A/N: Much love for the reviews! I'm happy that there are still people reading this :) And wowzer – 700 reviews! Amazing :)
Heavy Brittberry chapter ahead, but we have a huge revelation about Britt's past and why she is the way she is.
Happy Holidays to everyone as well. Hope the festive season has been a fantastic one :)
Onwards and up!
-H
Disclaimer: I do not own Glee :(
CHAPTER 28
Brittany blearily blinked her eyes open and groaned at the sudden pain the light caused in her head.
Apparently practice doesn't make perfect with hangovers.
Slowly, she sat up and pulled a face at how truly crap she felt. Half-heartedly, she peered at the alarm clock on her bedside table and swallowed, trying to get rid of the cotton wool feeling in her mouth and throat.
Before actually registering the time, she spied a bottle of water and two tablets. Reaching over, she grabbed the tablets and downed them, chugging half the bottle of water. She hadn't had the forethought before to leave some Advil and water out before, but maybe subconsciously, she wasn't on a complete downward spiral.
Brittany scoffed at the thought. She drank herself blind drunk every night until she fell into a dreamless sleep. She woke up an hour early every morning to make herself presentable for Cheerios practice. She was the very definition of a downward spiral.
Speaking of…
She looked at her clock again, the red numbers piercing her hazy mind that was still clouded with sleep and remnants of the bottle of vodka she'd finished the night before.
6:32am.
"Fuckin' early," she grumbled, but pushed back her sheets and stumbled towards her door. She yanked it open and was assaulted with the amazing aroma of bacon.
That can't be Mom. She can barely make toast. Must be Dad.
Her father was actually a pretty decent cook – when he was home. He always made pretty incredible meals when he could. Brittany knew that he was trying some kind of atonement for being so absent. The twins ate it up – literally and figuratively – but she was a little more savvy.
Talk about a guilt trip, she thought to herself, walking into the bathroom and shutting the door loudly behind her. No way is he going to rope me into feeling sorry for him just because he and Mom-
Brittany halted her thought process. She hated how much she'd been thinking about that forgotten part of her past.
Well, if you're going to tell Rachel, you need to confront it.
She pulled a displeased face at her reflection and ignored the dark bags under her eyes, which were also bloodshot.
"Thank the Pope for eye drops and concealer," she muttered, pulling her tank top off and starting the shower.
She quickly undressed and stepped under the warming spray. She started her practised routine; first, was her hair. Somehow it always became inexplicably tangled during the night, like she spilt alcohol in it.
Possible, but I don't spill. Too wasteful.
She shrugged it off and continued washing her hair. Within ten minutes, she felt refreshed and turned off the water. She glanced at the tub, remembering a time long ago when her and an older blonde had sang and danced to pass the dreary bath time.
Brittany shut her eyes tightly, willing the image away. Why was she being bombarded with memories that she didn't want to remember? Was it punishment for how she'd acted? For her mistakes?
Pretty cruel damn punishment.
She sighed and grabbed her discarded clothes from the floor. She pulled a towel around her body and opened the bathroom door. She didn't spare a glance downstairs to the kitchen to see who was there. She probably wouldn't even stay for breakfast.
Fifteen minutes later, she was dressed in her Cheerios uniform, her jacket over her arm. She eyed her folder and rolled her eyes before taking it with her. She hardly used the damn thing. It wasn't like she paid attention during class – when she actually went. Taking cat naps in the locker room had become a frequent thing since Thursday.
"Fucking stupid," she grumbled, descending the stairs.
She knew that she had herself to blame and that her excessive drinking was a desperate attempt to try and forget just how much she had fucked up. It worked, for a few hours. But every morning, on her drive to school, she was reminded of the vast silence in her car. Normally, Rachel would be talking her ear off about whatever goddamn thing she was obsessed about that week. Recent topics included Coach Em's potential homosexuality (which was a total joke), Coach Figgins' suspiciously bloodshot eyes after lunch (she'd diverted Rachel's attention from that topic pretty quickly – Figgins smoking weed would lead to the stoners, then to Afroboy and probably to whatever shit she'd spilled to him), her dads' upcoming trip to Canada and her favourite topic, Santana.
Brittany couldn't believe how her world had been turned upside down by a girl. One girl.
Not just a girl, though.
"She is just a girl. A nobody," Brittany muttered to herself.
