Warnings: Explicit usage of language (kind of.. Not really in this chapter, but more overall.)

Disclaimer: I do not own anything involving the Star Wars Universe other than a POP Poe figurine. All characters belong to their creators. Seraphine and other OCs are my personal characters unless otherwise mentioned.

Author's Note: HAHAHA so remember when I said I hoped to be better with updating. Yeah. Awkward. I have for sure not had this fully written for a week and completely forgot to post it. Anyway thank you all so much for your continued support. ALSO I SAW THE LAST JEDI AND LOVEEEDDDDD ITTTTTTT. I hope you all did too. As always, your reviews mean the world to me, and let's all get through this semester together. Enjoy!

Also, I don't really do this, but song of the chapter: NF - Let You Down

Chapter Eleven - A Mission, A Purpose, A Heartbeat: Whatever It Takes To Keep You Moving

He focused on his mission and she focused on hers. It was easier that way. Neither knew if they would even see each other again, as war tended to be that way. War was cruel to all who it touched, and they had both lost enough to not expect anything different. They both left that room and tried to never looked back, their minds clear for the first time in a long time. They knew what they had to do.

They had a mission.

They had a purpose.

They had a mission.

Nothing else mattered.

The Resistance Base was busy, Seraphine ducking around the people running around her as she walked slowly towards the Falcon. She remembered the inside of that ship like the back of her hand, but she still struggled to take the first step onto its ramp. When she had last been on this ship, there had been so many happy memories. She had been so young, she hadn't known any better. She hadn't know how cruel the world could be. Not really. So much had changed. It had been too long.

She could hear Han and Chewie moving around as they prepared for the trip. She could almost hear the laughter of a boy and a woman among them, she could almost see his black hair as he ran past her. So much had changed, and yet, somehow, it was still almost here. It was almost like she could see it, she could hear it, she could taste it, she could feel it. Her heart screamed for it to be real.

It was almost like everything that had happened had been a bad dream, an awful nightmare, that she was still a kid again, that Ben was still here. That everything was okay and she had a family again. It was almost like she was home, a home that hadn't been hers for a long time. It was almost like she was safe, a feeling she could barely remember.

But the past was filled with nothing more than dark memories and dull blades that struck her mind and her heart no matter how far she tried to run away. She had run to the edges of the universe and she had still ended up back here. Looking at this ship and thinking of him. She had tried so hard to push that all down, but here it was. The pain bubbling back to the surface again.

And there was absolutely nothing she could do about it.

She couldn't breathe.

Finn rushed past her off the ship, snapping her attention back to the present.

She had a mission. She needed to save him. She needed to save Ben.

And she would do anything she had to in order to.

For the past was the past, and there was nothing she could do to change that. No matter how bad she wanted too, she would never be able to go back to that time. To the time where everything was alright. It was gone, and it had barely been hers to hold onto.

But there future was still up in the air. And she could still save him. NO matter what happened to her along the way.

She didn't matter.

Only he did.

She had failed to save him the first time.

She would not fail again.

Yet she was just unable to take that first step. That stupid fucking first step. She felt like her body was frozen, and she couldn't move. This was the reason she had left in the first place, she had never been able to handle the ghosts that haunted her.

She wasn't nearly as strong as people seemed to think she was.

She couldn't breathe, with every breath she took it was another dull blade being slammed into her chest.

And she knew she had to take that first step, no matter how much her body and mind protested her. And protested her, her mind did. It screamed, run, run, run. Run away like she always had.

But she had been running for far too long and she had a mistake she needed to fix. It was all her fault.

She heard Han when he came down the ramp and quickly pretended to be doing something with her bag. To be doing anything. To not just be standing there haunted by the past. What she had gone through was nothing compared to him. She had lost her best friend. He had lost his son. Her pain was nothing compared to his. She didn't deserve the comfort he would attempt to offer.

"Chewie, check that donal capitator." Han ordered, and Seraphine continued to fish around in her bag, making a mental checklist of what she did have and what she would need to return to the black market in order to replace. "Come on, let's go." He added, "Finn, be careful with those. They're explosives!" His warning came just after Finn had dropped a number of them.

"Now you tell me." Finn complained and Seraphine could not help but let out a empty laugh, and turned around to help the ex-stormtrooper clean up everything he had dropped and put them back into their boxes.

"You know, no matter how much we fought," Leia commented and Seraphine looked up to glance at the two of her almost parents talk. "I've always hated watching you leave."

"That's why I did it." Han replied with his signature smirk, "So you'd miss me."

Finn carried the next box into the Falcon, completely unbothered by the conversation and Seraphine quickly started to make her exit.

She had always felt like she didn't fit into the personal conversations between people. She couldn't relate to them, and even when people asked for advice she never knew what to tell them. She had never been really good with people and emotions, and all that stuff. She had grown up being told to show nothing, to feel nothing, to be nothing. So even as much as she eavesdropped she tried to avoid these conservations. Especially between the two of them. They had fought all the time, but there was still a lot of love there. She didn't really understand it. And she knew if they saw her, they would bring her into the conversation, something she didn't want to happen.

