Warnings: Explicit usage of language.

Disclaimer: I do not own anything involving the Star Wars Universe other than a POP Poe figurine. All characters belong to their creators. Seraphine and other OCs are my personal characters unless otherwise mentioned.

Author's Note: I am messing with the timeline a tad bit because it isn't super clear. I'll explain it as it's relevant, but I'll be giving my little resistance fighters a break cause honestly too many plot points happening so fast can be overwhelming. And I need to force my plot points into the story line so you all don't get bored. So yah. In the movies everything happens very quickly, here I'm giving them a little time to breath. So they haven't found Luke's map yet. Yep. Hope that makes sense lol. Please review. They make me happy. :) Enjoy!

Songs of the Chapter: At My Best (feat. Hailee Steinfeld) - Machine Gun Kelly and Little Do You Know - Alex and Sierra

Chapter Seventeen - Alive

He couldn't find her anywhere. He had searched everywhere he could think off, and no one had seen her. No one had any idea where she was.

He had assumed she went to her ship. It was still docked on one of the corners of the landing pad, tucked out of the way and almost out of sight. It meant she was still here, she was still here somewhere. He had assumed she went to her ship and so he went there first. Talked for like five whole minutes before he gave up, figuring she wasn't there. Or if she was, she must really not want to talk to him.

And then he searched. He went everywhere he could think of, the training rooms, the meal hall, the hanger deck, the medical bay. There were just way too many places to hide on the base, she could have picked any corner and he had no idea that he would ever find her.

So now he sat beside Finn in the medical bay, his mind reeling. So much had happened and he just didn't know what to do. Everyone was out celebrating, but he didn't feel like it. He didn't feel like doing anything. He just wanted to go to sleep. When was the last time he had? It felt like at least a few years but it easily could be a few days. He just wanted to sleep. But when he slept his defences went down and he couldn't trust his own mind. He just wanted to sleep, yet he wasn't ready to listen to his demons yet.

But he needed to find her.

He looked up when there was movement in front of him and smiled at Rey. "Rey, right? I've heard a lot about you, it's good to meet you." He commented standing up and holding out his hand.

Rey took it and replied, "I've heard a lot about you too Poe Dameron. BB-8 really missed you."

Poe laughed slightly, ignoring the pain in his ribs as he did, "Thank you for bringing him back to me." They both nodded at each other and then looked down at Finn, who was still unconscious. The doctors had confidence that he would wake up but they had no idea what the lasting damage would be. He might be completely fine or he might not be himself ever again. No one would know until he woke up. Poe glanced back at Rey and than ran his fingers through his hair. "I'll leave the two of you."

Rey didn't really notice his comment or respond as he walked away, her focus completely on the unconscious man before him. Poe chuckled to himself lightly and painted a smile on his face as he began to walk down the halls. He wandered the halls almost mindlessly waving and smiling at everyone who called his name, patting the backs of everyone he recognized. Everyone was still celebrating and everyone was very drunk. He just wanted to go to sleep.

He took a deep breath when he entered his room, the smile quickly dropping off his face. His cheeks hurt. They had all the reason to be smiling, to be celebrating, but for some reason he couldn't join them. Normally he would be one of the last ones awake during their celebration but right now he couldn't even gather the energy to even join them. He ran his fingers over his face, feeling the stubble of his beard and he sighed loudly. He looked up and his eyes widened.

Sitting on his table was a helmet. A stormtrooper helmet.

He hadn't thought to check here.

"Seraphine!" He shouted, quickly looking around. Why hadn't he thought to check here? It was one of the only places he knew she had been on the base. He looked around frantically until his eyes settled on a figure curled up in one of corners in the dark.

She looked so small.

Like she was a scared little child, robbed of the childhood she had never had a chance to live. He thought his life was fucked up and then he met her.

He slowly walked to the corner she was sitting and crouched down in front of her. "Seraphine?" Seraphine slowly looked up at him, her blue eyes piercing his heart. She was still covered in blood. But she was alive.

But she had said it wasn't hers. And Finn hadn't been bleeding so where had all of this blood come from? Then he remembered the helmet. Oh. He stood up suddenly, and commented "Come on, let's get you out of that armour." And get all that blood off of you. You don't need the reminder of what you did.

She didn't move. She just kept watching him silently. He reached out his arms, and after a few long awkward moments she moved to take him, pulling herself up. Even standing in front of him, she looked so small.

He wished there was something he could do. He wished there was some way that he could protect her. He wished that there was anything he could do to make it better, but he knew there was nothing he could do. People like him had signed up for this life, it was a decision they had made. But people like her were never given any other option, they never had a choice. They were forced to live the lives others decided for them and she didn't deserve this. She didn't deserve any of this, she didn't deserve anything that had happened to her. He could see the ghosts that haunted her eyes and wanted to punch something. She didn't deserve this.

