Day 7: Shirou — Patrol
Yesterday's battle against the corrupted Dark Rider at the school had been too large for there not to be any consequences. Though Kotomine had successfully arranged for it to be deemed another "gas leak" incident, the large number of people affected meant that the school had been temporarily shut down for health and safety reasons.
As usual, Shirou began the day by practicing his magecraft. Now that he had gotten used to activating his magic circuit properly, his skills had greatly advanced. He was able to succeed at Reinforcement magecraft almost as a matter of course now, and focused his efforts on mastering Projection instead. He could reliably reproduce Red Archer's swords, Kanshou and Bakuya; and with a little experimentation, he found it was also not difficult to create the fang-like daggers he'd seen Avenger wield – though given their crude and clumsy design, he couldn't see getting much use out of them. Projecting Excalibur, however, proved much more difficult. Each time Shirou tried visualizing the structure of the golden sword he'd seen Saber wield atop Mt. Enzou, he found himself getting the details confused with the other shining sword which appeared in his recurring dreams – a sword which seemed so similar, and yet was subtly but fundamentally different.
At breakfast, Shirou announced his intention to spend the day patrolling Fuyuki, looking for signs of other Servants or Masters. Saber approved of the idea, as she felt that the attack on the school proved what she had believed from the beginning: that attempting to continue his normal daily life during the War was untenable, and that he should focus only on War-related activities until the ritual's conclusion. Red Archer commented that the house was, so far as he could determine, still being observed by an unknown Servant in spiritual form; but if Shirou took both Sabers with him while both Archers remained at the house, then the enemy would not likely be able to find an opportunity to strike. Rin refused to meet Shirou's eyes; he suspected that she was still angry at him and upset over Sakura. Black Archer, however, withdrew a pendant from the timeless storage space within her Faust Buckler and tossed it to Shirou. Shirou held it up and looked at it curiously; the stone at the bottom of the pendant was a large jewel of the type that Rin used in her magecraft.
"My Master broke down the familiar I captured yesterday and infused that gem with its magic energy." Black Archer said. "It should point you in the direction of the familiar's summoner, if you are within the same general vicinity."
Shirou thanked Black Archer, then slipped the pendant around his neck and left the house with Saber and Crow in tow. He decided to walk in the direction of the downtown Fuyuki; as the location within the city with the greatest population density, it was the place where he was most likely to cross paths with another Master. The odds of actually bumping into another Master by sheer coincidence were pretty small; but depending on the range of Rin's pendant, it might not be unreasonable to expect to pick up the familiar-making mage's trail. Additionally, Shirou had been eagerly awaiting an opportunity to talk with Saber.
"Saber, I've been thinking." Shirou said. "About what you told me about the end of the last War; how Kiritsugu used a Command Spell to force you to destroy the Grail."
"What about it?" Saber asked cautiously.
"Well, according to Kotomine, at that time the Holy Grail had already been polluted by Avenger." Shirou said. "So, Kiritsugu didn't actually betray you for no reason. He must have realized that the Grail was corrupt, that Avenger's curse would be released if you claimed it as victor. It may have seemed cruel at the time, when you didn't realize why he was forcing you to destroy what you treasured most with your own hands; but now we know that he was doing it to save your from the polluted Grail – to save everyone. Kiritsugu wasn't a traitor, he was a hero!"
Saber sighed and shook her head.
"That may explain Kiritsugu's final command, but it does not exonerate him for his conduct as my Master." Saber said. "Even before the destruction of the Grail, I had already determined that he and I were irreconcilable. Though he claimed to strive for justice, his methods and actions throughout the length of the Fourth War were indisputably evil."
"I can't just accept that." Shirou said. "The man who raised me wasn't evil. He taught me about courage, and justice, and self-sacrifice. About being a hero. A man who felt such joy at saving others... couldn't have been wrong."
"You idolize Kiritsugu, don't you?" Saber asked.
"Of course." Shirou said. "How could I not? He saved me when I thought salvation was beyond hope. He's the reason I decided to become a hero in the first place."
"I understand." Saber said. "Ultimately, however, Kiritsugu failed to live up to the ideal of the hero. If you continue to deny that fact and emulate even his mistakes, you will only consign yourself to the same failure. Rather, if you truly wish to become a hero, you must acknowledge that Kiritsugu failed and then strive to surpass him. Only then will you be able to emerge from his shadow and create a new destiny for yourself."
