A/N: Thanks to those who are still reading. You definitely won't have to wait 6 months again for an update :)
This would have been out earlier, but my first draft has gone AWOL. Can't find it anywhere. I rewrote what I could remember, but it won't be verbatim. The gist is the same, though.
Hope you enjoy!
Onwards and up.
-H
Disclaimer: I do not own Glee :(
CHAPTER 27
Brittany was frozen. Her worst nightmare was coming true.
"Rachel," she whispered.
"I can't believe this," Rachel cut her off. "I actually cannot believe this." She stood up. "It was you."
"Let me-"
"No. No, you don't get to say or do anything. You're supposed to be my best friend, Brittany. How could you do this to me?"
Brittany opened her mouth to reply, but a heavy silence hung between them.
"I can't deal with this," Rachel muttered and turned, leaving the house quickly.
"Was that…?" Santana asked, staring at the door being loudly closed.
Brittany didn't reply. She sank onto the couch, her knees buckling underneath the weight of what had just happened. Rachel knew. She knew. Her deepest secret was out there. A secret she'd been so desperately trying to forget for weeks.
"How much did she hear?" Santana asked quietly.
There was no response from the blonde. She was almost catatonic.
"Jesus," the Latina muttered, quickly heading for the door.
Brittany blinked when the door slammed for a second time. The action released two tears that slowly trickled down her cheeks.
I'm alone.
And it was all her fault.
Santana squinted in the afternoon sun as she looked left and right, trying to spot her girlfriend. Well, at least she hoped Rachel was still her girlfriend. Peering down the sidewalk, Santana saw Rachel hastily walking away. She took off after her.
"Rachel!" she called, catching up to her.
The cheerleader stopped and turned around. Santana, breathing quickly, waited in anticipation to see what her expression would be.
"Why would you keep that from me?" Rachel asked, her face blank.
Santana swallowed. "Because Brittany needed to own up to her part in it. I wasn't about to make her the bad guy when I partook in it. I'm just as guilty."
Rachel sighed in frustration. "You covered for her, Santana. You know what that looks like to me? That you condoned her part in it. So, what? You have feelings for Brittany?"
"No, no. I don't have any feelings for her."
Yes, you do.
Santana ignored the little voice in her head. Realistically, it didn't matter if she felt anything towards Brittany because they were something that just never could happen.
"So you guys just…" Rachel huffed as she failed to complete the sentence. "You were attracted to her, though?"
Santana opened her mouth to try and lessen the punch of the harsh truth, but found that she couldn't.
"So while we were dating and having sex, you were attracted to my best friend?"
Santana winced. It sounded so much worse that way.
"Santana, answer me."
"It wasn't as cut and dried as you make it sound," she mumbled, looking down at her shoes. "It's not like I was more attracted to her than I was to you. Because that's not true, I swear."
"But you still acted on it, Santana!" Rachel said in exasperation.
The Latina nodded, biting her lip. "I'm really sorry, Rachel. It was a mistake and I deeply regret it. There is no excuse for what I did." She took a shaky breath. "I'll…um…I'll just go."
Rachel didn't say anything, despite Santana pleading in her mind for her girlfriend (or was it ex-girlfriend again?) to stop her. Anything would be better than stony silence.
Santana slowly turned and headed back to her car, which was still parked outside Brittany's house. She managed to wait until she was inside her car before bursting into tears.
The worst part was that she knew she had only herself to blame.
About half an hour later, Santana opened the front door to her house and was immediately greeted with the amazing aroma of her mother's cooking. It eased the ache in her heart a little bit.
"Mija?" Carmen called from the kitchen. "Es que yo?"
"Si," Santana replied, heading for the stairs. "I'll be down in a bit, Mami."
"Esperar."
Santana waited at the foot of the stairs obediently and her mother came out of the kitchen, drying her hands on a towel.
"Oh, mija," she said in sympathy, taking in her daughter's dejected demeanour. "What happened?"
"Rachel knows," she mumbled. "Brittany and I were having an argument and Rachel heard everything. She knows it was Brittany."
"Lo siento, mi amor," Carmen said softly, pulling her into a hug. "Did you speak to Rachel?"
"Um, yeah." Santana wiped a few errant tears away. "She didn't say much, just that she couldn't believe that I was attracted to Brittany while I was dating her."
"Did you two break up?"
She shrugged. "I don't know."
"That's good news then, mija. Rachel probably would have said something to you immediately if she did."
"I guess."
Carmen tipped her chin so that their eyes could meet. "I understand that you're hurting and you're worried, Santana. Know that your familia is always here for you. Don't hide away from us again, okay?"
Santana nodded and buried her face against Carmen's shoulder. "Te amo, Mami."