Before he knew it, he was pulling her into a tight hug. She smelled like iron, the smell of blood piercing his lungs, but she also smelled like her. She was alive. She was safe. His hand wound into what was left of her loose braids and he buried his face into her neck.

She was alive. And that was all that mattered.

At first Seraphine didn't respond. She didn't pull away, she didn't wince, she just didn't move. Slowly she moved her arms, tangling her fingers into his jumpsuit, holding tightly onto him herself.

They didn't say a word. They didn't move. They simply stood there, holding tightly onto the other acknowledging both their pain and the pain of the other. They both needed this, they needed the comfort. Not the comfort of just anyone, but the comfort of someone who understood.

Slowly Poe pulled back, pulling her towards his couch and she plopped down. She was pretty out of it, unable to really focus on anything as her eyes darted from different spots of the floor. Then her eyes focused on something directly in front of her, and she sat up, her hands clenching, putting herself in a defensive position. She was ready to keep fighting.

Poe grabbed the stormtrooper helmet, removing what she was focusing on and placed it in his closet. He closed the door, putting it out of sight and hopefully out of mind. He knew that was naive but he would take anything he could get. He walked back towards Seraphine and she relaxed slightly, but still wouldn't look at him. "Come on, Seraphine." He sighed sitting down on the table. "Seraphine, let's get you out of that armour." She didn't move and didn't acknowledge him.

Softly Poe took her hand. It was so cold. She was always so cold. Still carefully holding her hand, he reached to the bottom section of her arm's armour and found the tucked strap. Silently he removed the piece and carefully placing it behind him. He removed piece after piece of the armour, carefully watching Seraphine's face as he did. She looked like her mind was a hundred miles away, barely responding as he worked.

She did wince when he touched the strap to take her chest plate off. It was a slight wince, he almost missed it but he quickly pulled back. "Are you hurt?" He questioned worried, searching her face for any other reaction.

"Bruised." It was the first word he had heard her speak since he found her, but it was something. And he would take it. Her voice was gravely, strained, but she was alive. She was alive.

This time much more carefully, he removed the strap, and the chest plate joined all of the others. Soon, all of her amour was off leaving just the black clothes she had been wearing underneath, and the blood on her face and in her hair.

"You're going to want to take a shower." He commented softly but Seraphine didn't really respond. "Come on, get up. You'll feel better afterwards." He stood up and Seraphine frowned slightly but followed him.

Poe slowly turned on the water, waiting for it to warm up. "Okay, towels are there and uh I'll be right outside." He quickly commented, unable to look at her as he attempted to make his escape. Seraphine caught his arm as he passed and he looked back at her.

"My arms and ribs." She commented, soft enough that he almost couldn't hear her over the sound of the water.

Poe sighed and ran his fingers through his hair, knowing what she meant even though she didn't really say it. She had been braced earlier, and was obviously trying to move as little as possible. "That will make it painful for you to get your shirt off, huh." Seraphine nodded. "Would you like help?" He asked, feeling the red across his cheeks as he forced himself to try not be awkward. This shouldn't be so awkward. She needed help. He wasn't a virgin teenager. Why was he acting like it? He hated himself. He hated this. Seraphine nodded again. "Turn around."

Seraphine did, turning her back to him, and Poe quickly pushed all of the nasty thoughts down into his mind because he did not have time for them right now.

He carefully pulled her shirt over her head, trying to move her arms as little as possible, his eyes darting across all of the bruises that stood out against her tan skin. She was so skinny, he could see her ribs, and the black and blue bruises that stood against them. Her back was covered in them, her sports bra could only cover so much, her sides showed signs of impact and one of her arms was moving stiffly enough that he was wondering if it was broken. He followed the story painted by the bruises, the story of her pain and the fight, until his eyes settled on her neck. And the bruise upon it.

He reached out but she pulled away leaving his hand hanging in the air. He felt like his blood ran cold and he was frozen in time. He felt like he wasn't breathing, he felt like his heart had stopped, he wasn't moving he was stuck, frozen. He could almost make out the finger imprints, someone had had their hand wrapped around her neck. Someone had been choking her, someone had had their hands around her neck and held on tight enough that they had left bruises behind. A stormtrooper wouldn't have done that. No, it would have been Kylo Ren.

Kylo Ren put his hands on her.

Kylo Ren had almost killed her.

Kylo Ren had almost taken her away from him.

Seraphine noticed he had stopped moving, and she glanced over her shoulder. She must have seen the expression on his face because she slowly took his hand and turned around. Speaking softly, because she didn't trust her throat to be capable of anything else, she whispered. 'Hey. I'm okay, you're okay. We're okay. We are both standing right here."

