A/N: I know it has been forever. And I know that apologies won't be enough. It's my own fault for spreading myself so thin. So I've decided to completely finish each story that I'm currently working on one at a time. More about that at the end, though.
Thanks for your inspiring words and support. It really does mean so much. I hope this will be enough to tide you over for a while.
Disclaimer: I do not own Glee :(
CHAPTER 9: I see the signs
She could feel something was different the second she started to wake up. Her eyes flew open, even before they were ready. She blinked rapidly, trying to clear the haziness from her vision. It took her a moment to realise what was wrong.
Santana was gone.
Well, she didn't know if she was gone gone, but she wasn't in bed. Brittany bit her lip and sat up, rubbing her hands over her face hurriedly as she forced her body to wake up. She grabbed her phone to check the time.
Seven am, Santana? Why are you up so early?
Shit. What if she'd had another nightmare? The worry was enough to get Brittany vaulting out of bed and hurrying into the bathroom. Empty. She scanned her bedroom, but Santana wasn't anywhere to be found.
Shit, shit, shit.
She ran out of her bedroom and hesitated on the second floor, breathing a sigh of relief at a familiar sound. She should have known. Feeling decidedly calmer, Brittany headed down to the ground floor and smiled at something she hadn't heard before. Santana was composing. She was composing in her house. It made her giddy with excitement.
She leaned against the half-closed door of the ballroom and just watched the love of her life in her element. Santana was creating something very special, as evident by the smile permanently etched onto her face. She kept stopping at various intervals and nodding to herself, no doubt playing the music over in her head as she filled sheets of music.
Brittany sat down on the floor and leaned against the wall next to the door and continued to watch her. She didn't know how long she'd been on the floor, but Santana suddenly stopped and her head turned to where Brittany was. Their eyes locked and both girls smiled. Brittany couldn't help a flash of what could be their future flying through her mind.
I'd love to wake up to this every morning. I'd make sure that she had a good morning coffee and hearty breakfast and she could compose the whole day. I'd just sit and watch or maybe get up and dance with her, for her.
She could definitely picture their life in five, ten years' time ending up like that. Brittany pushed herself up off the floor when she saw Santana making her way over to her. They melted into each other, Santana's hands wrapping around Brittany's waist and her face buried into her neck. Brittany kissed her hair and held her tightly to her.
Could get used to good morning hugs like this too.
"Did you sleep better?" she whispered.
Santana nodded into her neck and Brittany felt lips against her skin, softly puckering and brushing across her collar bone. She shivered. It felt amazing.
"I'm glad. How long have you been up?"
She released one hand from behind Brittany and pointed from her shoulder forward and then held up four fingers.
"Since four? Why didn't you wake me?"
Santana pulled back and smiled up at Brittany. She pointed to her.
You.
She made the motion of throwing something over her shoulder. Brittany frowned in confusion. Then Santana took both hands and placed them just above her breasts and did a kind of shrug.
Fuck, this is driving me crazy! I can't even understand the girl of my dreams. It's like some cruel joke.
Santana obviously saw the irritation in her eyes because she lifted her hands to cup Brittany's cheeks and forced her to meet her penetrating gaze.
You were tired, she mouthed slowly.
The blonde just nodded in understanding and tried to commit the signs to memory. She had start learning. It was frustrating for her, but it couldn't be any easier for Santana. She was the one doing all the work to try and make Brittany understand her. The least she could do was learn as much sign language as quickly as possible.
"I just got worried," she eventually mumbled, looking down.
Santana ducked her head and coaxed her to lift her eyes up again.
"I'm sorry, I know I shouldn't be frustrated because it affects you too and you've already been so wonderful, teaching me what you can and finding different ways to tell me things, like…"
Like I love you.
Santana smiled, hearing the unspoken words and leaned up to kiss Brittany sweetly. The blonde held her close and did what she could to show her appreciation for Santana's understanding and patience with her. She pulled away after a few delicious kisses and rested her forehead against Santana's.
"What do you want to do today?"
Santana pulled a face and unwrapped her arms from around Brittany's waist to show her another sign. Brittany paid close attention. First, Santana pinched her fingers together and touched her chin, then touched the side of her mouth. Then she made two fists crossed her right wrist over her left.
Brittany was baffled. Santana simply stood on her tiptoes, kissed her cheek three times and mouthed homework.
"Homework," Brittany murmured, copying Santana's sign.
The girl in front of her smiled brightly.
"Ok, so how do I say do you want to go and do homework together?"
Santana showed her slowly and precisely. Brittany copied it carefully, making sure that she got her finger and hand positions right. Once Brittany was able to ask on her own, albeit a little shakily, Santana nodded enthusiastically, throwing her arms around Brittany's neck and pulling her close for another tight hug.
Brittany breathed in her love's scent and suddenly got an idea about how to make things official between them. She had some work to do, though, and the thought of doing homework with Santana all morning was strangely exciting to her. She generally hated doing homework, but even that sounded pretty awesome if she was doing it with Santana.
God, I am so whipped.
She grinned to herself and nuzzled her love's neck. Yeah, she was. And she didn't care.
"How about we get some breakfast to take back up to the bedroom?" Brittany murmured against Santana's temple, pressing her lips against the smooth skin.
She felt Santana nod against her lips so she pulled away slightly, giving her a warm smile and linked their fingers together. Their stroll to the kitchen was a relaxed one and Brittany quickly gathered ingredients from the pantry to make some omelettes for them. Santana sat on the island and watched her, a contended smile on her lips as Brittany danced around the kitchen while she cooked.
She started humming and singing spradic lines from Baby One More Time. Santana clearly enjoyed the performance and was laughing heartily, clapping along. While the omelettes were finishing up on the stove, Brittany went to stand between Santana's legs and, armed with a wooden spoon as a mic, serenaded her love.
Oh, baby baby
The reason I breathe is you
Girl you've got me blinded
Oh, baby baby
There's nothin' that I wouldn't do
That's not the way I planned it
Santana smiled lovingly at her and locked her ankles around Brittany's waist, her feet resting comfortably on her ass. Brittany giggled and they swayed together, Santana's arms resting on Brittany's shoulders and her fingers running through long, blonde hair.