Not when she had no intention on coming back.

She stared across the green of D'Qar. It was like super overly green, it was kind of odd actually. At least it was much better than Jakku. It looked peaceful and it was. If you ignored the chaos behind her.

There was just so much beauty in the universe. That was the first thing she learned when she left Talli, just how beautiful everything and everyone was. She had never even dreamed of it, but here it was in front her. Simply perfect, so simple yet so beautiful.

And chances are all this beauty would be destroyed.

That all the beauty in the universe would be destroyed.

Why did everyone have to be so obsessed with power and war?

Why did everyone always want more?

Nothing ever seemed to be enough you know. While she was perfectly content with just chilling aboard her ship and only working when she needed the money to eat, others were always trying to move forward with their lives. Working towards something, to be more rich, to be more powerful, to be more known. And many could care less about how it affected the people around them. The people they both knew and didn't. All that mattered was what they thought their purpose was.

She hated people.

And yet she loved them.

She loved their complexity, no matter even if she would never really understand it. She loved to watch people, to see them, to see their emotions that she felt like she never felt quite right. They were all so different, and yet so similar at the same time. Everyone felt happiness, and sadness. Jealousy, anger, love, humor, and so many other things to feel. It was all so complex. And she loved it.

She just disliked getting close to them. Because she would always knew she would end up getting hurt in the end. She always had.

It is hard to get hurt when you are all alone.

Once you get used to the loneliness.

"Kid, let's go!" Han shouted as he jogged into the Falcon, leaving Leia to watch him go.

"Coming." Seraphine replied, ripping away her gaze across the green.

She had a job, she had a mission, she had a purpose. And yet as she walked towards the Falcon, she still didn't know if she could force herself to take that first step. Leia smiled at her slightly before turning and leaving, heading back to her command. She hadn't been on the Falcon since Ben left. She didn't know why it was haunting her so bad.

"Seraphine!" A voice shouted behind her and Seraphine moaned under her breath. So much for leaving him behind and focusing on the mission. Why did he always over complicated things? She didn't like it. She didn't like it at all. She didn't understand everything she was feeling and she blamed it all on him. Her mind was a jumbled mess and ugh. She didn't like it.

The pilot jogged up to her in that hideous orange jumpsuit. "I don't have much time, but I know I can't stop you. I just want to know if you are safe, and well" Poe commented, talking faster than he normally would, and glancing behind him as he did. He grabbed her right hand and slipped something onto her middle finger. "I know you might think it is kind of stupid, but they were my parents, and they let you feel someone else's heartbeat even if it is completely across the galaxy. I just need to know if you are safe. So yeah."

He glanced behind him again, and added quickly. "I really need to go." He quickly kissed her lightly on the cheek and with that was gone.

"What the fuck?" Seraphine muttered, glancing at the ring that now rested on her hand. She glanced back up at the Pilot who was jogging back to his fighter. "Dameron!" She shouted, causing the pilot to almost stumble when he turned around. "Don't die." The man simply waved and then continued on.

Seraphine slowly turned back to the Falcon, looking at her hand. She could feel it.

His heartbeat.

It was speed up, not surprising due to his running and his adrenaline, but it was oddly relaxing. It was oddly comforting. It was like he was right there, standing next to her and she didn't understand why she liked that.

She took a deep breath and focused on it.

She did think it was stupid, but it calmed the meddled mess of her mind. The ghosts, they were gone, as she felt her own heartbeat jump to match his. She wasn't lost in the past, but focusing on now. Her mission, her purpose, and his heartbeat.

She took a deep breath.

She took the first step.

And the rest just continued after that.

Author's Note: Okay, I know short chapter, but I just wanted to get you guys something and I will hopefully have the next one up real soon! It is already about halfway done, so that's good news. Again, thank you so much for your continued support it really means a lot! I hope with all of your help I can finish this story that I do really like. As always, please let me know what you think!

Sneak Peak Into Chapter Twelve

Seraphine sat in the cockpit of the Falcon slowly strapping piece after piece of her stupid armor. Stupid thing might work amazingly for protection but it sure was a pain in the ass to get on. It protected her from even blasters and allowed her to move, but was expensive as hell and had five hundred different pieces and straps. At least she was almost done.

"So how are we getting in?" Finn asked, leaning over Chewie's shoulder. Seraphine looked at him surprised. Had they not talked about this when she wasn't paying attention? They had a plan. Right?

"Their shields have a fractional refresh rate. Keeps anything traveling slower than lightspeed from getting through." Han explained, hitting some of his controls as he did.

"Oh no." Seraphine muttered, quickly stopping the work on the last pieces of armor on her arm to strap herself in as best as she could to her seat. "You've got to be fucking kidding me."

The ex-stormtrooper quickly came to the same conclusion as Seraphine and exclaimed, "We are making our landing approach at lightspeed?"

Chewie simply roared and Finn quickly started to strap himself in as well.

"Chewie, get ready!" Han called, his hand tightening its grip. "And. Now!"

And suddenly there was land right in front of them.