Tony stared at his reflection in the mirror, absolutely shocked. He leaned in closer to the mirror to get a better look. His hair was changing. The white strands were becoming slightly longer. Thicker and darker too, his hair was almost an almond colour now. Was that his hair colour? Would it get darker?
His eyes were also changing. Shifting from their colourless white to a warm brown.
Tears welled up in his eyes.
He had met his soulmate and was changing into his true form. What would he look like? Neither of his parents had met their soulmates so he didn't know what their true forms were. He didn't know if he looked more like his mother or father. He never had given it much thought until now.
He reaches out to touch the mirror gently. This is who he was? Is this what he truly looked like?
Tony sat up on the bathroom sink and stared at his reflection.
Steve knocked on Tony's bathroom door cautiously. "Tony?" he calls out through the door.
Tony hadn't left his bathroom all day according to JARVIS. Steve was worried.
"Tony?" he tries again. "Please? Tony? Are you okay?"
He hears footsteps slowly walking towards the door and the door handle shifts. Steve takes a step back as the door opens.
Steve gasps as he takes in Tony. "You…?" he trails off, unable to finish that question.
"I met my soulmate" Tony says, beaming up at him.
Steve's heart sinks but he manages a smile for Tony. "That's great, Tony. Do- Do you know who?" He doesn't want to ask that. He doesn't want to know who Tony's heart belongs to. It was foolish to think that maybe some damaged soul like Steve would ever stand a chance with someone like Tony.
He mentally gives himself a kick in the head. This shouldn't be about him. Someone who had no soul to offer. It was about Tony who had found his other half, who found his soulmate.
Steve pulls Tony into a hug.
"I don't know yet, but I have JARVIS looking into it. Great thing about having an all-powerful AI, am I right?" Tony says with a laugh, his eyes sparkling with joy. They were beautiful, a deep warm brown, eyes that you could spend your life drowning in. Tony was handsome. He was before, but as his colour came in he was stunning. He would look amazing when he reached his final form. He hoped whoever's soul had matched with Tony knew how lucky they were.
Steve manages a weak laugh, ignoring the pain in his chest.
Tony pushes Steve onto the couch and rushes off to fetch the scotch from liquor cabinet. The man brings over too glasses. He doesn't think he's seen Tony smile so brightly.
"I can't believe it!" Tony says jovially, passing him the second glass. "I never thought I'd see the day"
Steve brings his glass to Tony's in cheers before taking a large sip of it. He feels sick, and cold. All he wants to do is run off to his room and cry. But he won't, not right now. He doesn't want to hurt Tony.
"I can believe it" he says. He just wishes it weren't true. That he could have a shot with Tony. But that is a terrible thought and he feels bad for thinking it. Guilt pools heavily in his stomach alongside the scotch. "You're a great man, Tony. You're soulmate is lucky to have you." He just wishes it were him.
Tony laughs and throughs his arm around Steve's shoulder in a hug.
"So what was it like?" Tony asks.
His stomach drops out from under him and everything goes too still. Too cold.
No.
"What was what like?" he asks, his throat dry. 'Please, Tony, Don't ask me this' he thinks.
Tony gives him an odd look, his smile fading. And it's all his fault. Steve looks away from Tony. He don't want to say what he's going to say, but it would be better than just running from the room.
"I don't have one"
Steve stares at his hands, tears burning behind his eyes.
For a long time neither of them says anything. As the seconds tick by Steve slowly reconsiders not running from the room. This should have been a happy moment for Tony and he's gone and ruined it. Steve bites down on his lip, not wanting to make a noise. Not wanting to cry.
"What? You don't have one? What do you mean?" Tony asks, his voice sounding confused, hurt and panicked. "But you're - You have your colouring? How is that possible?"
It feels like the floor has disappeared from underneath him, and he is falling and falling. His stomach doing nauseating flips. His hands shake around the glass of scotch.
Steve takes several deep breaths, trying to find the strength to answer Tony's question.
"I lost my soul when I was injected with the serum." He says.
"What?"
"I when into the chamber as I was up until then, when I came out I was in my final form. It was instant. Not gradual change. The scientist's ran some tests. But the best they could give me was the changes forced upon my body broke my soul." He explains. "I don't have a soulmate" He squeezes his eyes shut against the tears. Shame, hurt and entrancement war inside his heart. This wasn't meant to be about him. This was meant to be Tony's day, his moment. It was the day everyone hoped for, and Steve was making it about him.