Shirou recalled his last conversation with Kiritsugu. Kiritsugu had admitted that his childhood dream had been to become a hero of justice... but also that he'd been unable to achieve it. Shirou had been so blinded by his admiration for Kiritsugu that he hadn't realized the great regret his father bore. He had wanted to become like Kiritsugu because of the joy he'd seen on his father's face when he'd rescued him from the great fire. But rather than becoming Kiritsugu, Shirou should become what Kiritsugu had aspired to be. Only then could he call himself a true hero.
"Hey, kid." Crow interrupted. "Your necklace is glowing."
Shirou paused and looked down at the pendant he'd been given. The gem on the end was indeed glimmering with internal light, though only faintly; he could barely tell in the sunlight, and had to cup it in his hands to be sure. Turning back and forth, he found that the glow grew brighter when facing towards downtown.
"Thanks for helping me see things clearly, Saber; but that's enough talk for now." he said. "Let's go see who this Master is."
As they walked towards the center of the city, the light being shed by the gem increased until it was noticeable even in the daylight; to avoid attracting attention, Shirou removed it from his neck and held it in his hand. The stone remained cool, despite its brightness. Finally, it began to vibrate vigorously, which Shirou took to mean that he was in the immediate vicinity of the magus it was attuned to. Looking around for anyone who appeared suspicious or out of place, his eyes immediately settled on a woman in a blue dress with curly blonde hair. Though Shirou had never seen her before, her distinctive appearance perfectly matched the description Rin had given of the magus who was her fiercest rival.
"Might you be Luviagelita Edelfelt?" Shirou asked.
"Lina, please provide us with a little privacy." Luvia said.
There was a pulse of magical energy, and Shirou felt a bounded field envelop them. All sound from outside the field became muted and indistinct, and it seemed a safe bet that the inside of the field was likewise shielded from outside observers. This was confirmed when Levia's Servants materialized next to her. Rin had only mentioned one, the young female False Lancer, but Luvia was now accompanied by a second Servant: a young woman wearing large crystal talismans and a black cape, clearly False Caster. In response to their appearance, Saber stepped in front of Shirou, and Crow materialized next to him.
"Calm down." Luvia said. "I'm not so vulgar as to start a battle in the middle of the day; I simply wish to converse without being overheard. Your guess as to my identity was correct: I am indeed Luviagelita Edelfelt, head of the prestigious and powerful Edelfelt family; and a magus chosen by the Holy Grail to compete in this War as one of the Masters. Of course, I know who you are as well... Shirou Emiya. I haven't had the time to identify every Master participating in this War yet, but I could hardly fail to take notice of such a close ally of Rin Tohsaka. According to my surveillance, she has even moved into your residence. That was certainly very forward of her; though I suppose one cannot expect an uncultured swine such as her to observe the rules of propriety."
"I'm not sure what you're implying." Shirou said. "But are you saying that it's one of your Servants who Red Archer has been sensing lurking around my house?"
Luvia laughed.
"As if I'd have my Servants waste their valuable time on so menial a task." Luvia said. "That's what familiars are for."
Shirou frowned. It made sense that, if Luvia was using the pigeon-shaped familiars for her surveillance needs, she wouldn't task a Servant with doing the same thing. Since the magical energy from the familiar Black Archer had captured had led Shirou directly to Luvia, it was obvious she was telling the truth about being behind that means of surveillance. Unfortunately, that meant he still knew nothing of the Servant which seemed to be staking out his house: neither its identity, nor which Master it served.
"In any case, I'm glad I ran into you." Shirou said. "There's some important information about the War which you need to know."
Luvia quirked an eyebrow but raised no objection, so Shirou proceeded to recount to her a highly abbreviated version of current events: Zouken Matou stating he had altered the Grail's summoning ritual, the appearance of the corrupted Dark Rider at the school, the intervention of the forbidden Servant Avenger, and Kotomine assertion that Avenger had contaminated the Grail with his curse.
"A very interesting story." Luvia said. "If true, of course."
"You don't just have to take my word for it." Shirou said. "Overseer Kotomine can confirm everything I've said. Actually, given the massive potential consequences this has for the Grail War, I'm surprised he hasn't informed all of the Masters already."
"Actually, that may be because I haven't quite entered the War yet." Luvia said. "I was originally sent to Fuyuki for the purpose of eliminating the serial killer, who I've determined is the False Berserker. Since that is my number one priority, I have taken steps to avoid entering any engagements with other Masters until my mission has been completed – so I've had no official contact with the Overseer. I must admit, I probably should have by now; tracking down this rogue Servant has proven a slightly longer process than I anticipated. Happily, I am now close to accomplishing that task, and indeed intend to settle matters once and for all this very night."
