Merry belated Christmas to everyone!
Though it's been almost a year now since the last time I updated, it was never my intention to abandon this story. It's just far too precious to me to do so, especially since you guys have been supporting me all this time. Thank you so much to all of you!
Hopefully there won't be any long hiatuses with this story, I've been working non-stop on writing future chapters ahead. There will be at least 10 chapter more, before the grand finale. Hope you'll enjoy them!
There were only 11 hours left until the official opening of the hospital. It was an event for which Sakura both looked forward to and dreaded. While it'll be nice to finally have the craziness in her life slightly reduced, not to mention that thousands of people would have access to proper healthcare, she was nervous. The medic was fully conscious of the fact that her results would be poked and probed by almost every noble who had even the slightest patriotic streak in them. The hospital and the healthcare system were practically built with their money by someone who was considered to be their enemy a few months ago. And while she got the full support of Kakashi, which was great help in certain situations, it wasn't enough to just suddenly change people's perception of her. To say that she was anxious was a severe oversimplification.
She looked at the dozens of crumpled papers on her desk and then back at the blank parchment in front of her. Her slim digits gripped the pen even tighter, but this motion did little to nothing at calming her.
There were only ten hours and thirty minutes left, yet she still didn't have a speech for the event. It was absurd that she had too many and yet too few thoughts to write down. Hundreds of words littered her brain, but Sakura was unable to put them in order and form meaningful sentences with them. The woman tried many times to write them down, but each arrangement was too plain and not up to par with her expectations.
She crumpled another paper into a ball and was about to throw it away when she heard a brief knock. Turning in her seat, she looked at the door she shared with Kakashi.
"Enter." She spoke loud enough so that he could hear.
The door opened slowly, revealing her husband with his ever-present mask nowhere to be found. This was the first time she saw him since that night like this…though that didn't say much. Sakura was so busy with all her chores related to the hospital that she only came back to the palace to sleep, so she barely had any contact with Kakashi in these past few days.
"Shouldn't you be sleeping?" He raised a silver brow.
"I couldn't sleep…besides, I still have a speech to write."
"Do you need help?" He stepped over the threshold, a look of concern on his bare face. It was still so strange to see his facial expressions full on and not just guessing them.
"Well…" Sakura bit down on her lower lip and looked at the blank sheet of paper on her desk.
"How about some change of scenery?" Kakashi was now standing only a few steps away from her sitting form.
"What?" It was almost two in the morning now, so where the hell did he want to bring her at this hour?
"You'll see." He smiled, extending a hand towards her. "Come." She took it without hesitation, standing up from her seat.
They've held hand before on countless occasions, yet right now it seemed so unusual to her. First of all, she always considered it as an unwanted chore, something she was forced to do…but right now? The corridors of the palace at such an outrageous hour were completely empty, even dark. No one's keen eyes followed their movements, so it was pointless to have such kind of physical contact without any onlookers. Yet she still took his hand without reluctance, like it was the most natural thing to do so… she really needs to get some sleep.
Sakura's confusion was intensified as they started navigating through halls that were completely unfamiliar…not that she knew each nook and cranny of the palace like the back of her hand, but the woman liked to think that she knew her surroundings quite well.
"Where are we going exactly?"
"To the kitchen." He stated simply, smiling down at her.
"And might I ask why?"
"You'll see."
The kitchen was empty, yet she wasn't surprised by this. The staff was usually dismissed around 11 o'clock, and only on really special occasions, like during balls, did they work for an extended amount of time.
It was an enormous space, with several stoves, counters, and cabinets housing all kinds of utensils. There was even a small dining table in one of the corners with ten chairs around it, probably for the staff to have their meals at.
Kakashi let go of her hand and walked towards the walk-in fridge, making her even more confused.
"Are you hungry?" She asked, puzzled by his behaviour.
"No…are you?" He poked his head out from behind the door.
She bit down on her lower lip, contemplating her answer. While it has been several hours since she had her last puny meal, the nervous knots in her stomach barely made her want to eat anything.
"No."
"Okay." He disappeared once again, his rummaging audible from even where she was standing. When he finally emerged he was holding a large bottle of milk in his hand. He put the container on the countertop and then opened a cabinet, grabbing a metal box.
Curiosity getting the better of her, she inched closer to where he was standing. He pulled out a pot and several utensils from various cupboards, giving the impression that he knew his way around this kitchen fairly well.
