Warnings: Explicit usage of language

Disclaimer: I do not own anything involving the Star Wars Universe other than a POP Poe figurine. All characters belong to their creators. Seraphine and other OCs are my personal characters unless otherwise mentioned.

Author's Note: HAHAHA so I have an anatomy midterm (or my chem midterm. Or my math midterm) and have a bad cold, and yet instead of studying and/or sleeping I am writing this. Because I love you all. And because I am a piece of trash that didn't publish this weekend like I meant too. Whoops. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter that I DID NOT enjoy writing because I am still not over it. Nor will I ever be. As always please review, your support really means a lot to me.

Songs of the Chapter: Alan Walker – All Falls Down (Lyrics) ft. Noah Cyrus, Digital Farm Animals

Chapter Thirteen - Ben

It was chaos in the skies above them. Explosions surrounding x-wings, death in all directions. The pilots tried to be as focused as they could but that is difficult to do when your friends are getting shot down all around you.

This was the scene those on the surface were watching as they looked up in the sky.

She had told him it was a suicide mission, she had told him. They were horribly outnumbered and were facing threats in all directions. She jumped slightly when she watched a x-wing come crashing down into the snow not to far from them.

She knew it wasn't him, his specially painted x-wing told her that much. He was still up there, he was still fighting. She could still feel his heartbeat, but that didn't make her feel any better about this.

She hated war.

She hated death.

She hated suffering.

And she hated how there was really nothing she could do about it.

She felt so helpless. Like no matter how hard she tried, she knew nothing she ever did would mean anything. She remembered when she was little girl and truly thought she was going to change the universe. She truly thought she mattered in the greater scheme of things.

But by now she's figured out she was never meant to. To matter. To change anything. To be a hero. But he was. And if she could save him, then maybe the universe would be saved. Just like she always hoped it would.

But right now she felt pretty fucking helpless.

"They're in trouble." Han commented. "We can't leave. My friend's got a bag of explosives. Let's use them."

Now that was more like it.

She did love blowing things up.

(A few minutes later)

It was a rather simple plan. The types of plans she liked. Blast their way in, and blast their way out. The moment the doors opened Seraphine, Han and Chewie were already firing, but the stormtroopers responded quickly. As the other two duct to take cover, Seraphine simply kept walking and shooting.

Han gave her a look after all of the stormtroopers were down.

"What?" Seraphine shrugged. "This armor can take a hit and with their accuracy I wasn't expecting much. Not even a scratch man, not even a scratch. How is it that Finn is the only stormtrooper in the damn universe than can actually hit what they are aiming at?"

Han simply rolled his eyes and shushed her, gesturing for her and Chewie to follow him down the hall. They continued, weapons raised, but Seraphine continued to mumble to herself.

"No but like seriously? Is it just the helmet, cause Finn can shoot just fine. Same training and all, but Finn doesn't wear that stupid uniform. But they have been wearing that stupid ugly ass easily spotted uniform since before my parents were born, it couldn't seriously be the problem could it? I mean they could shoot in the clone wars, but the training changed after that right? So why can't they shoot, it is not that hard to shoot in a straight line."

"Seraphine." Han growled and the girl looked up in her own helmet. "Ssshh."

Seraphine shrugged again, but did stop talking and turned her attention to their surroundings. For a base this was oddly empty. You would think that someone would had heard their blasters from a few moments earlier. I mean, sure, they were under attack and probably had a 100 things they needed to be worried about but still. Very bad defense strategy.

Especially Ben.

She stopped dead in her tracks, causing the other two to look at her strangely. Ben would never make a mistake like this, but what if he wasn't in charge? She didn't actually know what his ranking was, she had only heard the horror stories of his actions. She had heard from the survivors, but she could only imagine how it was for those who didn't make it.

She shook her head again. She needed to focus. She remembered his strategy from when they played his stupid war games. He had always loved war. And he wasn't this stupid. He knew they were here. He also had to know that she and Han were specifically here. So what was he thinking.

"Seraphine." Han hissed, trying to catch the girl's attention.

"It's a trap." Seraphine replied, her mind finally catching up to what her instincts had known all along.

Han simply smiled weakly before he nodded. "I know." He patted her on the back and turned his attention back to the doorway just as it opened. "Girl knows her stuff." He laughed, and Seraphine nodded slowly still watching the man in front of her.

"Well, this is not creepy at all." Seraphine muttered, looking across the area in front of them. "Was this seriously the best way for them to build this, it doesn't look very safe?"

Han gave the girl a look and she did a lock and key gesture with her mouth, finishing with chucking the imaginary key over the edge and then pretending to watch to see how far down it would go. Han rolled his eyes and the girls sarcasm but could admit he knew where she got it from.

"We'll set the charges against every other column." Han started to plan, turning his attention to his trusted companion and trying to ignore the much too old to be acting like a teenager girl beside him. Chewie made a suggestion and Han slowly nodded. "You're right. That's a better idea. You take the top. I'll go down below. Seraphine." The girl jumped to attention. "Stay with Chewie and watch our backs. Stealth on this mission not blasty blasty."

Seraphine smiled slightly before she nodded. He remembered. The first time she had learned to shoot, it had been a big fight between Han and Leia. She might have been about 13, but Han thought they treated her like she was a baby. Leia argued that she was just trying to keep her safe. Seraphine just wanted to learn to do the blasty blasty as she had called it back then. Han was the one who taught her how to shoot, much to Leia's dismay. She was surprised he remembered.