"Ditto," Carmen whispered into her hair. "Why don't you go upstairs, take a shower then come and help me with the enchiladas I'm making for your father."
Santana nodded gratefully. Her mother was truly amazing. With a parting kiss to her forehead, Carmen went back into the kitchen and Santana ascended the steps into her bedroom. She felt her phone vibrate and pulled it out nervously. There was a missed call from Quinn and a message from Rachel. Her breath caught it in her throat as she opened the message with shaking hands.
I need time.
Time? How much time? Were they on a break until Rachel determined otherwise? Santana frowned and replied as diplomatically as possible, not wanting her confusion or desperation to appear too obvious.
Okay. When you want to talk, I'll be here.
Brittany was thankful for her oblivious family. After crying harder than she ever had before, she practically crawled upstairs and buried herself in her bed. She didn't fall asleep, though. She would've loved that. Pretty much anything that allowed her to escape the worst feeling of emptiness she'd ever experienced would be welcome.
But no. Karma hated her. Not that she really blamed it. Was karma an it?
Her mother had sent her sister up earlier for dinner, but Brittany had simply mumbled that she wasn't hungry. She'd lost any form of appetite. She wanted so badly to just tell Rachel everything. She sat up suddenly.
Maybe that's it, she thought. Maybe if I told her everything she'd understand.
Just the thought terrified her. She shuffled out of bed and went to her closet. She was still in her workout clothes from earlier which smelled terrible. Granted, she hadn't really been in a frame of mind to notice the state of her clothes.
Brittany was about to walk out of her room before she realised that she didn't have her phone. Frantically, she searched for it and found it under her pillow. Most of her notifications were alerts from Twitter and Facebook, but there was one message from Rachel. She swallowed and opened the message.
If you're thinking about coming over to plead your case or whatever, don't bother.
Brittany's hopes shattered. Okay, so she didn't have much hope, but the little she did have just disappeared. She knew that she'd fucked up, but she started to realise that what she'd done was actually unforgiveable. What if Rachel never forgave her? What if she never even looked at her?
I have to tell her, Brittany thought with dread. It's the only thing that can save our friendship.
She knew that she didn't deserve to be Rachel's friend. She doubted that she ever had, really. But the saying was true. She didn't know what she'd had until it was gone.
If Rachel didn't want to speak to her, then she would respect that. But she had to figure out a way to tell her the truth.
The whole truth.
Santana hadn't slept very well, but was thankful for her family. They'd made sure that the previous night's dinner had been filled with fun conversation and plans for Thanksgiving. They'd mentioned heading to Massachusetts to visit Carmen's parents. The way she'd been feeling, Santana readily agreed to an escape from Lima. She'd had way too much drama for the start of her sophomore year so far.
Quinn met her at her locker, the confusion and worry etched onto her face. Santana hadn't told her anything about what had happened at Brittany's house the previous day.
"San? What happened?"
The Latina sighed and closed her locker. She looked at Quinn, but an astounding sight down the hallway caught her attention. Her mouth dropped open slightly as she saw Rachel striding purposefully towards Coach Em's office. The shocking part was that she wasn't in her uniform. She was wearing normal clothes. Santana swallowed. She wished that Rachel in a skirt, collared shirt and knee high socks didn't make her heart start to beat faster. She looked so damn adorable.
"Whoa," Quinn murmured. She'd turned around to see what had grabbed her best friend's attention. "I guess quite a bit happened yesterday."
Santana sighed and shrugged. "I don't know what that's about, but I think I can guess what may have contributed to it."
"Okay, am I going to have to suddenly develop telepathy to figure out what that is?"
"No…I just…" Santana huffed in frustration. "I hate that she had to find out the way she did. Brittany should have just grown a spine and told her."
Quinn frowned. "Wait. If I'm reading this right, does Rachel know that it was Brittany?"
Santana nodded miserably. "Brittany and I were arguing about what she'd done and somehow it veered into a conversation about us and feelings and what we'd done."
"Oh. Um, she didn't…you know?"
"What?" Santana asked in confusion.
"You guys didn't…you know?"
"Jesus, Quinn! Is that what you think of me? That I can't have a normal argument with Brittany without it escalating into something more?"
"Well, not to be blunt, but isn't that exactly what's happened in the past?"
"Point taken." Santana bit her lip. "She, um…I guess you could say she tried? I dunno. She tried to trick me into admitting I have feelings for her."
"Um, run that by me again?" Quinn asked in disbelief.
"She tried to trick me into admitting I have feelings…oh." Santana mentally kicked herself for her slip up.
"You do have feelings for her!" Quinn hissed.
Santana pushed past her and headed down the hallway. Quinn grabbed her arm to stop her.
"Q, just drop it," she snapped in a furious whisper. "Whatever feelings I may have for Brittany, they pale in comparison to what I feel for Rachel and now that she knows that I cheated on her with her best friend, I'm on a time out."
