Illusion

USJ; Next, Sports Festival

Chapter 6

White Clover; Meaning: I promise...

The room is cold, not cold enough for my breathing to puff in mist, but it still left an empty chill in my bones.

The door felt like it was shut hours ago, steel screeching as it swung closed, her last words a sickly sweet "Goodnight Etso~"

I now sit alone in the middle of the floor.

The floor is rather shitty carpeting, nothing like the soft feeling I remember brushing my fingers through at home. This carpet was not like home at all. I can feel the hard and scratchy material underneath, the fibers left something to desire and were slightly itchy.

The walls are a rather dark shade of grey, and it only made the room feel darker. There were clear stains on the walls and the paint job left scratches and peeling paint on the edges. No windows…

I settle into the familiar feeling of drab loneliness

I sit and stare, my legs curling into one another as I sit up straight. The door seems all too fascinating.

I'm so tired.

I crawl over towards the bed, a simple metal frame and almost ratty twin mattress. There's a small blue blanket that one of the Bolt's brought. It feels so soft.

It brings up memories that are easy to repress.

Everything is too easy and too empty, and everything feels surreal. My body obeys before I can even think. My body is more desperate than my heart nowadays.

Curling into the blanket is easier than thinking, feeling, and then ending up crying.

I'd rather fall asleep with fake happiness and content than fall asleep with tears.

It's all happiness. Life is beautiful.

When was the last time I saw a sunset?

Everything is bright and wonderful. There's nothing to cry about.

I wish I could see a flower again. Give the perfect petals to Seiko, to apologize for all of this.

Life is full of wonder, I have… her.. whats.. who…?

Cherry blossoms are wonderful…

No need to be sad.

I miss snow… the way the flakes would fall…

No need to cry….

No…

There's no need...

To cry…

Life is spectacular...

No crying.

...

Too late.

My tears soak into the pillowcase as little dots anyways.

They're just raindrops… Happy and content little raindrops… You're on the front yard with Seiko…

My chest is tightening, pushing a sob up my throat.

Mom is calling out to us from underneath the security of the porch, signalling our dinnertime.

It's best to stop denyin-

No, no...

It's okay, It's okay…

Drip Drip…

Just raindrops on a spring day.

By the time I reach the end, having circled around the entire arena, I'm sweating and out of breath. I don't have my temperature regulator since it's in the workshop after I found it gave away my position while I was trying to be stealthy.

Now, I've raced about half of our class to the entrance, where we all seem to be gathering.

I squint from my perch above the water zone. I stand all the way up at the top of the waterfall. The steel below me vibrates from the power of the running water. Below me, steel beams connect to hold the structure together, thick tubing running from below circulates water upwards, towards where I stand at the top of the structure. In front of me, water is launched out from the opening, almost white with pressure. It falls a good 50 or so meters down before fizzing white when it returns to the water pool.

In the middle of the pool, sleek white of the ship that was once there peeks over the water. Around the edges of the pool, water sloshes, hitting the edges in waves and splashing backward. It's serene, somehow, even though I just got up here to get a good view to see who else needs help. It's almost tempting to sit down right at the edge of the metal opening of the waterfall and hold my legs out and let them get splashed. But sadly, the water flow is too strong, and would probably whip me forwards and launch me into the air, or rip my legs off.

Something tempts me to jump off from the edge and dive. But the idea is also terrifying. I have no idea how deep the pool is.

But I guess that's apart of the thrill.

Brings me back to silk training, and all the times they trained us to do stuff that wasn't exactly safe.

Like hoping our legs were holding the silks tight enough as we fell from the ceiling, all the way to having our faces inches from the floor.

I then hear a slamming sound come from the entrance of the place, the sound of water making it very faint, and turn and squint.

All Might, dressed in his striking costume, bursts through the door and yells "I AM HERE!"

I smile from my perch. I should go down, things are about to end for these villains.

With All Might here, and me being so high, I wish I could stay here forever, with this feeling of serenity, and even though villains are just right below me, I feel safe, none of them can climb up, none of them can get me.

But there has to be some sort of injuries.

