ATTENTION: THE AUTHOR IS POSTING THE LAST CHAPTER ON MAY 5. TO THANK ALL THOSE WHO HAVE READ HER STORY, SHE IS ALLOWING THE ENTIRE STORY TO BE PUBLISHED UNTIL MAY 22.
THIS BOOK OR ANY PORTION THEREOF MAY NOT BE REPRODUCED IN ANY FORM WITHOUT PERMISSION. THE SCANNING, UPLOADING, AND DISTRIBUTION OF THIS BOOK VIA THE INTERNET OR VIA ANY OTHER MEANS WITHOUT THE PERMISSION OF THE PUBLISHER IS ILLEGAL AND PUNISHABLE BY LAW.
THE LIGHT IN THE CORNER OF THE room illuminated Regina's face when Robin stepped into the bedroom. She was in the same position when he'd walked out of the room a few hours before. Her eyes were drawn to a close, her lips pursed but relaxed. The scar above more prominent in sleep, the mole at the corner of her mouth more appealing.
Her hand was tucked under her chin, her legs wrapped in the blankets, one leg out revealing the edge of her suspender clips. He smiled to himself at the sweetness mixed in with the sexy. Crouching down, he brushed his knuckles along her cheek, "Regina."
She shifted and her eyes fluttered open after the third attempt. "Hi." Her lips curved into a smile, "What time is it?"
"It's nearly midnight, it's nearly time for the fireworks." His lips curves when she pouted. "I know, I didn't want to wake you."
"No, I'm glad you did. Give me a few minutes and I'll be right out." Sitting up, she straightened her wrinkled dress. "I should change."
He kissed her lips softly, "Wear a jacket, it's freezing. I'll see you out there."
Outside, he stood by his mother and August. Everyone who stayed, and there were a lot of them, gathered in small groups in the backyard. He went to the door when Regina emerged wearing Jeans and her bold blue winter jacket. "Ready?"
Under the overhang of the porch, they sat on a swing huddled close. When the fireworks began to fill the sky, he whispered, "Merry Christmas." At the height of the firework show, he kissed her. A perfect end to the holiday, he mused.
REGINA CHECKED HER MAKEUP IN the mirror again, wondered if she was wearing the right outfit, dreaded the day she was about to have. Zee had informed her they'd be meeting at a restaurant for lunch. Neutral territory, she thought. Thankful for the gesture, she knew if she got overwhelmed or upset, she'd have an out. That was a big plus.
Her nerves frazzled her ability to think clearly, she felt the heaviness in her stomach. Robin was annoyingly trying to soothe her, but every reassuring murmur only grated on her nerves. So much that when he walked in the room to check on her again, she nearly growled.
He sat on the bed and leaned back, "You look great. Stop fussing."
Clenching her jaw, she secured her hair behind her ears, swiped on lipstick, and gathered her makeup into a bag. In the bathroom, she stared at herself in the mirror. Willing herself to feel confident. As she slid on her heels, she cringed when her phone signaled.
Robin picked it up, glanced at it, "Zelena." He offered it.
Her message was short containing the address to the restaurant, and a message to tell her to relax. Why were they all telling her to relax? She could damn well control her emotions and she didn't need anyone holding her hand. She could feel the heat rising in her cheeks.
"Hey," Robin said softly.
"What?" She didn't mean to snap at him. The pained look that flashed in his eyes only made her feel guilty. "I'm sorry."
With the damage done, he stood with his hands up in surrender, "I'll leave you alone." Before she could protest or stop him, he was out the door with the snap of the door.
Sighing heavily, she slumped to the edge of the bed. "I'm a mess," she said to the empty room.
Twenty minutes later, she walked out of the room to find Robin in the kitchen. The house was empty, Amelia was at the hospital. No music played, he sat with a mug on the counter. The coffee was half gone, still steaming. He glanced up over his paper but held his silence.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to snap at you. I'm just…I'm not sure how this…I just need you to…I'm sorry."
"You need me to what?" He kept his eyes on the newspaper in his hand.
"I appreciate the support but you're hovering. You know how I feel about that."
"I get it. I'll stop." His voice was so monotone and flat affected that she sighed.
"Robin…"
He put the paper aside, stood, and gulped down the rest of the coffee. "I'll grab my keys and give you a ride. Give me five minutes." He walked out of the room and she was left in silence. Again.
