A good few weeks after our kits are born, they're already able to walk around the cave. They usually end up stumbling, though. They still have to get used to walking. Only yesterday, we saw Frost fall into the wall. She only fell into it because she tripped over something. That something being Talo's foot.
The kits' personalities are developing really well. Raska and Talo are at the top of the litter. They usually fight a bit more than the other kits. Though, at this point, there is little that they can do to fight. Whisper is shy. If anyone other than Taisley, mom, dad, and I pick her up, she never stops crying. If either of the kits could even speak, she would definitely be the quiet one. Frost and Silver are hyper and playful. They are also the more curious kits. We have more trouble keeping them in the cave.
Today, Taisley and I are trying to keep Raska and Talo from killing each other. Life at the top is rough. Whisper comes up to me. She tugs on my fur and points behind her. Taisley and I both turn back towards where Whisper is pointing. We see Frost, but we find that Silver is missing. "Silver!" I call. There's no answer. I turn to Taisley. "I'll look fer 'im. Stay wi' th' other kits," I speak. I race out of the cave, intent on finding Silver.
I'm sniffing around outside, trying to pick up Silver's scent. Once I find the trail, I race off to follow it. I find it strange, though. I should've found Silver by now. I didn't think he could travel this far, especially since neither of the kits could even walk well quite yet.
I follow the scent trail into the nearby forest area. That's where I find him. Silver is in a pool of his own blood. I give a cry of alarm, before I rush to his side. I feel for a pulse. There is none. My kit is dead. I can tell from the slashes and stab wounds that he was murdered. I stagger to my paws. I'm shaking all over from anxiety. My stomach is flipping. I run off to the nearby bushes. I begin to retch into that bush. This is too much. The anxiety is too much. I can't take it. I breathe raggedly. I heave and retch as I continue to vomit. Finally, after a few minutes, I finish vomiting. I take a leaf and use it to clean my face. I return to Silver's side. The scent of my son's blood is bringing my nausea back. I'm still in shock as I pick Silver up from the cold, dusty earth and start heading back.
When I get there, mom and dad are outside, waiting for me. They're shocked when they see Silver lying lifeless in my arms. "He's…he's dead…" I speak for the first time since finding my son. I can feel myself shaking. My legs feel weak.
Mom and dad catch me as I collapse. They embrace me as I begin sobbing. I feel mom stroking my back. I bury my face into their fur as I continue to cry. I sniffle and whimper. I cough and choke on my sobs. Mom pats my back to try to stop my choking. Mom and dad nuzzle my face. "Hush, son. It's 'kay…" Dad tries to comfort me.
"He's dead! My son is dead an' ya think it's alright?! No it's no'! 't nevah will be again! I…I let this 'appen! 'e was my son! I was s'posed ta protect 'im an' I failed! This is all my fault!" I yowl.
"No! It's no' yer fault! Don't evah doubt yerself! Ya couldn't 'ave known that this would 'appen!" Dad yells.
"It's my fault…It's my…" I whisper. I break it off when I feel mom's paw across my face. Mom slapped me? I look up at mom, one paw on my burning cheek. Even more tears are falling from my eye.
"'m sorry I slapped ya, but I needed ta snap ya out of 't. It's no' yer fault that this 'appened, Buck. Ya 'ave ta believe that," mom tries to soothe me.
I nod my head, despite the fact that I'm not sure that I believe it. "'kay, mom," I move closer to mom. I bury my face into her fur as I let more of my tears fall. "Wot's gonna 'appen now? He's dead…" I whimper.
Before either of my parents can say anything else, Taisley runs out of the cave. She must've heard the commotion… She screams when she sees Silver. "What happened?" She gasps through her tears.
"I…I found 'im in th' forest. 'e was murdered," I sniffle and look away. Tears are still streaming from my left eye.
"Who…who did it?" Taisley asks.
"I don't know, but when I find th' murderer…I'll kill 'im!" I growl. I clench my paws into fists, anger taking the place of sorrow.
"How do you know it's a male that killed him?" Taisley asks. She kneels down closer to me. I see the tears in her eyes.
I embrace my lovely mate and allow her to cry into my shoulder. "We don't 'ave any female enemies," I point out. I look down at our dead son. "We…we should bury 'im…" I whimper. I get up with Silver still in my arms. Taisley, my family, and the herd (Who walk out of the cave at that moment) follow me. Diego stays behind to watch Peaches and the rest of the kits. We go to the clearing. Dad can see how broken-hearted I am. He decides to dig the grave for me.
