"We need to talk" Gabriella said as she blocked my way into the lunch hall, she had a hand on her hip and she had her 'no arguments' face on "You can't just bury your head in the sand and leave me to deal with this alone" She told me and reached out grab my hand but I pulled back from her and by the look on her face you would think that I had just slapped her... I guess it was a slap in the face to her.

"Sorry" I murmured but she didn't seem to listen.

Gabriella's eyes started to fill with water and she stormed off down the hallway, I thought about letting her go but that wasn't a good idea and would just cause more problems, she's right, I can't bury my head in the sand and let her deal with all of this. All of this is my fault and I need to help her put it all right but I just don't know what to do!

"Gabriella wait!" I shouted and ran after her.

She walked into a classroom and I followed behind her and closed the door to give us some privacy, she stood looking out of the window with her back to me crying her eyes out and my heart broke at the site of her.

I know ignoring Gabriella for the weekend after she told me that she was pregnant with my baby was the worst thing I could have done but I honestly didn't know what else to do. I don't know what to say to her right now and I just need some time to come to terms with all of this and try and wrap my head around it, which I still haven't really done. I have thought of nothing else all weekend, even when Chad came over Saturday. I wanted to tell him everything but I didn't know what to say... I needed advice I haven't got anyone I can turn to, I'm certainly not speaking to my parents about this, they'll kill the both of us. I don't have any friends that have gone through this or are going through this; I don't know anyone that has gone through this. My head is all kinds of messed up and I know people have noticed that there is something wrong but no one has tried to talk to me about it and I'm glad but at the same time I just want to scream it out at the top of my lungs.

I don't know what Gabriella wants to do about all of this. I know she told me she wants to make a decision with me but I can't make that kinda decision right now. The biggest decision I should have to make right now is what play to do at our next game, I don't want to be thinking about babies, abortion, adoption and fatherhood... in fact they are the last things that I want to be thinking about right now!

"You said you didn't hate me" She stated and turned around to face me.

"I don't hate you" That was true... I didn't hate her, I could never hate her "I'm scared" I admitted "And I know you're scared too but I don't know how to fix this. I've never had to deal with anything like this before and I just... I feel so helpless" I added looking down at the floor.

"The only way we can fix this is by doing it together" She replied, she reached out her hand and I grabbed hold of it "We're both scared and that's a normal feeling right now but I really cannot do this alone. I need you more than ever and I need to be able to depend on you, I don't want you running away or ignoring me like some one time fling-"

"You know you mean more to me than that" I jumped in "What is the right thing to do?" I asked.

"Honestly, I have no idea but we need to do this together" She answered.

"I don't think this is something I can do" I admitted "I don't want to chose the wrong thing and mess everything up" I added.

"What is your gut telling you?" She asked "You can be brutally honest, just talk to me" She urged.

"Honestly?" I questioned and she nodded "My gut is telling me that if you have an abortion all of our troubles will go away. You won't have to go through a pregnancy and go through labour to give the baby away to someone else. You won't have to give up on your dream of going to Stanford and I can go to U of A. We both know that we shouldn't have a baby right now, we're not ready for this... we're 17 year old high school students with no money... what can we offer a baby? I know it sounds selfish and awful but that is my gut feeling" I explained.

"I've thought about that. I thought an abortion would be an easy option, the easy way out, but I don't know if I could go through with it. I know it sounds ridiculous but I love this baby already and although I'm terrified I have thought about who it would look like, if it was a boy or girl and who it would be more like or what personality it would have" She told me "My mind keeps going over each option in my head and to be honest with you Troy, I really do not think I can go through with an abortion" She confessed.

She was being honest and I appreciate that. I don't know how it must feel for Gabriella, knowing that there is a baby in her stomach and I can't even begin to imagine what it would be like for her to get an abortion, she would have to take pills and bleed and... it sounds horrible to think about.

"I'm not ready to raise a baby" I told her "I have no job, a car that breaks down every other day, I have no money, and I have nowhere for the three of us to live... I'm not ready for all of that" I said.

"I don't think I can give this baby away either. You said your first gut feeling is to get an abortion, you were honest and now let me be honest" She took a deep breath "I think I want to keep this baby" Her hand squeezed mine but I couldn't squeeze it back.

T>>>&G

I held the picture of Gabriella that usually sat on my bedside table; I remember the day I took it. It was the day after we performed 'Breaking Free' to the whole school, including our parents; she was standing by her locker looking so cute and natural. I called her to look at me and I snapped a picture and it was one of my favourites of her, I have a smaller copy in my wallet. I remember thinking about how beautiful she was all day and I couldn't stop looking at her, she got embarrassed but I kept telling her she was the most beautiful woman in the world.

My bedroom door opened and my mom came in, she had a basket full of clean laundry that she put down on the floor for me to put away, she noticed the picture I was holding.

"She looks beautiful in that picture" Mom said as she sat next to me on my bed, she took the picture out of my hand and studied it for a second "You've got a really good girl there Troy, don't let her slip away" She told me. A teat slid down my cheek, it was so unexpected that I didn't even have a chance to stop it "Troy" Mom gasped "What's wrong?" She asked in panic.

"I've screwed up mom" I said and the tears started flowing down my face. Mom wrapped her arms around me and held me tightly, like she did when I was a little boy "I've really screwed up and I don't know what to do... I'm so sorry" I sobbed.

"Oh honey" She soothed "Whatever has happened, it won't be anything we can't fix. I promise you" She said and stroked my hair "I'm always here Troy, don't forget that" She whispered.

I sat up and looked her in the eyes "Gabriella's pregnant" I admitted and her eyes grew wide in shock.

"Oh Troy"

She hugged me again and I wept into her shoulder like a baby.

T>>>&G

Dear Diary,
I did what Taylor suggested and I confronted Troy. I couldn't wait until free period so I got him at lunch and the two of us had a big heart to heart about everything and he confessed he thinks it would be easier and better for the both of us if I get an abortion and then we can try and go back to how things were but I was honest with him and I told him that I think I want to keep the baby. I know it sounds ridiculous, considering the current situation I'm in being at high school and broke but I have thought about the other options and none of them sit well with me, I think I really want to have this baby and become a mom but I know that Troy doesn't feel the same way and I don't want to push him, that isn't fair, he isn't pushing me to have an abortion. I think if I hadn't confronted him today he never would have told me, he just would have went along with whatever I wanted and kept his own feelings to himself.

I could see his point of view and he tried to understand why I wanted to keep this baby but he started to shut down the more I spoke about keeping the baby. I could practically see the cogs turning in his brain as he tried to process just what I was telling him, he actually looked like he was going to faint at some point. I know it must be scary for him because he is now expected to go and find a job and pay for this baby and help raise it when he has already admitted that he's not in a place or ready to do that.

After lunch I went looking for him but Chad told me that he went home early because he wasn't feeling so I called but ignored my calls, like he has done all weekend, I text him and told him I hoped he was ok and I was here whenever he wanted to talk but he didn't reply to me. To be honest I wasn't really expecting a reply but I wanted him to know that I was still open to discussion about this and I was here for her him. I'm scared I'm going to lose him and I'm going to end up raising this baby by myself which isn't what I wanted but I can't force him just as much as he can't force me to get an abortion.

We need to talk more but I'm worried the more we talk the more he pulls away from me. Maybe if Chad knew he could vent and talk to Chad about everything, it might help him like Taylor helped me. I don't know how I would've found the courage to tell Troy and confront him today if it wasn't for her.

Maybe I could speak to Chad tomorrow?

Lots of Love

Gabriella xx