Out of Control
This might have triggers in it for people. But I don't really know.
Yuri knew it was stupid. It was something he could easily control, but despite all his efforts, he couldn't control it. Yuri was still sitting on the bathroom floor, with his hands gripped firmly around the toilet bowl as he threw up the remainder of his lunch.
The whole mess had started during the off season. Yuri has chosen to take residence up at his grandfather's home in Moscow, what Yuri didn't count for was his mother.
Ever since he was a young boy, his mother, Anastasia (Anna for short) had constantly placed her work over Yuri. There had been times where Yuri had been left to fend for himself at home, while is mother was at work, all at the tender age of five. Yuri didn't even know his biological father, he had been the result of a hasty one-night stand. Whether it was because his mother didn't like his father, or she viewed Yuri as a hindrance on her own career, she wasn't all that loving to him. Yuri couldn't complain though, she had provided him with a home, clothes, food and an education. Everything a child needed, but love. Even today, he was only were he was as it was because of his mother, who had been paying for all his coaching fees, competition fees, costumes, skates and even his ballet lessons with Lilia. But now, Yuri was eighteen and already an Olympic gold medalist, who still had massive issues with his mother.
Whenever she visited him, she would bring a storm with her, there was no silver lining until she had left. The conversations were mostly about his own life. One of the many conditions that his mother had set when he had started skating professionally, was his was to continue with his schooling. His mother didn't want to see his education starting to drop as he skated. Yuri was fine with the conditions, the ability to learn and retain information had always been easy for Yuri, so he was able to manage school on the side, and even managed to get fairly decent grades.
"Now," Anastasia had started over dinner one day. "Obviously you cannot skate forever, so where do you want to do?"
"Truthfully I haven't put much thought into it." Yuri had grumbled back as he stabbed his fork aggressively into the mashed potato on his plate. "Well, I plan to skate until I'm in my mid-thirties? Then I'll move on to do coaching?"
"I think you need a more solid plan." Anastasia replied indifferently. "I had always pictured this as a hobby, and you would quit and go off for further education."
"It's not just my hobby." Yuri said with his voice raising in volume. "It is my passion! The one thing I can fully see myself doing for the rest of my life!"
"Tsk, I thought I raised you better than that." Anastasia replied, with her voice rising to match the volume of Yuri's.
"You didn't raise me at all, dedushka did!" Yuri slammed his utensils onto the table and stood up. With a horrible screech, his chair fell behind him.
"Perhaps we all just need to calm down and finish off our dinner." Yuri's grandfather pipped in, hoping to curb the impending argument between Yuri and his mother.
"Doesn't matter anyway." Yuri replied as he grabbed his plate, knife and fork from the table and started to walk into the kitchen to clean his plate. "I've finished. I'll be back down later to load the dishwasher."
True to his word, Yuri had returned later in the evening to load the dishwasher, when his mother and grandfather had both ducked out to go somewhere. With more aggression than he was expecting, Yuri loaded the dishwasher and started to rummage through the cupboards in the kitchen to find a little snack.
Yuri had a long list of 'approved foods'. But he couldn't care about the diet he was supposed to upkeep, instead, the Russian teen grabbed a chocolate bar and made his way back up stairs. Potya was sitting peacefully on his bed, completely unaware of the inner turmoil in Yuri. It was days like these where Yuri wished he had the life of his cat.
In the matter of a few days, the Plisetsky household had turned into a war zone. Both Anastasia and Yuri were constantly fighting with each other, both over the future of Yuri Plisetsky. No matter how much Yuri tried, he couldn't get his mother to understand him. To put the matter simply, it was Yuri's life, so Yuri makes the rules and decisions—he was eighteen after all, a legal adult. His mother had no say on what he could and couldn't do with the rest of his life. If he wanted to mess it up, then let him. Yuri wasn't about to let his always absent mother make decisions on his life.
Yuri felt like his life was spiralling out of control. His mother was already making plans about Yuri's future without taking into account what Yuri wanted. It was like someone else had pushed him out of the drivers seat and forced him into the backseat of the car. It had all started when he started to skip breakfast. He was only skipping breakfast to avoid a confrontation with his mother. Yuri didn't necessarily like the hunger pains it would give him until he managed to eat something at lunch, but if allowed him to avoid his mother, then he would gladly take the chance.
A few weeks had passed and his body had finally become accustomed to missing out on breakfast everyday. Yuri had finally managed to control his morning hunger. Almost as a challenge to himself, he wanted to see how far he could push himself. But it felt more than that to Yuri. Yuri had finally managed to grab hold of something in his life, his eating patterns. As a professional athlete, Yuri knew the importance of eating a balanced diet, but he told himself, he would be back to normal by the time he reached the preseason. Soon, it was only dinner he was eating. Yuri would gladly skip out on it, but he didn't want to worry his grandfather, so he forced down every single bite of the food on his dinner plate.
Finally, only days before he was due to return to St. Petersburg, his mother left, taking the dark storm cloud with her. Things could finally go back to normal, or so Yuri had originally thought. Yuri had noticed his muscles had become more defined over the offseason. Yuri had kept up with his exercise regiment over the summer, and combined with him skipping out on meals, had made him burn off most of the fat he had on him—not that Yuri actually realised it.
When Yuri returned back to St. Petersburg, he made his way over to the apartment he shared with Victor and Yuuri. Ever since Victor had returned to Russia with Yuuri in tow, the older skating couple had been acting a lot like Yuri's fathers. In the beginning, Yuri was completely apposed to the idea, but as he got to know Yuuri better, it all changed. The change was a welcome change for everyone. Everyone noticed how more gentle Yuri had become, he appeared to be more like his Russian Fairy persona, rather than his Russian Punk persona. In a few short months, Yuri had fully moved in with the couple.