"A time out? So she didn't break up with you?"
Santana sighed and turned, heading back down the hallway. "It sure as hell feels like it."
Brittany half-heartedly headed to Coach Em's office to report on that morning fitness session. Due to her sombre mood, she'd become extra harsh with her squad and three girls had thrown up because she'd pushed them so hard. She'd relieved them of their Cheerio status immediately.
The most noticeable absence was Rachel. Brittany wasn't completely surprised by it, but figured that her best friend (or ex-best friend) was avoiding her. And for good reason, she supposed.
She put her hand on her coach's office door to open it, but it was snatched out of her hand as it flung open from the inside. Brittany's eyes widened as she took in Rachel's appearance. More specifically, the lack of a Cheerios uniform.
"R-R-Rachel," she stammered.
Her former second in command simply glared up at her. "Out of my way, Blondie."
Brittany visibly winced. Sure, she and Rachel often had called each other degrading nicknames, but there was no mirth in her tone.
"Wait," she begged. "Please can we talk? I need to tell-"
"What more could you possibly have to tell me that I don't already know? Are you going to give me a play by play of how you fucked my girlfriend behind my back? Or how you pretended like she was the bad guy all along when you knew you were just as guilty?"
"No, you know all that. I just…I need to tell you something. Something about me."
Rachel scoffed. "I'm sure I can make any deductions about your supposed sexuality without a heart-to-heart. Now move."
Brittany was frozen by Rachel's words. Fuck, they hurt. Was this how people felt when she insulted people? Did they feel as alone and miserable as she did? Did they feel like they were worth nothing?
I'm pretty sure that this is a drop in the ocean in comparison to the damage you've done.
Brittany swallowed and stumbled back slightly as Rachel pushed past her.
"Pierce!" a high-pitched shrill brought her back to reality. A reality that sucked.
She stepped inside Coach Em's office and closed the door behind her.
"Could you explain what the hell just happened?" her coach snapped.
Brittany blinked in confusion. "Um, I'm guessing that she quit?"
"Oh, wonderful observation, Sherlock. What happened? What did you do?"
The Head Cheerio grimaced. "Look, I messed up, but I'm going to make it better. I'll get her back."
"You'd better. Especially considering you kicked three girls off the squad this morning." Coach Em paused and leaned back in her chair. "We're not going to have a problem, are we? I do believe I distinctly told you that I expect there to be no hitches this year that could jeopardise my seventh consecutive championship."
Brittany nodded fervently. More than ever, she needed the protection of her Cheerios uniform. "I completely understand, Coach. You don't need to worry about me or Rachel. I'll fix it."
"Good. Do you have replacements?"
Brittany nodded. "There are three girls that I saw at tryouts that would fit in. I'll make sure that they're aware of how things are done."
"Your way or the highway?" Coach Em smirked.
Brittany felt a small smile cross her face. "Of course not, Coach. It's your way or the highway. I'm just the executioner."
"Oh, I like that. Executioner Pierce."
Brittany chuckled, but it was one hundred percent fake. She actually felt exactly like an executioner. Someone who didn't think twice about dropping the sword.
"I'll make sure the new girls are dressed and at practice tomorrow."
"Good. I'll be there to introduce myself."
Everyone knows you, O Crazy One. But Brittany kept the thoughts internal.
"Excellent," she said instead. "I'll bring you a progress report by the end of the week."
Coach waved her hand, dismissing her Head Cheerio. Brittany gladly exited the office and headed for her locker. Her face was blank, the practiced fake smile firmly in place. No one could know how much she was hurting. She saw Santana at the end of the hallway she was heading down and kept her head up, purposefully avoiding any or other kind of contact with the brunette that had turned her life upside down.
She hated that her heart rate still increased as their proximity got closer and closer. If she needed to learn anything from the entire mess that she was in, it was not to mess with things that she could never have.
Santana was something she could never have. The sooner she accepted that, the sooner she might be able to regain Rachel's friendship.
Any bravado she'd felt yesterday, finally confronting everything that they'd been through, was gone. Part of her regretted it, but a bigger part of her just felt relieved to see that Santana got a little flustered around her. Even though she'd said that she had no feelings for Brittany and that she didn't want a relationship with her, the blonde knew that there was a little part of the elusive Latina that wanted her as much as she wanted Santana.
Maybe karma was really pissed at her to make her think there was ever a sliver of a chance that there could be a Brittany and Santana.
She needed to accept that there never would be.
Santana kept her eyes on Brittany as they walked closer to each other. But the blonde cheerleader kept her gaze fixed firmly ahead of her and there was no expression on her face.
