The next day after mom's death, I am still upset. I miss mom. I still feel guilty over how I treated her when I left. I don't know how I can go on like this. Taisley knows how I'm feeling. That's why she hasn't left my side even once. The only times she left were to get us food. She tries to get me to eat, but I refuse. I feel too broken hearted to eat anything.

I haven't left my nest all day. I've just been so depressed. I haven't even stopped crying for long since I woke up this morning. Taisley is here for me, but now, I don't even really have a family anymore. Mom is dead. Dad and Amy still live, but I'd rather not bother them with my grief. They have enough to deal with already.

Shale, Raven, and Splash, my kit-hood friends, came over earlier today. They wanted to see how I was coping after mom's death. The answer? Not well. I never even spoke to them once when they visited. I just stayed quiet, save for the whimpering that has been accompanying my crying. Even considering my apathetic behavior, they stayed for a good hour before leaving.

The rest of the herd, for the most part, leave me alone. Ellie is the only one that even tried to get through to me. She tried to explain to me that mom wouldn't want this. You know what I told her? I told her to shut up. I never really had a family. Mom, dad, and Amy were the only family that I knew. Now that mom's dead, I feel like everyone is leaving me alone. Everyone around me is dying.

The hours pass one by one, with me still in my despondent state. Right now, it's dinner time. The herd is already eating. They chose to eat outside of the cave to give Taisley and I some space. Taisley hands me a couple of peaches. I turn my face away, an indication that I don't want to eat. At this point, I'd rather starve. Taisley glares at me. "Buck, I know you are upset, but you need to eat something!" She speaks sternly.

I shake my head. "No. I don't wanna eat. I just want mom back…" I whimper. I try to turn my face farther away from Taisley.

Taisley's eyes soften a bit. "Buck, she's dead. You can't have her back. I'm so sorry. I'd bring her back if I could. Buck, listen to me. She wouldn't want you to starve. She'd want you to live. Please, Buck, eat something," Taisley holds the fruit out to me.

I sniff it a bit before I take a bite. Taisley watches me until I eat both peaches. I turn my face back against my nest. Tears prick the corner of my left eye. Taisley looks at me with concern. "Are you going to be alright?" She asks.

"No. I…I just wanna be alone…" I mumble.

"Alright. If that is what you want. I'll be outside if you need me," Taisley goes outside. She knows that I need my space right now.

I let the tears fall. I start sobbing loudly and uncontrollably. I just can't take it anymore. I miss mom so much. I need her. I can't live without her. That's just it…I can't live without her. Maybe…it'd be best if I didn't live at all.

That night, I take my knife. I creep, stealthily, from the cave. Everyone is asleep. They won't be able to stop me. I head down to the river. There is no one in sight. I take my knife. I look at it carefully. I know what I want to use it for. One final purpose. I grip the handle. With one thrust, I stab myself in my stomach. The blood gushes out. I collapse on the sand, one paw still on the knife handle. I hear someone scream nearby. Then, I pass out.

I wake up, much to my surprise, back in my nest. I look to my left. Taisley is sitting next to me with a look in between worry and anger plastered on her face. "Buck, you tried to kill yourself! What were you thinking?! Didn't you think we would miss you if you succeeded?" Taisley asks. I see tears in her eyes.

I try to raise myself, only to fall back with a cry of pain. "Taisley, I…I just can't deal wi' this! I miss 'er so much!" I wail.

"Buck, you don't have to deal with it! Let us help you! Talk to us!" Taisley strokes my forehead soothingly.

I open my mouth to speak, only to gasp at the pain in my stomach. I wait for the pain to subside before I try again. "'m sorry I put ya through this. I shoulda nevah tried ta kill myself. 'm sorry…" I trail off. Tears of guilt and shame are gathered in my eye.

"Buck, I forgive you. I just…I don't want you to ever try that again," Taisley says.

"I won't. I promise," I reply.

"Buck, please, tell me what's on your mind. Talk about your mom. It will help," Taisley pleads with me.

