A/N: Hope you enjoy this chapter, please read and review!
Chapter 6: Grief and Discovery
It had been two hours since the notification officers had interrupted Zoey's graduation party to inform the Bartlet family of Ellie's death. The party guests, after expressing murmured sympathies, quickly and quietly hurried away. Only the Bartlets, CJ, Donna, Josh, Toby, Charlie, and Carol, as well as their close friend Leo McGarry remained. Charlie sat with Zoey in her bedroom, trying to comfort her, while Donna sat on the porch, numb in shock over the death of a young woman who had been like an older sister to her. CJ and Carol had quickly got to work cleaning up the barn-it didn't seem right leaving all the party stuff just lying around when such a tragedy had just occurred.
General Leo McGarry, serving as the go-between for the family and the casualty notification office, helped make arrangements for Ellie's body to be flown back to Dover Air Force Base. He came over to Josh, the son of his close comrade in the Army, and sat down. Josh had been sitting with Toby outside the house: as the only people remaining who didn't intimately know the Bartlets, they hadn't felt comfortable staying in the house.
"Tough day, huh?" General McGarry asked Josh quietly.
Josh nodded. "I probably should be doing something, but...I barely know the family. I only came as a favor to CJ and the other guys. I'd never even met Officer Bartlet before today."
Toby nodded in agreement. "It's always hard when someone is lost, Josh. Especially someone this young."
General McGarry nodded. "I used to be a casualty notification officer before I got promoted to the Army office in DC. I don't envy the guys that have to do this." He sighed. "I've known Jed Bartlet for over 30 years, and I don't think I've ever seen him torn up."
"How do you know the Bartlets, sir?"
"I met Jed when he was an officer going into Vietnam. I was already a Colonel, but I kept an eye out for him. We were only a couple years apart, but we both had wives, young families at home. We grew close, kept in touch after we went back. And we've been friends ever since." He sighed. "You get close when you go to war with somebody. You've seen the worst parts of humanity, and the other guys are the only ones in the world who know exactly what it feels like. I just wish he had never had to experience this part."
Toby glanced at his watch. "Maybe we should go back to the hotel. Stay out of their way. I'll go tell CJ we're taking the car." He stood up and began walking to the barn.
General McGarry sat down next to Josh. "How are you doing with all this, kid?" He was one of the few people in the world who knew about Josh's PTSD, and how it was exacerbated by reminders such as a fellow soldier's death.
"Well, like I said, I didn't know Ellie Bartlet. But still...it's hard when any fellow soldier dies."
"You can say that again." General McGarry reached out and patted his knee. "You staying in a room with anyone?"
"Yeah, Toby-I mean, Colonel Ziegler. We're sharing a room at the Motel 6."
"Good, then you won't be alone. Won't do anything stupid." Josh glared at McGarry. He really was a second father to him.
"Thanks for stopping to talk, General." Josh told him.
"Don't mention it. I promised your father I'd look out for you, so here I am." He stood up. "Better get back to the family." He crossed the yard into the house, stopping to pat Donna's shoulder as she sat hunched on the stoop, crying. Josh had a hunch he should go over there and comfort her, but he resisted it. After all, who knew what they would do in their grief?
Luckily, Toby picked that moment to walk over. "CJ says we can take the Volkswagen. Carol's gonna come back with us, since she says there's really nothing else she can do here. I think she's gonna ask Donna if she wants to come back with us or take a cab later."
Sure enough, Josh watched Carol cross the porch to Donna and sit down.
Carol had never seen her friend this torn up. Maybe it was because they had started the day on such an emotional high-Zoey's graduation-and ended it on such an astronomical low. She had been pretty close to the Bartlets too while she was at West Point-but not the way Donna had been.
She lowered herself next to Donna on the stoop. "Hey."
Donna looked up, her eyes red from crying, and acknowledged her.
"She was 27, Carol."
"I know."
"Three years older than I am."
"I know that, too." Carol reached over for Donna's hand. "I'm sorry. I know you guys were close."
Donna nodded. "She was the closest thing to a big sister I ever had."
Suddenly Carol understood. Being an only child, far away from her parents, Donna had really connected to the Bartlets and inserted herself into the family. And she knew, just based on watching Donna with Officer and Mrs. Bartlet, that they looked on her as a fourth daughter. Herself, too, to some extent, but Donna was different. Donna was really close to them.
Carol looked at Donna and squeezed her hand comfortingly. Then she remembered why she had come over in the first place. "Donna, Toby and Josh are gonna take the Volkswagen back to the motel. I'm gonna go with them. You wanna come too?"
Donna nodded. "May as well. I figure they probably want some alone time." She looked inside. "Let me just say goodbye first." She stood up and walked inside.
Donna walked quietly into the kitchen, where Liz was trying to put food away, while tears were running down her cheeks.