She's trying to appear like she's fine, Santana deduced. But she knew better. She didn't know Brittany as well as Rachel did, but she knew that Brittany often employed her fake face when there was something going on with her. She wondered if Brittany knew about Rachel quitting the Cheerios.
"San?"
The Latina tore her eyes from Brittany just before they passed each other and she turned her attention to Quinn.
"Just some friendly advice? Staring at her like that doesn't support this illusion of you not having feelings for her."
Santana frowned. "You're right. I just…"
"It's okay. I get it."
"You do?"
"Yeah. You're the moth and she's the flame."
Santana snorted. "An accurate analogy. Only in this story, the moth actually gets burned by the flame."
"Because she gets too close," Quinn murmured as they stepped into their first class.
"Point taken." Santana sat down and took out her notebook. She opened it and her breath caught when she saw a folded note that hadn't been there the day before. Eagerly, she opened it and devoured the words.
Santana,
I'm a mess right now. I don't know if I'm angry with you or if I sympathise with how you handled things. I know that I wish you'd just told me the whole truth from the beginning. When we got back together, I was apprehensive because you really did hurt me, but I just missed you so damn much that I decided to risk it. I know that you didn't technically hurt me; it was more the revelation of who you cheated on me with that hurt.
I appreciate that you're giving me the space I asked for. Like I said, I just need time to figure out what I feel and if I truly think that this is something that we can get past.
As soon as I've figured that out, you'll be the first to know.
Rachel
Santana breathed a sigh of relief. Well, at least she thought it was relief. It meant that she and Rachel still possibly had a future, right? Or was she just trying to set her up for a less harsh break up?
A big part of Santana wanted to find Rachel and ask her straight out if that was the case. She didn't want to be strung along if it was only going to end in her being dumped. She knew that she'd fucked up, but she still had a semblance of pride. It was small and very bruised at the moment, but it was still there.
She stuffed the note into the pocket of her jeans and adjusted her glasses as the teacher walked in and started the class.
Her emotions were all over the place, but one thing she knew she could handle was school. It also provided a distraction; something that she could focus on completely and not think about her disastrous love life.
Two months ago, she never in a million years would have expected to have dated Rachel Berry and had sex with Brittany Pierce.
She groaned inwardly. Since when did you become the girl who is defined by her relationships? Or hook ups? You need to give Rachel her space and forget completely about Brittany. Focus on you and you alone until Rachel comes to you.
Santana sighed. Her Quinnscience gave some pretty good advice. She'd never been more confused since the two Cheerios had entered her life in more than a scoff-at-from-afar capacity. Maybe she needed to be more like the Santana pre-Rachel-and-Brittany.
She had a feeling that was going to be a lot harder than she anticipated.
Quinn opened her front door and grimaced at the sound of her mother's fake laugh echoing off the tiled floors. Great. She was entertaining. Which meant that she was going to embarrass Quinn if she realised that she'd arrived home.
Quickly, she backtracked and closed the front door quietly.
Lima Bean it is.
"Hi, Quinn."
"Holy crap!" Quinn yelped, jumping against the door.
"Sorry," Rachel apologised.
"Uh, um, th-that's okay," Quinn stammered, glancing back at the door and hoping that her little commotion hadn't alerted her mother to her presence. "Uh, what are you doing here?"
Rachel bit her lip and looked down. "I was wondering if we could…talk?"
Quinn frowned. "Yeah. Sure. No problem. Uh, you wanna go to the Lima Bean?"
"Sounds good. Do you want me to drive?"
Quinn nodded, trying to consider the purpose of her wanting to talk. Could it be about Santana? Perhaps about Brittany? It had been a long four days since the showdown at Britany's house. Santana hadn't divulged anything more than what she'd told Quinn last Thursday, but the blonde knew that her best friend was desperate for some information.
The drive to the Bean was quiet, but not uncomfortable. Quinn had to smile at Rachel singing softly along with the radio. She really had an amazing voice.
"How are you?" the blonde asked softly, trying to start the flow of conversation.
Rachel stopped humming and licked her lips. "Uh, I'm okay, I guess. The reason I wanted to talk to you is because you don't take sides. You're the most objective person that I know and I was hoping I could get your opinion on a few things. I know Santana is your best friend so if you feel like us speaking makes you uncomfortable or anyth-"
"Rachel," Quinn interrupted with a smile, "like you said – I don't take sides. More often than not, Santana makes the wrong decision. It doesn't make me love her any less, just maybe slap her."
Rachel giggled at that.
"I want you to know that you can always talk to me, about anything. I've learned, especially from being Santana's friend, that a level head is much needed. I know she appreciates it that I can temper her, well, temper."
Rachel laughed. "You two balance each other out quite well. I think maybe that's why I came to you. I know what Santana would say and her opinion is totally subjective."