A nobody who gave you the best orgasm you've ever had. A nobody that you can't stop thinking about. A nobody who's been the only one to make you think that you could-
Once again, Brittany had to freeze her thoughts. Well, more like her annoying conscience, who had decided that the best pastime would be to torture her with thoughts and opinions of things that she couldn't afford to think about.
She couldn't be…that.
She couldn't be.
She wouldn't be.
She walked into the kitchen, grabbing a piece of fruit and not even glancing at the stove where it sounded and smelled like her father was still cooking away.
"Good morning, Brittany."
The cheerleader froze at a voice she never thought she'd hear so soon, never mind in her own house. Swallowing the lump in her throat, Brittany slowly turned around and nervously lifted her gaze to meet that of her former best friend.
"Rachel," she breathed, seeing her actually cementing her presence. She hadn't imagined it "Wh…What…H-Hi."
Rachel just nodded a greeting and went back to the pans in front of her. Brittany just blinked in disbelief. Rachel was in her kitchen, cooking breakfast. What the hell had been in that vodka? Had she been magically transported to some alternate universe? Or maybe she was still asleep and dreaming. Yeah, that was definitely it. She was still dreaming because that was the only way that Rachel Berry, the girl she'd betrayed, would willingly be in the same room as her.
After five minutes of just staring, she felt a little weak and grabbed onto the kitchen island for support.
"Jem! Kyla! Breakfast!" Rachel yelled, causing Brittany to jump.
She heard the sound of pounding feet as the twins ran into the kitchen.
"Ah, Rachel, this looks awesome," Jem gushed, greedily eyeing the spread that Brittany hadn't even noticed on the kitchen table by the window.
"Yeah, how come you don't make us breakfast like this, Britt?" Kyla accused, sitting down next to her brother.
Brittany blinked, still trying to process what was happening in her kitchen. Besides the fact that she didn't want to wait hand on foot on her brat siblings, she was normally gone by the time they had breakfast.
"Practice!" she blurted.
"What?" Kyla asked, her brow creased in confusion.
"Practice. I have practice. Cheerios practice. I have to go."
She stood up and quickly headed towards the front door. Her hand was shaking as she tried to grab the handle and turn it.
"It's Tuesday," Rachel said from the hallway.
Brittany squeaked in surprise and fell back against the door as she turned around. "Christ," she whispered, holding her chest.
Rachel arched an eyebrow. "I find it ironic that you're trying to run away from me."
"I…practice," Brittany mumbled, dropping her eyes to her white Cheerios regulation shoes.
"It's Tuesday," Rachel repeated.
The blonde looked up again blankly. What the heck was that supposed to mean?
"There's no early practice on Tuesdays because the football team use the field. Remember?"
She didn't. Rachel always took care of that stuff. She'd never even paid attention.
"Oh," she said quietly, bringing her folder up to her chest like a shield. From what, she wasn't sure.
"I came over last night, but you were already sleeping."
The way she said it told Brittany that Rachel was very aware of how she fell asleep.
"Why?" she whispered.
"Because you and I need to have a very serious chat, Brittany."
A chat? Is that good or bad?
"I…well, maybe…"
"I'll meet you in the living room in five minutes," Rachel instructed, spinning on her heel and heading back into the kitchen.
Somehow, Brittany found her way into the living room and just as she'd sat down, Rachel entered, holding two cups of coffee. She put on down in front of Brittany and took a seat on the opposite sofa. Brittany couldn't bring herself to lift her gaze and actually look Rachel in the eye.
"Kyla told me that your parents are in Akron until tomorrow," Rachel said. "Since you were…incapacitated, I thought someone should take care of the twins."
Brittany just nodded, barely registering the jab at her.
She heard Rachel sigh. "What the hell are you doing, Brittany? Yeah, your parents are douchebags for leaving all the time, and it's not fair of them to expect you to practically raise your brother and sister, but it's not their fault. You're acting irresponsibly and, even though they can be irritating as shit, you're still the only big sister they have."
Two tears fell from Brittany's eyes. Rachel had given her the perfect opening, but she wasn't sure if she had the courage to go for it.
How did she tell her best friend that her family was even more fucked up that she thought? How did she tell her that her greatest fear was so close to coming true and that it could ruin her life?