He couldn't even be a good friend.
Tony puts his hand on his shoulder, warm and comforting, and that was it. He couldn't do it.
The glass drops from his hands and runs from the room. Runs all the way through the floor to his own room. He slams the door behind him and falls to the floor. He drops his head into his hands and cries.
Tony wouldn't hate him, he was too kind, but he should. Finding your soulmate was wonderful and special, a 'once in your lifetime' kind of deal. He should have smiled and congratulated Tony, offered to take him out for a celebratory drink. Not-… Not this.
Fuck, he made an absolute mess of it. It wouldn't have been so hard to tell Tony that today was his day and that he wasn't going to talk about himself. He shouldn't have told Tony anything.
Steve slams his fist into the floor. "Fuck. FUCK!" the floorboards crack under the force of his blow.
He picks himself up off the floor, his jaw clenched painfully, and wipes the tears from his eyes roughly.
Maybe it was better that he didn't have a soulmate.
With a scream Steve spins around and slams his fist through the wall, drywall falling everywhere. He pulls his fist back and punches the wall again. And again. And again.
He kicks over the table near the door. The bowl on the table brakes as it hits the floor. Steve picks up the largest piece and hurls it across the room, shattering against a wall.
Steve runs over to the couch. The weight of it doesn't even register as he picks it up and throws it against the bed. The bed collapses with a large bang and snap. He tears the bookshelf from where it was screwed up against the wall and throws it. Books and trinkets spill over the floor. Steve pays them no mind, walking over them as he strides over to the TV.
The TV is thrown against the window, the tempered skyscraper glass doesn't crack or shatter but the TV does. With a low growl Steve storms over, glaring at the broken TV.
He crouches down to pick the TV up. As Steve turns around to throw the TV he catches sight of his reflection in the glass.
Steve drops the TV to the floor with a crash and steps closer to the glass. He flinches at what he sees in his reflection.
Red rimmed eyes stared back at him. His blond hair was a mess, sticking up all over the pace. His face was dark and twisted with anger. Blood was smeared across his right cheek.
Looking down at his right hand, Steve spots the blood dripping from his broken knuckles. Balling his fist tight, he watches at the blood spills faster from the wounds on his hand.
He was a monster.
With a broken scream, Steve slams his fist into the glass. Blood spatters across the surface. Steve growls at the sight, grinding his teeth. He throws another punch at the glass. More blood. But the glass was without a scratch.
Steve's anger rises even higher. He punches the glass again and again. Throwing punch after punch until the glass finally gives under Steve's strength. Cracks sprinter across the bloodied surface.
'There' he thinks, giving the glass a broken smile. It was as broken as he was.
With one final punch the glass shatters around his feet.
"-ain Rogers!"
Steve jumps slightly at the voice, and spins around, backing up against the broken window.
"Captain Rogers!" JAVIS' voice rings loud in his ears "You are experiencing a great deal of distress, I have alerted Ms Romanov"
Steve looks around his room, at the destruction he caused. The broken furniture the damaged walls, the mess all over the floor. All this was his doing. His fault.
He's a monster.
"Ms Romanov is on her way" JARVIS informs him. Steve's stomach drops to his feet under the weight of his shame and guilt.
He couldn't be here. He didn't belong here.
Steve runs over to his closet and quickly packs his clothes into his travel bag. Everything else he would leave behind.
With his back packed he sprints over to his shield and stops. He runs his hand over the edge of the shield, forcing back a wave of tears. He didn't deserve the shield, he wasn't worthy to wield it.
Leaving it behind, Steve flees from the room and into the stairwell. He doesn't bother with the stairs, he jumps over the railing. Within minutes he was out on the streets. Running until he couldn't see the tower anymore.
Steve ducks into an alleyway and falls onto his knees. He drops his bag by his side and cries.
TBC
Notes: For my Cap-Iron Man Bingo Prompt "Born in the Wrong Body" [T3]
I was unsure of how I wanted to fill the prompt 'Born in the Wrong Body'... but then I got this idea and was very inspired.
In this universe everyone is basically a plain manikin until they meet their soulmate. Then their get all their distinguishing features.