"Yes, well, our dear Santana tends to make decisions based on her heart instead of her head," Quinn said ruefully. Her eyes widened as she realised what she said. "Rachel, I-"
"You don't need to apologise for what you say, Quinn," the brunette cut in quietly as she swung easily into an available parking slot. "I know that Santana does that, which is partly why I've asked her to give me space while I come to terms with everything."
Quinn just nodded and exited the car, following Rachel inside. The shorter girl ordered their drinks, a small smile creeping onto the blonde's face as Rachel handed her the same drink they had the last time they'd had coffee together. Her smile turned into a frown as she remembered what their best friends had been doing while they'd been chatting.
And now they were going to discuss the fallout of everything.
They'd been sitting in silence for about five minutes, focusing more on their drinks and trying to ignore the tense environment.
"Rachel, whatever you want to say, even if it doesn't make sense to you, just say it."
She nodded. "When I heard Brittany talking about Santana being the one that she…that they…"
"She cheated on you with Brittany," Quinn supplied.
Rachel looked up. "You knew, didn't you?" It wasn't accusatory.
"I…yes. I didn't agree with Santana's decision not to tell you. I actually struggled to understand how she could have even done it, but we've spoken about that at length so I think I get her frame of mind to a point."
"Could you explain it to me?" Rachel begged. "I've been trying to figure out how she could cheat on me with Brittany. Besides the fact that she never struck me as the type of person to even contemplate cheating, but with Brittany? They hate each other."
Quinn sighed and scrunched her eyes uncomfortably. "Rachel, I want to be honest with you, but I'm not sure what I could tell you without betraying Santana's confidence." She sighed in contemplation. "Please don't think that I condone what she did, because I absolutely don't. I just…she's my best friend and some of the things that she told me she wouldn't ever tell anyone else, so me telling you would be a huge betrayal of her trust."
"What about how she betrayed me?" Rachel asked in a hurt tone.
"Rachel," Quinn said in a gentle tone, "that's something you need to take up with Santana. You can't be mad at me for keeping the confidence of my best friend."
"I know," the brunette mumbled. "You're a good friend, Quinn."
"Thank you. That said, you can ask me things and I'll answer them if I feel they don't overstep my confidence with Santana."
"Okay." Rachel took a deep breath and met Quinn's eyes. "Does she regret it?"
"Yes," she replied immediately.
"Both times?"
Quinn bit her lip. She had no right to mention the third time. "Yes, Rachel. You're not wrong; Santana can't stand Brittany."
Rachel shook her head in disbelief. "But she felt something."
Quinn grimaced. "Yes." That was obvious. They both knew Santana well enough to confidently acknowledge that she wouldn't do what she had without some kind of emotional attachment. She figured that was probably the big dilemma that Rachel was struggling with.
"So she does have feelings for Brittany?" Rachel asked in disbelief.
"The best option would be to ask her that," Quinn said diplomatically, even though she knew that Santana did, "but I can tell you that whatever she may have felt in that moment is gone. She hates that what she did hurt you, even more so that it was with your best friend."
"Quinn, how am I just supposed to forgive her? I mean, I took a chance on us again, only to find out that her indiscretion wasn't just a betrayal, but it was a betrayal with my best friend."
"I can't pretend to know what you're going through, but I do know that Santana is truly sorry. Could I ask you a question, Rachel?"
"Sure."
"Santana came clean about what happened. She put herself out there, knowing full well that Brittany wouldn't. Even though she hates Brittany for making her the sole bad guy instead of sharing the blame, she didn't say anything because she took responsibility for her mess. It was hard, and I could see how hard it was for both of you, especially you. To put yourself out there and change who you were for one girl is pretty incredible. You told me once that she makes you a better person. Well, Rachel, you made Santana a better person too. And by doing so, you just highlighted all the already awesome parts of her.
"When you decided to give your relationship another shot, I can't even describe how happy she was. I guarantee that she would never purposefully make any stupid mistakes that would put that in jeopardy. She cares about you so much, Rachel. So, after all that, my question is this. Are you pushing Santana away because Brittany kept this a secret from you?"
Rachel's brown eyes were contemplative and Quinn took the silence as her cue to refill their coffees. As she paid for their drinks, she felt a tap on her shoulder.
"Santana!" she said in surprise.
"Hey, Q," her best friend replied with a frown. "I thought you had butt loads of studying?"
"Um, I d-do."
"Yet here you are, far away from any studying environment."
Quinn winced. "I didn't plan to come here. I, um, was invited."
Santana's eyes widened. "Are you on a date?"
"No! No, definitely not."
"Okay…"
Santana was clearly waiting for more information.
The blonde sighed. "I'm here with Rachel."
"My Rachel?"
"No, the Rachel from Friends."
"No need to get snarky."
"That's rich coming from you," Quinn retorted.