Brittany hummed the rest of the song against Santana's lips, their tongues lazily caressing each other. They were forced to stop by the timer from the stove going off. Just as well – Brittany was far too distracted with Santana to even spare their omelettes a thought. The Latina's stomach had other ideas and rumbled appreciatively at the smell of Brittany's breakfast creation. The blonde giggled again and kissed her cheek, which had flamed red.
"You're so cute," she whispered, breaking away from her.
Santana pouted at being away from her, but Brittany just sent her a wink and served their omelettes onto two waiting plates. She returned to Santana and put a plate on either side of her. She cut a piece of omelette, making sure to twist the melted cheese around the fork. She blew on it gently and held it up to Santana. She looked at her with a disbelieving smile and leaned forward, her puffy lips closing around the food. Brittany raised her eyebrows in anticipation of Santana's reaction. The younger girl looked up as though she was contemplating and then wrinkled her nose teasingly. She captured Brittany's lips in a surprising kiss, pulled back and put the joined tips of her fingers to her lips, kissing them away with a flourish.
Brittany laughed and cut herself a piece of the other omelette. She blew on it a little before biting it. She nodded her approval. She did make a mean omelette if she did say so herself. She cut another piece of hers, blew on it and held it up for Santana, who took it without preamble. She'd made two different ones, in case Santana hadn't liked hers, but the young girl's eyes widened as she chewed slowly. Brittany smiled. If Santana could moan, she was pretty sure she'd be doing that.
I bet it's the sexiest sound in the world.
Nah. Brittany was one hundred percent certain that the sexiest sound in the world would be Santana's voice. As she continued cutting pieces from both omelettes and feeding both of them, her mind wandered back to what had transpired when she'd tried to wake Santana up from her nightmare.
She knew that she hadn't misheard that whimper.
As desperate as she was to know what it meant, she was more adamant about honouring Santana's request to wait until she was ready to tell her.
The younger girl cupped her face and met her eyes with concern. Brittany swallowed, realising that she may have spaced a little. She smiled and leaned in for a kiss.
"Don't worry your pretty head, baby. You said you'd talk to me when you were ready, so I'm going to wait until that time."
Santana looked a little fearful, which made Brittany abandon her utensils and wrap her arms around the girl.
"San, look at me." She eventually did. "I know something happened to you. And I know that you're still dealing with it. And whatever way you've decided to deal with it is your business and yours alone. I love you and I don't plan on going anywhere anytime soon. One day, I know, you'll be ready to share with me. Until that day, I will continue to love you and protect you and make you laugh and feel safe. Ok?"
Santana nodded slowly and bit her lip. Brittany pecked it and continued doing so until a smile broke across her face. Brittany grinned and started kissing her all over her face. She only stopped when she felt her love's body shaking from laughing.
"There she is," she said softly, tracing her finger down the side of her face. "My beautiful girl."
Santana's eyes shone and they looked at each other for a few moments before simultaneously leaning in for a series of soft kisses. Santana broke away first and left three very lingering kisses against her cheek before snuggling into the crook of her neck.
Brittany sighed happily. "I love you too, Santana. So very much."
Once they'd been in that position for about fifteen minutes, Brittany begrudgingly suggested that they head back up to the bedroom and get started on their homework. Santana jumped off the counter and ran back to the ballroom to grab her notebook. She met Brittany at the bottom of the stairs and, without warning, jumped onto her back. The blonde squealed in surprise, but grabbed her legs securely and held her close, powering quickly up the stairs to the third floor.
Not surprisingly, they ended up sprawled on the bed, making out until Brittany pulled away with a groan.
"You know I could kiss you forever, but the sooner we get our homework done, the sooner we can get back to it." She wiggled her eyebrows suggestively, making Santana giggle.
"Ok, beautiful. Let's get nerdy."
They actually managed to go a full half an hour without a 'break'. Initiated by Brittany, naturally. After a five-minute break spent entirely entwined with Santana, they reluctantly got back to their work. Brittany was frowning at math problems and she knew that Santana was watching her, but she just let her. She huffed and scribbled her way through two more problems before ceremoniously pushing her book to the floor. Santana just smiled at her and shook her head.
"What?" Brittany pouted. "Just cos you're a total genius doesn't mean you have to be so damn cute about it. I hate algebra. Letters are for English, not math."
Santana just giggled and leaned over Brittany to pick her book up from the floor. She opened it and found the problem that had been plaguing Britt. She looked between the book and Brittany's illegible problem solving and frowned in confusion.
"See? It's totally confusing!"
Santana arched an eyebrow – hot – and pointed to Brittany's work, shaking her head.
"Ok, Smarty Pants. Show me how, then."
And she did. She pulled Brittany to lay between her legs, her work resting on her propped up thighs. Step by step, without words, Santana made more sense out of algebra than Brittany had ever understood in her life.
"Holy crap," she breathed. She angled her head upwards. "How are you so perfect?"
Santana flushed and bit her lip. Brittany just kissed the underside of her jaw and settled back into her, taking over with the next problem. She got it hopelessly wrong, but Santana was quick to point out where she'd gone wrong.
"I'm hereby employing you as my math tutor," she mumbled, furrowing her eyebrows at the last problem.
Seriously, in what language was sin, cos and x, y and z even comprehensible? All in the same damn problem!
"Oh, that's trig," Brittany murmured. "Huh, that would explain a lot."
She'd been studying the wrong section.
"Ok, how do you say your name?" Brittany asked.
It was nearing noon and the girls had finished their homework and were sitting cross-legged opposite each other on the bed, their knees touching. Santana had been schooling Brittany on signing the alphabet and she was picking it up relatively quickly, thankfully.
Santana lifted her right hand and signed the seven letters that made up her name. Brittany watched closely and mimicked it afterwards, only messing up on the 'n'. She could tell the younger girl was very impressed.
"Ok, let me try this on my own," she said, taking a breath.
She lifted her hand and slowly signed out her own name, earning an excited nod from the girl opposite her, and then signed Santana's name just as successfully. It earned her a dive tackle hug from the girl and she chuckled.
"Hmmm, if this is the reception I get for getting our names right, I think I'm going to have to start studying super hard."
Santana poked her cheek and just kissed her. They traded soft kisses until the familiar sound of footsteps on the second floor landing caused them to break apart. But they didn't let go of each other and it made Brittany smile. She loved how comfortable Santana felt with her family to let them be all giddy and in love. She definitely had no intentions of hiding it.
