Gaara was dreaming. For the first time in years he was dreaming, and it was a nightmare.
The blood pouring from his chest, the pain searing through him as all sanity left in favor of changing into the beast he hated so much. He had chased the culprit into the forest, and aimed to kill the Uchiha once and for all. She was there somewhere, his flower amongst the leaves, but she was on the wrong side. She was supposed to be with him!
The redhead threw his arm to finish the brunette bastard, but the kunoichi of his more pleasant fantasies stood in his way.
Wearing the eyes of Yashamaru.
So many memories, too many that brought him pain. He threw her up against a tree with his sandy limbs, and finally tried to crush her like he had wanted to before.
But he just couldn't kill her, he couldn't finish her off. Only threats and bluffs. Before he knew it that dopey boy in orange came to save the day, and he realized just how similar this boy was to him.
He had a demon too, it was there, he could see it.
Something had awoken him, and his face along with his brain started to pulse painfully. He fought the boy, trying his hardest to defeat him. His lack of chakra left him at the boy's mercy, and a fatal headbutt had them both bleeding as they fell into the trees.
Gaara couldn't believe it, and as another blast had them hurtling to the ground he realized he could not win, but he did not want to disappear.
The boy, Naruto Uzumaki, spoke to him of loneliness; of the pain that they shared over harboring these spirits. The redhead heard him, felt fear of the end, but also felt comforted that love had somehow prevailed for this boy. This boy preached that his love for others was his strength, and that it was far more gratifying then loving only ones self.
For the first time, Gaara felt remorse, and as his siblings came to take him away from the battle he spoke to them gently.
"I'm sorry." He whispered, feeling the shock roll through his brother's muscles as he hoisted the younger's frail body from the tree limbs. His siblings told him not to worry about it, that it was alright and that he was forgiven. Such kindness was not deserved for what he had done to them.
Love blossomed in his heart, and he felt like crying. He hoped that Sakura could one day forgive him too, but he doubted that after this he would ever be able to see her again to speak of his remorse for how he had treated her.
'I'm sorry...'
- ... - ... - ... -
The news of his father's death did not come as a shock, nor did he cry over it like his siblings had. His only regret was that he felt that he could not find closure, there were too many stones left unturned, and pages that he could no longer read further into.
Rasa was dead, and all that he was left with was the fact that the man hated him enough to try to kill him at least six times.
Gaara wanted to improve still, so he joined the ranks of his people. They hated him of course, but he felt no more ill will towards them. They just did not understand what he was, and in that confusion they found fear. No one wants to feel fear, it is a horrible emotion, so he did not blame them for wanting him farther away than close at hand.
A mission had him at the mercy of the leaf, and he found himself back in their village once more. He never imagined this day to pass, but it did, and he was able to see the faces of the people who had changed his life forever.
Sakura looked genuinely terrified, Sasuke looked just as unnerved, and Naruto...
Just as cocky as ever. He was beginning to truly enjoy this boy's attitude. Nothing ever brought his spirits down.
The mission was another plot to kill the sand jinchuriki, as he had quickly found out, but no one was hurt in the process. His comrads had changed their minds rather quickly about him as he came to their aid to protect them, and they protected him as well. It was... liberating. Finally he felt his soul beginning to piece back together after being shattered for so long. Was this the love that Naruto spoke of?
They decided to rest up before leaving, and Gaara took his time away from his comrads to wander the city streets. Some of the villagers were wary of him, as was their right, but he took no offense to it. His sights were set on the pink haired kunoichi, and his heartfelt apology blossoming in his chest. She seemed more mature somehow, and yet she was exactly the same.
As he followed her from a good distance he felt his blood pounding, and the rising moon made it worse.
Why was that dark feeling coming back? Why did he want her to run? Why did he want to hear her scream? What was this horrible feeling?!
Shukaku seemed to laugh in the back of his mind, but he ignored it as he pushed forward through the crowds. He wanted to reach her, and quickly.