"I…I miss 'er…I…I just…'m not used ta feelin' this! I…I want 'er back! I miss 'er…so much!" I whimper. Tears begin to fall. Taisley raises me up and holds me in her arms as I start sobbing. Taisley strokes my head fur as I whimper and yowl out my grief. I start coughing as I choke on my sobs. Taisley pats my back in an attempt to help ease my choking. After a while, my sobbing starts to quiet down. I'm still whimpering. Taisley keeps stroking my fur until my whimpers, too, begin to subside.

I pull myself away from Taisley. She swipes her thumb over my cheek, wiping my remaining tears away. "Are you okay, now?" Taisley asks.

I begin to nod my head, when stabbing pain shoots through my stomach. I yelp and place my arms over the stab wound. "'t…'t 'urts!" I yowl. Shockwaves of pain are shooting through my stab wound, making me regret, even more, my stupidity to almost commit suicide. I groan and begin yowling again.

"I can imagine…I'll get you something that will help with the pain," Taisley offers. She leaves the cave.

I lay within in the cave, whimpering and crying out with every stab of pain. I wish Taisley would hurry. She has no idea how much this hurts. To be fair, though, I deserve this. I tried to kill myself. I deserve to suffer right now. That thought, though, doesn't make this any easier. I may deserve it, but that doesn't mean that I want this kind of punishment. Anything but this!

Taisley returns with some poppy seeds. I eat them. "Thanks, Taisley. 'm…'m sorry I scared ya. I probably deserve this pain after wot 'm puttin' ya through," I mumble under my breath.

Taisley puts her paw on my shoulder. "Buck, you don't deserve this kind of pain as a punishment. You are welcome for the herbs. Now, get some sleep," Taisley helps me lay back down. I close my eye. I fall asleep, comforted by the fact that I'm not alone.

My sleep doesn't last long, though. Due to the amount of pain that I'm in, getting a restful sleep is proving impossible. I am only asleep for around an hour before my subconscious mind becomes aware of the pain. I groan as I start to wake up. I crack my eye open a little, hesitant to wake up in this world of pain. I whimper softly as I feel the waves of pain coming from my stab wound. I bite my lip, feeling hot tears trickling from my single eye.

I sniffle a bit, gazing around the cave. Taisley is nowhere to be seen. "Tais! Tais, where are ya?" I call softly, mindful of my pain.

I hear a slight sound coming from the entrance to the cave. Taisley appears shortly thereafter. "Buck! You're awake! How are you?" Taisley asks, concerned.

I look away from Taisley, biting my lip to try to hold the tears back from her view. "I…'t 'urts, Tais…" I whisper pitifully.

Taisley sits down beside me. She places a paw on my shoulder. "I know, Buck. Don't worry. The pain will go away soon," Taisley promises me.

"I…I know, but 't still 'urts…" I whimper.

Taisley pats my shoulder. She can obviously see the tears in my eye. "You can cry, Buck. There's no shame in shedding tears," Taisley smiles softly at me.

"But I…I don't wanna cry! I…I 'ave ta be strong!" I argue with a whimper.

"Crying doesn't make you weak. I care about you no matter what. I just don't want you to hold your feelings in all the time. It's not healthy. Go ahead and cry. I won't laugh at you," Taisley strokes my forehead.

I whimper as I feel the tears begin to fall. Using what strength I have, I push myself up from my nest and embrace Taisley as I begin sobbing. Taisley holds onto me, stroking my back as I cry. She rocks me slightly, trying to soothe me. I sniffle and whimper as I try to stop crying. Finally, the tears slow down. I manage to calm down. I stay in Taisley's embrace a while longer as she continues to comfort me. When I am able, I pull myself away from Taisley. I wipe the tears away from my eye.

I look up at Taisley, a little happier than before. "Thanks, Tais," I whisper with a small smile on my face.

"You're welcome. Now, why don't you get some more sleep, alright?" Taisley suggests.

"Um…only if ya stay wi' me," I reply.

"Alright," Taisley agrees. She helps me lay back down. I close my eye and fall back to sleep, happy now that I know Taisley won't leave me.