"Ugh, I knew I should've gone for a cavity check before walking in here," Quinn said dryly, leaning against the doorframe.
"Jealousy makes you nasty!" Brittany sang, earning herself a glare from Quinn and a smart hit on the arm from Santana. "What?" she whined, pouting at her love.
Santana just gave her a knowing look and Brittany sighed. "Sorry, Q," she called. "You caught my bitch on her hourly excursion."
"Yeah, you'd better rein that shit in if you have any hope of keeping that girl on your arm."
"Psssh, this girl right here? I'll count my lucky stars every day she decides to stay on my arm."
Santana smiled brightly at her and Brittany returned it.
"I think I may actually throw up from fluff overload." Quinn's voice was all sarcasm.
"Sure that's not from your hangover?" Brittany bit back, arching an eyebrow at her best friend. She and Santana entwined themselves and lay back on the bed. "Considering your usual MO, I'm impressed that you're vertical."
"Your dad started watching golf. It was making my head hurt more."
Brittany chuckled. Her dad loved his golf. And he was very, very alone in his greener pastures passion. She felt lips against her cheek and then Santana was slipping off the bed. The dancer just smiled and watched her walk into the bathroom, sending her a subtle wink as she pulled the door closed behind her.
"Jesus, you are so completely crazy about her."
Brittany giggled deliriously. "Oh, you have no idea, Q. None. It's magical. And it's amazing." Her friend was quiet for a while so she lifted her head and saw a familiar look. She liked to call it Quinn's contemplative look. She wore it when she wanted to say something but wasn't sure whether or not she should.
"Spit it out, Blondie," Brittany teased with a smile.
"B, I don't think I should."
"Why not?"
"Because you're happy."
Her smile faded. "Is this about Santana?"
Quinn just nodded.
"So tell me."
"I...I don't think she's really mute," Quinn eventually said quietly.
"Yeah, so?"
Hazel eyes went wide. "Wait, you know?"
Brittany shrugged. "I have my suspicions. But it doesn't matter, Q. Santana and I are more than her ability to speak or not. Our connection runs so much deeper than that."
"But...this is essentially her lying to you."
"Maybe that's how you see it. For me, it's about her protecting herself the only way she knows how. When she's ready, she'll let me know what's up."
Quinn stared at her. "Are you seriously just going to let her lie to you for who knows how long until she's ready?"
Brittany narrowed her eyes slightly. "Quinn, listen to me very carefully because I'm only going to say this once. Santana is the love of my life and by some miracle, she loves me back. I would do anything for that girl. And if she needs me to let her not speak, then that is what I will do. You saw her, Q. You saw how scared she was. God, something happened to Santana and it kills me that I wasn't there. I don't even know how long ago it was, but I do know that when she's ready to tell me, it won't make me love her any less. Nothing can."
Quinn just sighed. "I'm just trying to protect you, B."
"Protect me?" Brittany scoffed. "From what? Santana? I can promise you that you don't have to worry about my heart. It's in very capable hands."
"Ok, As long as-"
"Q, how long have we known each other?" Brittany interrupted her, her brow furrowing in frustration.
"Since the second week of freshman year."
"And how many times have I needed you to bail me out of some disaster?"
"Um..."
"Exactly. That's your department. But that's ok because you're my best friend and I love you regardless of your drama. I don't often do things impulsively, unless it's with you. And then it's more us being impulsive than me on my own."
"Impulsive by association?" Quinn asked, arching an eyebrow.
"Something like that, I guess. Basically, I just need my best friend to trust me on this, ok? I love Santana and I plan to spend a great deal of time with her. If you're just going to judge her for dealing with her own problems in her own way the whole time, then maybe I'll have to find a way to divide my time between the two of you. Although," she added quietly, "it would be really awesome if my best friend and the girl I'm in love with could be in the same room and be genuinely friendly."
Quinn sighed. "Jesus, B. Way to fucking lay on the guilt."
She shrugged a shoulder. "I would have thought by now that it would be painfully obvious that this isn't something casual, that this is the real deal and that I'm not going to let her go. At least not without one hell of a fight."
Her friend eventually nodded. "I hear you. I do respect your relationship, B. And I'm happy for you. That's the only reason why I'm worried. I can see how much you love her and I know she loves you. A blind person could see it. I don't want either of you getting hurt because of a secret."
"Thanks, Q. I appreciate your support. She's gonna need both of us this week."
Quinn looked up contemplatively. "Are we really going to Sylvester with this?"
Brittany's eyes darkened in anger immediately. "Hell yes," she growled. "Finn and Puck are not getting away with this. I don't give a continental fuck what they thought happened."
"Cool. I'm with you, B. All the way."
"Thanks, Quinn. That really means a lot."
Quinn sent her a playful wink and Brittany jumped off the bed to tackle her in a bear hug.
"Britt! Your unnatural strength is about to cut off my circulation!"
She giggled and released Quinn. "Sorry."
"You know," Quinn mused, "this whole happy and in love schtick looks pretty good on you."
Brittany felt her cheeks flush red. "Well, it feels pretty damn awesome."
Quinn grinned. "Ok, I'll leave you lovebirds to whatever it is that you were doing or about to do or-"
"Whoa. It wasn't anything like that," Brittany interrupted quickly. "Really, Q. She's teaching me sign language."
"Cool. Well, I'm headed homeward. Best face the dragon now rather than later." She pulled a face and Brittany chuckled. "See you on the morrow!"
"Bye!" Brittany called, giggling at her best friend's dramatic relationship with her mother. Harriet Fabray was, for lack of a better term, the person who gave birth to her and nothing more. Quinn had been left to nannies and as soon as she'd been able to fend for herself, she set foot in her house to sleep and occasionally eat. She generally spent her time with Brittany or, in previous years, with Rachel.
The dancer chewed on her bottom lip as she contemplated her relationship with her sister. One thing that really baffled her was how brainwashed she seemed to be around Finn. The Rachel that she knew, that had grown up in the same house as her, would never have brushed off what Finn had done to Santana so easily. She would have listened to everyone's side of the story before formulating her own opinion. Her open-mindedness had really helped Brittany realise and accept her attraction to both boys and girls. How she'd treated Quinn, though…
She sighed. Rachel Berry, the sister she loved so fiercely, was definitely not the same Rachel Berry, fiancée to one Finn Hudson. It made her sad. She missed her sister. She wanted to tell her about Santana, about how she finally knew what people meant when they talked about love. Like, real, true, forever kind of love. She wanted to share that with her because Rachel was a hopeless romantic and Brittany knew that she'd be really happy for her.