Well, more than it already had. She woke up every morning with insurmountable guilt and fear, and it just grew with each day. She was relieved that her parents were never there – she was sure her mom would see the glaring truth like a slap in the face. She'd have nowhere to hide and no one to help her. She was all alone because of a stupid decision, because of a nothing girl.
"Brittany?"
"I'm not," she said suddenly.
Rachel frowned. "You're not what?"
"I'm not their only big sister."
Santana stretched and yawned as she woke up. She could immediately feel that she was naked underneath her covers and frowned until she remembered what had happened the previous night. She grinned and burrowed into her pillows, relishing in the faint scent of Rachel's perfume.
Somehow, things were great. Maybe not perfect, but she and Rachel were officially back on and both of them were willing to work on their relationship. Finally, everything was out in the open and they could embark on a one hundred percent honest relationship. Rachel was right; it was going to take a lot of work to get back to where they were in the beginning, if they could even get back to that point. Santana was no stranger to hard work, though, especially when it was about something she cared about so much.
She remembered why Rachel hadn't stayed the night and frowned to herself. Turning onto her side, she grabbed her phone and saw that Rachel had sent her a message after she'd fallen asleep.
Britt's passed out so I'm gonna stay here. There's no early Cheerios practice tomorrow so I'm gonna talk to her in the morning. I'll see you at school, beautiful. xxx
Santana smiled. It took a special kind of person to rise above everything that she and Brittany had put her through to try and understand what had happened. Or more importantly, why it had happened.
She bit her lip and rolled onto her back again. What if Rachel asked her that question? She would have to be honest and admit that she'd had an attraction to Brittany. Sure, Rachel knew about that, but she didn't know to what extent the attraction had gone.
You're using past tense like the attraction has gone.
Santana groaned to herself and shook her head. She wasn't naïve to think that she wasn't attracted to the infuriating head cheerleader, because she was. But she wasn't going to act on it. She refused to even think about acting on it. She'd made that mistake four times and it had only made things way more complicated. She was so done with complicated. Brittany was the queen of complicated. Rachel was simple. She knew where she stood with Rachel. Rachel was actually honest about her feelings, unlike Brittany.
"Wait, why the hell am I even comparing them? It's not like anything will ever happen between me and Brittany Pierce."
"Santana?"
She jumped in fright and sat up in alarm, holding the covers around her. "Mami?"
Carmen was leaning against the door frame, her arms folded across her chest. "Why are you talking about something happening between you and Brittany?"
Santana swallowed. "No, no, mami. That's not what I meant. Nothing is going to happen between the two of us."
"Are you trying to convince yourself of that?" Carmen asked curiously.
Santana frowned. "What? What does that even mean? God, you sound like Quinn now."
Her mother walked inside her bedroom and sat on the foot of the bed. "What did Quinn say?"
"She said that she doesn't think that Rachel and I belong together."
"Why does she think that?"
Santana lifted a shoulder in a shrug. "Not sure. I didn't exactly hang around for an explanation."
"I'm sure something like that would have hurt," Carmen sympathised.
"It did."
"You and Rachel are back on, though, right?"
Santana nodded. "Yeah, we're giving it a real go this time. Total honesty and working on our relationship together."
"I'm glad to hear that." Carmen smiled. "I can't say that I agree with Quinn because I see how you are with Rachel. She makes you happy and that is all a mother could ever want for her daughter."
"Mami," Santana cooed, "that's so sweet."
Carmen rolled her eyes. "I guess I deserved that when all I was trying to do was make you feel better."
"I wuv you too!" Santana sang.
Carmen just stood up. "You're making breakfast. Be downstairs in ten minutes."
"What?" she whined, falling back against her pillows. "Why me?"
"Cos you wuv me," Carmen quipped, walking out of her daughter's room.
Rachel blinked a few times, pretty sure that she'd heard wrong.
"I'm sorry?" she asked in confusion.
Brittany took a deep breath and repeated, "I'm not their only big sister."
"So…are you referring to the mentoring programme?"
The blonde shook her head. "I…I want to tell you everything, but I'm af-fraid of what you're going to think of me."
Rachel rolled her eyes, irritation flaring through her. "Brittany, if we're being honest, allow me to remind you that I don't have to be here. I chose to come here and here what you have to say. If you're going to play the scared card, I'm happy to leave right now."
"N-No. Please stay."