The car ride to the restaurant was silent, she was nervous enough without having to argue with him. Plus, there wasn't anything to argue about. She was only fueling off her mood and he was trying to give her what she wanted.
When he pulled up outside of the restaurant, he said, "I'm a phone call away if you…Good luck." His fingers drummed on the wheel as he waited for her to get out.
Turning to him, she said, "I don't know if I can do this." Tears clogged her throat, but she swallowed them.
His hand covered hers busy twisting the strap of her purse. "You know you don't have to."
"Yes, I do. If I don't, I'll never put this away. I feel sick and I don't want to add fighting with you on top of it." Their eyes met.
"We're not fighting," he pointed out. "You need some space. I'm giving it to you." To prove it, he linked their fingers together and kissed her hand. "Go."
"Okay." She turned and kissed his cheek. "I'm sorry."
"Don't be. Go. Call me if you need me." He took her face in his hands, kissed her lightly, and to her surprise deepened it for a moment and loosening a few of the knots in her stomach. Releasing her, he nudged her, "Go. You can do this."
Feeling a little better, she waved at him on the sidewalk as he drove down the corner. Squaring her shoulders, she walked into the restaurant. The smell alone had her stomach growling, but the sights weren't as appealing.
Just inside the door was a small lobby that held a long bench. Aside from it two barrels filled with wine and what appeared to be flavored butter. A small podium filled the center, not so much a hostess booth. A young man with dark hair and glasses greeted her. "I'm meeting someone," she said. "Zelena Mills."
"Yes, of course, follow me." They veered to the right down an aisle between a set of booths, tables, and past the kitchen. The bathrooms were tucked in the corner, she noted. In case she needed some time, she'd remember where they were. As they turned in an L, she spotted Zelena and the back of what she guessed was her mother.
Putting a hand on the host's arms, she thanked him and walked the rest of the way alone. Zelena stood to embrace her. "Regina, you look great."
"Hey, Zee." When she turned, she came face to face with what was now her mother.
This woman was a stranger to her, her eyes were dark and stared at her. Her cheeks hollow, her lips permanently pursed, her hands fidgeted and tore at a napkin on the table. "Regina, it's so good to see you. You're beautiful."
"Thank you." Was that the proper response to that? She always hated feeling inadequate and unsure when you had to respond to such a statement. Zelena ushered her into the seat next to her and across from their mother. Was it strategy? She wasn't sure. All she knew was that she sat in a chair and there was plenty of room to get up and leave if she needed to make an escape.
"Zelena tells me you landed a major client, congratulations."
"Our firm did," she clarified. "But, thanks."
Zelena had ordered her a water and bread for the table that sat untouched. "So, mom was telling me she has an interview next month. Mom, why don't you tell her about it?"
"Oh, okay." Her fingers never ceased to stop moving, the napkin was in pieces, but she moved on to wringing the cloth one in her hands. This unsure and unconfident woman was a stranger. A far cry from the woman she remembered. It was unnerving to sit there and judge her as if she were the same.
"I have a friend who owns a line of salons, so I'm going to try out doing nails, giving pedicures, and cutting hair. I know it's a low position," she stammered on. "I'm so used to higher pay, but I need something less stressful. I'd only work six hours a day and that suits me."
Regina wanted to sneer, to make fun, but she only said, "It's important to start small and work your way up. I wish you luck."
A waiter came to take their order, she couldn't stomach much but ordered anyway. The conversation veered in different directions. They discussed Zelena's work, her work, her mother's recovery. It seemed tedious and long and she wanted to leave. This wasn't the woman she knew.
This wasn't the closure or the conversation they needed to have. Did she expect anything less? She pondered over that as Zee and her mother talked about childhood memories. She picked at her food and managed to take a few bites. Here and there, she'd add to the conversation for clarification. For pieces missing.
When dessert was served, her mother was midway through a memory of her that was untrue, and she couldn't take it anymore. Interrupting, she said, "That never happened."
The table grew silent, Zee shot her a look, but she stood her ground. "If you remember, and it's clear that you don't, I wasn't at that party." The party she spoke of was a senator campaign party where she was telling a fabricated story of Regina making a mess of the snack table. "You and daddy went to that one alone."
"Are you sure, I could've sworn it was that party." Her mother looked so helpless and fearful, she wanted to shake her and tell her to get a grip.
"The incident you're talking about was the last thanksgiving you spent at home. We set up a table for the kids and teenagers to eat at. I didn't spill the pitcher, but Nicole did. Her white-glove got caught under the pitcher and it toppled over. The table was soaked and the food along with it."