But thanks to whatever spell Finn had her under, she wouldn't let Santana within twenty feet of her. Her jaw clenched as the thought about the meeting she was going to be having the next day. Knowing that Puckerman was just next door really tested her patience and she had to force herself to stay on her bed. Her fists clenched tightly.
Santana can't know how close he is. She feels safe here and if she knew he was next door, that could be ruined. And I won't ruin that for her. Not because of him.
She closed her eyes when she heard the bathroom door open. Santana would know immediately if she didn't calm herself down quickly. Too late, though. A warm hand against her cheek coaxed her eyes open and Santana's beautiful brown orbs were flitting across her face in concern. She glanced back to the door and Brittany saw the frown on her face.
'Oh, no, it wasn't Quinn," she said softly.
Santana raised her eyebrow as if to say, Well?
Brittany sighed, inwardly wrestling with how much of her thought s Santana should hear. She wasn't trying to coddle her or act like she didn't think Santana could handle what she was thinking or wanting to do.
Mostly, she didn't want to break the happy bubble they'd been in.
Why did reality have to be such a fucking pain in the ass?
Santana shifted so that she was straddling Brittany's thighs and she cupped the dancer's face in her soft hands. Their eyes met and Brittany nodded subtly. Her arms went around Santana's waist and pulled her towards her. Her face was meshed against Santana's chest, but she needed the comfort of her love's embrace. The younger girl obviously sensed Brittany's need and wrapped one arm around her back, the other playing gently with blonde hair.
I wish we could stay here forever.
It definitely wasn't the first time she'd had that thought and she doubted that it would be the last. Her eyes snapped open and she pulled away gently. She brought her right hand in between them and stiffened her four fingers, touching her index finger to her lips. Santana nodded, her eyes shining warmly. Brittany's heart rate increased as she brought her hand against her chest. She could feel the heat emanating from her hand through her shirt.
Shit, I've never been so nervous in my life.
With a shaking hand, she held Santana's gaze as she lifted her right hand and brushed her thumb along her jaw line twice. Brown eyes widened in realisation and dropped to Brittany two fingers interlocking with each other.
Oh, wow. Oh, shit. I've never said those words to anyone before, and the first time I do, I don't even actually speak them.
She'd never have guessed that one day she would be asking the girl of her dreams to be her girlfriend in sign language, but she'd sneakily checked the correct way to ask on her phone earlier. She'd wanted to surprise her and she'd clearly done that. Santana was still staring at her hands.
She hadn't answered.
Brittany felt her throat constrict.
Fuck, what if that was too soon? Did I just ruin everything? Oh, shit, shit, shit!
She wanted to get up, to get away, to hide away in embarrassment, but Santana was still on top of her and she couldn't just like, uproot her or whatever. Her hands dropped into her lap and she stared at them intently, trying not to let the silence echo in her head. Not that she was having much luck.
Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid.
She hated how much she felt like crying. Rejection wasn't something she was familiar with at all and she'd never thought that she'd ever be stupid enough to do something that would risk rejection from Santana. Yet, there she sat, looking like the biggest idiot because she'd listened to her heart instead of her head.
Because you've only been listening to your head the whole weekend, right?
Yeah, ok, so she'd been neglecting logic a little, allowing herself to be wrapped up snugly in her Santana bubble. Who wouldn't want that, though?
She felt Santana's hands move from behind her and creep down to her own that were clenched tightly in her lap. Her eyes widened in alarm when she felt Santana's hand tremble as she unclenched Brittany's fists. She didn't put up a fight. The younger girl lifted their hands between them again and she manipulated Brittany's hands so that her left one was open, palm facing her right and the four fingers on her right were stiff together.
At the same time, their eyes met and Brittany breathed in sharply at the overwhelming emotion swirling in the mysterious dark eyes. Without lowering her gaze, Santana moved Brittany's right hand towards her left so that the tips of her fingers hit the inside of her hand.
She didn't know the sign, but having Santana sign with her, for her, was such an intense experience that she just allowed herself to get lost in the sensation. Santana squeezed her hands gently and the blonde nodded, focusing on the sign. It seemed familiar. She'd seen it before. Had Santana used it? Yes! On Thursday night, at Charlie's! When Santana had been showing her various signs, she'd used that sign before doing something again.
Again!
Santana wanted her to sign it again. She swallowed, her nerves suddenly multiplying in intensity. She lifted her right hand to her lips and Santana's hand followed, her fingers brushing across the back of her hand as it met her lips. Their eyes never left each other as Brittany repeated her question. The second time, though, was a completely different experience. Having Santana's hands follow hers, trace over hers as she signed, made the actual asking so much more intimate, like if she could whisper it into Brittany's ear. That was how it felt.
When Brittany interlocked her index fingers for the second time, Santana completely covered them and brought them to her lips, kissing Brittany's finger so very gently. She smiled down at the blonde who, at that moment, was trying really hard to not get her hopes up because Santana still hadn't said yes. Or anything, for that matter.
"San, you're kinda killing me here," she croaked eventually, after moments of silent staring.
The brunette leaned down and kissed her cheek three times before nuzzling her nose against her, nodding furiously.
"Oh, thank God," Brittany breathed, immediately hugging Santana's waist and keeping her close. She inhaled the scent that would only ever be described as pure Santana and smiled against her shoulder.
Santana Lopez was her girlfriend.
The sun was setting over Lima as Brittany drove her car very slowly down the road that led to Santana's street. Shelby had called about an hour before and suggested – without much room for disagreement – that Santana make her way back home. The mood had become a sombre pretty quickly. Brittany and Santana had spent most of the time left to them just snuggling on the bed, no space between them. Even when they'd begrudgingly made their way downstairs, Santana had refused to let go of Brittany's hand.
The blonde couldn't remember the last time she'd felt so sad. She didn't want Santana to go; it was even more painfully obvious that Santana didn't want to go either. She hated that they had to still adhere to the adult in their life. Normally, her mom was pretty easy going, but told her very firmly that Santana's aunts were expecting her back that evening and that it was disrespectful to ignore the wishes of the women legally responsible for her.