The apartment was empty, which Yuri was expecting as Yuuri and Victor weren't due back from Japan until tomorrow morning. A meow besides Yuri made him aware of Potya, and he reached down to let the cat out. As he stood back up, his vision swarmed, black dots appeared in the corners and threatened to take up his vision, but Yuri refused. Using the back of the couch as his anchor, Yuri shook the black dots out of his vision.
Yuri made his way over to the kitchen. There wouldn't be much in the kitchen as the three people living in the apartment had been away for the past few months, but Yuri was sure he could find something small to nibble on until either he, or Yuuri and Victor went shopping. To Yuri's delight, he found a protein bar and grabbed the bar and made his way over to the couch to watch a show on Netflix.
The next day, Yuri had taken the car and gone to the supermarket and picked up a few groceries, so Yuuri and Victor didn't have to, as the pair would be a bit jet lagged. With their careers, Yuri would have thought Victor would be used to flying places and changing timezones often, but knowing the older Russian skater for years, Yuri knew it wasn't the case.
A few weeks into the preseason, saw Yuri Plisetsky bent over a toilet bowl in the locker room of the rink, throwing up the little contents of his stomach. The down side of living with Yuuri and Victor, the pair was too attentive for their own good, they always made sure Yuri was healthy, and that meant making sure the boy ate three meals a day. However, over the summer, Yuri hadn't been eating, and his stomach wasn't used to having food in it, so it brought it all back up. Tears started to stream down Yuri's face, he couldn't handle it anymore. He wanted to burst out of the door and into Victor's arms and tell him everything that was happening. But Yuri didn't want to be a burden. Victor had already done so much for him, he didn't need to throw his problems onto the man. This would be Yuri's silent burden.
"Yuri has slimmed down over the summer." Victor mused out loud as observed as he watched the boy in question skate over the ice. If anything, he would have thought the boy would be a little out of shape, Victor knew Yuuri was. The Japanese skater was always a little out of shape after the offseason, but then who wasn't? The fact Yuri was even more slimmer than normal, made Victor concerned, he made a mental note to bring it up with Yakov after training.
As it turned out Victor would never get the chance to talk with Yakov that day. Yakov had called Yuri in for a quick water break, the younger skater complied and came off the ice. Yuri made his way over to his bag and bent down to grab a drink, when he stood back up his vision swarmed again, like the time in the apartment, but this time there was nothing for Yuri to grab onto. And like a puppet whose strings had just been cut, Yuri fell down to the ground.
Victor was besides himself in worry. No-one in the rink were prepared for Yuri to pass out. Everyone was frozen in their place as they watched Yuri fall to the ground, it felt like the whole world was moving in slow motion. The sound of Yuri's head hitting the bench was enough to make Victor run to the young man. Seeing Victor run, everyone was quick to make their way over to Yuri. Victor's hand carefully held Yuri's head, when Victor pulls back his hand there was blood on his hand. Yuuri made his way over and placed a careful hand on Victor's shoulder. His eyes widened as he saw the blood.
"Quick! We need an ambulance!" Yuuri called out. "I doubt being on the floor is doing him any favours." Yuuri told Victor, as he was sensing that the older Russian was about to have a panic attack. "We can make him more comfortable on the bench."
Yuuri turned away and started to make the bench more comfortable for Yuri, he had complete unwavering trust in Victor to pick up Yuri and bring him over . He crumbled up Yuri's jacket and his own to make a pillow. Victor was careful in lifting Yuri and placed him on the bench. Yuuri pulled out Victor's trench coat and laid it over Yuri.
When the ambulance finally arrived, there was a fluster of activity. Yakov had to call most of the other skaters back so the ambulance officers could do their jobs. One of the officers asked if anyone wanted to ride with Yuri to the hospital. Victor gave Yuuri and Yakov both a quick glance before he decided to go to the hospital.
While on the way to the hospital, Victor couldn't help but run his fingers through Yuri's hair, being mindful of the bump on the back of his head. Victor frowned as he took in the parlour of Yuri. He was paler than normal, looking down at the base of his neck, Victor noticed Yuri's collar bone had become more predominant. Victor's frown deepened as he realised Yuri must have been skipping meals. Victor couldn't understand why. Yuri was a professional athlete, the idea of a healthy diet had been drilled into their minds since they had first started ice skating. Victor knew there must have been a reason for Yuri to skip out on meals, and he wanted to know why.
Victor crossed him arms and sighed at the clock in front of him. When Yuri was brought into the hospital, he was whisked away by doctors and nurses, and Victor had to remain in the waiting room until the doctor would come to him with information about Yuri. That was over two hours ago. Victor was wondering what was taking so long, all he wanted to do was to see if Yuri was all right, and to try and help Yuri get back on his feet properly.
There was chaos at the front desk in the hospital, Victor was reluctant to shift his attention from the door the doctor had gone into, to the front desk. Victor felt himself sigh in relief as he saw it was Yakov, Lilia and Yuuri all at the desk. The former two were speaking in fast Russian, and Yuuri looked a little bit out of place. Seeing his lover so flustered brought a small smile to Victor's face, Victor was quick to make his way over to the trio.
"We're sorry, he must still be with the doctors. I wish I could provide you with more information, but we will notify you when the doctors say something." The lady at the front desk had replied. "Please take a seat while you wait. We've got tea and coffee around the corner if you would like anything."
Yakov grumbled and turned away from the desk. "I take it that you haven't heard anything else either." Yakov said once he saw Victor standing there.
"No," Victor replied as he lead everyone back to his seat. "He's been in there for about two hours now."
As they all waited for Yuri's doctor, there was silence through the small group. At some stage, Yuuri had fallen asleep on Victor's shoulder and Yakov was nursing a cup of coffee, while Lilia had a tea in her hands. All four of them were nervous for Yuri. They didn't know what was going to happen, nor what condition Yuri was in. The only thing they could all agree on was Yuri hadn't been looking the best since they all had started for the preseason. They all hoped it wasn't too serious. Yuri was well known for working himself to the ground, they were all desperate to believe he had just burnt himself out and would need a couple of weeks to feel better.