"Okay. The Brittany that I know doesn't give a shit about what people thought about her. So I guess I'm wondering how much of the real Brittany I actually know."
She watched the blonde drop her head again. It was so weird seeing Brittany so vulnerable. She didn't know if it was an act – after all, it took a special kind of manipulation to fool Rachel Berry and she'd successfully done so. Twice.
"I am who I am because of circumstance."
"What the hell does that even mean?" Rachel asked.
"You don't know about her because my entire family had erased her from our lives. It's like she never existed."
"Jesus," Rachel breathed. What the hell kind of family was Brittany part of. "You need to start from the beginning, please."
Brittany nodded. "Dani was the best big sister. She was funny, caring and nothing I asked for was too much for her to deal with. Two weeks after her fifteenth birthday, my parents caught her making out with a girl in the basement. I saw them kiss when the girl arrived and it didn't really register in my mind then that it was wrong. All I remember after that was a lot of yelling from all of them and then Dani came running upstairs. I was hiding in her room because I didn't know what was going on. When she saw me, she just hugged me and told me that she was sorry and that she had to go.
"I remember that I grabbed onto her and asked her when she was coming back. She pushed me off and didn't reply. I started crying and she was packing everything in her room so fast. It was like a blur. The next thing I knew was the front door slamming and it just went quiet. My parents came up to her room and pulled me out of it. They closed the door and locked it. They told me that Dani had left and wasn't coming back. They said that she had done something really bad and that she wasn't my sister anymore.
I kept asking them why she left and what had happened. When I told them about seeing her kiss the girl, they told me that it was wrong and that there was something wrong with her because normal girls didn't kiss other girls. They kept telling me the same thing every day, often more than once. I guess after a while, I started to believe it. I was only seven so I think I was easily impressionable. Two months later, we moved to Ohio. There was no trace of Dani existence in our house and no one spoke about her."
Rachel's mouth was hanging open in shock as Brittany's words sank in. It sounded almost unbelievable. "That's…fucked up," she eventually said. "So you have this sister that no one knows about because your parents disowned her for kissing a girl?"
Brittany lifted a shoulder in agreement.
"You're not bullshitting me, are you?"
She was greeted by a sharp glare from blue eyes that had grown darker. "Do you really think that I would make something like this up?"
"Honestly, Brittany? I don't know. I feel like I'm meeting you for the first time. Or part of you. I…I don't even know what you expected me to say. Why did you tell me this?"
"Because I want you to know why no one can ever know what happened."
"No one can ever know that you hooked up with my girlfriend behind my back?" Rachel asked incredulously. "Are you being serious right now?"
"No, wait. That's not what I meant."
"Please articulate," Rachel said sarcastically.
"If my parents ever found out, the same thing will happen to me. They'll kick me out."
"Not to sound like a bitch, but what does your parents' reaction have to do with you and Santana fucking around? From what you've just told me, kissing another girl is so very, very wrong. Yet you did. Twice. And you let her take the full blame for it. You acted like you had done nothing wrong, but that totally contradicts your story about what your parents did to your sister."
Brittany dropped her head into her hands. "I don't know how to explain it, okay? I fucked up. I don't know why I did it."
Rachel folded her arms and studied the blonde. She certainly appeared conflicted and distraught. Then again, Brittany was a pro at putting on appearances. "Are you gay?"
"No." She shook her head vehemently.
"Okay. Bi?"
She shook her head again.
"That makes zero sense. You do realise that, right? You had a messed up thing with a girl – my girl – and you're saying you're not gay or bi? So are you just a homewrecker?"
"Maybe I am. Maybe I'm looking for what you have," she said quietly.
"And what is that exactly, Brittany? A relationship? A girl? Or maybe just Santana?"
Brittany's head shot up. "No. No, I don't want Santana. I don't."
God, it's like she's bipolar. She doesn't know what she wants or who she even wants. I know that homosexuality can be scary, but I've never heard of something this extreme.
Rachel took a deep breath. "Okay, let's reflect. You have a sister who would be, what? Twenty-six now?"
Brittany nodded miserably.
"Okay, where is she?"
"I don't know," she replied quietly. "I honestly haven't really thought about her much until this whole thing with Santana started."
"What whole thing with Santana, Brittany? Do you have feelings for her? Are you in love with her?"