"I'm glad to hear that." Shirou said. "I was getting worried that every Master in the War was completely selfish, focused on nothing but their own victory at any cost, and that the serial-killer Servant would be allowed to run rampant in the meantime. You seem like a decent person, Luvia. I'd like it if you could join our alliance to defeat Avenger."
"Unfortunately, that simply will not be possible." Luvia said. "I have nothing against you, you understand; you seem like a fine upstanding gentleman. It's simply that I cannot abide to ally myself with someone who is in turn allied with a Tohsaka. The pride of the Edelfelt family will not permit it; the blood of my ancestors demands that the new head of the Tohsaka be brought low so that the shame of our past loss may be avenged."
"Oh." Shirou said dumbly. "I guess you feel pretty strongly about that, huh?"
"Naturally." Luvia said. "But to be clear, I have no interest in fighting for a tainted prize. If the Grail has indeed been corrupted by this Avenger, that will need to be taken into consideration. I will write to my sponsor, Lord El-Melloi II of the London Clock Tower, and ask his advice. If he deems the Holy Grail War unsalvageably disrupted, I will withdraw once my mission is complete and release my Servants from their bonds. They may choose to ally with you or not, of their own will. If however the War is to continue regardless of Avenger's presence, I promise that I will show no mercy to any ally of Tohsaka."
"I understand." Shirou said. "Will you at least agree to a truce until after False Berserker and the Avenger situation have been dealt with? There's no sense in decent Masters fighting one another while wicked ones are still about."
"I suppose I can grant that much." Luvia allowed. "For courtesy's sake. I shall send another pigeon familiar to you with a message to report False Berserker's elimination and detail the Lord El-Melloi II's response to your information; you will know at that time if we are to have a graceful parting, or become enemies. But for today, I bid you adieu."
She paused.
"Lina, provide a suitably dramatic exit, if you would." Luvia added.
The False Caster accompanying Luvia muttered something in a language Shirou couldn't understand, and the bounded field which had sealed them off from the rest of the street collapsed. At the same time, a roiling fog bank sprang up where Luvia had been standing; when it faded, there was no trace of the Master or her Servants.
"Hey, nice." Crow said. "I like that Caster's style."
"Shirou, I agree with you that eliminating the serial-killing Servant who has been preying on civilians is a worthy task." Saber said. "However, please do not dismiss the potential threat that this Master poses. Even if she is a genuinely decent person at heart, the powerful grudge she bears against Tohsaka means she will not become our ally and indeed is likely to become our enemy."
"We'll see." Shirou said.
==Interlude: Luviagelita Edelfelt==
"I have to say, you really surprised me." Lina said. "Saying you'd be willing to give up your Command Spells and your Servants if that lord-guy told you."
"Why should that be surprising?" Luvia asked. "You already told me you yourself doubt the Grail is really a miraculous wish-granter. If it is not all that it is claimed, and has in fact been soiled and cursed, why should I even bother fighting for it? It would not even count as a victory over Tohsaka, if the prize was worthless to begin with."
"No, I get that." Lina said. "But even if you're dropping out of the War, there's nothing that says you have to give up your Command Spells or your Servant, right? The other Masters might complain, but there isn't much they could actually do about it if you went back home to the other side of the world and took your Servant with you. Why would you willingly give up an asset as powerful as your own Servant? Oh, and do note the singular: I'm not technically in a contract with you, I'm just doing you a favor. You couldn't actually order me to do anything against my will, not even with your precious Command Spells. So don't try dragging me into your vendetta against this Rin Tohsaka girl."
"Oh, right, of course; forgive me for my presumption." Luvia said. "I was trying to put on a strong front for the Master; it seems he and Tohsaka both have two Servants each, so I wanted appear on equal footing. But in answer to your question... well, it wouldn't exactly be fair to Rei, would it? She answered the summons of the Grail and submitted to becoming a Servant, subordinate to her Master's will, in exchange for the opportunity to fight in the War. To turn my back on the War and the prize it offers, and yet keep her bound and subservient to me, would be a breach of our contract. I'd be enslaving her for my entire life instead of simply partnering with her for a time. And such knavery is most assuredly beneath me."