They watched the doors like a hawk, every time opened, they were all getting ready to go and talk to the doctor that had just walked through, but every doctor that walked through wasn't for Yuri. They would go and greet another family to give an update on their loved one. Another hour had passed before a doctor finally came out and gave an update on Yuri. He had told them all, he would take them to Yuri's room and give them all an update on Yuri's condition on the way.
"One thing we know for sure is he has a concussion, from when he hit his head on the bench." The doctor told them in Russian, he then turned around to see if Victor, Yuuri, Yakov and Lilia was following him. "He should recover from that pretty easily, just a few days in bed and preferably a week off the ice. But that is not the only problem we have seen. We took some of his blood for testing and saw he had both low iron levels and blood sugar levels. We did noticed he seemed to be severely underweight, but we will need him to be awake before we can properly test that."
The doctor came to a stop right in front of a room. He opened the door and a nurse was recording a few readings off a screen. The doctor explained a bit about the different screens and tubes. There wasn't attached to Yuri just a heart monitor, an IV drip and a nasal cannula.
Everyone in the room stumbled back in shock. In the big hospital bed, Yuri looked incredibly small, smaller than normal. It was a shock to see the always energetic boy, completely still. No one in the room liked that. Although Yuri was normal quite reserved and drove most people away with his attitude, he was always on the go, ever really slowing down for anyone or anything. Whether it was him on the ice, in the studio or even going for a run around the block, the fact remained that Yuri was always up on his feet.
Yakov excused himself, as he needed another coffee, so he was quick to make his way over to the cafeteria. All the while, Victor, Yuuri and Lilia all pulled up chairs and sat by Yuri waiting for him to finally wake up.
Yakov couldn't stand to be in the room. Seeing Yuri like that, frightened him down to the core, he froze when he first walked into the room. He had a personal policy when it came to coaching, do not get attached. But Yuri was special, he had scouted out the boy when he was only twelve, and Yuri's grandfather allowed him to have sort of a shared custody over Yuri while he trained in St. Petersburg during the skating season. He became close to Yuri in a way he had never been with any of his pupils, he became a father. The only skater who's relationship with Yakov rivalled Yuri's was Victor's. So to see his child so helpless, scared the living hell out of Yakov. He didn't know what to do. During his career as a coach, he had to deal with broken bone, sprained wrists, pulled muscles and even depression. But nothing prepared him for this, the unknown. He wasn't stupid, he could see Yuri had been slimmer since he had come back, but he hoped the boy would have common sense and seek out help, but he didn't. Yakov should have known, Yuri doesn't tell people things until the last minute, he doesn't like to be a burden on anyone. It was all his fault, if he had been there sooner and talked to Yuri, they wouldn't have been in this mess to begin with.
It was later in the evening. Yakov had persuaded Lilia and Yuuri to head home, but Victor refused. There wasn't anything Yakov could say that would make Victor leave. Yuri was his brother in every way but blood and he was not going to leave until he saw that Yuri was all right. Yakov had grumbled at Victor's antics, but allowed him to stay. The conversation between the two had shifted from Yuri, to know skating. Victor had retired officially two years ago and had been coaching Yuuri, and co-coaching Yuri ever since. It could have been a bit insensitive talking about Yuri's career, while the person wasn't fully awake, but it didn't stop them. The pair were bouncing off ideas about what Yuri's skating program should look like for the next season. The pair were deep in conversation about the skaters in the upcoming season, that they didn't noticed Yuri was awake until they heard the rustling of the sheets.
Yuri's head was pounding, much like it did the morning after his eighteenth birthday party Victor and Yuuri had thrown for him. The lights in the room were dimmed, thank god for that, but Yuri couldn't tell were he was. Yuri turned his head to face where the steady beep was coming from and saw the heart monitor, he followed the wires with his eyes and saw there was a clasp on his finger. He then was made aware of a pinch on the back of his hand and something stuck up his nose. He came to the sudden realisation that he was in the hospital. Yuri did nothing but raise his eyebrows and tried to think why he was in the hospital, there was nothing, just a blank space.
Yuri felt the back of his hand starting to get itchy and moved to scratch around the cannula that was there, in doing so alerted Victor and Yakov to him. Yuri didn't even realise that they were sitting there the whole time.
"How are you feeling Yura?" Victor questioned once he realised that Yuri was awake.
"Fine," Yuri croaked out. He watched as Yakov stood up and made his way to the sink to retrieve Yuri a cup of water. "But my head is killing me."
"That's to be expected. The doctors said you have a concussion." Victor explained.
"Concussion?" Yuri was confused. "Did I fall on the ice or something?"
"Not exactly, you passed out while off the ice and you hit your head on the bench." Yakov passed Yuri the cup of water. "Slow sips."
"Do you know why I passed out?" Yuri replied sleepily.
"No," Victor took the now empty cup of water off Yuri. "We are still waiting on the doctor. I think they wanted to wait until you were awake. You could probably go back to sleep and we can call the doctor in the morning."
"Shouldn't I be staying awake or something?" Yuri yawned.
"I'll go double check with the nurse if you can." Yakov told him as he stood up and left the room.
Silence wrapped around both Yuri and Victor. Yuri couldn't help but frown at the concerned look Victor was giving him.
"Is there anything you want to tell me while Yakov is out of the room?" Victor asked. He saw Yuri's eyes widen at the comment. But the boy didn't say anything. Victor knew Yuri, he had known him ever since Yakov had brought him to the rink almost eight years ago, he also knew Yuri wasn't overly comfortable sharing personal information with people, he would keep it all bottled up inside of him, then suddenly out of nowhere, he would burst and everything would come out. There had only been a small few examples that Victor had seen. When he first moved to St. Petersburg, then another after his senior debut at the Grand Prix, then the final one the night before the free skate at the Olympics.