"NO!" she shouted suddenly. "I don't have any feelings for her or for anyone. I'm just trying to be honest."
"Well, the best way to do that would be to be honest with yourself. And I'm afraid I don't see that happening. You're so scared of what your parents may or may not do, that you've convinced yourself that anything you feel is wrong. And if I'm being honest, that's very sad, Brittany. I always thought that your whole uncaring, bitchy side was because you just enjoyed being unattached, but now it's becoming clearer that you're just absolutely terrified of it."
When she didn't get a response, Rachel nodded to herself, realising that she'd hit the nail on the head.
"Do you really think that your parents would kick you out if you told them? It's been nine years, Brittany. They could have changed their minds."
"If they had, they would have found her. Or at least tried to look."
"How do you know that they haven't?"
"Because I asked them. Three years ago, I asked them about her and they just looked at me and said, who?"
Jesus, that is so messed up.
"Let me ask you this," Rachel said slowly. "If you are so terrified of what your parents would do and whatever feelings you have, why did you even act on them?"
Brittany frowned to herself and the brunette just waited for a response. She was pretty confident that she knew the answer, but she wanted to see if Brittany would be able to actually admit it.
"Forbidden fruit," she eventually said.
Didn't expect that answer, Rachel thought with a frown.
"That's part of it," Brittany continued. "The other part I think was a subconscious way for me to maybe try and connect with Dani. Feel the way she felt."
"How did I never know anything about this?" Rachel wondered. "The way you're talking now, it's like you miss her a lot."
"I do."
"You sure as hell haven't acted like someone who lost a sister and misses her a lot."
"Because I couldn't."
This is so confusing.
"What is the most important thing to you, Brittany?"
She looked up and frowned in confusion. "What do you mean?"
"I mean, what is important to you. What is the thing you would do anything for? And don't say your family because I know that's not true."
"I…me?"
"You?"
"Yeah…I mean…I've been all about doing what I want and not worrying about anything or anyone else."
"Until…?" Rachel prodded.
"Until nothing," Brittany said sternly. "Don't try and coax me into admitting something that's not true."
Okay, wow. Definition of denial, meet Brittany Pierce.
Rachel wasn't sure what else she could say to the blonde to make her realise that she had to be honest with herself or else she'd probably go crazy. Well, more crazy than she already was. Whatever internal struggles she was going through, they were taking a toll and Rachel knew that she'd snap at some point. She could see the cracks starting to form.
Regardless of what Brittany had done, or the insane reasoning behind it, she did feel a little sorry for what Brittany had gone through. No one deserved losing a sister because of small-minded parents.
"Hang on," she said suddenly. "If your parents are so against girls liking girls, then why do they like me so much?"
"Because they don't know you like girls," Brittany mumbled.
Rachel's eyes widened with surprise, then narrowed in anger. "Are you shitting me? You're keeping me in the closet to your parents? Do you have any idea how insulting that is?"
"I'm sorry. I just…when I met you, I knew we were going to be friends. When you told me that you liked girls, I freaked out because I knew that my parents wouldn't let us be friends. So I didn't tell them."
Rachel couldn't help but feel a rush of affection for Brittany, but it was quickly squashed by the reminder of her lying about everything.
"So…what now?"
"What do you mean what now?"
Brittany shuffled her feet. "Do you hate me?"
Rachel sighed. "Brittany, I could never hate you. I will admit that I don't like what you did at all and you've got about a thousand black marks next to your name, but I don't hate you." She paused, biting her lip. "We were friends for five years. That means something to me. It's a big part of the reason why I came here to talk to you. I do have another question for you, though."
"O-Okay."
"Did you even consider that, by hooking up with Santana, you'd be hurting me?"
Brittany was quiet for a while, but Rachel wasn't as confident about what her answer would be. Would she lie again? Would she downplay it?
"I…" She took a deep breath. "I'm not sure what details you may have heard on Thursday, but something…happens when Santana and I are together. I know it sounds like crap, but it's like there's no one else, just us. I mean, it was like that. Not anymore. I don't…there's nothing there anymore."
Rachel leaned back on the couch and just looked at Brittany. The blonde may be in denial about her feelings for Santana, but Rachel sure as hell wasn't. It was clear as day that Brittany had legit feelings for her girlfriend. She understood why, sort of. Santana was amazing, a truly unique person. She was fiery and passionate and all kinds of sexy.