"Where-where is everybody?" Donna asked quietly.
Liz desperately tried to dry her tears. "Um...Mom's laying down, Zoey's in her room, and Dad's in his study with CJ and Leo, talking about the funeral."
"It'll be a full military funeral?"
Liz nodded. "Honor guard, 'Taps', three-volley salute, the works. We're also arranging for a Catholic funeral mass on Monday."
"That makes sense." Donna told her. "Listen, I think I'm gonna head back to the motel with Josh, Toby, and Carol, if that's all right."
Liz smiled sadly. "Yeah, that's fine. Thanks for staying this long, and helping to clean up and all that."
"You're welcome." Donna replied. "And anything you need this weekend, you just let me know."
"Absolutely." Liz wheeled over to her and reached up to hug the younger woman. "How are you holding up?"
"It's hard." Donna admitted. "Ellie was like family to me."
"And you're like family to us." Liz reassured her. Suddenly, there was a blast of noise from outside.
"What in God's name was that?" Donna yelped. The noise sounded again, and Donna realized it was a car horn.
"I guess that's my cue." Donna shrugged apologetically. "See you Monday. And give your mom my love."
"See you Monday, Donna." Liz called after her as she sprinted to the door and jumped into the car next to Carol.
The guys were in the front. "What took so long?" Toby groused.
"I was making sure they didn't need anything." Donna said defensively.
"Guys, lay off." Carol said. "She's had a tough night as is."
The car ride back to the motel was silent. Everyone was lost in thought. As they got out and started to head back to their rooms (adjoining), Josh caught up to Donna.
"Are you OK?" Josh asked her carefully.
"I will be." Donna replied defeatedly. "I just...I can't believe she's gone."
"I know." Josh said simply. There was a lingering moment where Donna saw something in Josh. Concern, upset, longing. Suddenly, Donna broke free of her trance.
"I guess I'll see you tomorrow." Donna said. "Good night."
"Good night." Josh said falteringly as she disappeared into her motel room. He wondered if they would finally see the light of their longing for one another. After this weekend was over, of course.
…
The next day passed in a blur. Donna spent the day at the Bartlets, helping things run smoothly and getting whatever they needed. Mrs. Bartlet never made her feel as if she wasn't glad to have the help. Charlie practically lived there as well, supporting his now-fiancee Zoey. CJ, Josh, Toby, and Carol did what they could, but mostly tried to stay at the motel, reading training manuals and mostly staying out of the way.
Then, it was Monday. Donna woke up, and dressed in her dress uniform for the second time in a week. This time, it would be for a military funeral. The funeral of a woman she had come to know and love as a sister.
Meanwhile, at the Bartlet house, everyone was kind of moving around in a stupor. Officer Bartlet was struggling with his dress uniform until Charlie offered to help him.
"I could figure out the confounded thing before." he grumbled.
"Sir, you've never had to wear it for something like this before." Charlie reminded him. In honesty, it was all he could do not to fall apart. Ellie had been a mentor to him; she had chosen a different path to the Army, and marched to the beat of her own drum, but she had still supported him as a friend through West Point. They had all hung out together over breaks, and had genuinely enjoyed each other's company. What were they all going to do without someone like Ellie Bartlet in their corner?
And her parents! This was colossally unfair. Parents shouldn't have to bury their children.
Now, though, he simply guided the older man out of the bedroom. "Come on, sir. The limo's almost here."
They met the family downstairs, where they were dressed in funeral clothing: Abbey and Liz in civilian clothes, and Zoey in her new officer dress uniform. Charlie felt horrible that the first place she had to wear it was her sister's funeral. They all piled into the limo, and headed downtown to the church for the funeral.
A short time later, the 29th Infantry crew arrived at the services. They all headed inside, and greeted the family before filing inside and finding their seats.
Abbey turned around as she heard, "Mrs. Bartlet?" She found herself face to face with a familiar woman who she couldn't quite place.
"Yes, do I know you?" she asked quizzically.
"I wouldn't expect you to. We only met once at my daughter's graduation."
It was at the mention of "graduation" that the pieces clicked in Abbey's mind. "You're Donna's mother!"
Roberta nodded. "I'm sorry to just show up like this, but my daughter called me, and I just-well, I felt like I should be here for you. Military mother to military mother."
Abbey smiled. "Well, I'm glad you are." She squeezed Roberta's hand, and Roberta gracefully entered the chapel.
"Abbey?" This time, she turned to find Charlie. "They're ready to start."
She took a deep breath and steeled herself for what lay ahead.
…
The Catholic funeral service was short but moving. Officer Bartlet gave the eulogy, and he shockingly made it through without crying. Then, after the funeral, everyone started to leave for the cemetery, where a full honor-guard burial would take place.