"No," Yuri muttered under his breath quietly.
"Are you sure?" Victor pushed.
"Yes? No? Maybe? I don't know." Yuri snapped at Victor, he took note of how hurt Victor looked when he snapped. "Look I'll talk to you later, when I'm not tired or in pain." Yuri sighed.
"Fair enough, but just remember I will always be there for you." Victor looked into Yuri's eyes.
"Thank you." He replied honestly.
Silence wrapped itself around the pair, but this time it was a little awkward. Yuri thanked what ever higher power there was when Yakov came back and told Yuri it was ok for him to go back to sleep. Yuri didn't need to be told twice and he fell straight back to sleep.
It was around midday before Yuri finally had awoken. There was only one person in the room, and to Yuri's shock it was Yuuri.
"Afternoon Yuri," Yuuri smiled. "Yakov had to take the classes at the rink and Victor has gone down to grab some lunch for himself."
"Shouldn't you be at the rink?" Yuri frowned. Now he was more alert and awake, he didn't really want anyone to be here in the room with him, seeing him in such a weakened state.
"Probably," Yuuri shrugged. "But the first competition is still over a few weeks away, I suppose I can miss practice at least once."
At that moment, Victor can bouncing through the door, still dressed in the same clothes from yesterday, Yuri dully noted.
"Yura! You're awake!" Victor smiled and made his way over to Yuri and wrapped him in a hug.
"Get off!" Yuri shoved Victor off with more force than was necessary and the older man stumbled back.
During all the commotion, Yuuri had slipped out and went to find either the doctor or a nurse to tell them that Yuri had woken up. When Yuuri walked back into the room with the doctor in tow, the playful banter between Yuri and Victor came to a stop, and both look a little sheepish as the doctor gave them a stern gaze.
Moments later saw Yuuri and Victor sitting down with their mouths slightly hanging open, with concern spread right across their faces and a frowning Yuri, with his arms tightly crossed over his chest. The moment the doctor had told Yuri how low his iron levels were, it felt like game over. Victor and Yuuri weren't stupid and were quick to figure out that Yuri had passed out because of malnutrition. Yuri didn't want their pity.
The doctor had made Yuri do a few tests, the one he hated the most was when they weighed him, all he could hear was a gasp coming from both Yuuri and Victor. Yuri instantly regretted allowing them to stay in the room with him, he should have sent them out. The doctor left notes with the trio about how Yuri should bring his body weight back up as well as a suggestion to a nutritionist. Victor and Yuuri had absorbed the information like a sponge. He had also given them a prescription for some vitamins as well. The doctor had also told them that after a few more checks done by the nurses, he would leave later in the afternoon.
Victor had quickly rushed back home to pick up a few clean clothes for Yuri. Yuuri sat next to Yuri, awkwardly twiddling his thumbs, he didn't know what to say. Yuri hadn't said anything, he just angrily stared at the wall front of him.
"Are you ok?" Yuuri quietly asked.
"What do you think?" Yuri snapped back. "Of course not!"
"Why?"
"Why? I don't have to tell you anything."
"Telling people might make it easier for you."
"Well, I do things the hard way." Yuri turned away from the conversation, apparently done with it all.
Yuuri would be lying if he said he wasn't hurt. But the concern he felt for Yuri out weighed that completely. He was thankful for Yuri turning away from him, he doesn't think he could stand for Yuri to see him on the verge of tears out of both concern and hurt. Yuuri's saving grace—as always—was Victor when he came through the door with a bag in his hand.
"Yurio!" Victor called out as he walked in through the doors.
"That's not my name." Yuri grumbled out under his breath.
"I've brought a few clothes for you." Victor carried on as if he didn't hear Yuri at all.
"Great, thanks." Yuri mumbled as the bag was placed on the end of the bed.
Yuri walked through the doors and Makkachin and Potya both came running up to him, Yuri carefully crouched down and started to pat Makkachin while Potya was weaving herself around Yuri's legs. Makkachin soon was disinterested in Yuri and ran behind him to greet Victor. Potya on the other hand looked expectantly at Yuri, and he bent over and picked her up.
"I'm going to my room." Yuri called out over his shoulder. Part of the reason why he wanted to retreat into his bedroom was so he could avoid talking to both Yuuri and Victor. He didn't give them the chance before he slipped past him and closed his bedroom door behind him.
Victor looked deflated as he saw Yuri slip away. Yuuri came up and gave Victor a hug from behind and rested his chin on Victor's shoulder.
"He'll come to us eventually." Yuuri told Victor. "And when he does, we just need to be ready and support him."
Yuuri walked away from Victor and made his way into the kitchen to start making dinner for everyone. Walking into the kitchen, Yuuri opened the fridge and had a look on what they had, he really didn't want to have to go back out again for anything, he also looked at the nutrition guide and saw Yuri should start out on simple foods before he tried to eat anything to heavy.
Yuuri decided the best option would be a miso soup. He had most of the ingredients all ready in the house, besides the tofu, but he could always and some more vegetables to replace the tofu. Satisfied with his idea, Yuuri started on preparing the miso soup for dinner.
Standing alone in the living room, Victor was wondering what he could do. Yuuri was in the kitchen cooking dinner, and Yuri was in his room and obviously didn't want to be disturbed. Makkachin wasn't even around as she had trotted off to her bed and had curled up for a sleep. With nothing to do, Victor sat down on the couch and turned the TV on. He had no intention on actually watching the TV, he just wanted to think about things and the TV just happened to work out as the perfect background noise.
