It has been about a week since Taisley revealed her past to me. She has begun to heal emotionally from the abuse. I'm glad for her. She may've suffered, but at least she's healing. If I didn't know better, I'd say we became even closer since Taisley told me of her past. We are both even more trusting of each other. I love her. I'd trust her anyway. Now, at least, we know that we can trust each other with our deepest secrets.
After those events passed, things have been great. My injuries have healed well. No infections (luckily). I've been sick enough to last a lifetime. In any case, I really wouldn't want Taisley to worry about me. Of course. I love her and don't want to worry her.
Ever since Taisley told me about her past, I've been thinking even more about my own birth. I have started to think about who my birth parents are and what they may be like, if they still live. That's exactly why I begin having dreams. I dream about the birth parents that I have never known. Most of the dreams are more like nightmares. I never even knew them. I'm afraid that, if I ever try to find them, I'll find them dead. Even worse than that, I fear that if I find them alive, they'll turn their backs on me. I fear being abandoned. I never told Taisley about the dreams, even though they've begun to get worse. This next dream is no different. Wait, I lied. The dream is different. It's much worse than the others:
I'm in a forest surrounded by mist. It's so thick that not even the sun can cut through it. I look around, trying to find something familiar in this desolate place. I find it much too dark to succeed. Out of that dark and misty forest, two shadows begin to appear. They start to move forward. "Who are ya?!" I call out to them, fear lacing my voice. Heck, I'm usually ready for anything! This, though, seems different.
The beings move closer into my line of sight. They are two weasels, male and female. "Buck…ya shouldn't 'ave been born…we were right ta abandon ya! Ya shoulda died!" Their voices shout as one. I now know them to be my parents.
"No! I…If I did anything…'m sorry!" I yowl.
My mother comes forward. She slaps me across the face. "We shoulda just killed ya!" She shouts. I put my paw to the forming red mark. I feel the prickling sensation of tears in the corner of my left eye. I watch my parents move away from me. I watch them disappear in the misty surroundings. The tears are now flowing freely from my left eye. I can hear myself sobbing at the realization that my parents never cared about me...
I wake up with a scream. I'm breathing heavily, one paw placed over my chest. My eye is wide open. I can feel myself trembling from fear. I feel tears pricking my left eye as I look around. Taisley is still asleep. I ease myself up out of our nest. I sneak outside of the cave so that Taisley won't wake up and see my tears. I wander down to the river. I feel the cool winter breeze ruffling my fur. I shiver slightly. I'm still not too used to the cold. I'm not too fond of it either. It doesn't help, the fact that my winter coat hasn't fully grown in. I sit down on a smooth rock and look out at the river. I watch the reflection of the moon on the water's surface. I see the ripples being caused by the breeze. I feel tears welling up in the corner of my left eye. I blink my eye rapidly to rid myself of the tears.
I jump when I feel a paw on my left shoulder. I look over to see Taisley staring at me, worry clear in her eyes. "What's wrong, Buck?" She asks, sitting down beside me on the rock.
"Nothin' is wrong. I just…I 'ad a nightmare, is all. 't was nothin'…" I gasp out unconvincingly.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Taisley asks.
"No' really…" I flinch.
"Buck, it will help to talk about it. I just want to help you," Taisley smiles at me.
My ears are pressed against my head out of fear. I nod my head. "I dreamt 'bout my birth parents. I dreamt that they hated me an' were glad fer abandoning me," I explain. My left eye fills with tears again. I bite my lip and turn my face away from Taisley, while trying not to cry.
Taisley uses a paw to turn my head to face her. "It's okay to cry, Buck. Just let it out," she smiles softly.
My bottom lip starts quivering. My tears begin to fall. Taisley takes me into her arms as I start sobbing. I'm shaking from my sobs. Taisley strokes my back, trying to offer me some comfort. Soon, my sobs turn into whimpers. My tears slow down.
I pull myself away from Taisley. Embarrassment is clear on my face. "'m sorry, Tais…" I mumble.
"Oh, Buck, it's fine to cry and show your feelings. It just shows that you're normal," Taisley strokes my face. She wipes my remaining tears away from my left eye.
"Thanks, Tais," I smile.
"Tell you what, Buck. I'll help you find your birth family. How does that sound?" Taisley asks.
"Yeah. I'd like that!" My smile widens into one of pure happiness and excitement.
"Alright. Now, let's get back to sleep. We'll start searching tomorrow," Taisley suggests. I nod my head. We turn back towards the cave. We enter it. We curl back up on our nest next to each other and fall asleep.
The next day, Taisley and I start going around the village. We're trying to find someone that might know about my birth parents. We see a female weasel in the distance with a kit. Taisley and I approach her. "Excuse me, ma'am, but I 'ave a question fer ya," I begin.
She looks taken aback. "Well, alright then," she acknowledges us.
"A while back, I found out that I was adopted. I started ta want ta try ta find my birth parents. I was wonderin' if ya might 'ave known 'em?" I ask.
"Well, first, please tell me your name," she requests.
"My name's Buck, short fer Buckminster," I introduce myself.
The female's eyes widen. "Buck! Yeah! At one time, I did know your parents. My name is Springlily. I was good friends with your mother. This is my young son, Jacob. Your parents, when you were born, were afraid. They wanted to raise you well, but they were a part of a large weasel clan. The clan elders foretold that a kit would be born that would destroy the clan. They thought that the kit was you. The clan was calling for your death. Your parents ran off to hide you away. They had to abandon you in order to save you. Otherwise, you would've been killed," Springlily explains.
After my initial surprise wears off, I speak. "'ow do ya know this? I ask.
"Your mother told me before she left you. If I was able to, I would've taken you in myself. However, I didn't know much about caring for kits back then. Instead, I stayed near to make sure you would be found. When that nice couple came by and picked you up, I knew you would be fine," Springlily continues.
"So, my birth parents did love me," I whisper.
"Of course they did! Why would you think anything different?" Springlily asks in shock.
"I…I was havin' some nightmares lately 'bout 'em an' I was afraid that they nevah loved me," I answer.
"Well, they did, and since they're most likely alive, I'm sure they still do," Springlily replies.
"Do ya know where th' weasel clan was or is?" I ask.
"I'll take you there. Let me go get Jacob's father. He can take care of Jacob so I can lead you there," Springlily leads Jacob away.
Springlily returns a moment later. "Okay. Now, we can go." She starts to lead Taisley and I away. We are so close to my family. I can feel it.
As we start to travel, though, some old doubts start to resurface. All of my fears that my birth parents don't love me come back to the fore. I look down as my mind is being tormented by my worries and fears. I bite my lip out of nervousness.
Taisley is the first one to notice the change. "Buck? What's wrong?" She asks, stopping beside me. Springlily stops as well. They are both waiting for my answer.
"I…um…I…'m afraid that they won't love me…" I mumble. I shiver slightly from the fear.
Taisley smiles softly and places her paw on my right shoulder in a comforting gesture. "Oh, Buck, they'll love you! They're your parents!" Taisley does her best to reassure me.
"I second that! I knew your mother and I know how much they love you! Their love for you is why they had to leave you. To protect their son," Springlily adds helpfully.
I smile at them. "Thanks. Now, let's keep movin'! I can't wait ta meet 'em!" I laugh a bit. We scurry through the dense underbrush towards where my parents live. Soon, I will be reunited with my family. Soon, I will have a family to care about me. Soon, I will no longer be alone.