Brittany, of course, stomped her foot and glared at her mother, but did as she was told nonetheless.
"One day, we won't have to know what this feels like," she said softly, glancing over at Santana, who was focused on fusing their hands together as tightly as possible. "We'll be living together and we'll get to see each other all the time and go to bed together and wake up together."
It was the first thing she'd said out loud about a future for them together. The smile on Santana's face eased any worries that momentarily sprang into her mind. The happiness she felt knowing that Santana wanted that kind of future with her made the separation that they were going to soon experience a little less sorrowful.
She sighed as she pulled up outside Santana's house. Movement of curtains in the living room was the final pin that popped her bubble. She turned to Santana and held both her hands with both of hers.
"I'll be here tomorrow morning, ok? You just let me know when you want me here."
Santana pouted and Brittany leaned across to kiss her gently. "I don't want to be gone from you either, but it is unfortunately something that we're going to have to get used to because as welcome as you are at my house anytime, for no matter how long, I think your aunts will miss you. Just like I'm going to miss you when you're not in arms reach."
Santana nodded sadly and Brittany hated that she was right.
"Maybe we can work out a schedule or something. Like maybe you can stay over at my house on the weekends or something?"
Santana nodded and signed that she'd talk to them. She did it slowly and Brittany was grateful. Her grasp of sign language was getting steadily better the more she did it.
"Text me, ok?"
Santana reached for her and Brittany eagerly reciprocated the passionate kiss. They were both breathing heavily when they broke apart. Brittany leaned her head against Santana's,
"I love you, Santana."
She smiled softly and signed it back, punctuated with three kisses to her lips.
"We should go," Brittany whispered, trying to hold onto the last of their time together desperately.
Santana's shoulders slumped and she pulled away, grabbing her school bag at her feet and opening the door. Brittany opened hers too and waited for Santana to join her on the sidewalk. Their hands automatically found each other and Santana rested her head against Brittany's shoulder. As they walked, Brittany pressed soft kisses to her forehead, trying to convey what she was feeling. They stepped up onto the porch and Santana stopped. Brittany looked down at her and smiled at the defiant look on her face as she glared at the door.
"You have me, beautiful girl. You have me for as long as you want me. I'm not going anywhere. Even if you can't see me, I'll be with you." She let her fingers dance across Santana's heart. "I'll always be there. For as long as you want me there."
Santana just lifted her hand and with her index finger pointing up, made two circles between them. Brittany grinned. She knew what that meant.
"Always," she whispered in agreement, leaning down for a kiss.
The younger girl held her close as they traded soft kisses, simply massaging each other's lips. Brittany broke their lip lock and trailed kisses across her jaw and down her neck until her face was buried there. Arms were tightly wrapped around each other as they drank as much of each other in as they could.
They broke away when the front door opened. Brittany glanced up and saw Shelby eyeing her suspiciously. The blonde was pretty sure that she'd seen them kissing, so she was probably wondering about the developments between them.
Shelby signed something too quick for Brittany to catch and Santana huffed. She turned back to Brittany and stood on her tiptoes to kiss her kiss three times, lingering on the third one. It made the dancer smile. Santana pulled away and Brittany sent her a little wave. The smile she received was enough to tide her over. She knew Santana loved her. She felt it in everything the girl did. She was willing to do whatever she needed to ensure that they had their future. The future where they didn't have to say goodbye.
I'm definitely going to need some coffee.
She blinked her eyes rapidly to try stop herself from falling asleep behind the wheel. She was on her way to fetch Santana on Monday morning. Needless to say, she hadn't had much sleep the night before. Everything just felt wrong. Holding her cushions and pretending they were Santana just didn't work. Listening to her music just made her miss her more. She could already feel herself relaxing a little more with every corner she turned that took her closer to her love.
A smile crept onto her face unknowingly as she turned onto Santana's street. It had been a little over twelve hours since they'd seen each other and Brittany was itching to touch her, just to remind herself (not that she could ever forget) that Santana was hers.
She was her girlfriend.
And so, so much more.
She parked her car against the curb and opened the door, her heart fluttering as she glanced up at Santana's bedroom. She saw the curtains move and started walking up to the door.
"Santana!" she heard from inside the house. It sounded like Shelby.
Brittany curiously stared at the door as she approached the porch. It flew open and she grinned as her girlfriend ran outside and jumped into her arms.
This is how it's supposed to feel.
She inhaled Santana's scent deeply and hummed in delight as she held her close. Everything that had felt wrong the moment she'd driven away the night before seemed right again.
"I missed you," she said into Santana's neck.
The brunette pulled back and kissed her all over her face. Brittany giggled and spun her around a little. Their eyes finally met.
"Good morning, beautiful girl."
Santana traced her finger down Brittany's cheek and her face shone with happiness. They simultaneously came together for the sweetest good morning kiss that Brittany had ever received.
"Santana!" a voice said sharply.
Brittany pulled away, but Santana didn't let her go, just buried her head into Brittany's neck. The blonde glanced at her girlfriend's aunt, who was standing on the porch with her hands on her hips. She didn't look happy.
"Baby, I'll wait here for you. It's ok," she murmured against Santana's hair.
Santana dropped to the ground and kissed her cheek before turning and signing something that, judging from the look on Shelby's face, was probably not very nice. The older woman gave the blonde a reproachful look and turned inside, closing the door after Santana had stormed in.
"Oh, boy," Brittany murmured. "I think that getting the aunts' permission may be a little difficult."
She blinked in surprise. That was the first time that marriage had even popped into her head – ever. Of course, she loved the idea of maybe, one day, being able to call Santana her wife. She got giddy butterflies in her tummy at the thought, mentally preparing everything in her head – how she'd look, which flowers they'd use, the music they'd dance to (no question there!), how Quinn would bitch and moan about having to wear a nice dress, and Santana…
She would look absolutely breathtaking with a flower in her hair, perhaps a white one to contrast her striking dark locks. Brittany was sure she'd be rendered speechless. She grinned widely and closed her eyes.
One day.
Her excitement couldn't be contained as she broke out in dance, in their dance. Her feet flew over the lush grass in front of Santana's house effortlessly, a mile on her face the entire time.
She wasn't sure how long she lost herself in dancing, but she spun to a sudden stop when she felt a familiar gaze on her. She met Santana's eyes with a grin. The younger girl was sitting on the stairs leading up to the patio, just watching her.