Soon he realized that she had wandered to an isolated area, surrounded by some sort of flowering trees near a small waterfall. The fragrance of the white flowers was heady, and made him pleasantly dizzy. This place was quite peaceful bathed in the moonlight, and the sound of running water. She turned around, and her face seemed slightly irritated, but the sigh that escaped her was resigning.
"After all this time, you still come back to stalk me." At first her tone was stern, but a smile crept up on her causing a giggle to bubble out.
The laughter was contagious, and he felt himself laughing with her over how silly the situation was. He hadn't laughed genuinely in a very long time, and he was glad to feel humor again. Once the moment settled a warm breeze washed his smile away, replacing his happiness with the original feeling of remorse.
"I apologize... for everything I have done..." Gaara took careful steps towards her, and to his relief she did not startle like he thought she would.
"It's okay, Naruto explained it to me... your situation I mean." Sakura balanced from one leg to the other, giving off a rather shy disposition that flattered her greatly. The urge to bite her rose up into his throat, drying it in the hope of wetting his tender flesh with her blood-
The redhead froze merely a foot away from her. His control over his urges was waning, and his fear was rising to meet him. She could clearly see his concern, and misread it as insecurity.
"Hey, wait, it's okay! Really, I'm not judging you. Here-" The kunoichi closed the distance between them to wrap her arms around his shoulders with care. His body stiffened greatly as her neck came into clear view. "I know it's weird, but this is a hug. It's what friends do to show they are there for one another. It's also a form of affection."
"Affection..." The word rolled off his tongue as his eyes glazed over, the scent of her hair warming his nostrils as he inhaled deeply.
"Mmhmm! It's nice isn't it? If you ever need a hug I don't mind giving them out. I'm kind of like everyone's mom amongst my friends, so I don't mind sharing that with you too." Sakura nuzzled warmly against him, almost too personally for the level of which they were acquainted, but he had done this to her once before too. Not so long ago he had found himself in her bed, holding her to himself almost desperately in an attempt to feel something other than loneliness. Yet she never realized that this took place, she never realized that he had kissed her so gently while she slept.
This was not the relationship a mother and child had, she was mistaken in how he felt for her. His urges towards her were far different, and far more demanding.
He bit her then, and she stiffened with painful gasp under the weight of his fangs. Before she could move away his arms caged her in, pressing her firmly to his chest.
"N-no... please! Not again, Gaara!" Sakura started to cry, and he felt his chest tighten with immense pain as she did so. He couldn't break the surface of her skin even though he wanted to so badly. Instead he merely sucked and scraped, allowing himself to only taste her skin rather than her delicious red blood.
She trembled in his arms, gasping with each nip as he trailed her jugular wantonly. He desired what was under the surface, he wanted her crimson life-water to flow past his lips, but he just couldn't hurt her. It was a battle of tug of war that had him onslaughting her neck with licks and small bites that somehow left her shaking in his pale hands.
She finally whimpered into his ear, and he felt the urge to bite down grow much stronger. He dragged his teeth hard against the creamy flesh, and she jolted with a sharp cry that made his head buzz.
Sakura's fingers gripped against his shoulder blades, scratching at the fabric that covered them. He wanted to feel her scratch at his skin, he wanted to feel her flesh against his own again. He wanted to feel this emotion completely, and let it burn him from the inside out.
"G-Gaara... stop... it feels weird..." The kunoichi hummed into his ear as her body trembled for the millionth time. Her words made him slow to think, only allowing him to gently lap his tongue along her raw neck.
What was he doing? What was his end goal? Why did he want her to become vulnerable and exposed to him?
'You want her.'
Shukaku's words played with his mind again, and he realized that it was merely desire. That strange thing that adults did in dark places that they thought he wouldn't understand.
Well he understood very well what it was now, and he understood that he did not see Sakura like a mother, or a friend.
'She doesn't understand...' He thought to himself with another lick of her jugular, and her trembling continued as a small whimper escaped. 'She's not ready.'
Gaara pulled away to look her carefully in the eyes. Dilated jade stared back at him, and it made him want to push her more.