"Looks like this isn't the first time you've been here." He only chuckled at her statement.
"No, I usually come here when I can't sleep…or just crave some kind of midnight snack."
Sakura leaned against the counter next to him, following his movements with her green eyes.
"Cocoa?" She asked incredulously.
"I don't want to sound conceited, but I make the most delicious cup of cocoa in the city… or dare I say country." Seeing Kakashi's smirk without the mask obstructing it from her view made Sakura feel strange inside. She stared at him for a second too long and hoped that she wasn't noticed by him.
"Well, I'll be the judge of that." She spoke after coming out of her stupor. Sakura was so engrossed with watching what he was doing, that she didn't catch what he said.
"What?"
"You are going to be great." Kakashi murmured, his gaze fixed on the pot he was whisking cocoa into.
She only sighed at what he said. How could she possibly be great, when she couldn't even write her own thoughts down on a piece of paper?
"How do you write your speeches?"
"I don't." He chuckled, pouring the steaming liquid inside the pot into two mugs.
"What?"
"I never write them down…partially because I procrastinate too much. So, I usually just improvise." Kakashi put down one of the mugs on the counter beside her.
"Aren't you nervous when you have to speak to so many people?" The man leaned against the island parallel to the counters, folding his arms under his chest.
"During my time at the military academy, I learned how to cope with pressure. They taught us how to give speeches in front of several other people… a great speech could always manage to raise the morale of the soldiers working under you."
"Well, I certainly need some of that morale raising right now." Sakura grabbed the mug he left for her. It was warm against her fingers, almost to the point of being uncomfortable.
"Another lesson they taught us was that diversion can be a good tactic during distressful times."
"For example?"
"Making the target to pay attention to something else." He looked pointedly at her, and then took a sip from the still steaming drink he prepared.
"Are you trying to say that you are using this tactic on me right now?"
"Who knows?" Kakashi shrugged.
Sakura raised the mug against her lips, trying to hide the small smile that formed after his reply. She drank some of the cocoa, the liquid slightly burning her tongue. But even this slight discomfort didn't hide the fact that it was easily the best cocoa she ever had. Her shocked expression was received by him with an 'I told you so' look.
"How did you learn to make this?"
"When I was little and couldn't go to sleep for whatever reason, my mother made me a cup of cocoa. After her death, I had to learn to do it myself."
"Thanks for sharing it with me." Sakura smiled up at him.
"Can I ask you something?"
She furrowed her brows at his question. "I guess."
"Why did Tsunade adopt you, didn't you have other blood relatives?" Sakura was suddenly taken aback by his straightforward question. She thought that Kakashi was about to ask her something related to her speech or the hospital…or anything else than what he actually did.
"She felt responsible for what has happened." She replied after a long bout of silence. "I mean…she never really addressed it, but I could put the pieces together. My father was her most important diplomat, and due to the connections he managed to establish between Whirlpool and other countries, he became a target of assassinations as well. Not to mention that aunt Kushina was her heir. She shouldn't have let us go without guards."
"Did you ever regret becoming a princess?"
"Yes, I did." She answered, reminiscing about her teenage years inside the palace. To be honest, Sakura admired Tsunade for not kicking her out after all of the trouble she made back then.
She was 16 and very much annoyed with the fact that court life only permitted her to meet irritating and conceited little pricks who were heirs to major noble families in her country. They didn't really care about her, well not in the way she wanted them to anyways. Sakura only served as a tool in their eyes that they could use to kick-start their career in court life, or to even become closer to their aspirations at ruling the kingdom one day. These fools didn't care about what she liked, what her thoughts were and they preferred for her to talk as little as she could. After all, women were supposed to just smile prettily and wait for the man who had the highest bid for their hand in marriage.
Even though Tsunade has been the queen of Whirlpool for over 10 years now, the deeply engraved and enforced patriarchal society had yet to lose its significance in day-to-day life. Arranged marriages were still the way through which two people tied their lives together, and a woman's chastity was what decided if they became a bride or remained a spinster for all eternity. Due to all of these facts and expectations towards her, Sakura felt suffocated. Add in the fact that her age and hormones got the best of her, and she became rather annoyed by everything around her.
"Let's just say, that during my teenaged years I was more than a handful." Her statement earned a chuckle from him. "And what about you, do you like being king?"
Kakashi put his mug down on the counter beside him, deep in thought. "I don't really like the paperwork that comes with it… but I do like the fact that I have the power to help others."