But most importantly, she was Rachel's.
And regardless of what had happened between her best friend and her girlfriend, there was no way she was settling for second place.
Brittany's head was pounding and it had nothing to do with her hangover. She'd welcome the most horrendous hangover instead of enduring Rachel's silence. She'd never been so honest about anything in her life.
Sure. You having no feelings for Santana is right out of the top honesty drawer.
She winced internally. It didn't matter if she still had lingering whatevers for Santana. She'd made the mistake of acting on them and look where that had got them. An emotional rollercoaster at Sectionals and a resulting blow up between her and the only person she really had.
She just hoped that Rachel bought her story. She was pretty sure that her lie was completely transparent, but the more she told herself that she didn't feel anything for Santana, she would eventually believe it. Her body would eventually stop tingling whenever the Latina was close. The dreams would stop and she could maybe have some semblance of a normal life.
Normal. Ha. That's a joke.
She frowned. Her parents had convinced her that Dani no longer existed. For a long time, she hadn't given her a second thought. If they could make her believe that she didn't have a sister, then surely she could train her mind by repetition that she didn't have any feelings for Santana.
It was a good plan.
It was her only plan.
"Brittany, look at me."
Nervously, she looked up and met Rachel's brown eyes. They were calculating taking in every movement. Brittany had to bring out the big guns if she was going to convince her that she was telling the truth.
"It's pointless denying that you didn't feel something for Santana at some point. Am I right?"
Brittany felt her entire body flare up with heat because, hello, it's what happened whenever she was reminded of her brief and very, very wrong time with Santana. She cleared her throat quietly and nodded. Rachel wasn't stupid.
"Do you have any lingering feelings for her?"
Brittany kept her gaze firm and shook her head. Internally, her heart was aching with the lie, but she couldn't falter. It was for the best. For everyone involved. Rachel and Santana were good together.
They don't hold a candle to what you had with her. You had an inferno.
Her years of pulling off a mask was definitely being put into practice. Her face gave no clue to the turmoil brewing beneath the surface.
Rachel stared at her for a long while and she held firm.
"Okay," she eventually said quietly. "I believe you. You and I are about to have a very frank conversation now."
"Haven't we been frank this whole time?" Brittany asked tiredly. "Sorry," she muttered at Rachel's glare.
"You can't pretend that you're straight, Brittany, because you're not. If it was a fleeting thing, I could have maybe understood. But because you acted on an attraction to my girlfriend, that tells me that you wanted it to happen more than you cared about how it would affect me."
"No, I-"
"I'm not done," Rachel cut in sharply, holding her hand up. "That's the first thing. The second thing is that you need to try and find Dani. It's very clear that you need her right now."
Brittany's stoic façade dropped. If Rachel was telling her that she needed her non-existent sister, it meant one thing. Their friendship was over. Rachel wasn't going to be that person for her.
"Okay," she whispered, looking down to hide the hurt tears that were trying hard to escape. She was determined not to break down in front of her ex-best friend.
"That doesn't mean that I'm not going to be there if you need me, though," Rachel added. "Let's not kid ourselves and pretend like things are going to go back to the way they were because that will never happen, not after you betrayed me in the worst way possible."
Like she needed to be reminded.
Rachel huffed. "God, being angry is so fucking exhausting. I seriously don't know how you stay pissed and uncaring all the time."
"Years of practice," she mumbled.
"Look, while I did not expect this kind of…revelation from you, I do still need time, okay? Brittany, you need to be honest with yourself. Really honest."
Not gonna happen. "I'll try," she said instead.
Rachel gave her a look that said I'll believe that when I see it.
Brittany would take whatever she could get at that point. She had spent the last few days in a drunken haze, convinced that she's lost her best friend forever. Rachel was giving her a window of opportunity and she wasn't going to waste it. Her friendship was her number one priority.
"Rachel, before you go," Brittany said quickly, when the brunette stood up. She stood up as well, wiping her sweaty hands on her skirt. "You asked me earlier what the most important thing is to me. Right now, the most important thing, the most important person, is you. I took our friendship for granted and I truly regret that. I know that I betrayed you and I am so sorry that I hurt you. I realise that it may be too little too late. I made the wrong decisions in a sensitive situation and I do accept responsibility for that. I'm going to show you that I am sorry. I…I want to be worthy of your friendship again."