'Not like this... I can't force her-'
"Once again... I apologize." He murmured as he brushed a few stray pink locks out of her eyes. Her lips pursed slightly, and her glazed expression showed that he had done too much damage to her young mind. "You should go home, please forget that this happened."
They stood there for a while, staring at each other under the light of the full moon, but he reluctantly made the first move of slipping out of her fingers. He desintegrated into his sand to blow away into the wind, and as he flew on the current he saw her standing there in a daze; stuck in a strange dream.
He hoped that she would push this memory away for ever.
- ... - ... - ... -
The Uchiha had been taken. That was the first problem. He knew the leaf blossom would be saddened by the boy's departure, and that he would most likely have to check on her for his own sanity. At the moment though he was preoccupied by carrying the one shinobi he had tried to kill so long ago.
Rock Lee had become strong again, and it was a miracle. The fact that it seemed to ease Gaara's conscience intrigued him, but what made him even more curious was the fact that he desired to help the boy of similar age. He carried the teen's weight on his shoulder as they trekked away victoriously from their battle, and it made him feel pretty good inside. Battling by Lee's side made him almost happy.
Sasuke had slipped through their fingers, however. So the victory was short lived. As his siblings slept off their fatigue Gaara continued off into the night to seek the girl who would be the most heartbroken by the Uchiha's absence.
Just as he thought, as he approached her window she was sitting in the dark crying over her team's group photograph. He slipped in unnoticed, and silently kneeled behind her on the floor to mold his frame against her hunched form. She gasped with the intent to scream, but quickly swallowed it as she welcomed the embrace.
"Sasuke's gone..." Sakura sniffled, and his grip tightened unconsciously. Part in jealousy, and part in wanting to comfort her. They stayed that way for what seemed like ages as she cried, until finally her head tilted back on his shoulder forcing their cheeks to rub together. "I knew you would come see me, I just didn't know when."
"I'm sorry..." The redhead whispered more to himself than to her, but she shook her head regardless.
"No, I needed this. Thank you." As one of her tears soaked both of their cheeks she managed a small smile, he nuzzled a bit closer forcing the corner of his mouth to brush against her own. The fact that she didn't pull away, or stiffen was surprising.
This girl was so broken that he could probably do what he truly desired, and she would not deny him because she felt nothing in this moment. As tempting as that was he decided against it.
"You feel cold, have you eaten?" Gaara spoke just above a whisper, but his lips mouthed so temptingly close to her own that he could feel the corner of her mouth pull slightly with his words. He enjoyed it a little too much.
"No... not for a few days." Sakura admitted, and her hands gripped silently at his forearms wrapped around her chest. He hummed with concern as his brows furrowed at the fact. She wasn't taking care of herself, and that didn't sit right with him.
"Don't think for a while, let me do that. Just do as I say." The redhead whispered against her ear, and surprisingly she trembled at his cautious tone. He pulled away from the kunoichi, and pulled himself up from the floor. He didn't want to leave her alone, but he couldn't have her stay in such a state.
Choosing to wander around her house he found the bathroom, and ran a hot bath for her. As he turned around he stiffened slightly at the fact that she had followed him. She stood in the doorway looking emotionless for a minute before closing the door behind her, leaving them both in the dark.
The rushing water from the faucet filled his ears until the strike of a match blended with the running sound. She lit an oil lamp on the bathroom counter instead of flipping on the glaring electric lights, and his nocturnal sight silently thanked her for it.
Her eyes looked like empty voids as she stared through him, and he knew that she was on a barely functioning level. He'd have to be her eyes, her ears, her arms, and her legs. He moved close to her, and raised her arms up so he could remove her red dress. She complied robotically, and he carefully started to undress her completely.
Gaara ignored her nudity, he could focus on it at a later date, right now she needed the most basic of human care. Her fragile state would not be able to handle any form of perversion.