When the hole is dug, I place Silver in it. I kick the dirt back over Silver's body. I look down. Tears gather in the corner of my eye. I sniffle and whimper. I bite my lip, trying to keep myself from crying. I shake with suppressed sobs. Mom, dad, and Taisley embrace me. "It's alright, Buck. Go ahead an' cry," dad says. So I do. I let the tears fall from my left eye. I begin to cry, softly at first. My cries turn into sobs. I bury my face into my parents' fur as I cry. "This wasn't s'posed ta 'appen. Parents are s'posed ta die before their children. 'e was only a few weeks old…" I let out a high-pitched whine.
"I know, Buck. Just let yer feelings out. Ya will feel betta after that," dad strokes my forehead.
After awhile, my cries die down to whimpers. My tears slow down. I look up at my parents. "Thanks," I mumble. I look over to Taisley. She also has tears in her eyes. "Let's get back ta th' cave," I suggest.
"Alright," Taisley nods her head. We start heading back to the cave.
When we get there, mom and dad turn to me. "Buck, we'll watch th' kits. You and Taisley, go get some sleep," dad suggests.
"I doubt I can sleep…" I whimper.
"I can understand that, but at least try. Please, fer th' other kits," mom presses. I nod my head. Taisley and I curl up on our nest. Taisley falls asleep first. I wrap my arm over her. I close my eye. After much trying, I manage to get to sleep. I can't help but think, as I drift off, how suspicious it is that Thomas never appeared at the funeral.
Nightmares are what greet me. As much as I try to sleep comfortably, my mind is tormented by visions of Silver's lifeless form. Eyes, once innocent, are now tainted by blood. His own blood. Such a sweet little kit was turned into a lifeless form with one cruel act. I wonder if he knew what was happening, if he felt any pain, or if it was so quick he knew nothing about it. I hope it was the latter. That my precious son was killed senselessly and violently is too much for me to even imagine. In my dream state is where I imagine everything. I hear Silver's screams of pain as he is stabbed. I see Silver writhing as he takes his final breath. I cry out to him, tears of helplessness and grief rolling down my left cheek…
I bolt upright in the nest with a shriek. I breathe heavily, trying to recover from my nightmare. I look around, relieved to see that everyone is still asleep. My shriek didn't even cause them to stir. Careful so I wouldn't wake anyone, I get up from the nest and quietly exit the cave. Looking around warily, I head down towards the river. The river has become a sort of escape for me whenever I feel sad or depressed. It soothes me whenever I'm angry about something as well. At the river is where I'll feel at peace.
Upon reaching the river, I find a flat rock and sit on it, looking down. I think about Silver, my nightmare, and all of my sadness surrounding it. Tears gather in the corner of my single eye. I allow the tears to drip off my cheek and into the water. I look up at the moon as it watches my crying form.
I jump when I feel a paw on my shoulder. I look to my left to see Taisley beginning to sit beside me. "Buck, are you alright?" She asks.
I decide against lying. "No, not really. 'M…'m thinkin' 'bout Silver…" I whisper while looking back down.
Taisley turns my face towards her with a paw. "I know, Buck. That's why I'm up. I was dreaming about him. Is that why you're up?" She asks.
I nod my head. "Yes...I...I was havin' nightmares 'bout 'im…" I confess with an embarrassed smile on my face.
"Buck, I love you. Don't be afraid to admit the pain. I'm dealing with the same thing right now. I understand. Why don't we just sit here awhile and talk through the pain? Talking might help," Taisley suggests.
I nod my head. "Alright. Tais, I...I miss 'im. 'e was our son an' I feel like I failed 'im. I should've been able ta save 'im," I confide in Taisley for the first time since Silver died.
"Buck, you didn't know that this would happen. Neither of us did. I know you're upset. I am, too. We will recover, though. For the sake of our kits. But Buck, it's okay to cry. I won't leave you," Taisley promises, her own eyes beginning to tear up.
I look down, my single eye watering. Taisley takes me into her arms, whispering soothing words as I begin crying out my grief. I feel Taisley's tears drip into my fur as she cries with me for the son we lost. There, we sit, crying long into the cold, dark night.