"Okay, hold up. What's happening here? We don't bicker."
"I'm sorry. It sucks being asked to be the objective party when I, myself, have doubts that you two should even be together." She bit her lip as the words just tumbled out.
"What?" Santana asked softly, her dark eyes flashing with hurt.
"Santana, I love you like a sister. You know that. But I've been thinking about this whole mess and I'm starting to wonder if you and Rachel are meant to be together? I know you care about her and I'm not disputing that."
Santana shut her eyes and nodded. "But if we were meant to be, how could I have let Brittany happen?"
Quinn gave her a sympathetic smile. "Pretty much."
"I get it," Santana mumbled, turning away from Quinn.
"San, wait!" she protested, but her best friend had already walked out of the coffee shop.
Crap. I'll have to go and talk to her later.
She headed back to her table and saw Rachel staring at her phone.
"Here you go," Quinn said with as much cheer as she could muster without sounding totally fake. She had no idea how cheerleaders faked pep so much. Or did they? Well, she was pretty sure that Brittany did. Quinn shook her head. "Everything okay?"
Rachel looked up. "Um, yeah. Brittany just sent me a message saying that she has something she wants to tell me."
"Oh. Well, what else could she possibly tell you?" Quinn asked, hoping that Brittany wouldn't be her usual vindictive self and divulge her and Santana's third rendezvous.
"I don't know, and I'm not sure I even want to." As Rachel said that, so her phone buzzed again. Her eyebrows arched.
Quinn just took a sip of her drink, not entirely sure if it was her place to ask what the message said, even though she was dying to know what Brittany's headspace was. After their confrontation that led to her disgusting dumpster tossing, Quinn had steered far away from the volatile blonde.
But one thing nagged at her. Something must have sparked Brittany actually talking about what she and Santana had done when the Latina had gone over to her house. Quinn had been wondering if her interference had sparked the whole problem.
On the other hand, had she not planted the thought in Brittany's mind, Rachel may never have found out that her best friend was the one that had betrayed her. And as far as Quinn was concerned, secrets were poison. Even though Rachel was hurting and confused, she was glad that she knew.
The truth hurt, but it was better she'd found out when she did than a few months down the line.
"What do you think?"
Quinn blinked, only just registering Rachel's question. "About Brittany?" she clarified.
Rachel nodded.
The blonde took a deep breath. "Have you two spoken at all since Thursday?"
"Fuck no," Rachel scoffed. "Well, unless you count her attempt at an apology on Friday morning at school."
"Okay, and do have any desire to hear what she has to say?"
"Well, I mean, what could she say? She straight-faced lied to me and treated my girlfriend like shit when she was just as guilty all along."
"And what if she wants to explain why she did what she did?"
Rachel eyed her. "You say that like you already know the answer."
Quinn shrugged. "I wouldn't begin to try and decipher the maze that is Brittany Pierce. However, I do think that there's a lot happening underneath the surface that we don't know."
Rachel frowned. "I've known Brittany since we were eleven. She has some issues, sure. Same as the rest of us."
"I get that. I just think that there's something she's hiding deep down. Something that you probably don't even know."
"Like her sexuality?"
"Maybe," Quinn said diplomatically. "I don't know for sure. I doubt that anything I guess will be way off. I can't tell you what to do, Rachel. I will say that if it were me and Santana wanted to tell me something, I would listen, regardless of how much she'd fucked up."
Rachel smirked.
"What?" Quinn asked.
"It just sounds so weird to hear you curse. It feels like it should be illegal or something."
The blonde chuckled. "So was that an insult or compliment? I'm leaning more towards the former."
"Definitely the latter. It's refreshing to speak to someone who doesn't need to punctuate every sentence with profanity."
"Oh, someone like Santana, perhaps?" Quinn said in a teasing tone.
"Santana? Profanity? Hmmm. Can't say I ever noticed that."
Quinn laughed out loud and was glad to see a genuine smile cross Rachel's face.
"Thank you for agreeing to talk with me, Quinn," the ex-cheerleader said softly, her fingers tracing the grooves on her coffee cup. "I don't really have anyone my own age that I can talk about this kind of stuff with."
"It's always a pleasure to help out a friend in need," Quinn replied warmly. "I thought your dads would be able to offer a unique kind of advice about these matters of the heart."
"Yeah, to a point they can, but they also don't really understand about how girls are with emotions. Especially lesbians. I mean, we're crazy emotional and even though they try, sometimes they just don't get it."
Quinn nodded in understanding. "And this isn't exactly your run of the mill relationship problem."
"That's an understatement."
"Could I ask why you quit cheerleading?"
Rachel sighed. "It was a long time coming, I think. The way Brittany started acting after Sectionals pushed me really closed to the edge and finding out that she was the one that Santana…well, it just tipped the scale. I couldn't stand by her side anymore and pretend that she person she is doesn't bother me. Because it does."