"I don't mind." Rei said, startling Luvia by breaking her usual taciturn silence. "To serve my master's will, until I am no longer needed. I fought to save the world, and so was labeled a 'hero', but it was not by my own will: I fought only because I was ordered to, and saved lives only because I was ordered to; and so if I was a hero, it was only because I was ordered to. I always knew that I would eventually fulfill my role and afterwards be discarded. So there is no need to feel any obligation to me."
Luvia was shocked. It was by far the longest Rei had ever spoken. Even though her voice had never wavered from her usual flat monotone, this unprompted outpouring of words made it was clear that this was something she felt quite strongly about.
"Is there nothing you desire from this world?" Luvia asked. "Nothing you want for yourself?"
"I once thought so." Rei said. "I wished to meet a special person, someone who would complete me. Someone I could lower my AT Field and join my soul as one with. There was even a time when I dared imagine I had found such a person. But when I gave him the opportunity to join with me in Instrumentality, he rejected me. I have since seen the foolishness of such desire, or indeed any desire. I was not made for fulfilment. Tools have no need for aspirations. You cannot shatter my dreams, for I have none. That is all."
"You know, as a Caster, I'm capable of taking Servants of my own." Lina said. "And with my Demon Blood Talismans, I'd have no problem providing you the mana to remain in this world. So if Luvia decides to cut you loose, I could always pick up your contract."
Rei gave no response to the offer.
"Ah, that's right." Luvia said. "Since your Noble Phantasm is effectively an unlimited mana source, you could remain in this world indefinitely even after the War ends, without any need for a Master. Dare I even contemplate what manner of mischief you'd get up to under such circumstances?"
"What, afraid I might conquer your boring little world?" Lina asked. "Please; regardless of what people might say about me, I'm not that kind of girl. I'd only be interested in studying this way this world's magic works, see if I can't pick up any new tricks. Needless to say, I'd also keep an eye out for any type of particularly valuable item which doesn't exist in my own world – I've already got a nice little collection started. But eventually, I suppose I'll create a spell to cross back between parallel universes and return to my own home."
"There is no point in my returning to my home." Rei said. "If it is necessary for me to exist there, I will have already been replaced by a spare. There is nothing for me but to fade from the world like a broken, discarded doll."
Luvia shook her head in dismay. It saddened her to see a heroic spirit, defender of an entire world, in such despair; but there seemed to be nothing she could say or do that would mend Rei broken heart. And, ultimately, there was nothing concrete that Luvia could offer her in lieu of the Grail. It was indeed the intended fate of losing Servants to be abandoned without a second thought and replaced if possible; and as sad a fate as that might be, there was nothing Luvia could do to change it. It was even more dejecting to think that this was always the intended fate for Rei, even during her own life in her own world.
Luvia hoped Rei could somehow find a happy ending, but she had to admit that it didn't seem to be possible.
==Interlude Out==
It was only a short time after he had parted ways with Luvia that Shirou crossed paths with another Master. Unlike Luvia, he didn't have a gem pendant to alert him that another Master was approaching; and neither Saber nor Crow sensed the presence of a nearby Servant to alert them. Shirou was thus taken by surprise when the small, pale figure of Ilyasviel von Einzbern emerged from the bustling crowd to stand in front at him at gaze up at him with her unnerving red eyes.
"Hey, onii-chan." she said.
"Hello, uh... Ilya." Shirou said.
She smiled brightly when Shirou said her name, then gave Saber a good looking over. Whatever she was in her inspection apparently met with her approval, because she nodded approvingly.
"I see you brought your Servants with you today." Ilya said. "That's good. I'm glad you're taking my warning seriously, Shirou."
"What about you? Shirou asked. "Do you have Berserker nearby?"
Ilya shook her head.
"Oh no, he's far too temperamental to risk bringing out during the day." she said. "There's no telling what trouble he might get up to. Why? Concerned about me? I'm quite capable of taking care of myself, I'll have you know."
"Even so, you should take care." Shirou said. "I had an encountered with that Servant you warned me about – Avenger. And due to the appearance of the False Servants, he thinks there might be a False Avenger on the loose as well."
Briefly, Shirou recounted the events surrounding Avenger's appearance at the school.
"I see." Ilya said. "It seems like this could be a serious problem. Thank you for letting me know. It's good to see that you're courteous, even though we're enemies."
"About that." Shirou said. "Given the clearly messed-up state of this War, I think it might be advisable to call a truce for now. It seems foolish to fight potentially meaningless battles when things might be going seriously wrong."
