South America, 1445 BC
"Argh! Hastur! Can you please remind me why the Hell we are walking through the rain forest at four in the fucking morning?"
"Hey Crawly! Shut your fucking mouth before I glue your ass to a fucking tree and leave you to the vultures!"
"Should I be scared or turned on?"
"Crawly! Damn it!"
Crawly burst into a laughing fit as Hastur had a horde of bugs buzz into his face and he swallowed some of them.
"Where the fuck is Asmodeus?" Ligur said frowning at Crawly.
"How in Hell should I know?"
"Well, you were assigned to the same location."
"Oh yeah. Said he was trying to start a golden calf cult or something."
"Oh really? So while the entire world prepares for the coming of God's son he is just fucking around with some humans?"
"Pretty much yeah."
"Tell him to get his ass here. Now."
"I don't control Asmodeus. How in Hell would I do that? He doesn't live in my ass."
Ligur growled lowly and assisted Hastur in the battle against bugs. Crawly was admiring some flowers when he felt Asmodius show up behind him.
"Oh thank Satan. You finally made it." Crawly said in a teasing tone.
Asmodeus's face resembled that of a half baked pizza that had fallen to the bottom of the oven and burned at 600 degrees.
"What the fuck happened to you?" Ligur said squelching up his nose.
"Oh, ya know. Fucking pigeons."
"Oh really because I heard you got your ass beat by a fucking principality angel. You stupid fucking-" Hastur began angrily but was interrupted by Asmodeus who was slowly digging a deeper hole for himself in the pits of Hell.
"But Crawly-"
"Yeah Crawly may be annoying as fuck but at least he wasn't fucking around and actually got necessary information about how we are going to solve this fucking shithole Heaven is trying to put into action and you were fucking around with a bunch of humans. What the fuck?"
"Okay, but the golden calf would have-"
"We have far worse things to deal with. We were supposed to meet Malic here."
"Probably slept in," Crawly mumbled.
"You want to speak the fuck up sunshine?" Hastur growled.
"I said no in their right fucking mind would wake up this earlier."
"Well, firstly we don't need to sleep so shut your lazy ass up and stop questioning the plan."
"Oh, the stupid ass plan where we get two tribes to fight over the same piece of land for the next few hundred years. I like a good scalping me."
"Shut your stupid mouth and stick to the plan."
Crawly rolled his eyes but knew better than to push his luck further with the angry demon beside him. Or rather three angry demons. So Aziraphale finally stood up for himself. He couldn't help but smile to himself knowing this nugget of information.
He was proud of the angel and sincerely glad Asmodeus didn't hurt him. He won't be able to tell him yet because Isreal tribes were sacred ground and he would burst into flames upon arriving but just knowing Aziraphale wasn't as much of a pushover as he thought was an enduring quality that made the angel have more of a place in his supposed non-existent heart.