Warnings: Explicit usage of language

Disclaimer: I do not own anything involving the Star Wars Universe other than a POP Poe figurine. All characters belong to their creators. Seraphine and other OCs are my personal characters unless otherwise mentioned.

Author's Note: Megan's been writing, Megan should be doing her Anatomy homework, but Megan doesn't feel like it so chapter yayyyy! Also I rather like this song of the chapter thing now, since I've always written with music I figured I should share it with you all! So please, if you come across anything that you think fits with this story as well, share it with me!

Songs of the Chapter: Calum Scott - You Are The Reason

Chapter Twelve - You Are The Reason I Will Fight To Survive

Seraphine sat in the cockpit of the Falcon slowly strapping piece after piece of her stupid ass armor on. Damn thing might work amazingly for protection but it sure was a pain in the ass to get on. Sometimes she wondered if it was worth getting hurt, and you know maybe dying, just to save her all the time she wastes on it. She had only needed it, what a dozen times? It protected her from even blasters and allowed her to move, but was expensive as hell and had five hundred different pieces and straps. At least she was almost done.

"So how are we getting in?" Finn asked, leaning over Chewie's shoulder. Seraphine looked at him surprised. Had they not talked about this when she wasn't paying attention? They had a plan. Right?

"Their shields have a fractional refresh rate. Keeps anything traveling slower than lightspeed from getting through." Han explained, hitting some of his controls as he did.

"Oh no." Seraphine muttered, quickly stopping the work on the last pieces of armor on her arm to strap herself in as best as she could to her seat. "You've got to be fucking kidding me."

The ex-stormtrooper quickly came to the same conclusion as the collection agent and exclaimed, "We are making our landing approach at lightspeed?"

Chewie simply roared and Finn quickly started to strap himself in as well.

"Chewie, get ready!" Han shouted, his hand tightening its grip. "And. Now!"

And suddenly there was land.

Right in front of them.

Chewie roared, and Seraphine's hands tightened on the edge of her seat.

"I am pulling up!" Han shouted back and they all slammed forward as they came crashing through the trees. Chewie roared in protest again and Han shoot back, "If I get any higher they'll see us!"

Finn, who was holding on for dear life, gave Seraphine a horrified look as she started to laugh. They burst through the woods, and begun to skid along the snow, rocks and ice getting thrown around in all directions. They slammed against some rocks and finally came to a skidding stop, everyone slamming back into their seats as they did.

The cockpit was eerily silent as the Falcon began to creak around them. Then Seraphine began to loudly and widely laugh, a huge small across her face and the others began to chuckle as well.

They were alive.

Somehow.

(about 50000000000 steps later, give or take most of them)

Seraphine had come to the conclusion that she hated snow just as much as she hated sand. If not more. She honestly didn't know which was worse, she just knew that she really fucking hated both.

She was freezing, as she pulled her large coat tighter to herself. How Finn hadn't frozen his ass off in that thin leather jacket was beyond her, but she was freezing. And couldn't feel her toes. Or her fingers. Or her nose. Or really anything this planet.

She fucking hated snow. Why did anyone live on this cursed planet? Or moon? Or base? Or whatever this stupid thing was?

Then she felt a shiver down her spine. A shiver not related to the cold.

He was here.

She stopped dead in her tracks, ignoring the others that continued to run towards their destination.

He was here.

And then he wasn't.

She quickly turned around, looking in all directions. She couldn't feel him anymore, how was she supposed to save him if she couldn't find him? She needed to save him, she needed to find him, she needed to save him, she needed to find him, she needed to, she needed to, she needed, she, she needed to…

She closed her eyes and tilted her head up to the sky. She took a breath and focused on a heartbeat. A heartbeat other than her own.

She would find him.

She would save him.

She had a mission.

She had a purpose.

And she had a heartbeat to lead her way through the ghosts of her past.

(with Poe)

Stars were rushing past him as his x-wing screamed through space and he could feel his heart pounding as the adrenaline pumped through his veins. He lived for moments like this. He needed moments like this. And yet there was this crushing weight on his shoulders.

He didn't know if they could do it. He really didn't. The whispers of doubt were haunting the back of his mind and he was struggling to push them down.

And he knew he didn't have time for such thoughts.

He caught himself glancing at his hand before sighing, especially since he had done this action a dozen times already since he took off, and used his mouth to pull his heavy glove off. He stared at the ring, resting on his hand.

He didn't know why he gave it to her. He didn't know what had made him think of it. He didn't even know why he still had these, or why all of sudden he remembered them and felt like he needed to give her one. It wasn't like he proposed, or anything. Marriage wasn't an option for someone like him, and it was probably something she would never even consider. It was just an easy untraceable way to make sure she was alive. Cause that is what he cared about. Knowing that she was still alive. Even if he refused to think about what he would do if he couldn't feel her heartbeat anymore.

He was honestly surprised she was wearing it, but there it was, her heartbeat. Even, calm and focused. It had jumped around earlier, but it was still there. And that's what matters.

His radio crackled and his order came across, "Black leader, go to sub-lights on your call."

"Rodger, Base." Poe confirmed before sending out the order, "Red Squad, Blue Squad, take my lead."

"Dropping out of lightspeed." Came the confirmation.

He rubbed the ring between his fingers before tapping it lightly and pulling his glove on as he begun to focus on the base he was screaming towards as they dropped out of lightspeed. He almost jumped in his seat when he felt a light tap back.

He would have thought he had missed it.

He would have thought he had imagined it.