"Oh, I don't remember clearly."
"I do because that's the last party I'd ever been at for you. I didn't go to the Christmas party, or the campaign parties after the first, you had a spring party too. I wouldn't go because you always seemed to blame me for something. So, I didn't go." She threw her fork down.
"I didn't blame you…"
Eyes firing, she erupted, "Yes you did. Zelena was perfect and always was. She could do no wrong and being older and more mature was in your wheelhouse. She looked the part, dressed the part, said what you wanted, did what you wanted. I didn't. So, you took it out on me. Well, mother, you got rid of me. You got a different life away from me. So, what the hell do you want with me now?"
"Regina." Zelena placated and gave her a look to try and make her feel scolded.
"No, I'm sorry. I can't sit here and pretend that we've been having a holiday lunch for the past sixteen years. I'm not going to pretend to care about your salon job and the changes you've made in your life. I wasn't there, and I'll be damned if you drag me into them. And you," she whirled around to her sister, "Since when did you forgive what she did to you?"
Zelena put down her fork, "Regina, we've talked about it and she's apologized to me. We've been trying to make amends. It's her turn to do that with you."
"I don't want it. I didn't ask for it," she felt the anger boiling under her skin. The panic and the tears were under it. "Do you know what it's like to be fourteen and having our mother walk out on you?" Cora looked sick and sad, but she just kept going needing to get this off her chest. Thankful the tables near them were empty, she didn't care if her voice carried.
"I needed you, dammit. I was young and you neglected me. Zelena was already grown up and ready to face the world. You didn't give me that chance. Daddy did the best he could, but I needed my mother."
Cora choked out a sob, "I'm so sorry."
"Sorry? You didn't give a damn about me when you were there. You cared more about your appearances, your parties, your friends, and how I made you look bad. Well, I'm all grown up, mother. I don't need you anymore."
"Regina, stop," Zee begged.
"No. I'm sorry, I can't sit here and look at you. You're a stranger to me. Why did you wait so long? It's been sixteen years. That's a lifetime. You weren't there. Why are you here now? Because it'll get you a chip?"
The red of Zee's cheeks deepened telling Regina that it was partly the truth. Cora stammered, "Well, it's part of the program, yes, but I wanted to see you. I haven't been right and I'm trying to fix it. I want to try and fix it." Tears welled in her eyes, "I've always loved you, Regina. Despite what you think, I love you."
The pressure in her chest was bubbling over, "You never showed it. You never made me feel like you did. You wanted me gone and at the first opportunity, you took an out. Well, I'm taking my out. I'm done with this. I can't do it. I'm sorry. Congratulations on your program, I hope I filled my requirement."
Standing, she tossed her napkin, pulled out a few bills, "Lunch is on me." Staring into her sister's eyes, she saw the embarrassment, the shame, but she also saw understanding. When she turned to Cora, she said, "Goodbye, Cora."
Walking to the front of the restaurant she pulled out her phone to call Robin. Before she could dial, Zelena came after her. "Regina, wait."
Whirling around in the lobby, she fumed, "How could you do that to me? Pretend like we're old friends and out to lunch. Like all of this is normal. It's not, Zee. I'm not going to put up with it. How could you not tell me this was part of her program? That I was just a tick in a box?"
"Because you're not. Stop acting like that. You know she loves you. Deep down you love her too or this wouldn't anger you this much."
The truth stuck in her throat, "She's my mother but she's a stranger to me. How do I ignore what she's done to us? How can you? She's stolen, lied, fled, and come back when it suits her. How can you forgive that?"
"She's my mom." It was that simple for Zelena.
"Yes, she is. But she's not mine. She never was my mother, Zee. She was a woman obligated to care for a child with her money, with her lectures, and with her spankings. But, I was never the choice. You were."
"Regina, that's…"
"The truth. I've lived with it for my entire life and I'll continue to live it. I won't live it pretending. I'm sorry I ruined your lunch. I need to get back to the hospital."
"I'm sorry," she said with tears rolling down her cheeks. "I wanted to be able to fix this and to try to be a family."
"I love you for that, Zee. I do. I just can't waste my life in this circle anymore. I have to let her go and I'm standing up for myself this time. No more."
"Okay." They exchanged a long hug before Regina walked out of the restaurant and into the snow.