Donna caught up to her mother, who was looking to make a quick exit. "Mom?"
Roberta turned and smiled. "I was wondering if I would see you." Her smile faded. "I'm so sorry about your friend."
Donna nodded. "Thanks. I'm surprised you're here."
"I thought I should come and support the Bartlets. One military parent to another."
"That's really nice. Thanks for doing that, I'm sure they appreciate it."
"Yes." Roberta replied. "It's just that all this got me thinking. I don't know what I'd do if I ever lost you." She bit her lip, trying not to cry.
Donna reached out and hugged her mother. "I know." The truth was, she had been wondering that all day. If maybe going into the Army had been the wrong choice. Could she put her parents through that, if she was injured or, God forbid, killed?
Those thoughts stayed with her all through the car ride to the cemetery, where a military honor guard carried out Ellie's casket from the hearse. As she saluted, along with CJ, Josh, Toby, Zoey, and Carol, Donna couldn't believe that the flag-draped casket was all that remained of Ellie Bartlet. She watched numbly as the processional came to a halt at the burial site.
The priest gave a simple prayer, then Liz wheeled herself forward to read "On Flanders Field". Then came the part of the funeral that brought tears to many people's eyes.
The Army military guard came forward and began to fold the flag as the three-volley salute was rendered. Then, the soldiers stood ready to fold the flag as "Taps" echoed through the cemetery. Donna saluted and let the tears come. The soldier holding the flag came to the Bartlets, and Donna heard him murmur, "On behalf of the President of the United States, the United States Army, and a grateful nation, please accept this flag as a symbol of your loved one's honorable faithful service." And she watched as Officer Bartlet accepted the flag with trembling hands.
Then, she looked over slightly at Josh, who was visibly moved by the service. Taking a chance, she walked over during the flag folding and reached for Josh's hand. After it was over, he looked at her, and she gave him a small smile.
…
A few hours later, again only the close friends and family of the Bartlets remained at the farm following the funeral reception. While most mingled, Josh found himself carefully watching Donna.
She sat listlessly talking with Liz in the corner, her mind on other things. Josh watched as she took her hair out of its bun-a regulation for uniform-and let it flow shortly past her shoulders. She had changed out of uniform earlier that day, when they had stopped briefly at the motel after the service.
He thought about how she had reached for his hand during the three-volley salute, knowing that the sound of the guns would send him back into places in his mind where he didn't want to go. He wondered if she had noticed he had smiled at her gratefully after it was over. Suddenly, he came to a realization: life was short. They had just buried a 27 year old Army medic who her family thought was coming home the next month. And in the Army, where things could change in an instant, there were some things you just didn't leave unsaid. Josh walked over to Donna. He was going to find out right now what was going on between them. If there wasn't a future, fine, he would accept that. But he couldn't keep living in limbo anymore.
"Donna, can I talk to you outside for a second?" he asked her.
Donna looked up at him. "Sure." she said, and followed him outside. Inside, her mind was racing. Was this it? Was he going to confirm what she had thought all along?
As soon as they got outside, Josh said, "Where are we going with this?"
Donna blinked. "What?"
"This-whatever this is. I need to know because we can't keep living like this."
"Living like what, Josh?"
"Denying our feelings. Because I have them, Donna. I know it shouldn't work. I know a thousand people who will say that this is a terrible idea."
Donna swallowed. "Josh-"
"No, hear me out, OK? If the past two days have taught me anything, it's that life is short. We can't keep wasting our time. So, if you think it's a bad idea, if you don't want anything with me, that's fine. I'll accept it, I'll back off the subject forever. But, I have to know, one way or the other: what are we doing here?"
For a second, Donna didn't say anything. Then all of a sudden, in the light rain that had begun to fall, she moved forward towards him.
Josh was taken aback. "What are you-"
"Will you just stand still?" Donna said. He did, and she kissed him, a soft kiss that Josh immediately found himself returning.
When they broke apart, Josh asked, "What was that?"
Donna took a deep breath, for she knew once she said this, she wouldn't be able to take it back. There were tears in her eyes as she said: "I don't know how this is going to work. I've never done this before. But, you're right, life is short. And for the past nine months, all I've tried to do is avoid my feelings for you because I know it would never work. But, maybe after today, just maybe, I don't care anymore."
Josh said nothing as he took in what she had said. Then, he moved forward.
"What are you doing?"
"Would you just stand still?" he asked as he kissed her. And she kissed him back. It was raining, there were a dozen people who could walk out at any moment, but they didn't care anymore.
A/N: And there we go-the Josh/Donna moment we've been building to! Next chapter, we'll get the aftermath, as well as what they're going to do with their newfound relationship as long as they're still in the reality of their jobs. Kudos to anyone who caught my Gilmore Girls reference at the end! Please leave a review, let me know what you think!