Brittany held out a hand. "Come dance with me."
Santana stood up, discarding her school bag next to her and laced their fingers together. Brittany pulled her close, leaning their foreheads against each other and led them in a slow waltz, humming her favourite piece of Santana's compositions.
Santana's hand roamed from Brittany's back to her neck, through her hair and back down to her neck. It felt like heaven.
"Everything's perfect when you're in my arms," Brittany whispered.
Santana smiled and kissed her softly. Brittany heard muttering from the porch, but chose to ignore it. If Shelby had a problem with her, then she could come right out and tell her.
Apparently, that was what she planned to do because a few seconds later, someone was clearing their throat right next to them.
Brittany broke the kiss and smiled politely at Santana's aunt who had the most distrustful look in her eyes that Brittany had ever seen. And her best friend was Quinn Fabray.
"San, don't forget your bag, sweetie!"
Both Brittany and Santana smiled genuinely at the appearance of Holly. She handed the young girl her bag and Santana released Brittany long enough to sling it over her shoulder. Their hands immediately tangled thereafter, though.
"Hi, Holly, Shelby," Brittany greeted. "I hope you guys had a restful weekend."
"Positively spa-like," Holly replied enthusiastically. "I gotta say, Britt, I could get used to you taking this fireball off our hands every now and then."
Santana playfully hit her arm and Brittany grinned. "Holly, my door is always open for Santana."
"Does it stay open?" Shelby said with bite.
Brittany frowned and felt Santana's grip on her hand get tighter. "Excuse me?"
"Does your day stay open when you're up in your bedroom alone with my niece?"
"Um, no-"
"And you consider this to be responsible behaviour? I'm supposed to trust you when your parents-"
"Hold on," Brittany interrupted her. "I'll say this once more, Shelby. With all due respect, you don't know me and you sure as hell don't know my parents. You have no right to pass any judgement on them. I get that you worry about Santana. I do too. My number one priority will always be her safety and happiness. I'm sure that she's told you that she felt both those things with me this weekend."
In her peripheral vision she saw Santana nodding furiously.
"I love Santana. Yes, we've only known each other a short while, but you should know that I have never felt this way about anyone before in my life, and I'm pretty sure that I never will again. Santana is fully aware of the extent of my feelings for her, and before you jump to conclusions, Shelby, I haven't done anything to make her feel pressured or uncomfortable. I…I could never do that to her."
"I told you," Holly hissed to Shelby. "You need to trust Santana. She's not a child."
Shelby turned to glare at her partner before spinning on her heel and stalking to the driveway. The other three watched as she got in her car, slammed the door and reversed loudly.
Holly sighed. "Just ignore her," she told Brittany. "She's overly concerned about Santana, but I know that we don't have to worry about her when she's with you."
Brittany smiled. "Thank you, Holly. That means a lot."
"No worries. I've gotta run. See you later, love bugs!"
The dancer chuckled and turned to her girlfriend. "Well, I don't know about you, but I am in some dire need of coffee."
Santana nodded enthusiastically and pulled Brittany towards the car. The ride to Charlie's was spent with Brittany singing along to the radio and both of them dancing in their seats. She loved how at ease Santana was around her in just the space of a few days. She remembered how shy they'd been on Friday. Had it really only been three days? Brittany felt like it been so much longer. But on the other hand, if three days had felt like a lot longer, then forever with Santana was going to be pretty damn amazing.
She was still humming as she pulled into her usual spot. She told Santana to wait before she jumped out and ran around, gallantly opening the door for her love.
Santana rolled her eyes, but took the offered hand and gave Brittany a kiss on the cheek. It made her beam.
Seriously, being in love was the best feeling in the world.
"Morning, Charlie!" she called, pushing open the door.
"Brittany!" Charlie replied with a grin. "And Santana, right?"
The brunette nodded and smiled.
"Two coffees, if you please, my good sir," Brittany ordered dramatically, guiding Santana towards their booth.
"Coming right up, fair maiden!"
Santana sat down and pulled Brittany down next to her, snuggling into her. The dancer let her, smiling happily.
"How did you sleep?" she asked softly, linking their fingers together over and over.
Santana just shook her head, burying face against her shoulder.
"I know. Me neither." She paused. "Is Shelby…like that because of me or because I'm with you?"
The younger girl lifted her head and looked at her in confusion.
"Like, is she all pissy and whatever because you wanted to spend the weekend with me or because it was me you spent the weekend with?"
Santana furrowed her brow and shook her head. She pulled out her phone and Brittany busied herself playing with Santana's hair until she'd finished her message.
She's just protective. If she has a problem with you, then I have no idea why. She knows that you treat me the best I've ever been treated and that you make me feel wonderful. Don't pay any attention to her. I'm happy with you and if she can't see how obvious that is, then that's her own issue. Don't worry about it :)
Brittany smiled and kissed Santana's cheek.
"You're pretty damn amazing, you know that, Santana Lopez?"
The young girl ducked her head into Brittany's neck and they stayed like that until one of the waitresses brought their coffee.
"Thanks, Nicki," Brittany said with a smile.
Nicki winked at her and Santana and went to the next table. Brittany added sugar for her girlfriend and handed the coffee to her.
"Careful, the cup's quite hot," she warned.
Santana just smiled and kissed her cheek. They stayed close to each other and drank their coffee in an easy and comfortable silence. Once Brittany had drained the last of her mocca, she took Santana's hand. The younger girl saw the pensive look on her face and gave her full attention.
"I'm going to take you to your classes. I'd like you to wait for me until I get there. I don't want it to seem like I'm babying you, but please let me do this for today."
Santana just nodded, a little of the fear that Brittany had seen on Friday creeping back into her eyes. She held her girlfriend's hands tightly.
"I promise you that I will not let anything happen to you. Do you…" She licked her lips. "Do you want to come to the meeting that we're going to have with Ms. Sylvester today?"
Santana nibbled on her bottom lip as she contemplated her decision. Eventually, she met Brittany's eyes and the dancer smiled at the determination. She nodded.
"Ok, we'll meet up with Quinn as soon as we get to school and head to Will's office. So you might miss French, Would that be ok?"
Santana nodded.
"Ok," Brittany echoed silently. "I'm gonna make this right."
Santana showed her a message.