"Detinator." Han commented, handing Chewie the device. "We'll meet back here."

With that they split up, carefully picking their steps to try to prevent detection. When Seraphine turned away she almost jumped when the feeling of ice touched the back of her neck. She slowly followed Chewie before glancing back at Han. Something was going to happen. She just didn't know what.

They managed to place charge after charge without being detected. The fact that they didn't really see any stormtroopers really helped, man these guys needed to buff up their security. She did think this was much too easy. Much much much too easy. Something was going to go wrong. Something always did.

The moment she thought it, of course it did. Why did her mind always go to these places? They ducked behind a control center listening to a group of stormtroopers rush past them.

"They are looking for something Chewie." Seraphine whispered and Chewie responded softly. Seraphine rolled her eyes. "I know they are looking for us Chewie, I was just trying to stay positive."

"Ben!" Han's voice echoed through the chamber. Seraphine looked up and without really checking for stormtroopers around them rushed to edge of the railing.

He was here. He had been here. How did she not realize he was here? How did she not sense him when he was right there? The answer was a simple one, one that she had been trying to ignore since the beginning.

She was not force sensitive. She had never been. She had gut instinct, and a really good one at that, but the force had never spoken to her, not like it did to him. He used to let her know where he was, no matter how far apart they were. Now he wanted nothing to do with her.

And it was all her fault.

He didn't look like himself. That mask, it looked nothing like him. Her hands flew to her own helmet, before slowly taking it off. She wanted to look nothing like that. Nothing like him. He was projecting such a dark aura, trying to project so much strength, but she knew that wasn't him. That wasn't Ben.

Ben had cried when a they had found a dead bird. Ben was always worried about failing his parents and not being able to change the universe. The Ben she knew wanted to help people, just like she did. The Ben she knew had saved her from her hell and showed her all the world had to offer. That wasn't her Ben.

She needed to save him.

To save him from himself.

To save him from Kylo Ren.

To save him.

But she didn't suppose she deserved too.

Not after what she had done to him.

Ben and Han were talking about something, but she couldn't make it out. They were too far away. She hated eavesdropping emotional blah blah, but this was something she wanted to hear.

She didn't deserve to save him.

It made sense that Han Solo would. She had heard all of the stories, the stories of all of the amazing things he had done. Han, Luke and Leia had never talked about them themselves, the way that no soldiers want to talk about the past. But other people sure did. She used to listen to the stories with such awe and amazement.

The three of them had saved the universe more times than she could count. When she was a kid, she wanted to be just like them. They had defeated the Empire, they had defeated evil. She thought she had a chance to do good for the universe just like they did.

She had since learned better. She had since learned that they were not the only ones, she had since learned just how many people had died in the fighting. She had since learned that war was not a good thing.

Still, it made sense that Han would be the one to save the universe. Again.

"Do you hear what they are saying." Seraphine questioned Chewie who simply shook his head. The two of them watched in silence.

Until the unthinkable happened.

Chewie roared "NO," and Seraphine simply stood there frozen. It was like her brain had shut down, she couldn't focus. That couldn't have just happened, it couldn't have. It couldn't have, no, no, she was imagining it, no Ben wouldn't have, no, it, she.

She felt like she couldn't breath.

When Han feel, she snapped out of her daze. "HAN!" She screamed with a slight sob.

Chewie roared, firing his crossbow and hitting Kylo Ren squarely.

"Chewie no." Seraphine cried, attempting to wrestle the weapon away, but Chewie was much larger and much stronger. "BEN!" She shouted, turning her attention back to the injured man.

Chewie pushed her to the ground, just as the stormtroopers started to blast at their location. Seraphine's helmet clattered out of her hand and she managed to grab it, and attach it to her utility belt. She couldn't put it on, not when she felt like she couldn't breath. It was like the walls of the room were closing in on her and someone had their hand around her heart, squeezing it.

She could hear Chewie fighting, but it was like that was thousands of miles away. She couldn't focus her eyes, she couldn't slow her breath, she couldn't save ben, she couldn't, she couldn't.

She could feel a heartbeat. It was still there. Still beating. She could feel a heartbeat. She couldn't focus on anything else but she could focus on that. Slowly she slowed her breath. Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breath out. Slowly her surroundings returned to her.

Stormtroopers were all around them and she needed to get to Ben.

She pulled her two miniature blasters off of her utility belt and quickly shot the stormtrooper who was coming up on Chewie's back. A few more shots and they were alone on the level. She watched Chewie run and then turned her attention to the man who was below her. She stood fast, even as the building began to explode around her.

"Ben." She shouted again, and Kylo Ren slowly looked up.

And looked right past her.

She followed his gaze to Finn and Rey who were standing above her. She should have known. She should have known that he wouldn't notice her. That he thought nothing of her. Rey and Finn quickly ran, attempting to get out of the building and Kylo Ren slowly stocked towards them.

He was still ignoring her, when he stormed directly under her. She watched him slowly, before leaping off of the railing and landing on the level below her.

A lot had changed since he had left.

She wasn't just a weak scared little girl anymore.

If she couldn't save him, then she needed to end this.

She needed to save Ben from himself.

No matter what it took.

She needed to save Ben from himself.

Author's Note: Honestly, so thankful for all you and all of your support, it really means a lot to me! Now off I go, because I really need to study for anatomy.

Sneak Peak Into Chapter Fourteen

"You betrayed me. Again."