I look behind me, the stairs I came up on a good option. But some part of me wants to jump. I'm all sweaty, burning up. And the water is so enticing. I can almost imagine how cold the water is.

But from here, it's hard to see what's going on. And I still haven't found Seiko.

I need to find him I need to find him I need to find him I need to find him.

Damn mist guy. He's giving me a bad view and deja-vu.

Then, looking over past the stairs I see a long water slide that leads all the way down. I thought it was tubing?

I go down one flight of stairs and find that there was another route, leading the way to the slide. I was so hot and disoriented I didn't even notice the pathway.

Taking the route leading to the slide, I can feel a bit of excitement bloom in my chest. The slide gushes water from 2 small openings, and I wearily put my gloved hands over them. Water splashes through my fingers harmlessly, the water flows not strong enough to hurt me. I sigh, stepping into the little cove like shape and sitting down. I grab the bar above me and pull myself forward through the coldish water.

I lay back and rush through the water, taking in a breath through my nose. I don't remember the last time I've been on a water slide.

When my eyelids turn peach, I open my eyes to light peeking out from looks like is going to be the end.

I put my hands to my nose when I see the water pool at the edge of the slide. Soon I'm flung off the edge and falling into the water. I take a deep breath and go underwater. I kick my legs, the hot and gross feeling of sweat subsiding.

I reach the top of the water and breathe freely, and survey the area. My hair hangs heavily behind me and I brush the loose strands out of my face. I practically pull oxygen into my lungs, completely exhausted.

I'm glad he's not here. I would've felt his presence immediately. But nothing...

I paddle toward the shore.

I walk, wringing out my hair. I feel ready to collapse from exhaustion, my head aching and light.

My eyes flick towards the ceiling when there's a loud crash, and my eyes hone in on a bunch of smoke, where All Might must've been fighting that terrifying thing.

I sigh and start heading up the stairs, bullets from Snipe firing from the top.

My head pounds with every step and I just want to go to bed.

You've reached your limit: work harder.

Shut the hell up. Leave me be.

"The fuck you sayin' to me." I'm interrupted from my thoughts to see Bakugou, looking at me angrily over his shoulder. I must've talked out loud. I'm so tired I can't even keep my inner thoughts, well, inner.

"Oh!" a cheerful voice shouts, "There's Etso!" My attention is turned to Kirishima next to him, to which he frowns and his tone dims, "Etso! Seiko was hurt!"

What?

What?

It was inevitable.

My head screams with the pounding of blood and footsteps as I race up the rest of the stairs.

By the time I reach the top, almost tripping up the last step, I can barely keep my eyes open, searching for Seiko.

My head pounds.

"Etso!" I hear a voice.

Exhaustion is everywhere, the air thickening.

"Seiko's here!"

My vision is blurry. Tears? Exhaustion? I'm so tired.

"We need some cloth!" a voice shouts "Bandages!"

Why is my mind so fuzzy?

"We need to stop the bleeding!" More shouting "We need Recovery Girl!"

Why is everything so light?

"Do we have a pulse?!" I still can't tell who's talking

My head. It hurts. Everything hurts. I'm sorry mom, dad, pa.

They don't even know if he has a pulse.

Oh my god.

"Etso!"

Did I hit something? What happened? I open my eyes and find the ground, the world sideways, people's feet scurrying around.

I feel hands on me, my arms and waist. Strong fingers.

Nobody I know. I'd recognize hands of anyone too dangerous. They're too small and strong. Seiko's?

"Seiko?" I murmur.

No, his hands are softer, only feather touches, no matter how strong his fingers are always so light as if no matter what he's touching he believes it to be fragile.

"Nah," the voice sounds muffled as if my entire existence is surrounded by a blur. "It's me." I open my eyes to a sharp smile, one that doesn't reach his eyes, and spiking red hair of Kirishima. I look him over, my eyes lazily moving up and down. Oh god, I forgot he's shirtless in his costume. Why! He must be so cold!

Not the time!

I ignore his costume and try and focus on something else.

Damn, I'm out of it.

"Out speed yourself?" He looks me over, " Can you stand?" No.

I shake my head. "'M gonna pass out."

"Okay then."

"Damn Gray Hairs."