"I'd like to thank you for your support again with the hospital." The soft smile she received from him made her feel all warm inside.
"You don't have to… what matters the most is that you can do something that you like. And…" He stepped forward and rested his hands on her shoulders. "Tomorrow you are going to give the most beautiful speech this city has ever heard. But in order to do that, you need to sleep, it's getting late."
Her eyes started to feel heavy after his words, like he put a spell on her. The fatigue that accumulated over the past few days was starting to get the better of her. During their walk back to their rooms Sakura decided that it was futile for her to continue with writing her speech, she wouldn't be able to finish it with her eyes practically half closed. She'll wake up early in the morning and hopefully, by then her brain would function properly…that or she'll write the worst speech mankind has ever heard.
"Thanks for the distraction." They were already standing before the doors of their separate rooms. The hallway was eerily quiet at this time of the night.
"It was a pleasure, my lady." His overly dramatic bow earned a chuckle from her.
"We could…maybe repeat it sometime?"
"Oh, I didn't know that you like my company so much." She should've been infuriated by Kakashi's smirk, but it just looked too good on him.
"It's better than nothing." She replied defiantly.
"Oh really?" The smirk disappeared from his face, and Sakura immediately regretted her words. It wasn't like she had any malicious intent behind them, she just felt an immediate urge to contradict him.
"Sorry for saying that. I just sometimes can't put on a filter…" Sakura trailed off, thinking over her next words. "What I really wanted to say is that I really enjoyed the time we spent together."
"Me too." Kakashi smiled once again. "The door on my side is always unlocked, so whenever you'd like to repeat tonight, just open it."
"Thank you." She beamed.
"Good night then." He stated after a couple of seconds, walking towards his door.
"'Night." Sakura's uplifted spirits didn't even diminish after she went back into her room and saw the area around her desk littered with wrinkled paper sheets. She smiled even as she changed into her nightgown and combed her hair. She halted in her steps though when she saw the door she and Kakashi were sharing. The pink haired woman left it unlocked after Kakashi persuaded her to have a midnight snack. Ever since they opened more up to each other she left it that way, something that wasn't true at the very beginning. Up until then she always locked it after their exchanges on their shared threshold ended, as a sign that their conversation was over. It wasn't like she was afraid of him taking advantage of her during the night. After all, the man was capable of jumping over to her balcony while there was a huge storm. She highly doubted that a measly lock could stop him for doing anything to her if he wanted to. But he didn't want to, since he was not interested in her that way, at least that's the message he conveyed on their first official night as husband and wife.
To her the purpose of the lock was to show that she only wanted to exchange a few words with him if she wanted to. While an open door signified that Sakura was ready to speak to him, even spend some extended period of time with him. Sure, there was no lock when it came to having official duties together around court, at those times she was obliged to spend time with him. But Sakura was free inside her room, and she had the power to choose with whom she wanted to interact with. It might seem ridiculous that she gave such connotation to a simple lock, but to her it was really important. So, when she realized that after all this time the door was open for him, a myriad of emotions washed over her.
Sakura backed away from the door, her eyes fixed on it. She jumped into her bed and pulled the covers up, her gaze still transfixed on the wooden pane on the other side of the room
The way he acted today, and even before all showed that her perceptions of him were drastically different from before. She would even dare to say that she completely misjudged him. And Sakura did not like how things were going. Kakashi's actions were staring to make her feel all kind of thing. Things she should absolutely not feel in connection to him. She constantly tried to remind herself that this man was the one who invaded her country, the one who forced her to marry him and so on. But it was just so easy to forget all of this when he made her cocoa and encouraged her to write the best speech ever created.
She puffed her cheeks out, staring at the ceiling above her. This was just silly. Sakura was acting like some hormonal teenager, and to be honest, the last time she acted like that…well, it didn't lead to good things. She felt like smothering herself with one of the pillows beside her person. Why, you might ask? Because 16 year old Sakura was just plain ridiculous in retrospective. Teen Sakura was constantly trying to bend the rules in her favour, especially if they were stupid in her opinion, giving many headaches to her surrogate mother in the process.