Victor wondered to himself if there was anything he did wrong. Yuri lived with them, so shouldn't have he noticed something was amiss with Yuri? He had been eating with them like normal. Hadn't he? Victor looked back over the past few weeks and realised the only time he actually saw Yuri eat was during dinner, even then he had a couple of spoonfuls before he dismissed himself from the table. Yuri would always rise out of bed late, only five minutes before they had to leave for the rink, there wasn't much time for Yuri to grab any breakfast, Victor had just assumed he had been grabbing a breakfast bar and some fruit to eat on the way. During lunch breaks, Yuri was seen only eating a couple of pieces of fruit, either that, or he spent majority of his time in the locker room. Victor had always assumed he wanted to be away from everyone, but he only now realised he would have been throwing up what ever food he had just eaten.
A beep came from Victor's phone and made him snap out of his thoughts. It was a message from Yakov, he demanded to see Yuri sometime tomorrow. Victor sunk down into the couch, tomorrow would suck. There was no way that Yakov was going to let Yuri off easily. Victor was already mentally preparing himself for the backslash that would come from the talk with Yakov. His only hope was Yakov would be easy on Yuri, and not snap or argue with him, it would only cause Yuri to push himself further away from everyone. Victor wanted to delay the conversation, but from experience, the longer you waited to talk to Yakov, the angrier he got. Very reluctantly, Victor replied that all three of them would be there before practice tomorrow morning to talk about it.
Victor rubbed a tired hand across his face, he was getting to old for this. The fact that he just admitted he was old to himself, left a bitter taste in his mouth. Gross.
"Dinner will be ready in ten!" Yuuri called out from the kitchen.
Victor's head snapped up and he glanced to the clock by the dinning room table. It was already nearing six o'clock. Had he really been deep enough in his thoughts that time had literally flown past him? Victor shook his head and decided it was finally time to see if he could coach Yuri out of his bedroom. When Victor hauled himself up from the couch, he heard his knees click as he stood up. He really wasn't that old? Was he? Victor banished the thought out of his mind, his age wasn't important at the moment, Yuri was. So Victor made his way over to the boys bedroom.
"Yuri?" Victor quietly knocked on the door. "Yuuri has made dinner. I know you might not want any, but could you please try and eat some?" There was no reply. "All we want is for you to have dinner, you can come back to your room straight after if you want." There was still no reply.
Breathing in deeply, Victor turned the door knob and quietly walked into the bedroom. The sight made Victor's heart ache painfully, Yuri had curled up under the covers and had Potya pulled up close to his chest, there were dried tear tracks down his face. A grim looked came over his face, Victor quietly left the room and went into the bathroom to get a dampened face cloth to wipe Yuri's face with. When Victor came back into the room, Potya was awake and was carefully climbing out of Yuri's grasp. Potya heeded no mind to Victor and strolled out of the room, no doubt on the way to her food bowl.
Victor was careful in sitting on the bed, he tried his hardest to not wake Yuri up, yet.
"Yuri," Victor said quietly as he gently shook Yuri's shoulder. "It's dinner time." Victor used the face cloth and wiped Yuri's face clean of tears.
Yuri rolled over and snuggled in to his bed even more. "C'mon Yuri, I'm not getting any younger here."
Not that Victor would have ever known it, but that small comment, made the smallest of smiles on Yuri's face.
"I don't really feel like anything." Yuri mumbled into his pillow.
"I understand that, but you really need something to eat. Even if it's just a piece of toast." Victor tried to reason.
"Do you know what's for dinner?" Yuri questioned Victor as he turned to face him.
"I think Yuuri had made miso soup. You just need a few spoonfuls and then you can come back to bed." Victor started to plead.
Yuri sat and thought for a moment. He knew that Victor would keep pestering him until either he snapped or finally came out to eat something. Was it worth the fight? Probably not.
"Ok," Yuri mumbled into his pillow. "I'll be out shortly." Yuri stretched out in bed, the small seemingly innocent action brought a small smile on Victor's face. "What are you grinning at old man?" Yuri frowned at Victor. "Stop it. It's creepy."
Victor's smile grew as he stood up and walked out of the room.
Yuri felt was racked head to toe in nerves. Never before has he been scared to approach Yakov before. The carpark at the rink was quiet, there was only one car parked there, Yuri knew it was Yakov. The little dinner he had last night and the piece of toast he had this morning was threatening to come straight back up. For the life of him, Yuri couldn't figure out if it was because of his nerves, or the fact he had actually eaten something for once. Yuri felt a little comfort when he felt Yuuri and Victor walking behind him. They will have his back, they always do. Yuri came to abrupt stop in front of the door to Yakov's office.
"We don't have to do this today." Victor spoke softly to Yuri. "We can head straight back home."
"No," Yuri firmly replied. "We both know that Yakov will just even more angry if we tried to avoid this. I just want this to be over and done with."
Yuri gave no room for protest as he knocked on the door. There was a gruff 'come in' and the trio carefully walked into the room, like a bear was going to pounce on them.
"Please take a seat." Yakov calmly gestured to the three seats in front of his desk. Yuri didn't know whether to collapse in relief, or to be even more scared as Yakov was so calm.
Yuuri was barely sitting down in his own seat when Yakov started to yell.
"What the hell!?" Yakov started. "Ever since you started to train under me, both myself and Lilia had drilled into your brain the importance of a healthy diet! And then I go and find out you've been skipping meals? We raised you better than that Yuri!"
Yuri was shocked into silence. "I'm sorry," he meekly whispered.
"You better be!" Yakov's face started to turn an alarming shade of red. "I don't think you realise to compilations this makes! This puts a serious halt on your career. I've been talking with you doctor, and you won't be back on the ice until you finally put a lot more weight on again!"
"I'm sorry!" Yuri insisted again.
"I've heard you. But are you really?"
"Yes, what kind of question is that?!" Yuri felt tears well up in the corners of his eyes. He refused to let them fall. He will not look weak in front of Yakov.
"Perhaps we all just need to calm down." Victor butted in. He could see the conversation starting to turn very ugly. The last thing he wanted was either Yuri or Yakov yelling something they didn't truly mean. "Yuri has an appointment with a nutritionist tomorrow afternoon. We can talk about what is going to happen tomorrow."
