I'm asleep, now, trying to get over my illness. Those berries did torment me. I woke up twice before. I was still feeling nauseous. At that time, I hadn't been able to leave the cave. I was forced to vomit inside of it. Ellie was awake at that time. She helped me. The second time that I woke up, I had been feeling nauseous again. I managed, at that time, to run outside of the cave to vomit. Ellie found me there and helped me, just as she had last time. Despite being sick, I haven't a doubt that it won't last long.
This time, as I sleep, I see all of the things that I'd rather forget. I see my adoptive parents. I try to go to them, only to see them disappear. I see my sister. The same thing hsppens when I try to reach her. Then, I see Taisley, whom I still miss so much. Taisley's image begins to fade before my very eyes. I reach out a paw to try to stop her from leaving. She disappears. I cry out for her with tears rolling down my left cheek…
I wake to someone nudging me. "Buck! Wake up! You're having a nightmare!" Ellie's voice penetrates my dream state.
I bolt upward with a shriek. I sit there, gasping for breath, one paw over my chest. "'t was…a dream…" I gasp, somewhat unaware of Ellie's presence.
"It looked like a bad one. Do you want to talk about it?" Ellie asks.
"No! I…I just…I want ta get back ta sleep," I whisper.
"Okay. Goodnight, then," Ellie settles herself back in her nest. She falls back to sleep.
I lie awake a while, still terrified over my dream. I miss Taisley. I wish that I just forgave my adoptive parents. I wish I just stayed with them instead of leaving towards the dino world. I shift around in my nest for a while, shivering from the fear brought on by my nightmare. I stay awake all night, afraid that if I sleep, I'll dream again.
It has been a few days. I've tried my best to just stay awake, so I don't have any more nightmares. Every time that I fall asleep for even a moment, I dream some more. I don't want to have any more nightmares. Ellie has, of course, noticed how exhausted I am. She doesn't mention it, though. She knows that I'd rather not talk about it.
Even when I'm awake, I can remember everything that's happened. I regret a lot in my life. All of my regrets come to the forefront of my mind to haunt me. I wish it would stop. I just can't take this any more. It's driving me crazy! Well…crazier, anyway. I didn't even think that was possible.
I head over towards the river, hoping that the fresh waterside air will do me some good. I let out a big yawn, rubbing at my eye. I lower my head a bit. I feel so heavy from my many sleepless nights. I shake my head, trying to stay awake. I know that it's inevitable, though. I have to sleep. I go over towards the forest. I find a hollow tree. I curl up inside of it. I figure that, as long as no one witnesses any nightmares, I'll be fine. I close my eye and fall asleep.
I find myself in the forest. The one that I fell asleep in. I see Taisley staring at me. "Tais…" I begin.
"Shut up, Buck! You left me!" Taisley shouts.
"I…I didn't mean ta…please…please forgive me!" I plead.
"I'll never forgive you! Just shut up and go away!" Taisley shouts. Her form begins to fade away.
"Taisley! No!" I wail. I watch her fade and disappear, tears rolling down my cheek.
I shoot upward with a scream. I'm gasping for breath. I'm trying to recover from my nightmare. My eye is wide with fear. I'm shaking from the same emotion as I feel the fear coursing through me. I am startled a moment later when I begin to feel a wetness coming from my pelt. I know what has happened. I wet myself. I feel heat rush to my cheeks from embarrassment. "Are you okay, Buck?" I jump at the sound of the voice. I look to see that it's Ellie. She must've been looking for me after I snuck away.
"Um…I…uh…" I stutter nervously.
Ellie steps closer. Her eyes widen. "You wet yourself," Ellie speaks, surprised.
I flinch. "Ya…ya won't…tell anyone…will ya?" I ask. I'm beyond embarrassed that this has happened.
"No, of course I won't. Buck, can you at least tell me what it was that made you wet yourself?" Ellie asks.
"'t was a…a nightmare…" I answer.
"Why didn't you go to the cave to sleep?" Ellie asks.
"I…I didn't want anyone ta see me like this. It's a good thing, too, considerin'…" I trail off.