"Impossible." Ilya said coldly. "After Kiritsugu's betrayal, the Einzbern will never again ally with the Emiya. Some wounds run too deeply to be healed."
"Look, I understand a lot of people dislike Kiritsugu for what he did in the last War; but as I was just telling Saber earlier, he had reasons for what did." Shirou said. "He discovered that the last Grail had become corrupted and destroyed it in order to prevent the curse from being unleashed. It's tragic that the War ended without anyone winning and that all the death was for nothing, but he had to do it in order to prevent an even worse tragedy. There's no telling what disaster would have befallen the Einzbern if he'd given them the Grail that had been corrupted and filled with curses. Kiritsugu didn't betray anyone."
Ilya gazed at Shirou levelly.
"An interesting interpretation of events." she said. "But even if what you say is true, Kiritsugu is still a traitor. He betrayed his remaining family. He betrayed me, when he chose to remain in Japan instead of coming home to Germany."
"Ilya, what are you saying?" Shirou asked. "You don't mean..."
"You're the son he chose; I'm the daughter he abandoned." Ilya said. "And so, I can't help but resent him – and you. You are the living symbol of his treachery; the boy he discarded me for without a single backwards glance and started a new life with. For years after the Fourth War ended, I trained so that I would one day be able to kill the traitor Kiritsugu; and then he died on his own, depriving me of even that vengeance. So the only thing left to take revenge upon now is you. I didn't warn you about Avenger out of concern for your life Shirou; rather, I wanted to ensure that no one else killed you but me. Because if you died, there would truly be nobody left for me to take vengeance upon."
"Ilya..." Shirou said.
"The rest of the family thought I should kill you first, of course." Ilya said. "But I've let you live this long because I'm curious: why? What did Kiritsugu see in you that he would choose you over me? You're not very strong or smart, and you're hopelessly inept as a mage... there is truly nothing the slightest bit extraordinary about you. And yet, for some reason, Kiritsugu chose you over his own flesh and blood. I don't understand..."
Ilya shook her head.
"Well, if you ever think of the reason, feel free to surrender to me." Ilya said. "Help me understand, and I might even show you a little mercy. I owe you that much, at least... as family. I'm currently living in an old mansion in the forest, near where that big explosion occurred a few days ago; it shouldn't be to hard to find. Give up your Command Spells and submit to my geas, and I promise you'll be treated like an honored guest. But if you come for battle, then I'll have Berserker crush you without mercy. That is all I have to say to you for now... Shirou Emiya, son of Kiritsugu."
She gave him a small smile that was equal parts tragic and menacing, then turned on her heel and vanished into the crowded city streets.
"Did you know?" Shirou angrily demanded of Saber. "That Ilya was Kiritsugu's daughter, I mean."
"I did not." Saber said. "I was aware that Kiritsugu Emiya was married to Lady Irisviel von Einzbern, but they never spoke to me of having a daughter. Furthermore, from my discussions with Lady Irisviel, it was my understanding that all past Einzbern Masters were artificially produced homunculi, mere imitation humans without any family; I naturally assumed that this was true of Ilyasviel as well."
"Alright." Shirou said, taking a deep breath to calm himself. "I believe you. But... I think you'd better tell me everything you remember about the previous War. I wouldn't normally pry in this manner, but I think it's important that I make sure there aren't any more surprises like that.
"As you wish." Saber said.
As they walked through the city, Saber spoke at length about her experiences during the Fourth War: the Servants she had fought, and the Masters she had encountered. How Kiritsugu had used his wife Irisviel as a decoy Master while hunting his enemies from the shadows. How he had slain the aristocratic mage Kayneth Archibald El-Melloi through foul treachery. How, by contrast, the relatively youthful and inexperienced mage Waver Velvet had managed to evade Kiritsugu throughout the War by acting unpredictably and remaining constantly on the move. How Kirie Kotomine's Servant, the Hundred-Faced Hassan-i-Sabbah, had been defeated, resulting in him being eliminated before Saber had the chance to fight him; and how Rin's father Tokiomi Tohsaka had likewise been murdered before she could confront him – apparently at the hands of Kariya Matou, Master of Berserker. And finally, her own battles on the final day of the War, overcoming Berserker and facing Archer for possession of the Holy Grail. And her final memory of that War: Kiritsugu interrupting her battle with Archer by using his Command Spells to compel her to destroy the Holy Grail, just when it seemed within her grasp.