"I know that." Yakov replied. "What I want to know is why Yuri thought it was a good idea to start skipping meals?"
"I'm sorry," Yuri told Yakov again. "I just wanted some control over my life. Ok? I just felt like everything was falling apart and my eating habits were the only thing in my life I could control."
Yuri stood up and turned to run out of the office. Everyone in the fell into silence. No one had nothing to say. There was nothing to say. The problem with Yuri's eating habit ran deeper than anyone could ever think of. But everyone in the room had come to the same conclusion, something must have happened while Yuri was in Moscow. But they were very unlikely to get the reason out of Yuri.
Yuri ran. Ran as fast as he could. He burst out of the rink and almost crashed into an unsuspecting Georgi. He didn't even bother to apologise (not that he really would have on a good day), he just wanted to get as far away from the rink as possible. Tears started to stream down his face, it made his cheeks start to go numb from the cold wind hitting his cheeks. Yuri finally made it to a small park just a few hundred metres away from the rink.
He collapsed onto a bench and put his hand in his hands. The more air he tried to shove down his throat, the less air his lungs got. Yuri started to shake, and the tears had no intention to stop anytime soon. He desperately tried to suppress a loud ugly sob from escaping his mouth, but he couldn't. The pain in his throat and chest was too much. Yuri's breath started to speed up, try as he may, be couldn't get any air into his already oxygen deprived lungs. Suddenly, Yuri felt lightheaded, and the nausea from early in the morning returned with vengeance, there was nothing that Yuri could do. The small amount of food he had eaten at both dinner and breakfast this morning came back up and landed in a disgusting puddle on his lap. This only made the tears start to fall faster.
"Yuri!"
Yuri turned his head and saw Victor was running his way. Victor almost crashed into Yuri as he came to a stop right in front of him.
"I'm sorry." Yuri started to cry.
"No, no," Victor rushed out and pulled Yuri up into a hug. "You have nothing to be sorry about." Victor's grip tightened on Yuri, in an attempt to anchor him.
"But I am!" Yuri insisted between his sobs and short breaths. "If it wasn't for me, we wouldn't be in this mess, literally." Yuri looked down to the vomit that was now spread across Victor's clothes.
"I couldn't care less about that," Victor dismissed. "What I care about is you. Ok? Yuri listen to me, you are all right. I'm here and I'm not going leave, ever." Victor said fiercely. "And the only thing I want you to do right now is to copy my breathing."
Yuri held on to Victor's words like they were a lifeline. Victor's tone was calm and level, the complete opposite of what Yuri felt on this inside. It brought peace to Yuri, it made him feel better. When he finally made it out of his thoughts. His listened to Victor's breathing and tried his hardest to copy. Taking nice, deep, even breaths.
"There that's better." Victor smiled at Yuri. "Now, you and I are going home, is that ok?" Yuri nodded. "Good, Yuuri still has to stay at the rink today, but I thought at home we could sit on the couch with Makkachin and Potya and watch movies all day."
With one arm wrapped around Yuri's shoulders, Victor supports him as they make their way back to the car. Yuri thinks about Victor and who grateful he is to know someone like him, someone that can be the older brother.
"Thank you." Yuri tells Victor honestly.
"Aw, anytime Yura!" Victor's face lightens up and he turns to give Yuri a bone crushing hug.
"That wasn't an invitation to start hugging me!" Yuri grumbled as he tried to get out of Victor's grasp. Victor wouldn't budge, instead he hugged Yuri tighter. "I mean it old man! Let me go!"
Yuri tried with all of his might, but he wasn't able to brake free of Victor, instead, Yuri started to laugh. It must have looked pretty ridiculous to see Yuri fighting Victor like that. It didn't take long for Victor to join in the laughing. It was refreshing, after the emotionally draining morning, it was nice to have a good laugh.
"I really do mean it Yuri." Victor smiled at Yuri. When Yuri turned around to face Victor, he still had a small smile on his face. "I will always be here for you, after all that's what brothers do." Victor grinned.
The pair broke a part and made their way over to Victor's car. Victor climbed into the drivers seat, and Yuri into the passenger seat.
"How hungry are you Yuri?" Victor suddenly asked as they were driving down the road.
"I could eat a little something, why?"
"You feel like a trip McDonalds?" Victor asked Yuri.
"But I thought Yuuri said were aren't allowed that." Yuri replied, much like a child.
"Yeah, but he's not here. So what he doesn't know won't hurt him."
Later in the evening, when Yuuri had finally came home from practice, he saw on the couch in the living room, both Yuri and Victor passed out on the couch, with Yuri's head resting on Victor's shoulder, while the older Russian had his head tilted back, resting on the back of the couch with is mouth wide open. Potya was in Yuri's lap and Makkachin acting as a guard dog, asleep at their feet. Not that Yuuri would ever show anyone, he pulled out his phone and snapped a quick picture of the pair and smiled to himself as he moved to have a shower after his long day of practice.
After he had his shower he turned to the kitchen and started to make dinner again. He still wanted to make something that would be light on Yuri's stomach, so he quickly whipped up some pasta. There wasn't much to the dish, besides the pasta itself and pasta sauce. He had always figured if Victor or him were hungry later in the night, they could always have a little snack or something to fill themselves up.
Before he moved to wake up the sleeping beauties on the couch, Yuuri generously grated some cheese on the pasta, when he put the cheese packet into the rubbish bin, he noticed there was a McDonalds bag shoved in the bottom of the bin. Yuuri smiled to himself, if McDonalds was the only thing Yuri could hold down, he would give him all the cheeseburgers in the world (although Yuri did realise that was a very bad way of putting on weight).
