Aziraphale squealed as he attempted to take a bite of his bread and low and behold cockroaches came out. He set what was left down in an angry huff and was not surprised to see a pack of hungry bees eating his milk he had been dipping the bread in moments ago.
He hadn't expected Pharoah to release the slaves but this was getting ridiculous. Honestly, it would take Death himself to get that stubborn Pharoah to do anything.
Fair enough he could have stayed at an Israelites place and not have had all this happened. But performing secret miracles to help aid the suffering of the Egyptian people would be suspicious is he wasn't the least bit close to where he needed to be.
He walked out of the small house where he had been staying before snapping his fingers and watched hundreds of bugs scatter from the home. He knew he couldn't keep them all out but for now, the house would be free of flies.
He looked up and sawflies everywhere. Buzzing around and a woman ran past him in the street waving her hands like a mad man and he shook his head before snapping his fingers and telling the flies to basically get lost. They scattered over the house out into the desert.
She looked at him wide-eyed and whispered: "How did you do that?"
He shook his head and denied it saying it wasn't him. He just happened to be standing there and it must have been a miracle from the Almighty. It wasn't a lie technically as his powers and entire existence did come from God.
"You mean the Israelite's God?"
"Yes, my dear child. I would be thanking that God for your blessings today."
The girl nodded and walked off.
He then sensed something inhuman behind him. He turned expecting to see Crawly but instead found himself gazing into the black pits of Pollution's eyes. He felt more annoyed than disappointed. Where was Crawly and why couldn't he sense him anywhere he went?
"What do you want Pollution?"
"Your little friend attempted to openly stop the flies from attacking a young child. I suggest you go to him before his other friends come."
"I'm sorry who are we talking about?"
"The annoying one with red hair who keeps cleaning up me everywhere I go. I have half a mind to kill him myself if only your beings weren't immortal."
Oh. She must have been talking about Crawly. Crawly did like plants so it would make sense he would want to care for them and that would involve cleaning up Pollution around them though she didn't seem to pleased with the whole encounter. His other friends must have been the other demons. It was so hard to sense them with all these flies buzzing around his face.
"All right Pollution. I will make a deal with you."
"One does not make deals with Pollution and expect their crops to survive next spring."
"Not that kind of deal. I meant you take me to Crawly and in exchange, I will get him to stop cleaning up the trash for now."
Pollution clocked her head at him and eyed him suspiciously. She had what looked like black ink run down from her eyes and face.
"Yes, I suppose so. But be warned angel. I am always watching you. I am the smoke. I am the waste. I am Pollution."
"So you keep saying. Can we just go? We are wasting time by sitting her and discussing your existential crisis."
"Yes. Very well pathetic Principality. Let us go then. Also do not touch me. This is a filthy robe filled with the piss and shit from the river and I would hate to get it ruined by your angelic cleanliness."
She smelled awful and disgusted Aziraphale. He openly agreed to not touch her although that was never going to be a problem for Aziraphale.
They moved through Egypt watching all the flies swarming. There was trash everywhere from where people he assumed had been attacked by the various creatures of the plagues so far and had left food, pottery, and various other objects. It smelled terrible as there was rotting food everywhere.
"Isn't it beautiful? All the trash. I hear the rodents scrapping at the doors and feasting on the forgotten flesh of the food the humans waste. So wasteful. So careless. So perfect for me. I attack when they least expect it. I never go away and I won't ever."
Aziraphale stiffened the urge to sigh as Pollution went on her little speel about her powers and role on Earth. Annoying as ever. In fact, he thinks he would have rather listened to Crawly complain about how his snake form for three hours than listen to one more second of Pollution.
They finally reached a clearing in the city and Aziraphale's heart dropped as he saw it was not the demon Crawly but instead the angel Halaliel. He had long red curly hair as well but lacked the snake eyes and wit Aziraphale had grown used to and cared for.
"Ah, Aziraphale there you are." He turned to Pollution. "Be gone found fiend."
She shook her head and said "You aren't as strong as you think angel. Watch yourself."
She turned away and walked away.
"What are you doing in the land of Egypt during the plagues?"
"I came to see what the commotion was."
"Oh Really?"
"No Aziraphale! Of course not you stupid fucking moron! Geez! I am here because I heard there were demons in the city interfering with the Ineffable Plan and the Plagues."