"If the Grail is indeed corrupted, his actions probably saved me; had I managed to actually touch the cup, there is no telling what curse I may have inadvertently unleashed when attempting to make my wish." Saber said. "But he spoke nothing to me but his orders, offering not a single word of explanation or condolence; and I vanished believing that he had betrayed me for no reason in the final moments of the War. I must confess: when you first summoned me, I feared that you too might have called me to be your Servant with the intention of betraying me in the end, and so did not volunteer any information about my memories of the previous War. As you have demonstrated that your intentions are nothing but honorable, I must apologize for that."
"It's fine." Shirou said. "I don't begrudge you being cautious when you believed your last Master betrayed everything you'd fought for. Though I guess I am a little surprised you're able to remember everything in such detail; the way Rin described the summoning process, she made it sound like a different copy or version of a Heroic Spirit was called from the Throne of Heroes each time they were summoned for a War."
"I am not entirely normal as a Heroic Spirit." Saber said. "While the fame of my legend has grown more than enough to qualify me as a hero, the truth is that in my life I made a pact with the World: pledging my service in exchange for a singular wish, to obtain the Holy Grail. Thus, I am not an ordinary Servant, but a Counter-Guardian. Furthermore, I never truly died. You have probably familiar with it from the legends: Arthur, the once-and-future king, who sleeps beneath a hill but shall someday return as lord and sovereign from the Faerie lands to reign once more in Britain. The proper residence of my soul is not the Throne of Heroes; but Avalon, the Ever-Distant Utopia."
"Avalon." Shirou repeated. "An ever-distant utopia..."
For some reason, the name struck a chord within him; as though it were the destination he himself had been striving for all his life, and he had only just now realized it.
"What's it like?" Shirou asked. "Can you describe it to me?"
"Unfortunately, I do not now myself." Saber said. "Since I remain bound to the World by my pact, I am unable to reach it. Each time my soul is freed from its mortal shell and I feel myself approaching that distant land, I am once more pulled back through time to the hill of Camlann so that I can again be summoned as a Counter-Guardian. I can glimpse it only briefly... in my dreams. I yearn for it always, though I know I will never be able to attain it."
"Never?" Shirou asked. "It may be out of reach for now; but if you continue to be a hero, then surely you'll earn your way to it someday."
"That is impossible." Saber said. "A Counter-Guardian's service to the World is eternal – they are never freed of their burden, for all time. In my case, the contract has not yet been fully sealed: I pledged my soul to the World in exchange for the promise that I would have the chance to win the Holy Grail before I died, and that has not yet come to pass. Theoretically, if I were to cease pursuing the Grail and allow myself to die without obtaining it, the contract would be annulled – though that is never an option I seriously considered. Rather, my intention was to claim the Grail, and then use the wish it offered to change the past so I never drew the sword from the stone. With history thus altered, I would never contract with the World in the first place, so I would be free from the burden of eternity as a Counter-Guardian – but as I would not become the once-and-future king, I would never be set on the path to Avalon, either. So, even if I am victorious and my wish is granted, I shall never obtain that dreamed-of utopia."
"I think that's wrong." Shirou said. "You shouldn't give up on your dream so easily. Avalon... I'm not sure why, but I feel as though it's worth striving for – far more so than something like the potentially corrupt Grail of this barbaric War."
"You believe I should just give up?" Saber said. "Abandon both service to the World and my wish of changing Britain's fate, to attain paradise for myself? If I were the type of person who would make such a selfish and cowardly choice, I would not be worthy of reaching Avalon."
"It's not selfish." Shirou said. "It's what you've earned, for the heroic deeds you've already done – there's no need to martyr yourself to the World or erase your accomplishments because you think so little of yourself that you believe anyone else could do better. Past a certain point, it stops being appropriate penance and becomes nothing more than self-indulgent self-flagellation."
Shirou paused, and lowered his head.
