okay too. This is going to be a learning process for all of us. We need to find a way to work as a family again, with all three of us."

"Yeah. Okay, cool. Your idea is really good, Mommy."

"Thanks, Little B."

The elevator opened and Bella bounded out, heading straight for Mari's door which, to Brittany's surprise, was open.

"Hello?" she called, peeking inside.

"Brittany! Oh, thank heavens. I was just about to call you."

"What happened?" Brittany asked immediately.

"I…I think I pushed her too far. I said things that I probably shouldn't have and-"

"Mari, don't worry about what you should or shouldn't have said," Brittany cut in gently, placing a hand on her folded arm. "What's done is done. How long ago did she leave?"

"Not long. Maybe a few minutes?"

"Okay. I'll go and look for her." Brittany bent down. "Little B, stay with Abuela, okay?"

Bella nodded and held Mari's hand. "Mommy, is Mama okay?"

Brittany bit her lip. She'd lost count of how many times Bella had asked her that same question over the last few weeks. "I'm not sure, but I'm gonna find out. Tell Abuela about our plan."

"Okay. Love you, Mommy."

Brittany pulled her daughter into a tight. "Love you more, Little B. I'll be back soon."

Giving Bella one last smile, she stood up and headed for the door. She pulled it closed behind her and surveyed the hallway in front of her. She doubted Santana had taken the elevator anywhere because both had been on the ground floor when she and Bella returned from their ice cream outing. Mari had said that she hadn't been gone long.

Brittany eyed the door to the stairs and walked steadily towards it. She pulled it open and her eyes immediately zeroed in on her wife curled up against the wall one flight down. Carefully, she descended the steps and sat on the last one, reaching her hand out towards Santana.

"San?"

Her head jerked up and watery brown eyes locked on hers.

"Britt," she breathed. "You're here."

Brittany slid off the step and next to Santana. She was a little wary of comforting her with touch, not sure if she'd regressed back into anything.

"Of course," she murmured. "I'm always here, San."

Her wife unfurled her arms and threw them around Brittany. The blonde hadn't been anticipating such a reaction and almost fell over with the sudden weight in her arms. That lasted all of a second before she was securely holding Santana to her.

"You're safe, baby. I've got you."

"I'm sorry, Britt," Santana mumbled. "I'm so sorry."

"I know you are. I believe that you're sorry, Santana. You need to believe it too. Once you do, you'll be able to stop saying it so much."

Santana was still shaking a bit, but she pulled back and stared into blue eyes. "How are you so wonderful? After everything I did to you, you're still here."

"I love you, Santana. That's all the reason I need to be by your side. I think you're starting to realise just how bad things got and it's okay to be upset by that. But you can't let that get the best of you. You can't let that voice tell you that being sad is all you're going to feel or whatever." She grimaced. "Sorry, that sounded insensitive."

"It's okay. I know what you meant. You have every right to be a little bitter. I guess I would be too."

"I'm not bitter, San. I'm frustrated because I don't understand."

Santana nodded and sighed, resting her forehead against Brittany's. "I want you to understand. I really do, B, but I need to understand it myself first."

"Okay, that's fine. I'm just happy that you know you need to understand it. It's a step in the right direction, San."

"I want to be better. For you, for Bella…" she trailed off and looked down. "For our baby."

Brittany could feel Santana's hands grip her neck just a little tighter.

"I'm gonna be mean for a bit now," Brittany whispered, coaxing Santana's gaze back to hers. Brown eyes widened in worry. "Well, I guess mean is a little extreme. Maybe you could look at it as an incentive."

Santana nodded. "I'm not allowed to touch your stomach until you understand?"

"Well, maybe not completely understand. I think there's probably a lot going on that maybe you don't even know about. We can work out a goal for you. How does that sound?"

The Latina sighed and a small smile crossed her face. "That sounds perfect."

"Great. I have the perfect place for us to start this road to recovery." Brittany was more sure than ever that her plan was what they needed at that time in their lives.

"We're going away?" Santana asked in confusion.

"Yes, but it's to a place we know very well. We're going back to where this all started."

Santana swallowed and fear clouded her eyes. She shook her head slightly before a weak determination came across her features. "Okay, Britt. Let's go back to Lima."

A/N: And so the healing process begins, Brittany Lopez style ;)

Quick note – this will be another slow burn. Most of you know that's how I roll ;) This healing process is gonna be long and it's gonna difficult. But Brittana is endgame and will always be endgame :) Santana's recovery isn't going to be the whole story. Once that arc is done, more exciting things await our favourite family :)

Any cover art designs would be appreciated :) Just putting it out there.

-H

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