"You sound like you know that she's hiding who she is, then."
Rachel shrugged. "Well, I saw that she actually could be civil – well, her version of civil – to Santana and you if she put her mind to it, it wouldn't kill her to be nice. So, yeah. It's hard work finding ways to like your best friend."
"Wow. That's actually a harsh, but refreshing way of putting it. I don't think I ever realised how hard it must be for you. Santana and I kind of grouped you two as birds of a feather."
"Well, I suppose before I met Santana, I was more like Brittany. Not as extreme as her, but I definitely had a chip on my shoulder and I wasn't afraid to step on a few toes to get my way."
"I would consider your change of heart a vast improvement," Quinn teased. "I know that Santana did play a part in your growth, but I think a lot of it was your own will. If you truly were still the same person as before Santana, you would simply have reverted back to her after you broke up."
"True," Rachel agreed. "I think Santana opened my eyes and made me see that who I was wasn't really my own person. The type of person that I am at home and even in the choir room is the real me. Not Brittany's lap dog."
"That's really great to hear, Rachel. While I never thought you and I would ever be having coffee, I'm glad that we are. I think we could be good friends."
Rachel grinned. "Me too, Quinn. Me too."
"Santana, get the door!" Carmen shouted from her bedroom.
"Mami, you're never gonna be as hot as me, so you may as well give up trying," Santana teased as she walked past her mother's bedroom and headed down the stairs.
"En tus sueños," Carmen called back. "Don't forget who you got your genes from, listilla."
"I know. From Dad!" Santana shouted with a laugh as she jumped the last few steps. Her father was treating her mother to a rare dinner out so Santana was left to fend for herself. Ferdi and Miguel were studying late at the campus library and Angelo was out with Elizabeth. After her awkward run in with Quinn at the Lima Bean, she actually relished the chance to be in her own head space. She planned on a serious few hours of Call Of Duty. Some shit needed to be blown up.
She was humming a tune that Mercedes had sung in glee club that day as she opened the door. She was silenced as she took in the small figure of Rachel.
"Are you going to leave me on the porch?" Rachel teased quietly, giving her a small smile.
"Shit! Sorry, um, yes! I mean, no! Come in." Santana grimaced at her word fail and stepped aside to let Rachel enter. She took a deep breath and closed the door behind her. "Um, are you going to be staying long? Do you want something to drink?"
"If you have that lemon tea your mom likes, that'd be great," Rachel replied politely.
"Sure. Um, the living room's empty if you'd like to go there and, um, talk or whatever?" She didn't even know why Rachel was there. To talk? To break up?
"Okay. Meet you there in a bit."
As Santana waited for the kettle to boil, she overanalysed Rachel's mood. She appeared sort of normal, some might even say cheerful. So did that mean she was happy with how things were? Had she reached a decision about them? Was she happy that they were breaking up? Shit, that would suck.
Santana sighed as the kettle started whistling and she took it off the stove plate, making sure to turn it off. Her mother had engrained that habit into her and her brothers.
The bottom line was if Rachel wanted to break up, Santana would have to accept her decision. Even though they'd kind of worked through the fact that Santana had cheated and both knew she would never do something like that again, the reveal of who she'd cheated on Rachel with was a big shock. Enough to shake anyone's confidence in a relationship.
Maybe that was why Quinn thought she and Rachel weren't right for each other. Santana frowned at the memory. Her best friend's words had stung, mostly because she'd been so supportive of her and Rachel. Was there something else going on?
"Did you run to China to get the tea?" Rachel's voice cut into her thoughts.
Santana jumped and some of the boiling water sloshed from the spout of the kettle onto her hand. She winced at the sudden pain and quickly put the kettle on the coaster.
"Oh, shit, San. I'm sorry!" Rachel exclaimed, walking over to her.
Santana just turned and walked to the sink. She let the cold water run over the sensitive skin. "Give me a sec. I'll bring your tea out to you."
"It's okay. Forget the tea for now."
Santana shut the faucet off and faced the shorter brunette. "Okay. So what do you want to say?"
Rachel frowned. "Are you mad at me?"
"I don't know," the Latina sighed. "I mean, you've totally ignored me for four days, and then today I find you having coffee with my best friend instead of me so excuse me for being a little temperamental."
"You're so silly," Rachel giggled. "I asked Quinn for advice about you."
"Oh," Santana said quietly. "So she told you that we should break up, right?"
Rachel looked taken aback. "Is…is that what you want?"
"No!" Santana said in exasperation.
"Well, it's not what I want, either."
Santana's brows furrowed. "Wait, so does that mean you do want to break up?"