"I understand," Ellie says.
"I've been tryin' ta stay awake. If I stay awake, I won't 'ave ta deal wi' anymore nightmares. That's kinda why I fell asleep 'ere. I just couldn't keep myself awake," I explain.
"Then, sleep some more," Ellie suggests.
"No. I've 'ad enough sleep fer now," I argue. I get up from the hollow tree. "If you'll excuse me, I, uh…I 'ave somethin' important ta take care of," I gesture down at myself, to my wet fur.
"Alright. I'll make sure that no one bothers you," Ellie assures me.
"Thanks," I smile a little. I make to leave the location.
"Buck, remember my previous promise to you? If you ever want to talk, I'll be here to listen," Ellie smiles at me.
"I'll remember," I reply. I head off to find a shallow pool to clean myself in.
I go through a few more sleepless nights. I fell asleep only once in that time. Of course, that one time brings another nightmare forward. Thankfully, though, I didn't wet myself that time. After that nightmare, I no longer want to sleep. I head outside of the cave, hoping that the cold air will keep me awake.
I see Ellie in the distance, watching Peaches. I remember Ellie's previous offer. As much as it pains me, she's right. I should talk about it. It might actually help. I go over to her. "Ellie, can I talk ta ya?" I ask nervously, fidgeting with my paws.
Ellie can pretty much guess what I want to talk to her about. "Alright. Diego, watch Peaches for a minute, please. I'll be right back," Ellie calls to the Saber, who nods in response.
Ellie follows me to the pond, a fair distance away from everyone. "What's on your mind?" Ellie asks.
"My…my dreams. My…my past…" I trail off. I'm still nervous about delving into the past that I'd rather forget.
"Take your time," Ellie speaks softly, not pressing the issue as I know she is tempted to do.
"I…before I found my way ta th' dino world, I found out that I was adopted. Apparently, I was abandoned by my birth parents. I dunno. I guess they just didn't want me. I got mad at my foster parents. They lied ta me. I felt betrayed. I ran off. Th' thing is, I met a girl just before I left. 'er name's Taisley. We were gonna go ta a party that night, until I found out 'bout my birth. I miss 'er, so much…" I trail off.
"Oh…I'm sorry about that, Buck," Ellie says.
I look away. "I left 'er. When I left my foster parents, I left 'er. I'll probably nevah see 'er again…" A high-pitched whine forces itself past my lips.
Ellie wraps her trunk around me. I look up at her. Tears are gathered in the corner of my left eye. "Go ahead and cry, Buck. It's alright," Ellie says.
"No! I…I don't wanna cry! Cryin' is fer th' weak! 'm not weak!" I yell, my voice strained despite the fact that I'm refusing to cry.
"Buck, I won't tell anyone. This'll remain between us," Ellie replies.
"Ya…ya promise?" I whimper, knowing that I won't be able to keep myself from crying for long.
"I promise," Ellie confirms with her voice still soft. I look into Ellie's eyes, hoping to find the glimmer of truth in them. Thankfully, I see that light. Ellie is for sure telling the truth. I know then that I can trust her.
I look down as the tears begin to fall from my eye. I bury my face in Ellie's fur as I begin sobbing. Ellie whispers soothing words to me as I release all of my pent-up emotions. After a short time, my sobs turn into whimpers. My tears slow down.
I pull myself away from Ellie. I wipe my left eye free of the tears. I look up at Ellie. "Thanks, fer listenin' ta me," I smile, some genuine happiness beginning to reveal itself to her.
"You're welcome. And Buck, if you want, I can help you find Taisley. I'm sure the rest of the herd will be willing to help as well. But first, you need to sleep. You've stayed up too long because of those nightmares and you'd do Taisley no good if you collapse from exhaustion," Ellie mentions.
I nod my head a little reluctantly, as I still fear the ongoing nightmares. "Alright." I follow Ellie inside of the cave. I climb into my nest and curl up into a tight ball of fur. I fall asleep within seconds. Hopefully, I won't have any more nightmares.