"He did that to you." Poe growled, his voice shaking and his mind reeling. His mind was flashing back to when Kylo Ren had warped and twisted in his own mind, picking at all of his weaknesses, weaknesses that were coming up again. He had almost lost her. He thought he lost her when he watched the planet collapse, or when she didn't come off the Falcon but he hadn't really considered it. He hadn't really thought of what would happened to him if she had died, he didn't know what he would do. He didn't know what he would do.

"I'm okay, you're okay. We're okay." Seraphine repeated, her voice straining, rubbing his hand slightly, trying to get him back on the ground.

Poe shook his head violently, he was supposed to be comforting her, he was supposed to be here for her, when did this become about him? He slowly looked up at her using his free hand to cup her cheek. What had this women had done to him? "I really thought this was a tattoo." He weakly joked, his finger run across the ruined blue streaks on her cheek that marked her as a collection agent.

Seraphine smiled slightly, "We have to be able to go undercover and take it off. It's just paint." She chucked before frowning, "Don't make me laugh, it hurts."

This caused Poe to start to laugh, and she softly joined him both wincing and regretting it as they held their bruised ribs. Hers were much more fresh, but he had a feeling she was much tougher than him anyway.

"Holy shit, we are alive." He chuckled, staring up at the ceiling. "How the fuck did that happen."

"Language." Seraphine murmured and Poe looked back down at her. Her and her blue eyes. He could feel the steam from the hot water starting to make him feel lightheaded. And looking into those damn blue eyes was really not helping. He needed to get out of here.

But right now he didn't move. He didn't move because this is where he needed to be.

"We are wasting water." Seraphine whispered, finally breaking their eye contact as her eyes darted back to the ground.

"Mhm."

"Will you stay?"

"Mhm." He didn't exactly want to be alone right now either

Seraphine turned, and dropped her tight leather pants, leaving her just in a sports bra and boxer shorts. Poe very carefully looked away, but she didn't change any more, simply stepped into the water, allowing for the beads to hit her skin. Poe leaned against his counter, struggling out of the top part on his flight suit, leaving just the black shirt underneath as he tied the sleeves around his waist.

"That really is an awful color." Seraphine commented from the shower.

"Mhm." Poe mused. The water must really be making her feel better if she is already ready to make jokes again. She just bounced back, with everything that had happened in her life, she seemed to just always bounce back. Seraphine hissed, and Peo quickly jumped up. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine." Seraphine admitted. "It's just really hard to get this stuff out of my hair without moving my arms."

"Need help?" Poe asked softly, half hoping she wouldn't, but wanting to do whatever he could. He need to focus, he needed to be okay, he needed her to be okay. She was alive. But that's not okay. A person can only take so much pain. So much pain. She had to be in so much pain. Kylo Ren had meant so much to her before he became what he was. And he had tried to kill her. He had had his hands around her neck. He had squeezed tight enough for their to be dark bruises. He had almost killed her. He had almost taken her away from him. He.

He quickly shook his head away from his spiral when he heard her say, "um. Well, actually, that could help."

Poe took a deep breath and pushed himself off the counter, slowly opening the shower door and looked at her. She handed him the shampoo bottle she had grabbed, and Poe slowly took some and worked it into her hair. She looked so small. She was a few inches shorter than him, maybe 5'6", but that wasn't why she looked small. She had barely any fat on her body, she looked completely held together by muscle and bone. How was she so strong? Both mentally and physically, how was she still standing. Because he wouldn't be if he was her.

He slowly, helped her wash the shampoo out of her hair, running his fingers through it to make sure all of the blood was out. When he was done she slowly turned to look at him. She looked so young. She looked so innocent, he only wished he had been able to protect her from the world. He used his hand to rub the last of the blue paint of her cheek, as he looked into her eyes. She looked so tired.

He was tired. He was exhausted. He just wanted to curl up into a ball and never have to deal with any of this ever again. And she probably understood.

He was so tired.

And then he was leaning in to kiss her.

Author's Note: Well, we're back. Back again. Let's see how long this time lasts, lol. I promise I think about this story regularly but you know life man, life tends to get into the way. This one is a little longer but ends at an lovely point to end doesn't it. Do you hate me yet? I promise I am working on the next chapter how and will get it up, eventually. :) Thank you all for putting up with me, hugs and kisses - M

Sneak Peek into Chapter Eighteen

The water was dripping from his hair and drenching his shirt but he couldn't care less.

He didn't care about anything right now, he wasn't think about anything at all.

All he was thinking about was her.

All he cared about was her.

And she was right here with him.

Giving him the only taste of heaven that he would ever get.

And he didn't think he even deserved it.