After I made sure Gabriella was ok I went straight home and went into my room, closing the door behind me, I really wasn't in the mood to talk to anyone right now... right now I just needed space and time to think about everything that happened this afternoon. One minute I was living my best life and was thinking about having a romantic date with girlfriend at one of our favourite spots and then she drops the bombshell that was pregnant with my kid, my heart sank as she said the words and I don't know if that makes me a terrible person or not but it was the last thing I was expecting her to say and the last thing I wanted her to say. She was right when she said our lives were ruined but of course I couldn't agree with her to her face so I tried to comfort her but I don't think I did a good job of that.

She was also right when she said that no matter what decision we come to, our lives are going to change forever because of this. We were going to have to grow up now and make some adult decisions. My first thought was that she should get an abortion, for me it would be the easiest option but I know for her it wouldn't be that easy, as she said, it would be her who would have to take those pills and get the stomach aches and witness the bleeding and there wasn't much I could do about it.

I don't like the idea of adoption and I don't think I could live with myself if we chose that, I couldn't live happily knowing that my kid was out there being raised by strangers and not even know that I exist. I know that eventually my curiosity would get the better of me and I would track the family and the kid down and see how things were but it would be wrong of me to do that. Raising a kid wasn't really an option for either of us right now; we had no money, nowhere we could live together but before we do any of that I am going to have to get a job because Gabriella is going to need to go to the Dr and I can't let her pay those bills, that was going to be my job in all of this.

I'm just so pissed at myself for letting this happen! I had condoms in the drawer on my nightstand, why didn't I just take a second and grab one! That is all it would have taken to have avoided all of this. I thought I was smarter than this, I let everyone down because it is my fault that Gabriella is pregnant; I blame no one but myself. I don't even blame Gabriella because I should have made sure that I was wearing something or checked to see if she was on any kind of contraception.

My phone buzzed in my pocket and when I took it out I saw Gabriella's name flashing on the screen, I put the phone down on the bed and ignored it until the buzzing stopped. I really don't want to speak to her right now, I just need a little bit of space and time to think about all of this and try and come up with some kind of plan and try and figure out what jobs I could do to be able to at least pay the Dr bills.

When I was driving Gabriella home I asked her if she had told her parents or planned on telling her parents soon because if she was, I needed to tell mine before her parents tell them. She told me she didn't plan on telling them anything just yet, not until the two of us had spoken about it more first and come up with some kind of plan or decision and then she would think about telling them. I could tell she was terrified about telling them and I think she has every right to be, not so much with him mom but her dad will flip, probably want to kill me (not that I blame him) and I'm scared what would happen to Gabriella.

Her parents are very old school and I'm scared that her dad might kick her out of the house, I don't know what would happen after that. Of course I would do everything in my power to make sure she was ok but I don't know if my parents would let her stay here... I don't know if they would kick me out if they knew about all of this.

We should never have gotten ourselves into this situation.

My phone buzzed again, I looked and again it was Gabriella, this time I decided to answer.

"Hi" I answered.

"Hi" She replied.

"Is everything ok?" I asked.

"I'm ok; I just wanted to check on you. I know it's a lot to take in and try and wrap your head around. I was worried about you when you drove off earlier, you were going so fast and I thought if I had made the right decision in telling you because you seemed so angry and I don't want you to be angry with me, please don't be angry with me Troy" She rushed out and then she started sobbing.

"I'm not angry at you... I'm angry at myself. This is all my fault" I told her.

"I was hardly an unwilling participant" She pointed out.

"I know but I should've made sure we were both safe" I argued.

"Troy, both of us messed up. You can't take the blame for this all on your own, we both royally messed up" She said.

"My mom is calling me, I gotta go" I stated and hung up the phone.

My mom wasn't calling me but I had to get off the phone, I could feel myself cracking.

T>>>&G

Dear Diary,
I tried calling Troy all weekend but he ignored all of my calls and messages so I turned to the only other person who knew about my pregnancy, Taylor, for help and she called Troy but he ignored her call as well. She spoke to Chad who told her that he spent Saturday afternoon at Troy's place with him and some of the guys playing ball and they ordered in a pizza. Taylor told me to confront Troy today at school during free period and find out what he is thinking but I don't think it was as easy as that, I understand it was a big shock and it's a lot to try and come to terms with but I need him now more than ever and I can't have him rejecting me and pushing me away at a time like we this. We need to start thinking about what we're going to do and come up with a plan, I also want to make a Drs Appointment so that we can make sure everything is ok but I don't want to do that without him. I need him.

I know he is scared, I'm terrified but I wish he would talk to me about what is going on his head and what he thinks about everything. Is there anything that he wants? Does he have any kind of plan? Did he want to come to the Drs with me? Did he still want to be with me? That was what I was afraid of the most. I'm scared that now I'm pregnant Troy isn't going to want me anymore and part of me knows that he's not that cruel but after how he's been ignoring my all weekend it makes me think that he doesn't want me now. I really don't want to do any of this on my own.

We also need to think about speaking to our parents, as much as I don't want to, because obviously Troy's dad works here and this kind of news doesn't stay secret very long in school and word will get to him one way or another. As much as I love and trust Taylor, I'm surprised she hasn't told anyone and by anyone I mean Chad. I thought she would have spoken to him about it or something but she kept her word and she hasn't told anyone as far as I know. Although I know Taylor hasn't told anyone and I know Troy and I haven't said anything, I feel like every time someone looks at me they can tell and it's making me paranoid and very self conscious.

How did this become my life?

Gabriella x

You know what, I'm sick of this. He isn't going to ignore me anymore and make me deal with this on my own so I am going to take Taylor's advice and I am going to confront him in free period and make him talk to me about this... I want him to tell me what he is thinking whether he thinks I'm not going to like it, I just need to know where his head is at.

After hiding my diary so no one would be able to find it, I grabbed my school bag and headed downstairs where both of my parents were sitting at the table eating their breakfast. My dad was reading the paper with a cup of coffee and some toast in front of him. My mom was sat to the left of my dad, as she always did and she had some fruit, yogurt and a glass of water.

"Good morning darling" Dad greeted, I gave him a kiss on the cheek as I took my seat to the right of him "You know I've been thinking and I think it's time Troy came over for dinner. The two of you have been seeing each other for some time now and I've only ever met him once, I think it's time we got to know him a little more" He said.

"I don't know" I replied.

"Are the two of you ok?" Mom asked as she put down a bowl down in front of me and a glass of water, apparently I was having the same breakfast as her this morning.

"Yeah we're ok" That was a lie but I didn't need to tell them what was going on right now "You can be a bit intimidating daddy, I don't want to scare him away and mom sometimes you can be a little too full on" I told them, it was true but that wasn't why I didn't want to ask Troy over.

"We look forward to seeing him Wednesday night" Dad stated, ignoring me as always, and stood from his seat "I better get going" He placed a kiss on my cheek and gave me mom a quick kiss before he walked out of the dining room and we heard him close the front door as he left for work.

"You haven't been yourself the last couple of days. Are you sure that everything is ok?" Mom asked and she looked concerned.

"I'm fine just a lot of things going on in my head, as always, nothing I can't handle" I finished the last of my breakfast and also stood up "I need to get going or I'll be late. I'll see you later" I kissed her cheek and left for school.