Rachel watched her for a while and it took a lot of Brittany's strength to hold her gaze without crumbling. She'd never been so exposed in her life before.
"It truly hurts me to say this to you, Brittany, but I don't think I can take your word right now. If you want to prove me that you're really sorry and that you regret what you did, the best way would be with how you act."
"I understand," Brittany said in a choked voice. She shouldn't have been surprised, really.
"Okay. I'll, uh, see you around? At school and in glee club? I noticed you haven't been there for a few days."
"Um, yeah, I guess I didn't really feel comfortable being there considering how things were."
"Well, New Directions is better with you there so think about it. And don't do it for Coach Em, Britt. Do it for yourself."
Brittany opened her mouth to reply, but found that she had nothing to say.
"See you," Rachel said quietly, walking out of the living room.
The front door opened and closed. As it closed, Brittany flopped down onto the couch and shut her eyes, the unshed tears that had been simmering finally letting loose.
She'd been pretending to be a different person for three years. Well, not completely different. Just more…cold. Rachel expected her to warm up. If she did that, it would be like things were before Sectionals, where she had acknowledged her feelings and was pining hopelessly after Santana.
She could be warm. She was determined to show Rachel that she could do it. She would just have to stay as far away from Santana as possible. At least until her feelings were gone.
Santana bopped her head in time to the music from her iPod as she shuffled the books around in her locker for her lessons after lunch. She was playing around with potential numbers for Regionals. Ms. S often gave her the task of finding some interesting songs for them to sing. With Rachel ignoring her, she'd taken the weekend to do some research.
A tap on the shoulder made her jump slightly and she quickly balanced the pile of books in her arms and turned around.
"Quinn," she said in surprise. They hadn't spoken since their run in at the Lima Bean the previous day and she wasn't exactly sure how to act around her, knowing that she didn't really approve of her relationship. It was unnerving for the Latina, who knew Quinn better than anyone.
With one hand, she pulled out her earphones and cleared her throat. "Um, morning."
"Morning, San," Quinn said. The way she was shuffling her feet told Santana that she was nervous. "Did you, um, have a good night?"
Santana just nodded. "You?"
"Yeah, I did. Thanks." Quinn took a breath. "I, uh, crap. I'm sorry. I don't know why I said what I did yesterday."
Santana didn't buy it. "Nice try, Quinnie. You forget that I know you. You don't make statements like that unless you believe them. You're not vindictive, unlike another blonde we know."
Quinn flushed. "I…Could we, I dunno, talk about it?"
"Yeah, we can do that. Lunch?"
"Sure," Quinn replied, brightening up. "Thank you."
"Hmmm," Santana hummed. "See you later."
Quinn walked off quickly and Santana watched her go, hating how awkward it was speaking to her best friend. It wasn't supposed to be difficult with them. It was meant to be easy, uncomplicated. Of all the relationships in her life, her friendship with Quinn had always been effortless. They'd been a good match from the beginning. Quinn was level-headed and driven, while Santana was passionate, fiery and spontaneous. They balanced each other out. Santana hated feeling off balance.
"Hey, you."
She turned around at the sound of Rachel's voice behind her and grinned.
"My day just got infinitely better," she said with a wink.
"Did it start off badly?" Rachel asked with concern.
"You mean me waking up to an empty bed?" Santana teased. "Nah, it's just best friend drama." She closed her locker and got a sturdy grip on her books. "Speaking of, am I allowed to know how Brittany-gate went?"
Rachel rolled her eyes and smiled. "You're cute. Come on, I'll walk you to homeroom."
"That doesn't answer my question, Rach," Santana stated, following her girlfriend.
"I know. Um, I'm kinda still processing everything. It wasn't what I expected."
That made Santana frown. Had Brittany somehow talked her way out of accountability for her role in their infidelity? She wouldn't put it past the blonde, but Santana remembered how she'd looked on Thursday after finding out Rachel had heard them. She was shaken. And she hadn't been at Glee since. Well, that wasn't really surprising. Brittany appeared to come and go as she pleased.
Still, Rachel had given her the benefit of the doubt and they were on the right track to repairing their relationship. She'd just be a hypocrite if she expected Rachel to cut her best friend off completely.
"Santana?"
She was brought out of her thoughts by her girlfriend once more.