Aziraphale felt quezey. Crawly. He should have wanted to see Crawly destroyed but for some reason, he really didn't. Crawly was annoying but he wasn't a danger really.
He followed Halaliel through the city until they came to a road where Beelzebub was standing there with flies buzzing about her head as always only this time she seemed to be talking with them. She was also with Hastur and Ligur and two demons Aziraphale didn't recognize.
Ligur and Hastur were helping to spread more amphibians into the water and Aziraphale realized they were attempting to plague the Israelites right back as revenge for Egypt or maybe. He didn't really know.
Suddenly one of the ones he didn't know with ram horns on his head and jet black hair raised his nose and inhaled deeply.
"I smell an angel." He grumbled. Aziraphale and Halaliel looked at each other and both had fear in their eyes and on their faces.
Aziraphale motioned for him to back up and they did so until they were completely hidden by the tall grass that was swarming with flies. The demon with the ram horns continued to sniff the air and get closer and closer to their hiding place.
Halaliel began to pull out his sword but Aziraphale held his hand out to motion to him to put it away. He didn't want to give their spot away to demons he knew would have no qualms with killing them.
"Asmodues what are you doing over there?" Grumbled Beelzebub. "Get back over here."
"I am sorry my Lord Beelzebub. I just thought I smelled an angel."
"Nonsense. If there was truly an angel I would have been able to sense their shit smelling essence but I don't sense a fucking thing. Do you know better than me?"
"No of course not Lord Beelzebub?"
"Get over here now!"
"Yes, Lord Beelzebub!"
With that, he ran off back towards the demonic group. Aziraphale didn't see Crawly anywhere and figured he was further up the river past Hastur and Ligur although he could never be too sure. The flies must have been making it hard for everyone to sense each other. He didn't know if he should be relieved or upset by that.
"I say we attack them now!"
"No Halaliel. It won't work. That one with the black hair and the flies around her head is Lord Beelzebub. The demon with the blonde hair and pitch black eyes is Hastur who is a duke of Hell and Ligur his servant. I don't know the other two but if they are with such high ranking demons they must be very powerful and important. We will never be able to outtake them all."
"How do you know so much about demons?"
"I have been down here for a while and have had my fair share of demonic adversaries in the past including Beelzebub, Hastur, Crawly, and Ligur."
"How did you beat them?"
"I didn't. I escaped. They can't be beaten and apparently they will kill us on-site with Hellfire. It won't just destroy your corporation but your celestial form as well. It will completely destroy us."
"But we can't just sit here and let them destroy the Israelites with these weird demonic tricks."
"I know."
Just then they heard a loud noise behind them and all color drained from their faces as they were peering into the eyes of the female demon Aziraphale didn't know the name of. She looked down at them and licked her lips.
"My, my, my. What have we here? Two angels who look like they are a very long way from home."
"Now see here foul fiend you don't intimidate me. Begone." Halaliel said through gritted teeth as he pulled out his flaming sword and began to swing at her. She dodged the flaming blade with ease and smiled a toothy grin.
"Looks like you have quite the swing angel boy. Let's test it shall we?"
Just then a swarm of flies began to buzz around her head affect her sight. Halaliel pierced the blade through her corporation's stomach and she fell over. He then proceeded to cut off her head.
"Well that was something else."
"Where in the Heven is your flaming sword Aziraphale?"
"Oh mine. Well.. I must.. have dropped...it...in a store...a shoe store...for..sandals..and stuff...and"
Before he could finish Asmodius jumped down from the tree above where they were standing over the dead demon corrporation and bite hard into the right side of Aziraphale's neck. He took off a far amount of skin. His skin felt like it had been set on fire and there were flies crawling in the flesh as it was an open wound. Blood dripped onto his blue and white robes.
The demon bite into Aziraphale again this time taking off a fair bit of exposed shoulder. Then Halaliel pierced through the demon's corporation effectively discorporating him and send him back to Hell. Aziraphale was losing a lot of blood and couldn't concentrate enough to fix his corporation. He called out to Halaliel but got no response as he left him to go charge at the other demons. He watched as Halaliel was permanently killed when Beelzebub summed Hellfire and engulfed the entire angelic body. He let out an ear-piercing scream before sucomming to the flames all while Beelzebub, Hastur, and Ligur laughed.
He used that as motivation to focus all his energy on healing himself and snapped his fingers making his skin whole again. He then crouched beneath the grass and backed away as silently as he could. When he was out of range he bolted back to the village.