"I... may have been on the path to making this same error myself." he said. "Living as nothing more than a sword, willing to endure any amount of suffering simply to make others smile... but Rin and Red Archer were willing to call me out on my twisted ideals that decreed I must forever suffer for the happiness of others. I rejected their words at the time; but after further thought, I can't dismiss their arguments so easily. And that's why I don't think it's cowardly to consider the possibility of giving up: because your greatest enemy is always yourself. You would charge Berserker Heracles without fear; but you're afraid of questioning the value of your own ideals. It takes true bravery to wonder if you have in fact been following the wrong path in pursuit of the wrong goals. Perhaps Avalon does not represent the path of surrender at all, but the true goal of your journey, and the other options are temptations that threaten to lead you astray from the true path: self-gratifying eternal martyrdom as a Counter-Guardian, and abdication of all responsibility for the consequences of your actions through a wish given by the Holy Grail. "
There was a long silence as Saber contemplated Shirou's words. Shirou himself had been caught off-guard by the sudden outpouring of words he hadn't known were within him; now his head was filled with the distant sound of great grinding gears and sharply clashing swords. It was as if, somewhere deep in his subconscious mind, he was already at war with his own ideals; striving to defeat himself, to surpass himself.
"You have given me much to think about." Saber said. "In any case, that is the reason I retain my memory between disparate summonings. Furthermore, it is because I never died that I am unable to assume spiritual form. It was wrong of me to imply that it was a fault in the summoning ritual or a deficiency on your part as a mage trapping me in physical form, and I apologize from the bottom of my heart for the deception."
"There's no need to apologize." Shirou said. "I mean, I already knew I was pretty incompetent as a magus, so it's not like I had much of an ego to hurt in that regard. But it's only natural to be somewhat reserved when meeting someone you don't know anything about. Since there was no harm done, and since you've now opened up and told me everything, I don't think there's any problem."
"Thank you, Shirou." Saber said. "It lightens my conscience greatly to hear you say that."
"Now, it's getting to be around lunch time." Shirou said. "Why don't we pause patrolling for a while and get something to eat?"
Saber nodded eagerly. Though she was usually very reserved, she seemed to drop her knightly demeanor and become an ordinary, energetic woman when the subject of food came up. In that regard, she was the very opposite of Crow; he was usually very casual and relaxed, but the fact that he felt no need to partake of human food was one of the few things that reminded Shirou he was a Servant.
"I know of some pretty good restaurants near here." Shirou said. "We can walk around and see if you see one that you like."
One of the first local restaurants he showed her was a small Chinese eatery. He was focused on directing Saber to the menu posted next to the restaurant's front door, so he was caught quite by surprise when one of the patrons sitting at the outside tables turned and addressed him.
"Greetings, Shirou Emiya." Kotomine said. "I was not expecting to see you again so soon, but it seems coincidence or fate has conspired to bring us back together under these unlikely circumstances. Would you care to join me? I shall order some food for you as well."
This restaurant was famous for its hellishly hot spicy mapo tofu. There were few who dared to order their house special, the most blistering dish on the menu; but Kotomine was apparently among them. Shirou could feel his eyes starting to water just from standing near the priest's table.
"No thanks, I think I'll pass–" Shirou began.
His protest, however, came too late, as Kotomine had already flagged down a waitress and ordered two more bowl of the same dish. Glumly, Shirou sat at the table across from the priest. Saber also took a seat, actually seeming interested in trying the food. Shirou supposed it must seem intriguingly different from anything she would have eaten during her mortal life.
"Did you investigate Shinji Matou's house, as I suggested?" Kotomine asked.
"Yeah, and Zouken Matou nearly killed me for it." Shirou said.
"But only nearly, as your presence testifies." Kotomine said. "Atypically sloppy of him to let a foe escape. The old vampire must be getting slow and senile if even children are capable of besting him now."
"As Overseer, you must have known that he was a Master." Shirou accused.
"Of course." Kotomine said. "But you already knew that Shinji was a Master, and so should have gone to his house prepared for battle; any warning on my part would have been redundant. And it is of course not my place to inform Masters of each others' identities, even when lack of knowledge might inadvertently place them in mortal peril. Such is the burden of neutrality that the Overseer must bear."
"Do you know where Sakuta Matou is?" Shirou asked.
"I do not." Kotomine said. "But I expect that Zouken implanted his false replica of the Grail Vessel within her body; thus, when the War reaches its culmination, you will be able to locate her at the site where the False Grail descends."
"Will both Grails appear at the same location, or could they be summoned at different sites?" Saber asked. "And how do we tell the difference between them?"
"I haven't the slightest idea." Kotomine said cheerfully. "Oh good, your food's here."
Saber eagerly took a large spoonful from the bowl placed in front of her; then she dropped her spoon as her face flushed red and sweat beaded on her brow. Shirou gingerly slid his own bowl away; if not even Saber's iron stomach would handle it, he didn't stand a chance.
"Not going to eat yours?" Kotomine asked pleasantly.