Someone slips their arms under my knees and at the small of my back. They're warm. But my legs are cold. It feels heavenly...

"Todoroki got ya," he smiles "He'll take you to one of the stretchers."

I nod, my head rolling into a warm body

Seiko. Oh my god, Seiko. How the fuck could I forget?

But I'm slipping, my vision darkening.

"Could ya keep me awake?" Seiko, Seiko, Seiko.

"Seiko will be fine," He says, "You don't need to be awake." His baritone voice says bluntly.

Yes, I do. I have to be there.

There's a moment of silence as Todoroki walks, but I can't really feel the steps.

Momma said I have to be there I can't let hi-

"I thought you'd be lighter."

I almost laugh. I'm all muscle.

"Is that an insult?" I manage to mumble out. Can I get some fucking medicine, my head is fucking pounding.

"No. You're just short, so I'd thought you'd be lighter."

"'M all muscle" I murmur.

"Alright"

I want to see Seiko, and when I open my eyes, I find two groups of people. I find Aizawa looking in bad shape on the ground, his face bleeding and his nose probably broken. Then I'm cringing and the air's leaving my lungs because this can't be happening. Aizawa is my first teacher since… since I was very young. I can't believe this. I need to help I've had proper medical training I can help. He still looks alive, with is a relief.

Then in the second group, I see a considerably high amount of cloth with blood on it discarded behind the people.

Who's there!

I see a patch of familiar red hair. With blood mixed in.

Seiko! Oh my god oh my god oh my god.

You failed. You failure. Your mother trusted you and you fucking failed. So selfish.

My muscles tightening, I use all my strength, pushing.

I need to help.

I need to be there.

He's my little brother...

Then I twist, with all my might, and I'm falling, surprising Todoroki enough to fall out of his grasp.

Seiko I'm coming, Sei I'm coming to save you.

Would he even want you to save him?

Then, the ground meets me as I fall, my back slamming into the ground with a burst of pain as air is knocked straight out of my lungs.

Then my head slams into the floor, sending my vision into stark blackness.

Seiko… please...Sei...

I awake with a gasp. Every bone in my body is exhausted and I wish I could go back to sleep immediately.

All memories from my dream slip away and I blow a puff of air from my nose. I drink in my surroundings. I'm laying in the familiar mattress of a hospital bed, the sheets thin and scratchy. A pillow is below me, flat and not severely comfortable. There's the sound of a heart monitor, but all I feel is the needle in my arm, most likely from an IV.

"You had a nightmare."

I turn, my eyes darting next to me. Seiko.

"We're at school."

"Seiko!" I rip out the IV and run up to his bed, my fingers grasping at the plastic siding of his bed. He wears a hospital gown, bandages on some small cuts on his arms. His eye bags are at the worst I've ever seen, a dark purple.

"Recovery Girl did a lot of healing," He says, turning over with a smile "But I'm done with sleeping. They've had you under for a while too. They didn't want you waking up for a while"

I stand, shell-shocked.

"What the hell is wrong with you?!" I shout.

He almost died. I don't think I could live through life knowing he'd died.

"What?" His voice asks, confused.

"Are you fucking insane! You almost died!" It would've killed me.

"I was-" His voice stumbles, sputtering out in surprise, "I saved Midoriya!" He yells back at me.

"What were you thinking?! You could've called to me! You know I will always come! You know if you ever need it I'm ther-"

"I DON'T NEED YOU!" I freeze at the words.

"I CAN FIGHT ETSO! I'M NOT WEAK! I'M ANYTHING BUT WEAK! I WAS BEING A HERO!" I can't. Seiko, please...

'Protect him, Etso, I love and trust in you'

"YOU'RE NOT BEING FAIR! I CAN BE A HERO TOO! YOU ALWAYS STEAL IT! YOU NEVER LET ME BE STRONG!" he screams, sitting up as much as he can, hands balling on the sheets.

"Bu-t" My voice wavers "You can't do that!" You can't get hurt. I'm supposed to take the pain.

"WHAT-" he freezes, looking at me expectantly, completely furious. "WHAT?! TELL ME ETSO! WHAT CAN I NOT DO?! YOU'RE NOT THE ONLY STRONG ONE!"