On a night when Sakura felt particularly rebellious, she committed something rather scandalous, well at least in court standards. It all happened during a ball organized in the honour of the members of the military. She wasn't really looking forward to it, since most of the people invited were middle-aged men. But for whatever reason, cadets from the capital's military academy attended as well. And then, she met a guy named Inuzuka Kiba. The young man impressed her tremendously… he was funny and actually wanted to hold up a conversation with her. She kissed him that night. Flash forward five weeks and she gave him her virginity, which lead to her biggest fight ever with Tsunade.
The older woman stormed inside her room without even the courtesy of a knock. Well, Tsunade was never the kind to consider such formalities when she felt the urge to discuss something important. And this fact alone made the teen sitting on her bed, reading a magazine slightly anxious. She flinched as the door practically flew out of its frame from the force of impact as it was slammed shut.
"Really, Sakura?" The calmness in her voice was a stark contrast to the way she entered her room. Biting down on her lower lip, Sakura closed her magazine and put it on the bedside table next to her. There could be only one reason why her surrogate mother could flip out like this.
"Would y-" The older woman held up her index finger, making her stop.
"Don't even start with playing stupid, Sakura. We both know the reason why I'm here."
"What do you want me to say?" She cocked a pink eyebrow.
"You don't have to say anything…what you have to do is listen to what I tell you."
"Do you want me to bring a notepad as well?" Her out of character brattiness surprized both women. It was really unlike Sakura to act like this when Tsunade gave her a scolding. But then again, Sakura was no longer the quiet and shy preteen that came to the palace four years ago. Court life has taught her a thing or two.
"So, this is how you handle all that has transpired?" While Tsunade tried to filter out the anger from her previous words, it was slowly seeping back into them. They were going to have a major fallout tonight, Sakura was sure of it. "Do you even understand the gravity of what happened?"
"I do. But it's certainly not up to par with your expectations."
"Of course it's not! Have you gone completely out of your mind?! Do you know what could happen if people found out? The amount of damage control your actions need is unbelievable. I thought that you were smarter than this." Her last sentence made the teen actually flinch, was Tsunade actually disappointed in her? Because the look in her eyes definitely said so.
"I didn't know that it mattered if I was smart or not…at least not at court."
"What do you mean?"
"Isn't it in every suitor's best interest if their fiancée is almost completely stupid?" Understanding dawned upon Tsunade's face after her words, as if she finally found the reason behind Sakura's actions.
"Who made you think like that?"
"Practically every little prick I had to have a conversation with in the past four years. In their eyes I'm just a tool for their political advancements and objects shouldn't talk, right?"
"Oh Sakura…" Tsunade's face softened. "I'm really sorry that they make you feel like this. But I'm sure that someday, someone will be the complete opposite of them."
"Kiba is like that. He doesn't care about my status and he actually wants to have a talk with me."
"He isn't, Sakura." Her surrogate mother sat down beside her, and wanted to caress the top of her head, but Sakura swatted her hand away angrily.
"Is it because of his status? Because that's just ridiculous." So what if Kiba was from a small noble family? So what if they couldn't even afford to have a manor in the capital of the kingdom? These were all just shallow principles, and Sakura was so sick of them.
"No…there are just other circumstances that go against him."
"Like?"
"You are too young to understand." Tsunade sighed. It was like her surrogate mother was ticking off a list with the most cliché arguments one could use against their teenage daughter.
"I'm not! I'm 16… I think I'm quite capable of understanding all this bullshit that goes around at court. So, tell me."
"The fact that you are acting like this says otherwise."
"Get out!" Was her really mature response to all of this. The older woman just gaped at her, and for a second Sakura thought that their argument was going to escalate even more, but the blonde stood up wordlessly.
"One day you are going to understand." Were her final words before leaving the room.
Kiba was sent to a military camp on the other side of the island following his graduation, which was barely a week after Sakura's argument with her surrogate mother. Sakura tried to reach him via mail, but she never received an answer from him. She was fairly sure that her correspondence was filtered, and while she tried to find other means to contact him, it was all futile. Her resentment towards Tsunade grew with each minute, the two barely speaking to each other in the following two months.
She would sit around the palace gardens, gazing at the clouds and pondering on how unfair the life of star-crossed lovers were. She wanted to tell someone her problem, but felt unable to do so. While the rebellious part in her felt the urge to tell everyone what happened between her and Kiba, just to spite Tsunade, she knew that the malicious gossips would just worsen her situation. This was the reason why not even Ino knew about her situation. While the blonde was her closest friend, she tended to have a loose mouth. But in a way it was thanks to this very trait of Ino that Sakura found out the actual truth.
