"Who are you, and why in the hell are you naked in my girlfriend's apartment?"
"I could ask you the same question." The dark-haired woman pulled on a green sweater. "Minus the girlfriend part. Instead, try 'my boss'. I'm told I'm her secretary."
When Shizuo had gotten out of bed for his morning smoke, he had accepted the fact that he was gonna see a floating head in a jar, but he wasn't quite ready for the naked woman in the living room.
"What the hell does she need a secretary for!?" He threw his cigarette across this room in the general direction of the trashcan. "And that doesn't answer the first half of my question!"
"Your lover was very insistent upon me clocking in at 6:32 every morning. I figured since I don't appear to have an actual purpose more than 7 minutes a day, I'd just use her shower here. She's fine with it."
"My my, Shizu-chan, naked with another woman in my own home!" A devious, velvet voice floated down from the in home balcony above them. The voice's owner was in no such state of undress, from her skin tight black jeans to her fluffy and well-loved coat. Her ebony hair floated around her to her hips in the artful mess she insisted was called "beach waves" but Shizuo called "trying too hard to look lazy".
"Whatever, you know perfectly well you're the only woman masochistic enough to risk sleeping with me."
"And I love it so!" She purred, leaping down from the loft like the showoff she was. Sometimes when you were a parkour master, stairs just weren't good enough for you. Scarlet irises locking in on her underwear-only clad boyfriend she sauntered over to him in a walk he could only describe as sashay. With a deliberate laziness she took a creamy, red-nailed finger and traced the lines of his abdomonen with a feather touch. "However, as much as I do love every inch of you, I really must be going."
She backed away, ignoring her secretary's remarks of "disgusting" and "why am I here" to look her lover down from head to toe once more. "After all, I have a lot of information to gather before I start showing, and not all day to do it. Do put on some pants before you leave, would you, Shizu-chan?"
"Well, I was thinking about streaking my way to Ikebukuro, but now that you mention it," he quipped, leaning over a foot or so until he was eye-level with the woman. "Just stay out of Ikebukuro, okay, Izaya?"
He sounded so genuinely tired and not demanding, she was almost tempted to listen. "Of course, Shizu-chan! I'd never put our child in harm's way like that again!"
The last half of that sentence was, in her own twisted view at least, true. She darted over the plant a quick peck on her boyfriend's lips, and then, with a devilish look, did the same to Namie before slipping out the door.
"Well would you look at that." The brunette stated vacantly. "It's the closest you'll ever get to a threesome."
"...Do I not get couple's rights to fire you or something?"
"I'm afraid not," she dictated monotonously on her journey to her desk.
And Shizuo, not for the first time in his life, thoroughly regretted his personal moral not hit girls.