"You can't die," I mumble out, "Not with how much-" How much I love you. How much I have taken already. We both can't be hurt. I need to be in shreds while you don't have a single scratch. The painful reality.

"HOW MUCH YOU'VE DONE FOR ME?! YOU HAVE DONE NOTHING! I WOULD BE FINE WITHOUT YOU AND IT WILL ALWAYS BE THAT WAY! I HAVE STRENGTH TOO!"

That's not what I meant, but...

I've done so much. So, so much. Seiko, I've given it all for you. My only ambition. There's so, so much you don't know, that you've somehow forgotten.

"YOU! STOP FUCKING PROTECTING ME! I WANNA LIVE TOO!" I choke. My eyes burn.

That's the whole fucking point, Seiko. To let you live, in peace. While I live in pieces.

And I'm stumbling away. My legs so weak.

It's hate. It's come and I'm not ready. It's crossed the line but he has no idea. He has no idea that this is the worst time this could happen. He needs to trust me more than ever now. With these villains fucking around, infiltrating UA, they're gonna come.

And they'll be after us.

After him.

To bring me.

And Seiko, oh Seiko. Everything is so fucked. If they weren't after us everything would be so easy. I would just let him be happy and let me go. But it doesn't work that way.

Oh my god.

It's not even a matter of 'if' anymore. It's when.

I don't wanna go back. No, NO, I can't!

But Seiko, it's all him, it's all about him.

But what about me. I don't want to go back. But Seiko…

Mom...

I open the door out of the UA infirmary and slam it behind me. I stumble into the bathroom in front of me, across the hall. My tears flow freely.

Oh my god.

I open a stall and rush in, sitting and sliding down the wall. Locking the door, sobs are bubbling out of my throat

"Mom..." my voice wavers, "Mom, I'm so sorry, so, so sorry. He- He hates me now. He won't let me save him anymore and they're gonna come and their gonna use him or kill him. I- I can't."

I let the tear fall and I shake, shake, shake.

We are so absolutely fucked.

I step out of the bathroom, one last wipe at my face, and look around. I hone in on my backpack, which is sitting by the door. I kneel down and open it up, finding my phone dropped in over my stuff, meaning someone took it from my locker and put it here for me.

I click it on and find a numerous amount of texts on it.

I open the texting app and see Celeste at the top.

Celeste: I gave your friends your phone number, they were here visiting you two.

If Sei isn't awake, don't worry, he'll be okay. I'll pick you up when you text me.

I roll my shoulders before typing. She responds almost instantly, saying she'll be there in a half hour. She also asks if Recovery Girl has seen me. I lie.

Me: Yes

I cannot go back in there.

"Well look who it is." I look up fast before seeing Recovery Girl herself, standing and looking at me.

"I- Uh, I'm just looking at my phone, do you need to do some check up or something, I dunno but-" she stops me with a hit to the side from her cane.

She seems to get a good look in my eyes, and I panic. She knows I was crying.

"It seems that you are doing just fine." She pauses, stepping closer towards her office, "I'm sure you'd know if anything is wrong?"

"Everything feels fine…"

"Don't worry, we'll try our very hardest to keep you safe. You'll never go back to that terrible place."

It won't be enough. He will come.

Act reassured.

"Thank you"

"Go home, girl."

After sitting by the door for 20 or so minutes, I get a text.

Celeste: I'm here.

I pick up my bag and turn off my phone, slipping it into the side pocket.

I walk weakly through the halls, light and silent on my steps.

I feel like I'm gonna throw up or something. My hands shake and I grasp tightly on my backpack straps. My nose burns and I just want to cry again. At least when I go home Seiko won't be there.

I push a door open, leading outside, and head towards the school gates. I slip out, the gates sensing my student ID in my bag.

When I reach the car Celeste waves through the car window, smiling, brown hair tied back into her usual ponytail.

I wave slightly back to her. I have no reason to be mean to her. If anything I should me on my knees in front of her, thanking her for everything. She was the only one who would take us, the only name on the list. (Her wife was on there too, but it was submitted as Celeste's name too.)

Still, Celeste feels more like an older sister.