"Guess what, I've just heard the juiciest gossip of the year from my cousin." Her friend's blue eyes twinkled with excitement. Sakura couldn't help but to roll her eyes at the eagerness the girl in front of her was displaying.
"What is it?" Her gaze was unwavering from the book on her lap, though she did try paying attention to what Ino was saying.
"Not long ago a cadet had an affair with a lady-in-waiting at court." Well, that did pique Sakura's interest. "They met at that ball…you know, the one Tsunade-sama throws each year for the military officials."
"And?"
"They shared a bed." Ino grinned, thoroughly pleased with how juicy the story was getting. "It seemed like the parents of the girl were completely against it." She sighed.
Sakura's stomach was in knots. The story of this cadet and lady-in-waiting was far too similar to hers. Could it be…?
"And, what happened?"
"Well, they were separated of course. The guy is now at some faraway camp on the island." Ino shrugged.
"Such a sad story." Sakura whispered, now certain that the story was actually about her and Kiba. Even though Tsunade might've made huge efforts in order to cover up the happenings, there was seemingly no way to stop the rumours, however distorted they were in the end.
"Yeah, I thought so too, until my cousin enlightened me. Apparently the guy was from some lesser noble family…you know, the one that can't afford to maintain a mansion at the capital. The girl on the other hand was quite wealthy…but I wonder from which family was she." She smiled wickedly. "Imagine if it is one of the Hyuuga heiresses, they are not so prestigious after all, huh? Or maybe-"
"So what?" The words slipped out of her before she could even stop them. Ino creased her brows at her outburst, clearly not expecting it.
"What?"
"Why is it so bad if the guy is not that wealthy?" Sakura was reminded of the argument she had with Tsunade a few weeks ago. She felt so angry that everyone went by the same ridiculous principles.
"Honestly, sometimes I don't understand that either…but in this case it was a major problem. According to my cousin, the guy had malicious intentions with the girl."
Sakura's anger was soon transformed into confusion. She never heard about this part of the story.
"Since he was from a lesser noble family, he and his parents decided to change their position using the girl." Ino was so into explaining the story, that she didn't even notice how her friend's lips started trembling and her eyes becoming watery. "Since he took her virginity, they thought that it would be easy to blackmail the girl's family into giving him her hand."
"Of course…" Sakura whispered. A part of her didn't want to believe what was happening. After all, rumours tended to bend the actual truth. On the other hand, this was just so typical of her situation…after all, every male that started a conversation with her had ulterior motives.
"They threatened the family to leak what happened, effectively making it impossible for the girl to get married to anyone. Gosh, they really planned it all out, huh?" The blonde chuckled. "The girl's family instead pulled some strings and sent the guy away and even managed to cover up the happenings to a certain extent. Sakura? What's wrong?"
She didn't even realize that she was crying until Ino pointed it out. She told everything to her friend on that night. She told her how big of an idiot she was for trusting someone she barely knew that blindly, how foolish of her was to think that he actually liked her, how Tsunade was probably never going to talk to her. Ino hugged her and comforted her, but also reprimanded her for acting the way she did, especially because Sakura up until that point never mentioned these things.
The hard part came only after that…now that she knew the truth behind all that had transpired, Sakura felt that she need to apologize and thank Tsunade. Well, it was easier said than done. It wasn't like she was afraid of her surrogate mother. The older woman didn't punish her even after their severe fallout. And even though she knew that she was in the wrong, Sakura felt almost nauseous when she thought about the conversation she needed to have. Admitting your mistakes to someone out loud was particularly hard.
She sought out Tsunade a few days later and told her how sorry she was for acting the way she did, how she shouldn't have been so brazen. But she also thanked the older woman, for taking care of her, when to be honest she didn't really deserve it. Tsunade accepted her apology, and that was it. They didn't hug each other with tearful eyes or anything though, acting like this was never their thing.
She became precautious after her incident with Kiba. She didn't let any male close to herself after that, not that there were many that she would even consider. A year later she became a full-fledged medic, so she poured all of her energy into her work. And then the war came with all of its consequences. So, to be honest she was fairly inexperienced in all things pertaining to the opposite sex and romance. She really was like a teenaged girl.
Huffing, Sakura turned to her side on the bed, hugging a pillow close to her chest. She could feel her eyelids becoming heavy and her thoughts becoming foggy with each passing second. Maybe she'll deal with all of this tomorrow.