The trio was now all sitting at the table, digging into the quick dinner Yuuri had made. Yuri looked down at the small plate of food he had, he looked around the table and noticed he only had half the amount that Yuuri and Victor had. So he decided to make it his best attempt to eat as much as he could, Yuri only got halfway through his own meal when he was at his max. Quietly, Yuri pushed the plate away from himself, hoping not to draw any attention to himself.
"Are you sure that you can't manage a few more bites?" Yuuri looked up from his own dinner.
"I'm not a child. I know how to eat food." Yuri snapped as he pulled the plate closer to him and twisted his fork into his pasta. The look of—'you really sure about that?'—danced across both Victor's and Yuuri's face. If Yuri wasn't so annoyed, then would have found the look amusing. Truthfully, Yuri was half expecting for the other two skaters to be grilling him about what had happened this morning in Yakov's office.
"Are we ever going to talk about what happened this morning?" Yuri asked carefully.
"Not unless you want to say something about it." Yuuri said looking up from his food.
"So you aren't going to push me for answers?" Yuri was confused, this was the complete opposite of what he thought on how they were going to react.
"No," Victor said this time. "If we push you, you will push us away. We don't want that. We want to help you."
A few days had passed and Yuri was doing much better. He still wasn't eating nearly enough, but he had managed to keep food down, so that was a win in everyone's book. The nutritionist had told Yuri to try and increase his calorie intake tenfold, which we was honestly trying to do. He had been eating a lot of carbohydrates over the past few days to try and boost his calories up, as well as drinking a bucket tonne of water. Although he wasn't allowed on the ice yet, he had been keeping up with his training and ballet lessons for when he returned to the ice.
Yakov had cooled off as well. He had come around after practice one night and apologised for how he reacted. Yuri was very reluctant to accept his apology, but he decided to be the bigger person and accept it anyway, he did however, managed to get in a few choice words that would make a sailor blush.
Now, Yuri was sitting the living room with Yuuri and Victor, animately talking about the first competition of the season, that was only two weeks out. A competition where Yuri wasn't going to compete. Yuri was fine with the arrangement. He didn't want to rush into it and put up a performance that he wouldn't be proud of. There would be other competitions when he could compete though, and his final goal was to compete at the Grand Prix much later in the year.
"Are you sure you don't want to come with us?" Victor questioned. It wasn't like he didn't trust Yuri, he would be fine by himself, but it was more peace of mind.
"I'm not a baby. I can take care of myself." Yuri stubbornly replied.
"Ok, we're just making sure. But we will be calling you often to check in." Yuuri told him.
"Ok," Yuri rolled his eyes.
"I know we promised you that we wouldn't question you," Victor said slowly. "But I want to know if there was anything we could do to help you get better control of you life."
Yuri paused. Now this was what he was expecting. None of this 'waiting until I come to you' business. The point where they come to him. "Nothing really,"
"Are you sure?" Victor pressed slightly.
"Yeah?" Yuri frowned. Yuuri and Victor gave him both pointed looks. "It's not like I don't want to tell you. Its just you've done so much for me and I can't expect you to carry my burdens. They should be mine to carry alone."
"You shouldn't have to carry them on your own." Victor told Yuri firmly. "We want to help you. We will help carry your 'burden.'"
"But I—"
"We wouldn't be asking, unless we wanted to." Yuuri cut Yuri off.
"Please?" Victor pleaded with Yuri.
Yuri sighed and weighted up his options. It wouldn't hurt to share something like this with someone. Victor and Yuuri and always have been so kind and welcoming to Yuri, he didn't want to take advantage of them and their kindness.
"Fine," Yuri finally said as he placed him knife and fork down. He paused, trying to figure out how to word the next few sentences. "Do you know about my mother?"
Victor and Yuuri both shook their heads.
"Well, growing up, she wasn't the most loving of people. She would often leave me home alone for long periods of time. She was more focused on her career rather than me—that's what made dedushka take me in." Yuri launched into the story of his rocky relationship with his mother, and her expectations. He told them how she had come to see him during the off-season, with no intentions to congratulate him on the good season, no, to try and persuade him to leave skating behind and find something else to do. He told them how he felt like his life was spinning out of control, and there was nothing he could control. He told them it all started when he skipped breakfast. How he loved to have control over something again.
By the end of it all, they had left the dinner table, their dinner long forgotten, and were sitting on the couch, with Yuri sobbing, while he was wrapped in a hug by both Victor and Yuri.
The first competition of the season had come and gone. Yuuri had naturally won gold, and was very happy for it. Yuri was also happy as he was now allowed back on the ice. When he first stepped on it, he greeted it like an old friend. He loved the feeling of his skates carving out patterns on the ice.
A few days after he had told Victor and Yuuri about his mother, he told Yakov. His coach took it all in stride, Yuri had expected he knew a few things about his mother, as Yakov and Nikolai were constantly talking to one another. In reply, Yakov had smiled and apologised again for his outburst. Yuri nodded and left the office.
For Yuri's theme his year, Victor had gone completely over the top. He had made some bullshit story how Yuri was going to symbolise a phoenix and he was going to soar. Yuri had grumbled and told Victor that the idea was completely stupid. The stupid idea and symbolism aside, the choreography was on a whole another level. Yuri would have to say it was both his most ambitious and hardest choreography to date. His short program was easy enough for him, like a little tester of what was to come. But the difficulty laid in the free skate. There was so many small details in it all, his jumps, step sequence and spins were all at a new level.
Off ice Yuri was making progress as well. He now managed to keep down three meals a day, and he was working on making his portion sizes bigger. He had put on a fair amount of weight. He still wasn't where he should be, but he was better than what he was. His whole support crew was basically Yuuri, Victor, Makkachin and Potya. The four of them had been there for him over the month. Yuuri and Victor were always prepared to listen to him if he needed to vent about something, and Potya and Makkachin had been there when he wasn't really feeling the best and needed a brief cuddle. Not that Yuri would ever know, but Victor and Yuuri both had dozens of photos of Yuri curled up asleep with all the pets.