But it had been the exact same pattern as he had absentmindedly tapped, it was her. He was here and she was there, but they were both alive.

And for the first time for as long as he could remember, he had full intention on returning home.

Full intention on returning to her.

(With Finn and Han)

Finn and Han took cover staring at where they needed to go. "We'll use the charges to blow that blast door. I'll go in and draw fire, but I'm gonna need cover."

"Are you sure you're up for this?" Han asked slowly, looking at the younger man.

"Hell, no." Finn groaned, "I'll go in an try to find Rey. The troopers will be on our tail." Han's attention turned to behind Finn but the man kept on talking. "We have to be ready for that. There's an access tunnel that leads…"

Finn trailed off watching Han's expression and slight head movements. Annoyed he asked, "Why are you doing that? Hmm? Why are you doing this?" attempting to replicate the motions Han was making. "I'm trying to come up with a plan."

Han used his gun to point behind Finn, causing the younger man to finally look behind him. And see just the person they were looking for. Finn couldn't help but break out in a wide grin.

(With Rey)

She had no idea where she was going, but anywhere was better than in that room with Kylo Ren. She was checking her surroundings, her stolen blaster raised, and jumped out of her skin to discover what was around the corner.

"You all right?" Han asked, slowly pushing Rey's blaster down.

"Yeah." Rey replied, her eyes wide.

"Good."

"What happened to you? Did he hurt you." Finn asked, quickly looking over Rey for any injuries.

Rey slowly asked, "Finn, what are you doing here?"

"We came back for you." Finn replied, and Chewie spoke, drawing away Rey's attention. "What did he say?"

"That it was your idea." Rey stated softly, before hugging the man standing in front of her. "Thank you."

Finn returned the hug, a slight smile on his face, before a thought crossed his mind. "How did you get away?"

"I can't explain it. And you wouldn't believe it."

Han interrupted the moment to get them focus back on surviving, "Escape now, hug later."

They all jumped when there was a loud clunk behind them and whipped around in surprise. Two stormtroopers had crumpled to the ground right after they turned the corner. They had to have been taken out moments before they would have seen the group and allerted the others.

The question was who were they taken out by?

A figure donning black tactical armor stepped out from around the corner and walked to the group. Han simply sighed and shook his head.

He had wondered where she went.

"Is this the chick we were here to save?" Seraphine asked gesturing to Rey, her voice muffled by her helmet. Finn and Rey both looked at each other and then back to the girl. "Take that as a yes, mind if we get out of here before anyone realizes that these guys are gone." She gestured to the two stormtroopers lying on the ground unconscious behind her. Her little wand had hit them with a lot more energy than she thought it would. But it did it's purpose, so she wasn't sure of what more she could ask for.

They weren't dead yet. But if she didn't get the others off this base soon, she didn't know how long that fact would stay.

The others quickly began to run down the hallway, Seraphine following them, glancing around as she did. Han slowed down a little from his leading of the group to join her, and he lightly grabbed her arm. "Where did you go?" He asked slowly.

"I figured it would be better to split up." Seraphine replied simply. "We had different tasks, different things that we were looking for." She regretted the words the moment they came out of her mouth.

"You are looking for him."

Seraphine cursed, but it came out barely audible from within her helmet. She should have known better to rejoin with them, now Han was going to give her a whole speech about how that wasn't her mission and she needed to move on a blah blah blah, stuff she didn't care about. She truly loved the older man with all of her heart, but she didn't need another person telling her no.

She knew what she needed to do, and no one was going to stand in her way. Even if she had to cut them down, she would find him. No matter what. "Yeah." She replied slowly.

"Okay." Han replied and that was it.

Seraphine looked at the man surprised and tried to read the emotion he had on his face. It was one she recognized quickly, for it was an expression she knew far to well. She had seen so many times before when she looked in a mirror. It was an expression of someone lost in the past, haunted by ghosts and regrets.

And she hated the fact that there really wasn't anything she could do about it.

She hated the fact that she had caused it.

It was all her fault.

And she hated it.

Author's Note: Hi, so I know it is has kind of been a real while, and I am sorry for that. School is crazy and so much stuff and honestly I keep forgetting that I haven't published in a while. Your reviews, follows, and favorites mean so much to me and keep me up to date with publishing. Thank you all so much for your support and I hope it continues.

Sneak Peak Into Chapter Thirteen

It was chaos in the skies above them. Explosions surrounding x-wings, death in all directions. The pilots tried to be as focused as they could but that is difficult to do when your friends are getting shot down all around you.

This was the scene those on the surface were watching as they looked up in the sky.

She had told him it was a suicide mission, she had told him. They were horribly outnumbered and were facing threats in all directions. She jumped slightly when she watched a x-wing come crashing down into the snow not to far from them.

She knew it wasn't him, his specially painted x-wing told her that much. He was still up there, he was still fighting. She could still feel his heartbeat, but that didn't make her feel any better about this.

She hated war.

She hated death.

She hated suffering.

And she hated how there was really nothing she could do about it.

She felt so helpless. Like no matter how hard she tried, she knew nothing she ever did would mean anything. She remembered when she was little girl and truly thought she was going to change the universe. She truly thought she mattered in the greater scheme of things.

But by now she's figured out she was never meant to. To matter. To change anything. To be a hero. But he was. And if she could save him, then maybe the universe would be saved. Just like she always hoped it would.

But right now she felt pretty fucking helpless.

"They're in trouble." Han commented. "We can't leave. My friend's got a bag of explosives. Let's use them."

Now that was more like it.

She did love blowing things up.