He sat her down on a stool to be scrubbed, avoiding touching her directly skin to skin the entire time. The only time he touched her with his fingers rather than with a wash cloth was when he washed her hair. The pink tresses softened in the foaming bubbles, and her head lolled as he carefully ran his fingertips against her scalp. He rinsed her, then repeated the process with conditioner allowing himself to truly massage her skull and neck as lovingly as he could. One more rinse had her waking up slightly, and as he led her to the tub he found her cheeks to hold the lightest of blushes as she settled into the hot water. Her arms wrapped self conciously across her chest, and for some reason it drew his attention back to what he truly desired.
Gaara shook away the thought, and silently left her to go find the kitchen.
Her house was dark, and quiet. It seemed as if her parents weren't home to comfort her, and he was glad he was able to provide her that comfort tonight.
The redhead found her kitchen, and searched through the cupboards for something to make. He found a few easy instant miso soup mixes, and decided that those were his best bet in making something edible for her. He didn't really know how to cook with the ingredients they had here in Konoha, so instant soup would have to do. He brought water to a boil, stirred in the mix and allowed it to simmer while he went back upstairs to fetch her.
As he opened the bathroom door he found her out of the tub, staring at herself in the mirror. She was dripping everywhere on the floor, and hadn't found herself a towel to dry off with.
It was odd watching such a beautiful girl stare at her reflection in such an absent way. It were as if her soul had left her body to fend for itself. There wasn't anything attractive about it, there was no reaction in anything. There was no life there to make this situation even slightly arousing.
Gaara sighed, and searched the closet next to him for the towels. Once a fluffy one was found he approached her to carefully drape it around her frame. He rubbed her shoulders, and her hair to wick away the moisture, but she seemed to have sunk back into her emotionless void barely noticing that he was even touching her. The drying process eventually turned into him embracing her from behind, and even as her delicate hands came up to once again grab at his arms he found himself unmovable. However, he knew that she actually appreciated him for that.
"I made dinner. You should eat-"
"I'm not hungry." Sakura murmured in a monotone, but he shook his head at her defiantly.
"Don't think, just do as I say." The redhead whispered to her, and she mutely nodded while continuing to stare lifelessly at their reflection. When he finally rose his eyes to look at the reflection as well he found her jade orbs had turned onto him with a lost expression. It was almost pleading the way she had looked at him.
'Please kill me.'
He blinked at the expression, and did not cave to its call. Instead he inhaled her scent, and embraced her almost passionately, clinging to her frame like a lover would.
That did something. She seemed to wake up a bit at the strange action, but he pulled away before any damage could be done. He only did just enough to make her brainwaves skip, to rethink her suicidal thoughts. That there are better things that can happen outside of the realm of death.
Gaara finally handed her a robe, and motioned her to follow him through the house. When her footsteps hurried after him he felt he had finally gotten to her, he was chiseling away at the stone covering her heart.
She sat down at the dinner table, and he provided two bowls of soup so that she could feel not so alone in eating. He barely sipped at the salty soup while he sat next to her, but it seemed to be enough to help her appetite. She sipped at first, but as her body recognized the substance of food she slowly became greedy in the way that she ate. In a matter of minutes the rather large bowl had been downed. He couldn't help the smile on his face as she drank the last drop. With a content sigh she lowered the bowl to the table, and peered over to him shyly.
"Why are you doing this?" Sakura looked guilty, and he didn't want he to feel that way.
"We're friends aren't we?" The redhead attempted to smile for her sake, but it came off somewhat awkward. She still took it well, and accepted the answer.
"You're leaving tomorrow." The kunoichi almost whispered, and he nodded his head. "Are you going back to the inn then? I suppose you'll need to rest before the trip-"
"I don't sleep." Gaara stated as if it were the most obvious thing in the world, and her blush solidified that she had forgotten that fact.
"Oh... I'm sorry." Sakura looked embarrassed, that wasn't how he wanted this to go either.
"It's easy to forget such things, everyone else would die if they couldn't sleep whereas I am only alive because of the monster that keeps me awake." The redhead gathered their bowls to bring them to the basin. He sighed as he washed the dishes, careful to make as little noise as he could to keep the moment relaxed.