Rachel rolled her eyes and walked up to Santana so that they were close together. "I don't want us to break up, Santana. I can't pretend that the latest revelation didn't shake me because it did. My trust is very brittle right now, but despite that, you were the one who came clean. Brittany didn't. It's not fair for me to stay mad at you when, in this case, you didn't do anything wrong."
"But-"
Rachel covered Santana's mouth with her hand. "Just let me talk for once, okay?" Santana just nodded. "I'm not saying that the road ahead for us is going to be easy, because I think we both know that it's not. Too much shit has gone down for us to get back to the way we were. That being said, I would like to try." She dropped her hand and stared into Santana's eyes. "I really care about you, Santana, and I know that you won't purposefully hurt me again."
Santana nodded again.
"So, what do you say, Lopez? Think you handle a relationship with me and all my baggage?"
Santana scoffed and wasted no time in wrapping her arms around Rachel's waist, pulling her closer. "Any baggage you have, I'll be happy to carry for you."
"You're cheesy," Rachel chuckled, resting her hands on Santana's forearms.
"Whatever. You love my cheese."
"True that. Now are you planning on kissing me anytime soon?"
"Gladly, m'lady," Santana replied, joining their lips for the first time in what felt like months.
Rachel pulled up to Brittany's house later that night and took a deep breath. Santana hadn't been very happy about her going to see Brittany, but after making things right with her girlfriend, what Quinn had said started churning in her mind. She wanted to know what Brittany had to say. She planned to keep an open mind and not take anything at face value. After all, Brittany was a master manipulator and didn't think twice about doing or saying something that wasn't true, purely to benefit her.
For the umpteenth time, Rachel wondered how she could have been so blind. She'd always known that Brittany was a cold, heartless bitch, but sleeping with Santana and not even feeling any guilt about it just brought her down to a new low.
After a few delicious rounds of make up lady sex, Rachel had left Santana in her bed and headed for her ex-best friend's house. She glanced up and saw that the house was dark. It wasn't even nine at night so she knew Brittany wasn't sleeping.
Taking another deep breath, Rachel opened her door and locked her car, steadily making her way to the front door. It felt like there were lead blocks in her shoes, making every step a concerted effort. Santana had hurt her before, when she'd confessed her infidelity. Brittany's betrayal hurt so much more because she'd played it off as though Santana was the only guilty party. What kind of person did that?
Maybe she'd never really known Brittany at all.
Rachel's finger hovered over the doorbell for a good thirty seconds before she pressed down on it. The chime echoes throughout the house and she waited a minute with no answer. Brittany's car was in the driveway so she knew she was home. She rang the doorbell again.
When there was no answer after another minute, Rachel rolled her eyes and turned back towards her car. Maybe she should take it as a sign, that she wasn't meant to hear what Brittany had to say. Maybe it was the universe's way of telling her that what Brittany wanted to tell her was most likely total bullshit concocted to save her own skin.
"Rachel?"
The brunette turned back around, not having heard the front door open with the thoughts milling around in her head.
"Kyla, hey," she greeted. "What are you still doing up?"
The younger Pierce rolled her eyes in an exact replica of her sister. "I'm eight, not seven. I can go to bed whenever I want."
Not for the first time, Rachel felt sorry for the twins. It was hard having parents that never planned on having them and, as a result, left them to their own devices or in the care of their equally nonchalant sister.
"Sorry I didn't hear the bell," Kyla continued. "I was having a mad jam session in my room."
"That's okay," Rachel replied with a mall smile. "Is, um… Is Brittany home?"
"Yeah, she's been holed up in her room since we got home." Kyla shrugged. "Probably some stupid boy problems."
Problems, yes. Boys, no.
"Thanks, Ky. I'm gonna go up and see her. Are your parents home?"
"God, you sound like Britt. No, Mom and Dad are at some awards show in Akron. They're away till Wednesday."
"Okay, just checking," Rachel said diplomatically. "Have fun with your jams." She ruffled Kyla's hair and deftly dodged being swatted at before she headed for the stairs. She greeted Jeremy en route to Brittany's room and didn't bother knocking before opening the door.
The room was dark and Rachel could just make out a figure curled up in the middle of the bed. The room stank of alcohol and she saw the evidence in the form of several empty bottles next to Brittany's bed. She sighed. It was going to be a long night.
A/N: I'm going to leave it there for now. The big talk between Rachel and Brittany will be the main focal point of the next chapter. We'll find out why Brittany is so adamant that she's straight…
I'll say it again - Brittana is endgame, but it will take a LONG time for them to get there. I don't do sprints, only marathons ;)
Once again, I'm really sorry for the delay, but my life has been complete chaos and I haven't had any inspiration to write. Now that I'm settled and on holiday till January, I should be able to update more frequently. I'm going to aim for two weeks :)
Onwards and up!
-H
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