"Sorry, what?" she asked.
Rachel indicated the room in front of them. "We're here."
"Oh, thanks," Santana said, walking inside.
"Hey." Rachel held her arm gently. "Are you mad at me?"
"No," she replied with a sigh. "I guess I hate not knowing what went down. I know she hurt you, just like I did, and it's not fair of me to expect you to never speak to her again. I mean, that's not who you are. I guess I'm a little worried because we decided that we were gonna be honest and…" she trailed off and dropped her head with frustration at her inarticulation.
Rachel took Santana's books from her arms and put them on the closest table. She grabbed both her hands and coaxed her to look at her.
"Santana, I'm not lying to you. Yes, we're being completely honest with each other, but there are a few things that Brittany told me that I know will hurt her and her family if I tell anyone."
Her family? What the fuck?
"We have an understanding and I'd just like to see if her actions speak louder than her words. Let's face it, she's straight-faced lied to me so I'm hesitant to believe anything that comes out of her mouth. I told her as much."
"You…did?"
Rachel nodded and stepped closer so that their fronts were touching. "Just let me test the waters with her, okay? I promise that I'm not going to lie to you about anything that happened this morning."
Santana nodded. "Okay. You can't tell me right now; I understand. I hope, for her sake, that she's being genuine. Anyone who throws away a relationship with you is totally stupid."
"You mean like you did?" Rachel teased.
Santana rolled her eyes. "Totally apologised for that like, a gazillion times."
"Totally," Rachel murmured, standing on her toes to press her lips against Santana's.
"Took you long enough to give me my damn morning kiss," the Latina mumbled, wrapping her arms around Rachel's waist.
Rachel chuckled into her neck. "You mean the kisses I gave you last night weren't enough?"
Santana grinned and nibbled on her girlfriend's earlobe. "I can never have enough kisses from you," she husked into her ear.
Rachel's response was to kiss her furiously. The sound of someone falling against the door broke them apart. Santana frowned.
"Lost?" she snipped.
Rachel pinched the inside of her arm and she flinched in surprise.
"I, um, this is Mr. Finch's classroom, right?"
"Yes," Santana said, still frowning.
"I have homeroom here."
"You do? I've never seen you here."
"Be nice," Rachel hissed.
Santana blinked. Seriously? Rachel was asking her to be nice to Brittany? Just what the fuck had happened that morning?
"I know. I normally just hang around the locker room after morning practice and skip homeroom," Brittany said, holding her folder close to her chest.
It was so weird seeing her all…meek.
"Right. Whatever," Santana muttered, pulling out of Rachel's embrace and grabbing her books. She headed to her seat and put an earphone back in, starting her playlist from the beginning. Rachel stood next to her and leaned against the desk. "What?" Santana grumbled.
"Don't be a petulant child, Santana," Rachel said in a low voice.
She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "I'm sorry, okay? Her mood swings are giving me fucking whiplash. I never know which Brittany I'm going to get."
"If it's so difficult for you to interact with her, maybe just don't talk to her," Rachel suggested.
Santana looked up at her girlfriend. "Are you giving me permission to ignore her?"
"Well, not ignore her per se. More like you're giving each other space. Considering your history, I think it's a great idea."
The Latina bit her lip. "You're right. I'm sorry," she apologised. "Forgive me?"
Rachel nodded and leaned down, giving her a soft kiss. "I'll see you at lunch?" she asked once they'd broken apart.
"Actually, I have a thing with Quinn. It's kind of important."
"No worries, babe. Come and find me when you're done."
Santana nodded and kissed one last time before her girlfriend walked out of the room, barely giving Brittany a glance. The blonde had taken a seat on the opposite side of the classroom to Santana, right at the back. Brittany was staring at her folder, pencil in hand. She looked frustrated.
Santana shook her head and looked away. She put her earphones back in and focused on the music, not on the mercurial blonde a few feet from her. It was the dawn of a new era, one where Brittany Pierce didn't even register.
A/N: It may sound like the end, but it's not. Few more chapters to go in this installment :) Don't hate me for the inclusion of Dani. I'd planned this arc way before her character was even a blimp on the Glee radar. She just kind of fit the bill, though.
There is a lot that is still unresolved and never fear – Britt is being genuine. For once ;)
Hope everyone has an awesome and safe New Year's :)
-H
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