I open the car door.

"Hi Et!" She notices the abnormal red dusting of my cheeks and face. Her voice goes softer "How are you feeling."

"Fine." It feels so difficult to say fucking one word. My throats closed.

I lean my head against the cool window and stare into the trees and cherry blossoms. Celeste drives silently, music playing lightly through the speakers.

I wish my mind would wander. But it doesn't. It replays the argument over and over and over.

By the time we're home, I want to die, my thoughts suffocating me, the tension between Celeste and me is practically visible.

We each slip out the car and open the door to the house.

We each pull off our shoes "Akane is working late tonight- so it's just you and me." Thank god, "You hungry?"

"No. I'm just gonna go to my room." I step up each stair carefully, feeling Celeste's gaze digging holes into my back. It makes me shudder.

I open my door, revealing my bedroom, as normal as can be. I drop my bag by the door and sit down on my bed. I find myself staring at the wall.

Can I fix this? Can I really fix it?

There has to be a way.

But the only way is to stop protecting him. Stop stepping in.

Can I really do that?

I love him. And it's so fucking agonizing. Seeing his face puffy with tears and anger. All red.

But I also have to protect him. That's the highest priority, not me, not my heart, not anyone else.

And I wish it wasn't that way. Cause I'm so fucking selfish.

But I can't. No fucking way can I just fucking give up on him.

I hate this.

I storm out of my own thoughts, swinging open my closet and pulling out a flannel shirt and some leggings.

I practically tear my clothes off and pull on the leggings and pull on the flannel, looking down to button it.

But my hands are shaking, and my fingers aren't working and I can't put the button in the little fucking slit. It isn't that fucking hard!

You useless fucker. You can't even button up your fucking shirt.

"FUCKING FUCK!" I slam my hands onto the wall and kick it. "Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck!" I slam my hands into the wall over and over and over.

Everything is so fucked. Everything sucks.

Then the door clicks open. Celeste.

"Hey, it's okay." I hear the door close behind her, her hands slipping over my arms into a hug.

She rugs circles into my back.

You know what. Who fucking cares. I trust Celeste.

And I let my frustrations out as tears into her shoulder.

I almost expect her to let go and walk away, but instead, she rocks me in her arms, mumbling reassurance.

It's so refreshing. She cares.

Its unreal.

We stay like that for a minute, and I'm lost in a daze.

"What were you having trouble with?" She says softly, no judgment.

I step back and show her the unbuttoned shirt.

She gets to buttoning silently.

"Do you want to come downstairs with me? I can make you something to eat or drink…"

I just shrug. But I guess that would be ok right now. Now that there's nothing, no anger, everything's just turned numb.

It would help me sleep. Nightmares are usually terrible after any type of incident.

She brings me downstairs and makes some mint tea. We turn off the lights and curl up, letting a movie play. Celeste watches quietly, not moving, but her eyes follow the screen. I just try to sleep, laying against Celeste and her warmth.

Celeste; just another person I'm in debt to.

I push the thought away and drift asleep. No nightmares. They'll come soon anyway. I guess it's one night in peace.

When I wake up, it's the normal time for school. But it's Sunday.

I slide into bed, staring into the beams of light that peek through the windows, phone playing music lightly.

Through warm covers my phone buzzes, texts from my classmates.

I don't answer.

My gaze lingers to the small plant perched on my windowsill. The eglantine rose I bought. With Seiko.

Then all the sudden there's the sound of a door opening, rummaging and footsteps.

Seiko.

After a minute of laying tensely, I can hear the sound of the wall bumping, and I feel a slight jolt. Whenever he falls into bed he bumps it into the wall. Right into the wall by my bed. I almost flinch.

I curl further into my blankets.

He's less than 2 meters from me. Yet he feels millions of miles away.

Oh wow, its been 2 months hasn't it. I'm so sorry! It's a new year and this time I really plan to catch up and post more! Thank you so much for all the follows and favorites along with reviews, it's so nice to see that people are enjoying this. I can't wait to get into this more and more because I have so much more planned. Please, leave any reviews and tell me what you think because I really would love to hear it! Thank you for reading, and I'll see you next chapter!