No one in the whole Russian skate team ever talked or asked about Yuri's mother. And without thinking about his mother, Yuri's confidence in himself had grown, as well as his skill as a skater. It was like he was holding back for what ever reason, but now, he was free.
"You don't need to skate for anyone." Yuri remembers Victor telling him. "The only person you need to skate for his yourself."
Victor smiled as he watched both Yuris practice their jumps on the rink, obviously very far apart. It was always bittersweet when he saw them compete against each other, it was even more so when he skate on the same playing field as him. There was only one moment that stood out in his whole career as a skater, it would have been the 2017 Grand Prix final, where both Yuris and himself were all on the podium together. Yuuri in first, Yuri in second and himself in third. He would have been lying if he didn't want to finish off his career with another gold around his neck, but there wasn't another person in the world who he rather the gold go to. Even though the previous year, they had both broken his world records, seeing them both grinning on the podium, made him ok with them surpassing him, he had always known they would achieve greater than him. It made his heart swell with pride and he could be more proud of his lover and his brother.
Much later in the season, Yuri just scrapped into the Grand Prix final. Yuuri had made it in too, it was another bittersweet moment for Victor, but long ago, Victor decided as long as either Yuri tried their best, he would always be proud of them, no matter where they placed.
Now, they were all getting ready for Yuri's free skate, he was the last skater of the competition. Yuuri was currently in first, Otabek in second and JJ in third. But after this one performance, the standings could change.
It was odd to watch Yuri walk down almost a line of people, all offering words of encouragement, Yakov and Lilia were giving their final pieces of advice to Yuri. Yuuri said nothing but gave him a hug and wished him luck. Victor was last in the line, and he smiled down at Yuri.
"You can do this. Just remember what I told you, just skate for yourself, no one else. As long as you do your best and have fun, we don't care what your score is."
Yuri offered a smirk and gave Victor a hug. "Thank you."
Victor earnestly returned the hug. "Anytime, Yura,"
Yuri removed his skate guards and skated out to the centre of the ice. When the music started, he came alive. Where ever he placed today, it would be a win for him. Just him, no one else, not Yakov, or Victor, not even his dedushka, just himself and especially not his mother. Before he dwell on the thought any longer, he pushed the idea out of his mind. He smirked to himself as he landed his step sequence. He was taken back to his first senior debut, and smiled at that thought. He would skate his heart out and leave it all on the rink.
The music came to a stop and he gave what would be a million dollar smile as finished. He had done it. No matter the score, Yuri knew he had done his absolute best. If the judges couldn't see that, they were blind and needed to rethink their career choice.
"You did well." Lilia told him as she put his jacket around his shoulders. "But we still need to hear your score."
Yuri shakily nodded and followed Yakov and Lilia to hear is score. Victor, had followed the group and wrapped his arm around Yuri's shoulder in a half hug. Surprisingly, the four squeezed onto the seat and were waiting for the score. Yuri couldn't hear the score, maybe it was because of the sound of blood rushing through his ears, or the applause and screams of the crowd. But the way Victor suddenly pulled him into a hug, he knew he had won.
Victor and Yuuri were standing together at the banquet, everyone was coming up and congratulating both on a successful season and both coach and skater respectfully. Victor was looking through the crowd to see if he could spy a small blonde walking around.
"Have you seen Yuri?" Victor turned to Otabek.
"No," Otabek frowned.
"I'm sorry," Victor turned to Yuuri.
"Go. He needs you." Yuuri smiled at Victor.
Victor didn't needed to be told twice and started to run to Yuri's hotel room. He was puffed by the time he was front of the door, Victor didn't know what possessed him to run all the way up to sixth floor of the hotel. Now Victor was faced with the same dilemma he had all those months ago when Yuri had come back from the hospital. Victor raised his hands and knocked on the door. There was no reply, so Victor tried to opened the door and was surprised that it was left unlocked.
Carefully, Victor walked into the room and looked around for Yuri. He found the small blonde sitting on the edge of his bed. His blazer jacket was thrown to the side and he hadn't even done up his tie. But what more concerning was the medal and phone in his hand, and with it came a sad look.
"Is it bad I still want her to call and congratulate me?" Yuri spoke suddenly without looking at who it was. Victor's heart broke. Even after everything that had happened, he still wanted his mothers approval.
"No," Victor said as he sat down next to Yuri. "I think deep down, we all carve for our mother's approval. And that's nothing to be ashamed about, but what did I tell you?"
"The only person I need to skate for is myself." Yuri replied and turned to look at Victor. There were tears in his eyes, Victor's heart broke even more.
"You don't need her." Victor brought Yuri into a hug. Yuri buried his head into Victor's shoulder and allowed the tears to fall. "You've got all of us: Yuuri, Yakov, Lilia, Georgi, Mila, Otabek, Potya, Makkachin, Nikolai, Yuuri's family, the whole skating community and me."
Yuri didn't say anything, he just wrapped his arms around Victor tighter and smiled.
A/N:I literally congratulate you if you have made it to the end. I can't believe I wrote just over 10000 words. That's just crazy. I hope this fic is alright. I apologise if any of the characters are OC, I really tried. I feel sorry for Yuri and the emotional rollercoaster I put him through. I also apologise if there is anything in the story that it factually incorrect.
As for Yuri's eating disorder, I sort of based it off my own. I thought if he was pushed enough and felt powerless, he would try and control something, and that was his eating habits. And as a professional athlete, I figured he would feel the effects more suddenly, as he is constantly on the move, and having long practising hours. I'm sorry as well if the story seemed rushed. I didn't want to make a whole story out of this (although it would have done the plot better justice), I just wanted it to be a 'small' one-shot.
Also- I fight you until the day I die that Victor and Yuuri are like older brothers Yuri and Yakov and Lilia are like his parents.