GOING ON EIGHT O'CLOCK AT NIGHT Robin was out of his mind with worry. He'd called Regina's phone countless times, texted her, and even went to the restaurant to check on her. He was disappointed to hear that she'd left just over an hour after he'd dropped her off.
He'd check the shops, the park she liked to walk in, and the hospital thinking that by some chance she'd have gone to see his father. All places he'd been frantically looking and unable to find her. He tried her phone one more time and it went straight to voicemail. He'd probably drained the battery with his calls.
He didn't have the number for Zelena, and it wouldn't be proper to call someone you don't know. Pulling into the driveway of his mother's house, he went inside to see his mother sitting in the living room with the television on. "Did you find her?"
"No, she didn't come back here?"
"I just got here," she said. "I checked the house but she's not here. Sit down, Robby."
"I don't want to sit down, she's in a city she doesn't know, and she was upset this morning. We didn't part on the best terms this morning." He swiped his hands in his hair and paced the room.
"She was worried about this lunch and no matter how much you try and soothe her; she has to deal with it on her own. They could be together at her sister's house. Maybe it went well and she's spending the day with them."
The thought crossed his mind, but he wasn't so sure. The look on her face when she waved at him on the sidewalk told him that she was bubbling and that she was easy to blow. He hadn't known her long, but that he was sure of. He could read her so easily. It happened quickly.
Maybe it was all the time he spent with her in the office, the way he'd talk to her. It was so easy to gauge her moods, but she'd never snapped at him like that. He'd seen her do it to countless people. In court, in the office, in her life. But from the time they became what they are, she'd never so much as raised her voice to him.
It had to be coming, he knew. There wasn't a perfect relationship and they had their problems. Those problems usually were outside of them. Between them they were solid. As he paced the room, he heard a car pull up into the driveway.
"Oh, thank God."
Regina climbed out of the back of a cab, leaned in to pay, and turned to him when he opened the front door. His first instinct was to demand where she'd been, to yell and to scold. He held back when he saw the look on her face. The streaks on her cheeks from the tears fallen. He simply walked to her and put his arms around her.
She buried her face in his chest, "I'm sorry for worrying you."
"You scared me," he admitted. "Come inside, it's cold out here." He led her inside, bypassed his mother when she motioned him forward. She walked her into the bedroom and closed the door. "Where were you?" He tried to keep the anger out of his voice, but some trickled through.
Regina slumped down on the bed, toes off her shoes, and laid her head on the pillow. "I pulled my phone out to call you after I walked out of the restaurant but when I got outside, I just needed to walk." Pausing, she sat up and withdrew her coat. Took the earrings out of her ears and set them beside her.
"I went to the park, walked around a while, and stopped by to see your dad. He was asleep so I went to the café down the street. I sat there for a bit and lost track of time." She looked up at him standing there watching her. "You're mad."
"I'm more than mad," he said. "I was out of my mind trying to find you. I went everywhere I could think of. I called you, I texted, I thought something might've happened to you. Regina, we're in London, you don't know your way around. Anything could happen."
"I'm sorry," she said sounding tired. Her voice wen thick and tears started to fall again. "I just…I needed some time alone. Lunch didn't go well."
"I figured when the host told me you'd left an hour into it." When she looked up with guilt in her eyes, he nodded. "I went looking for you. I went to the restaurant, the park, the hospital. I went all over town trying to remember all the places you liked. I was out of my mind, Regina. Why didn't you answer your damn phone? You could've said you needed space."
Wiping the tears from her face, she wrapped her arms around her updrawn knees. "I wasn't thinking clearly, and I didn't want to dump it on you. I was angry and upset. I didn't want you to see me like that."
"What? Vulnerable? Too late. I've seen you in every way I think I can. So, poor excuse."
Her head slumped down to rest on her knees, "I don't want to fight." She looked utterly defeated and he had to control his temper. He knew under it; it was fear that gripped him.
He sat next to her, reached out and lifted her chin with his fingers. "I love you, Regina. You're supposed to come to me. I'm here and you can dump whatever you want on me. I hope if I have to dump on you, you'll be there for me. You're so used to dealing with things on your own, not having anyone."
"Yea."
"You're not alone anymore. You have me."
Nodding, she reached out and wrapped her arms around his neck, buried her face in his shoulder and wept. He soothed her with soft strokes down her back. When he laid her down, she laid her head on his chest. He simply laid there until she was weak and fell into an exhausted sleep.