"Does it bother you? Not being able to sleep I mean." The kunoichi wandered into the kitchen, it were as if she was trying to stay as close as she could to him.
'She must be very lonely right now.' He thought to himself as he dried off the last dish.
"Yes. My mental state isn't always stable, and I do a lot of things that I regret later-"
"Like biting people?" She said just above a whisper, and quickly covered her mouth as if she hadn't meant to say it at all.
'So, she's stuck on that. I suppose that I'll have to apologize again for it...'
"I'm not sure, but I am sorry for doing such things regardless." Gaara sighed once more before turning in her direction. He leaned back against the counter with his arms crossed while he studied her expression. She seemed more curious now than before.
"You're not sure if you bit me because you were sleep crazy? Or you're not sure if you regret it?" Sakura wrung her hands, and he could see that her own question made her nervous. However, he wouldn't deny that the questions were rather odd, or the fact that they blindsided him.
"I would bite you because I enjoyed it. I regret it because it frightened you." Gaara stuck to honesty with her, and it seemed to make her fluster in a way that one would find rather cute.
"I'm not scared of it, or at least I'm not anymore." The kunoichi turned away from him while the shock grew on his features.
'Was that an invitation? Is she saying that she doesn't mind me doing it?'
Without thinking his steps grew closer to her, but when he was finally close enough to touch her shoulder she flipped around with a worried expression.
"It still hurts though! So don't!" Sakura snapped as she smacked gently at his hand. He blinked at her for a moment before grabbing her roughly enough to squeak. She wriggled in his grip as he leaned down to her neck to bite at her skin.
Gaara remained gentle in it, not taking a deep bite like he always wanted, but rather just kissed along her skin. It was strange, she seemed to relax in his grip as he did it, yet it also seemed like she wanted to get away.
"Stop... it feels weird-" The kunoichi squirmed in his arms, but was still compliant enough to have him push her against the wall. His tongue dragged lazily along her jugular up to her jaw, and he followed it up to her ear to nibble at her lobe. She whimpered slightly as he tugged, but only went to stop him as his mouth made it's way to the corner of her own. Her hands pressed against his chest as she quickly turned her face away from him.
'Too personal...' He nodded silently to himself before placing his denied lips to her throat in a soft loving peck.
"I'm sorry-"
"Stop saying that. If you were truly sorry you wouldn't do it anymore." She huffed at him, and surprisingly it made him chuckle slightly.
"I suppose you're right. Fine then, I'm not sorry." The redhead took a step back, and was greeted with a frustrated blush that went everywhere. "Would you like me to leave then-?"
"No!" Sakura sputtered desperately before grabbing for his hands. Her eyes looked frightened beyond belief, and he realized that she was still far too broken to be left alone. He nodded at her carefully before taking a single delicate hand to lead her back upstairs. "Are you... leaving?"
"No. Not yet. I'll wait until tomorrow, but you need to sleep." As they entered her bedroom she stopped dead in her tracks.
"Don't leave while I'm sleeping. Please... I don't want to be abandoned... like the other night..." The kunoichi kept her eyes to the floor, but he attempted a smile in her direction regardless.
"I won't leave until you allow me to. Is that alright?" Gaara waited for her, and she finally found it in herself to nod at him shyly. At her cue, he led her to the bed to allow her to get under the covers. Once she was comfortable he followed her lead, and snuggled up beside her. At first she stiffened at the contact, but eventually she warmed up enough to roll over, and lay her head against his chest.
"Thank you, for everything." Sakura whispered as she fell fast asleep. He gently played with her hair, and allowed himself to breathe deeply for once as he cherished the weight of her against him.
He did not sleep, but for the first time it felt as if he had done so. The whole night seemed like a dream to him, and when she awoke he had felt refreshed, it were as if he were able to fully rest for the first time in years.
AN: I'm really just re-reading these chapters before posting them, however I know I'll be slowing down at some point. Hope you enjoy them regardless. Please review :)