"I think I'd rather die." Shirou said.
"More for me, then." Kotomine said.
He took the bowl and began scarfing down the contents in large, fast bites. It made Shirou's stomach ache just to look at him, and even Saber seemed in awe of his fortitude.
"Delicious." Kotomine declared. "This restaurant truly offers the only culinary pleasure to be found in the world. You've been a good sport, Shirou Emiya, so I feel I owe you some honesty. I danced around the subject when you an Rin Tohsaka asked me about it; but the simple truth is, the Holy Grail cannot be cleansed. The source of the corruption lies within the Great Grail itself; destroying Avenger will not end the curse, for he is merely a nameless scapegoat. The curse which he bore on his body – Angra Mainyu, All Evils of This World – has already taken form, and is merely awaiting the opening of the Grail so that it can be born. Even destroying the Grail Vessel will not end the curse; when the Grail returned for the next Holy Grail War, it would still be just as soiled. Failing to realize this was Kiritsugu's great mistake: he thought he could end matters by knocking over the poisoned goblet he saw before him, not realizing that a second poisoned cup would be poured after his death. The poison has lodged itself within the bottle itself, the Great Holy Grail to which the every ritual connects regardless of the vessel which is used, the participants who compete, or the location where the rite is performed. Thus, the miracle of Heaven's Feel will never be achieved, and this entire War is meaningless."
"If that's true, then you should tell the Masters to stop fighting pointless battles." Shirou said.
"But I will not." Kotomine said. "That is my decision as Overseer. What will you do, Shirou Emiya?"
"I'll put a stop to it myself." Shirou said.
"Indeed?" Kotomine asked. "And what of your ally, Rin Tohsaka, who entered into her arrangement with you as a means of obtaining the Grail? Do you think she'll support your decision?"
"She will." Shirou said, without hesitation. "Rin understands that there are things more important than winning. If dismantling the Grail War for all time is what it will take to save the world from Avenger's curse, she'll do it."
"Such marvelous trust." Kotomine said. "But what about the other Masters, who will not be persuaded by words? Zouken Matou, who has perverted the ritual itself in his desperation to achieve his selfish dream; or Ilyasviel von Einzbern, who was created and raised by the Einzbern family for the sole purpose of attaining victory in this War?"
"I'll just have to persuade them through force." Shirou said. "I won't let the disaster of 10 years ago repeat itself. I'll finish what Kiritsugu started, and get rid of the Grail War once and for all."
"Splendid!" Kotomine stood and spread his arms. "Truly marvelous! I am more certain than ever before: Shirou Emiya, you will become a hero. But the fate of heroes is not always a kind one. Too often it is their lot to die alone and betrayed, the goal they strove for still beyond their reach: as Lady Arturia did, and as your father did. And even if you succeed, you will likely be hated by the very people you save – blinded by their greed, they will see not the disaster you averted, but only the treasure you shattered. By saving the world, you will condemn yourself to be its enemy."
"That doesn't matter." Shirou said. "I don't care about being respected or rewarded. Rather, there's no other way I could live my life. So my determination won't falter, no matter what."
"Of course not." Kotomine said, smirking. "I am the same; my resolve won't falter, either. So prepare yourself."
"Overseer Kotomine." Saber said. "You have stated that you will not stop the War, despite the calamity threatened by Avenger's curse; and you have furthermore attempted to dissuade Shirou from interfering. What reason do you have for allowing this War to continue?"
"It is very simple." Kotomine said. "As a priest, I am tasked with blessing life and welcoming it into the world. What is contained within the Grail is more than a mere curse; it is a being with the will to be born. I sensed as much when I briefly touched during the last War. True, it is an evil existence born of mankind's sin and malice; but God grants His love and mercy to all who are born, regardless of their origins and their nature. So I will permit its birth, and grant it the sacrament of baptism; and God may judge it for what it does afterwards, but I will not render judgement beforehand. Thus do I accept and pardon even All Evils of This World."
"If that is what you believe, Kirie Kotomine... then you are my enemy." Shirou said.
"Yes." Kotomine said. "I have been more than generous with you up to this point, Shirou Emiya; perhaps because I see some of your father in you, or perhaps because I see some of myself. But do not come to my church again, for advice nor for sanctuary, for you will find only death. And if you continue to walk the road of the hero, know that I will await you at the end."
Kotomine turned and strode away, and Shirou's eyes remained focused on his back until he had disappeared into the crowd.
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