This can never be right. I love you for trying, but it'll never be right because it happened.
She sighed in frustration. Santana was right. It didn't make it any easier to deal with, though. She felt her anger spiking and a phone was pressed into her hand and she felt lips brushing the skin of her neck softly.
I know you're mad, but you have to try and remain calm. I need you to be calm because if you're angry, then I'm going to be worried. I don't want you to risk your own education for me.
Brittany opened her mouth to protest, but Santana put her hand over her mouth.
Promise me, she mouthed.
The blonde nodded slowly and the hand fell away from her mouth. "It's going to be hard, but I'll try for you."
Santana leaned in and kissed her sweetly. Brittany slid out of the booth and held out her hand for her girlfriend to take. They quietly made their way to the front where Brittany paid for their coffee and with a goodbye to Charlie, headed back out to Brittany's car. The drive to school was a lot more subdued than the drive to Charlie's.
Brittany knew that Santana was apprehensive about seeing her attackers, about being back in the place where she was attacked, and about the outcome of their meeting. She was too, but she'd promised her love that she was going to be calm and not let Puck and Finn work her up.
They passed Santana's car that was still in the lot from Thursday night. She couldn't help but smile a little. Santana nudged her when she saw the smile, her eyes curious.
"Your car's still here," she said, indicating with her head.
Santana rolled her eyes and smiled as well. She found Brittany's hand and laced their fingers together. The blonde pulled into her usual spot and saw Quinn's car parked next to hers. She cut the engine and for a few moments, they just sat in the car, holding hands and smiling softly at each other.
Eventually, Brittany checked the clock on her dashboard and suggested that they get going. She grabbed her bag, opened her door and stepped out. She met Santana on the other side of the car and smiled encouragingly at her. Their fingers found each other and Santana pulled her close, just resting her forehead against Brittany's shoulder. The dancer let her other arm wrap around Santana's waist.
"Come on, beautiful. The sooner we get this over with, the sooner we can start focusing on the important things."
Santana looked up and raised an eyebrow.
"Like the winter showcase," Brittany replied with a smile. "I have a feeling you and I are going to make some serious musical history."
Santana smiled back and reached up to place a kiss on her cheek. She took a deep breath and turned to face the school. Brittany was right next to her and they headed towards the big double doors.
Quinn was waiting next to the entrance.
"Hey," she greeted.
"Hi," Brittany greeted, giving her a one-armed hug, her other hand still firmly locked with Santana's.
"Hey, Santana," Quinn greeted the younger girl.
She offered a wave in return.
"We ready for this?" the singer asked her best friend. "I saw Rachel arrive with Finn."
Brittany shook her head. "I can't actually believe that she's siding with him."
"Whatever, Britt. Clearly the Rachel we used to know doesn't exist anymore," Quinn said bitterly.
Brittany just hummed and looked down at her girlfriend. "You ok?" she asked, squeezing her hand.
Santana lifted her eyebrows and shrugged.
"It's now or never," Brittany muttered. "Where's Sylvester?"
"Usual."
The dancer pulled a face. "Fine. Let's wait outside until she's done."
They headed for the orchestra's practice rooms and waited outside Ms. Sylvester's office. Right on time, the door flew open and the conductor appeared, woman's magazine in hand.
"What is this, buy one blonde get one free day?" she frowned. "What do you three want?"
"We need your help," Brittany began. She glanced down at Santana, who just nodded and squeezed her hand. "Um, I know that you have the same zero tolerance stance on bullying as I do. We have a serious problem that we need to report and we think that you're the best person to talk to because you won't take it as lightly as others might."
Sue nodded immediately. "In my office, you three. Let's chat."
Once they were settled, Brittany continued her story, but not before checking once again that Santana was fine with her repeating what had happened. The brunette was visibly nervous, but her eyes had a determined gleam to them. Brittany told the as briefly as possible, making sure that she was clear on the facts, and most especially, that she was clear on how terrified Santana had been.
Sue's face was blank during the entire story. When Brittany had finished, she was shaking slightly from containing her rage. Santana could feel it and placed her other hand over their joined ones to show her appreciation of her girlfriend's restraint.
"I believe that I saw our perpetrators in Will's office this morning with your sister, Pierce, and someone that I can only assume is a lawyer."
"I bet they're trying to pay Schuester off before we can make a case."
"Oh, don't you worry your talented little heads, girls. This will definitely not be swept under the rug. Santana," she said, leaning forward, "is there someone that you'd like to call to speak for you should it be necessary?"
Santana looked to Brittany, who shrugged helplessly. She wished that she knew enough sign language to be Santana's voice.
"I'm sorry," she whispered.
Santana just squeezed her hand and shook her head. She smiled a small smile before turning back to Sue and nodding firmly. She reached into her bag and pulled out what looked like a business card and handed it to Sue. Presumably Shelby's.
"You know this Shelby?" Sue asked Brittany.
"Uh, yeah. She's Santana's aunt."
"Great. We should get her on the phone now."
"Now? Why?" Quinn asked.
"I'm not about to give those thugs any chance to weasel their way out of exactly what they deserve for this. In order for that to happen, Santana needs to give a sworn statement. Given that her legal guardian happens to be a lawyer, helps a lot."
Shelby was a lawyer?
"Ok," Brittany said. She turned to Santana. "Do you want me to call her?"
Santana lifted her eyebrows in surprise and a smile broke onto her face as she handed Brittany her phone. The blonde took a breath and found Shelby's number under contacts. She started the call and shakily put the phone to her ear.
"Santana? Aren't you at school?" came Shelby's greeting.
Geez, not even a hello.
"Um, Shelby, this is Brittany."
"Brittany? Why are you calling me on Santana's phone? Did something happen to her? Did you do something?"
The dancer grit her teeth as a spike of anger threatened to overwhelm her. "No, nothing happened to Santana. This is about the…incident on Friday. We were wondering-"
"We? Who's we? Who are you with?"
Sue snapped her fingers and Brittany gratefully handed over the phone.
"Shelby? Name's Sue Sylvester. You need to come down to the school. No, nothing's wrong, per se. I'll explain everything when you get here." She paused as Shelby said something. "I assure you that she's perfectly fine. You don't need to worry about your niece when she's with Brittany."
The dancer smiled at that. It seemed that Shelby was the only person on the planet that didn't believe that she would never do anything to hurt Santana and that they were good for each other.
"Great. See you in twenty minutes." She ended the call and handed the phone back to Santana. She was quiet as she thought.
"What's the plan?" Quinn asked.
"As you know, my policy about this kind of behaviour is absolute. I have no leeway. Besides the underlying cruelty of what they did, these are supposed to be two of our supposed leading men at this school. If they're allowed to get away with anything less than expulsion, that's not sending out a good message to the rest of the student body."
"Expulsion?" Brittany repeated.
Sue nodded. "You disagree?"
"No, not at all. That was what I was hoping for. I just thought it may have been a bit of wishful thinking."
"Ms. Sylvester, can you go against Will's judgement if he has decided something else?" Quinn asked.
"That's the beauty of having a board, Fabray," Sue replied. "And lucky for you, I happen to be head of that board. So yes, I can overrule him. If it comes to it, I can call a meeting of the board members and have them vote, but this is something that we've agreed on from the beginning. Bullying is completely out of control and we need to start hitting any form as hard as we can if we have any hope of eliminating it."
Santana signed thank you and Sue smiled.
"Yeah, thank you, Ms. Sylvester," Brittan echoed. "I really can't tell you how glad I am to have you in our corner."
"Funny thing about corners, Pierce," Sue said, standing up. "They don't give you any room to escape. But I am on your side."
The three girls were sitting outside the office while Sue, Shelby, Puck, Finn and Puck's lawyer were inside Will's office.
"Brittany!"
The dancer looked up and groaned to herself at the sight of her sister speed walking down the hall towards them.
"I'll deal with this," Quinn muttered, standing up.
"Quinn, no-" Brittany protested.
"Back up, Berry," the singer interrupted, stopping Rachel with a shove on her shoulder. "You are so not welcome here."
"Quinn, let me go. I want to talk to Brittany."
"Did I stutter? You're not welcome here. So backpedal your ass out those doors. You can wait for your dog outside."
"I just…I want to apologise!"
"Apologise?" Brittany asked, standing up. "For what? For saying one big fuck you to your family? For turning your back on me and Quinn? For siding with the lowest form of human scum?"
"Um, yes?" Rachel replied timidly.
"A simple sorry is not even close to what you need to do to get back in my good graces," Brittany muttered. "You heard Quinn, Rachel. You're not welcome here."
"I…" Rachel stumbled for words as her eyes filled with tears.
Santana tapped Brittany's hand and she looked down at her girlfriend. Santana inclined her head to Rachel and looked at her expectantly.
"San, I can't," she whispered. "I just…I can't. Not after what she did and said."
Santana quickly pulled out her phone and Brittany dropped her head into her hands. Her girlfriend nudged her and she lifted her head to take the outstretched phone.
Take it from me, life is too short to not make amends when there's still time. She wants to apologise to you. Let her. Please?
Brittany sighed, handed Santana her phone back and kissed her temple.
"You're lucky I love you so much," she whispered, standing up and putting a hand on Quinn's shoulder.
Her best friend stepped back. "I hope you know what you're doing, B."
"Me too," Brittany replied, glancing at Rachel and heading over to the nearby stairs. She sat on the second one and waited for her sister to join her. "Let me ask you one thing, Rachel," the dancer said once they were both seated. "Are you still with Finn?"
"No," she whispered.
"Why?"
"Because he never denied doing it. When I first found out, I refused to believe that he could be capable of something like that. But he just kept saying sorry and that Puck made him do it. It made me realise that he wasn't who I thought he was. You were right." She shifted her eyes to where Quinn was sitting with Santana. "You and Quinn were both right. I lost her because of a stupid decision and I almost lost you too because of another one."
"Figured out the common denominator, did you?"
"Finn?"
"No, you, dumbass."
Rachel sighed. "Yeah, I guess. I spoke to Mom this morning. She said that I could move back, but that I had to talk to you first."
Brittany nodded. "You realised your mistake and you're trying to make it right. I can respect that. I'd like you to move back. But, Rach, you need to do something for me."
"Anything."
"You need to make things right with Quinn. I don't approve of how you treated her. I've never actually told you that, but I was so disappointed in you when you chose Finn."
Rachel dropped her head. "Can I be honest?"
"I'd prefer it."
"My feelings for Quinn scared the shit out of me. Anything I felt for Finn pales in comparison. She was unpredictable, completely crazy and I was head over heels for her. I…I pictured out future, Britt." She stared into her sister's eyes earnestly. "I pictured everything with her. Everything. And I got so scared. She's so unpredictable and I know that she had – has – the power to completely ruin me."
Brittany looked at Santana, a small smile crossing her face.
"I know the feeling. But Rach, you can't control everything, least of all love. Especially true love. You've just got to let it happen and trust that the power of what you feel will be enough to get you through any tough times."
Rachel followed her gaze. "Um, you are talking about Santana, right?"
Brittany snapped her gaze back to her sister and frowned. "Who the fuck else would I be talking about? Quinn?"
Rachel lifted an unsure shoulder.
"Oh, God. Rachel, that was over before summer. Besides, I knew that she wanted to give things a real try with you. Of course, we didn't expect you to be a complete bitch and choose Gigantor over her."
"I get it, Britt," she mumbled.
"No, you really, really don't. You broke her, Rachel. You know how you said you were scared? Think about how terrified she was. She's never had a relationship other than whatever we had. And ours is more a friendship anyway. She's never had any kind of lasting commitment to someone. Until you. She decided that you were worth the risk and that took more courage than you and I could ever have combined."
"Shit."
"Shit indeed. You need to fix it."
"I don't know how to."
"Well, you'd better find a way." She saw Sue heading for the door and stood up.
The conductor opened the glass door and poked her head out. "We've reached a decision, girls. Come on in."
A/N: I'm really sorry that I haven't been responding to reviews like I normally do. My life seems to be settling a little more now so hopefully I'll be better on that front.
Hope you guys enjoyed :)
So, about what I mentioned at the beginning – I'm going to finish A Different Life before updating this again. I feel like I'm spreading myself too thin and it's not fair for you guys to wait so long between updates (as a reader, I know how frustrating it is). I'll keep everyone updated via my Tumblr account (that's where most of my fanfic stuff happens).
Until next time! Onwards and up!
-H
Tumblr, Twitter and Ask – hlnwst